Sir, I'm not good

"How are you doing at school, baby?"

"It's good. It's much cheaper to eat in the cafeteria than to order takeaway at home."

"Where is the chef at home in the cafeteria who cooks delicious food, and the nutrition is not comprehensive..." Li Su babbled while picking up dishes for Shu Xian.

Shu Xian really wanted to complain, he needs a cook wherever he lives alone, and nutrition is something, he is not a child who is growing up anymore, so he doesn't need to be so strict.

But at home, he had an unwritten agreement with Shu Shengkang, that is, not to contradict Li Su when it is not necessary.

Li Su has always treated Shu Xian as a treasure, but on the other hand, Shu Xian is also spoiling her mother.

The difference is that Li Su gives Shu Xian what he thinks is good, and Shu Xian gives Li Su what is good to Li Su.

"Mom, I can't eat so much."

"But it's not easy for you to go home. I specially asked my aunt to make it for you. It's all your favorite food..."

Li Su looked at the pile of untouched food on Shu Xian's plate, feeling a little aggrieved.

After learning about Shu Xian's illness, she strongly asked Shu Xian to go home, but her son had grown up and had his own ideas, so he insisted on going to school.

It's hard to come back from the Ching Ming holiday, and I'm also very interested, I don't look energetic, and I don't eat much...

The more Li Su thought about it, the more uncomfortable she became, but she was afraid that if she felt uncomfortable, she would bring her son to suffer, so she tried her best to bear it.

But Shu Xian couldn't see it.

After all, it was his mother who he had grown up with since he was a child. He knew Li Su too well.

But his appetite has been really bad lately. He used to like to eat boiled cabbage heart, but now every time he swallows it feels like he is swallowing a blade.

"Mom, I'll just eat more, don't worry." Shu Xian tried his best to suppress the resistance in his stomach, picked up the vegetable leaves, and swallowed them one by one, but he couldn't taste it.

Seeing this, Shu Shengkang couldn't help sighing, and persuaded him: "Don't let him eat if he can't eat it. You're such an adult, if you're hungry, you can find snacks, and you won't die of hunger."

The corner of Li Su's mouth turned down, she looked at Shu Shengkang with aggrieved eyes, and nodded, like a child being scolded.

"Okay, Grandpa Bai will come over later... to pick you up to visit the tomb. Take your time, take the two boxes of offerings from the kitchen. If you're hungry, eat a few pastries after offering the offerings."

When it came to "grave sweeping", Shu Shengkang also hesitated for a moment.

But Shu Xian just listened indifferently, and responded meekly after listening, "Understood, Dad."

A meal is very sparse.

There was no post-dinner chat session either, Shu Xian was really not in high spirits, so he simply ate and went back to his room.

He was a dormitory student in high school, got married shortly after entering university, and has been living with Bai Yu since his divorce. Now that he has returned to his room, he suddenly feels like returning to a youthful campus.

His room is decorated simply and cleanly, and there is a soundproof room divided by transparent glass in the corner.

It was when he was playing the piano, so as not to disturb his family's rest.

There is still the cheap old guitar when he first started learning the piano, and some recording equipment.

He spent every night in junior high school there.

Sitting on the bed, Shu Xian stared at the soundproof room, his gaze remained motionless, but his thoughts had drifted away.

He used to like playing the piano very much.

Gradually, as if possessed by a demon, Shu Xian stood up and walked towards the piano room step by step.

The moment he entered the piano room and closed the door, the noise of the world stopped abruptly, and even the tinnitus that haunted him day and night gradually subsided.

He took off the dusty guitar and sat on the ground comfortably, like every junior high school night, sitting on the ground with the guitar in his arms.

Pressing his fingers on the strings, Shu Xian had a lot of scores in his mind, but when he touched the strings with his fingers, he only played the simplest chord.

The piano itself is not a good piano, the strings are astringent, and the tune is very serious.

But the moment he touched the strings, the soul returned to the body.

Shu Xian took a deep breath, beat the beat silently in his heart, played various chords repeatedly, and turned the knob of the piano head to tune.

When all the strings are stretched to the proper level, a song flows naturally.

Like a certain night in the past, Shu Xian sat in his own little world, playing and singing alone.

"You walk towards me step by step with your back to the mountains and rivers

You step on the mountains and rivers to approach me step by step

you opened my body

you wake up my ears

take me..."

Halfway through the song, Shu Xian forgot his words, and his face was already wet, but he didn't even know why he was crying.

He didn't know whether he was singing about himself, Bai Yu, or Gu Yinian.

He remembered that there was also a guitar in Bai Yu's house, which he bought in high school, and because he didn't want to take it with him when he moved out of school, he gave it to Bai Yu.

He remembered that Gu Yinian said during Chinese New Year that he wanted to hear him play the guitar, but that silly guy bought an electric guitar.

