Sir, I'm not good

It was three in the morning when Shu Xian woke up.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the white walls of the hospital.

There was an infusion stand standing next to it, some liquid was hanging on it, and it was pouring drop by drop into his own vein.

"woke up?"

Hearing the voice, Shu Xian turned his head with difficulty, and saw Gu Yinian.

He was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed looking at himself, his eyes were soft and tired.

Shu Xian didn't speak, not because he didn't want to speak, but because his whole body seemed to be evaporated dry, and he couldn't make a sound at all.

Gu Yinian poured him a glass of warm water and helped him up.

In fact, Shu Xian resisted Gu Yinian's touch very much. The moment Gu Yinian touched him, his body trembled, and Gu Yinian also felt it.

Although he felt uncomfortable, Shu Xian's body was more important, so he insisted on feeding Shu Xian with water little by little.

After drinking a glass of water, Shu Xian's throat finally felt moisturised, and he tentatively said "ah" twice, and finally he was able to make a sound.

He stared at Gu Yinian and asked, "I, am I not dead?"

"...It looks like it should be."

Gu Yinian nodded, then stood up: "I'll call the doctor to take a look, you lie down first."

After a while, Shu Xian saw a familiar face and suddenly felt something was wrong.

Why is Dr. Sun here?

When Dr. Sun walked in, his expression was very bad. Looking at the person lying on the hospital bed, he wanted to point at his nose and scold him.

Why doesn't this child love himself so much?

But in the end, considering that Shu Xian was ill, Dr. Sun didn't scold him with swear words, but walked to the bedside and questioned Shu Xian while checking his condition.

"You recruited truthfully, how many inhibitors did you take?"

Shu Xian felt like he was caught doing something bad.

Facing Dr. Sun's stern expression, Shu Xian is not good at lying, after all, he did it by himself, so he has to admit it.

"...More than a dozen injections, one injection when I think of it."

"You hit it when you think about it? Didn't I tell you? You had a miscarriage, your pheromones are unstable, and you can't take inhibitors, did you hear me?"

"……I heard."

"Then you still fight? Do you know how much it hurts you!"

Shu Xian was silent, he obviously didn't know, all he knew was that it would cause infertility, and this was exactly what he wanted.

Dr. Sun seemed to have guessed what Shu Xian was thinking.

He understood Shu Xian's desire not to have children, but as a doctor, he couldn't tolerate behaviors that were irresponsible for his health.

What's more, Shu Xian is still his patient.

After checking Shu Xian's condition and confirming that there is no problem for the time being, Dr. Sun said earnestly: "Your pheromone intensity is already high, and it is even more disordered after the miscarriage. Then forcefully use inhibitors to suppress it..."

"Will your life be in danger?" Shu Xian asked, even looking forward to it.

Dr. Sun rolled up the report and knocked on Shu Xian's head, angrily said: "Why, you didn't die, so it doesn't suit you?"

"...Sorry." Shu Xian apologized in a low voice, but he didn't have any remorse in his heart.

"Hey - you are in the estrous period this time, the pheromone index has risen sharply, and there are a large number of inhibitors to suppress it, which is why you have a high fever."

After Dr. Sun finished explaining, he turned around and looked at Gu Yinian, lifted the report sheet and hit Gu Yinian on the head.

This blow directly knocked Gu Yinian into a daze, he had never been knocked on the head by others since he grew up.

But before he could react, Dr. Sun began to reprimand: "Your Omega, it's fine if he doesn't pay attention, but you don't pay attention to it! It's just brought here for what it looks like? If it's later, it will be cremated directly! You go back and hold a box!"

I was really anxious for these two people, Dr. Sun couldn't choose what to say, and said it very harshly.

In fact, Gu Yinian doesn't have to bear Dr. Sun's blame, after all, with his current relationship with Shu Xian, he has no responsibility to take care of Shu Xian anymore.

Although he was still concerned about marriage, he also understood that Shu Xian no longer considered himself a husband.

But looking at Shu Xian's weak appearance now, Gu Yinian finally didn't say anything, silently endured all the scolding from Dr. Sun, and kept nodding his head to apologize.

"In the future, if I find out that Shu Xian is in poor health, I will directly sue you in court, and I must convict you of torture!"

Dr. Sun finished scolding angrily, and Gu Yinian humbly accepted all the accusations.

Seeing Gu Yinian kept nodding, Dr. Sun added in displeasure: "What's the use of nodding?"

"...I'll take care of him."

After Gu Yinian finished speaking, he clearly saw the person lying on the bed showing a disdainful smile, as if saying: You deserve to say such a thing?

Dr. Sun was facing Gu Yinian and his back was Shu Xian, so he didn't see Shu Xian's expression, only saw Gu Yinian's froze expression.

"What's the matter, is it difficult to do this?"

"No, it's not." Gu Yinian replied stiffly, pulling the corners of his mouth.

Seeing that Gu Yinian's attitude was fine, Dr. Sun stopped reprimanding him, explained some precautions, and patted Shu Xian on the head before leaving the ward.

In the empty VIP ward, there were only two people left.

Gu Yinian sat on the side of the comfortable bed, a little tired, and stared at the person on the hospital bed with his hands in his eyes, with some scrutiny and anger in his eyes.

"Did you call Jian Wan?"

"...No, I haven't told anyone yet."

"Well, thank you for bringing me to the hospital today."

Gu Yinian frowned slightly, showing obvious displeasure, as if he didn't really want to hear what Shu Xian said.

"Shu Xian, let's talk."

Gu Yinian's tone was sombre, obviously angry.

But Shu Xian still lay quietly, staring at the continuously dripping liquid medicine, without saying a word.

The ward was eerily, disturbingly quiet.

Knowing that Shu Xian would not take the initiative to speak, Gu Yinian suppressed his hostility and spoke as calmly as possible: "Do you want to die?"

These words were too straightforward, without any embellishments, and without any twists and turns, which made Shu Xian stunned for a moment.

I don't know what Gu Yinian means, and I don't know what Gu Yinian wants to do.

In this case, the truth is fine.

So Shu Xian slightly turned his head to look at Gu Yinian, his eyes were frank: "It's not that I have to die, it's just... It's not impossible to die."

"no!"

"why not?"

Why can't you die?For most people, this question is extremely simple.

I can't die because there are still people and things I miss, some love, some things I can't let go of.

No matter how bad it is, there are durian thousand layers and caramel milk tea downstairs.

There are too many reasons for not being able to die, and one can be mentioned casually, and the last one is "Ha, it's better to die than to live".

But when Gu Yinian faced Shu Xian's question, he couldn't find the right words for a while.

He had a feeling that whatever he answered was futile.

"You can't die." Gu Yinian said stubbornly and unreasonably, his eyes were firm and painful.

"why?"

"You still have your friends, your family, your studies..."

"I can do without these." Shu Xian interrupted Gu Yinian.

After he lost Bai Yu, he could lose anything.

"But, they can't do without you..."

I can't do without you.

"That's something that will happen after I die, and it will not belong to the current me."

Shu Xian's words were very selfish, sophistry and unreasonable, leaving Gu Yinian speechless for a while.

He looked at Shu Xian's pricked hands exposed outside the quilt, and felt pain in his mouth and heart.Bitter sour.

He had never felt so powerless.

From childhood to adulthood, most of the difficulties he encountered can be solved with IQ, money, and means.But now he is helpless in the face of Shu Xian.

"Can you try again alive? Maybe there will be people and things that make you feel worthwhile?"

Gu Yinian's tone was much weaker, as if he was discussing with Shu Xian, or begging.

Shu Xian looked at him, suddenly the corners of his mouth curled up, and he smiled softly: "Like you?"

Gu Yinian froze for a moment, his expression suddenly painful.

Even though he knew that once he agreed to Shu Xian's words, what awaited him would be ridicule, he had no choice but to follow Shu Xian's words.

He raised his head and smiled very reluctantly: "Can I?" Can I be someone who makes you feel worthy?

Shu Xian smiled brighter: "Yes. Sir, make me happier, and I will try to live a little longer."

"...how, can it make you happy?"

Shu Xian pretended to be thinking, and murmured, "For example, kneel down and beg me?"

"Shu Xian..."

"To be honest, sir, I am very happy to see you in such pain. Why don't you suffer more in the future and make me happier."

Shu Xian seemed to be appreciating a work of art, staring at the person in front of him with a smile, taking a panoramic view of his bitterness and embarrassment, and engraving it clearly in his heart.

He wanted to tell Gu Yinian that your expression is beautiful.

But he didn't say it.

You have to be measured in doing things, it makes people too desperate, scares people away, and there will be no more fun in the future.

Finally, Gu Yinian asked a question that he had asked many times, as if he had squeezed all the helplessness and sighs of his life into this question.

He asked, "Shu Xian, do we have to do this?"

This time Shu Xian didn't evade anymore, but he didn't answer directly either. Instead, his eyes became colder and he asked back, "Sir, did you have to treat me like that in the past?"

Do you have to hold me down and give me inhibitors?Must I beg you to tag me?Do you have to agree to save Xiang Qing by discrediting me?

Gu Yinian, do you have to treat me like this?

After being silent for a long time, Gu Yinian clenched his lips, and finally he could only say, "I'm sorry, Shu Xian, I'm sorry for you."

"It's ok."

Shu Xian answered quickly, with a relaxed and gentle tone.

"It's okay Gu Yinian, you just didn't love me very much at that time. And now, I just hate you a little bit."

But I don't hate you for not loving me, I hate you for treating me badly.

Gu Yinian, I hate you for making me lose Bai Yu.

If I hadn't met you, if I hadn't loved you persistently, then Bai Yu wouldn't have died.

Gu Yinian, I hate you, and I also hate myself.

In the end, it was you who lost me and I who lost Bai Yu.

I can't get him back anymore, how can you get me back?

"Gu Yinian, why don't you stop working hard and let's die together? It's considered a martyrdom."

"Gu Yinian, I feel difficult for you."