He used to be so brave and love someone desperately.

He was able to let go of his temper, let go of his campus life, put down his beloved guitar, and plunge into love alone, although it was all in vain.

But the ability to say love and love, he can't get back.

"Xianxian, Grandpa Bai is here!"

Soon, Li Su was knocking on the door.

Shu Xian didn't answer, leaned against the wall for a while, then put down the guitar and stood up.

He took out a piece of paper and wiped his face casually, then opened the door, Li Su was standing outside with a big smile on his face.

"mom."

"what happened?"

"It's okay, I just played the piano, and I didn't hear you knocking on the door."

Li Su saw that his son's eyes were red, but seeing that he had no intention of explaining, he couldn't bear to ask more.

Knowing that Bai Jianguo didn't like waiting for others, Shu Xian hurried back, took a black coat and ran out of the room, while Li Su was still standing outside.

Shu Xian put his tone lightly, turned around halfway down the stairs and shouted: "Mom, I'm going. I'm coming back for dinner tonight. I want to eat pumpkin shredded chicken soup!"

Li Su was stunned, and quickly agreed, "Okay, I will tell Auntie for you."

When they went down to the first floor, Bai Jianguo was chatting with Shu Shengkang. His face was serious. It seemed that the content of the chat was not easy. When he saw him coming down, he kept silent.

It was obviously talking about him.

But Shu Xian pretended not to know, didn't ask, and just said hello one by one after walking over.

"Grandpa, uncle, aunt..."

A few relatives from the Bai family came, not too many, but Shu Xian still remembered them all.

When everyone saw him, their expressions softened, and they asked some innocuous questions, probably to let him relax and not be too sad for a while.

Shu Xian saw everyone's thoughts in his eyes, and acted very sensible, without being too dull, responding to the atmosphere everyone created for him.

Bai Jianguo said a few more words to Shu Shengkang before taking Shu Xian's hand to say goodbye.

In fact, the Shu family has no reason to participate in this kind of family grave sweeping. It's just that Shu Xian and Bai Yu have a special relationship, so Bai Jianguo specially came to pick him up.

There were three cars parked outside Shu's house, all of which were black commercial vehicles. Bai Jianguo and Shu Xian were very close, so they took him to sit in one.

Shu Xian doesn't care who he sits with, anyway, he has a foreign surname, so he just obeys the arrangement.

After putting the two boxes of pastries from Yushiyuan that Li Su gave him in the trunk, Shu Xian got into the back row and sat with Bai Jianguo.

But from the moment he sat down, Shu Xian realized that Bai Jianguo might have something to tell him.

He resisted a little.

"Xianxian, are you not happy to ride with me?"

"...don't dare."

Shu Xian felt that he had no expression, and he didn't know how Bai Jianguo could tell that he was unhappy.

But every time he faced Bai Jianguo, he felt like he was going to fall into it.

But Bai Jianguo still had a benevolent look and was not aggressive.

"When Shen Yao came to play with me yesterday, she told me about you. It seems that she quite likes you."

"Grandpa, find a suitable reason to lie to others. It sounds false."

Bai Jianguo showed some embarrassment when he heard the words, "Is that so? That girl actually pays attention to you."

Shu Xian propped his arms and looked out the window, trying not to meet Bai Jianguo's eyes, nodded and said angrily: "That's right, after all, I've been finding fault with her."

"Where? We're good at leisure."

"Grandpa, you have a limit to telling nonsense! I don't believe it myself!"

The old man became even more embarrassed when he heard the words, and coughed twice in an attempt to bridge the awkward atmosphere.

"...Grandpa, tell me what you have to say."

"Let's be honest, Shu Xian, I think you should be brave."

The tone changed too quickly. Even if Shu Xian was prepared, he never expected Bai Jianguo to get straight to the point so unprepared.

To be honest, that's not what I said!

He couldn't help looking at Bai Jianguo in amazement, like an old urchin, and said innocently, you told me to speak straight!

After choking for a long time, Shu Xian finally asked, "Why be brave?"

Bai Jianguo curled his lips, and complained like a child: "You told me to speak straight, but you're still pretending here, I'm not happy!"

Shu Xian twitched the corner of his mouth, feeling that he couldn't handle it.

When did Grandpa Bai add an arrogant persona to himself?

Not knowing how to answer for a moment, Shu Xian had no choice but to rest his forehead and think, looking at the gradually desolate scenery outside the window, he calmed down a little bit.

"Grandpa, I might...I might not."

"Hey, try it! You haven't tried it, how do you know it won't work? If you work hard, maybe it will work."

Logically speaking, Bai Jianguo should be scheming and scheming, but now he speaks in such a rascally way, which really makes Shu Xian difficult to deal with.

He could still reason with him, but Bai Jianguo might not want to reason with him.

"Grandpa, I think you are in good health now, and you should be able to climb Mount Everest."

"What can I do?"

"Try it! Work hard, maybe it will work!"

"..."

Bai Jianguo was silent.

Uncle Chen who was driving was also silent. He was even a little scared. How could anyone have talked to Bai Jianguo like that?

Bai Jianguo has always been the only one who doesn't reason with others, no one has the courage of Bai Jianguo to play tricks.

Uncle Chen glanced at Shu Xian from the rearview mirror, seeing that Shu Xian still had a natural expression and relaxed speech, he suddenly thought of his young master.

Bai Yu was so indulgent in the first place.

The car continued to drive, and there was silence in the car.

Bai Jianguo seemed to be very entangled, as if he was playing chess, thinking about what to do next.

Soon, he realized that Shu Xian had just a mental problem, not a brain problem.

In the end, Bai Jianguo sighed, and he was no longer that old urchin.

"My child, I watched you grow up with Bai Yu. In my heart, you are also my grandson."

"... Mmm." Such a touching opening remark sounded dangerous to Shu Xian.

Generally speaking, the next step in inciting affection is to make demands, such as, I hope you can live happily.

And happiness is a luxury for him, like wishing a paralyzed person to stand up, or a heart patient to run.

Things that are easy for ordinary people are difficult for him.

"I hope you can be brave, as brave as Bai Yu."

"……what?"

Shu Xian was stunned, this request was different from what he expected.

What is it to be brave?

Bai Jianguo speaks earnestly, and his words are calm and powerful, "Yes, I still hope you will be brave."

"Brave? What counts as brave?" Shu Xian questioned.

"That is, don't find a way out for yourself, and don't plan for an ending for yourself, just live every day."

"...It sounds nice."

Like a feather falling in the middle of a lake, Bai Jianguo's words could not stir up any splashes in his heart, they could only arouse disgust.

He also knew that he shouldn't say such things to his elders, but he couldn't bear it.

Obviously, it was not easy for him to live.

"It's hard to live." Shu Xian whispered, appearing to be in low spirits.

Bai Jianguo seemed to have expected Shu Xian's reaction, and he was not annoyed, and his tone was still calm: "I know you are difficult, but I have never experienced your difficulty, so I can't understand it, I just want to tell you how much Bai Yu cared about you at that time." you."

"I know."

"You only know that he is obsessed with obsession, but you don't know the price he paid for it. He once quarreled with the whole Bai family for you."

"……what?"

Shu Xian trembled slightly in his heart, which he didn't know.

He looked at Bai Jianguo, but saw that Bai Jianguo was still smiling kindly, looking at him as if looking at his own child, full of comfort.

"As an Omega, Bai Yu was originally not expected to inherit the family business, so we planned it early in the morning, let him study abroad in university, control the foreign industry, and inherit the family business when he comes back."

"I've heard him say this, but hasn't he gone abroad?"

"Well, he originally agreed to go abroad, but he didn't want to leave you, and he went back on his word."

Bai Jianguo's eyes were deep and far away, as if he remembered something warm, but this matter was Bai Yu's falling out with all of them, and it was not warm at all.

After Bai Jianguo finished speaking, Shu Xian realized that what Bai Yu said lightly back then, "I don't need to go abroad", was actually a whole summer vacation, a full three months of twists and turns.

He was persuaded and scolded by the whole family, and after he said "I don't inherit the family business" in a fit of anger, he was put in confinement by Bai Jianguo.

At that time, the Bai family threatened him, so Bai Yu knelt outside Bai Jianguo's study for an afternoon, but Bai Jianguo ignored him, so Bai Yu knelt outside the bedroom again and knelt repeatedly for a week.

It turned out that Bai Yu had a showdown with his family at that time, "I will stay with him for the rest of my life, no matter what my identity is, I will never leave him."

Bai Yu was injured on his back, what Bai Yu told him at the time was from a fight, but now Shu Xian knew that it was from his father.

Three months like a melting pot, from being scolded to death, to begging him in pain.

"That kid is so stubborn, he didn't lower his head even when kneeling on me, he is indeed my grandson hahahaha..."

Bai Jianguo spoke to his heart's content, and at the end he burst out laughing with tears in his eyes.

Tired of laughing, Bai Jianguo patted the stunned child beside him, and said to him, "Don't be afraid, there will always be someone who has paid more than you, and the worst thing is death."

"Like Bai Yu loves you, don't die, love yourself, love others."

"Facing the deep affection for you from that kid from the Gu family, you escaped, but you obviously have another choice. You can love him hard, you can treat him well, there are many things you can do, but you escaped .”

"Escape is always the easiest difficulty in heaven, but children, whether it's Bai Yu or Gu Yinian, they all choose the difficulty of hell without hesitation when facing you. I chose to love you."

[The author has something to say]:

Can you feel that it's almost over, I'm going to start fixing typos lol!