You can eat it but you are not allowed to miss it

Maybe I dare not accept it, because I am afraid of feeling sad after losing it.

I hugged him and went to bed, "I won't abandon you!" I kissed his forehead, "Brother, you are not dirty, I will make you even cleaner."

I can cleanse your body of filth, but what about your heart?I don't know how many serious illnesses there are on it?Can I make up for it with my infatuation?

17. Episode 2: Helpline on New Year's Eve

◎In memory, Nan Heqian’s last volunteer activity in the LGBTQ+ community◎

Self-introduction, my name is Nan Heqian, a fourth-year student at M University.On New Year's Eve this year, there was a lot of wind and snow, and the temperature dropped to minus ten degrees Celsius.But my "New Year's Celebration" tonight is volunteering as a helpline volunteer in the school's LGBTQ+ club. By the way, this is my last volunteer activity during college, because I have completed my credits and will return to China after New Year's Day.

I forgot to mention that I self-identify as a gay man, and most of the student members in the club I was in the same period were straight people and gays who were enthusiastic about gay public welfare.The purpose of setting up a helpline is to help the LGBTQ+ student groups in the school, including avoiding discrimination and unfairness, fighting for reasonable rights, and providing psychological counseling when the counselor is in trouble. If the situation is serious, we will also help the counselor make an appointment with a professional psychologist doctor.

This night, I was alone on the night shift in the community connection room, and the phone was kept quiet tonight, not even a single harassing phone call from occasional pranks on weekdays.Because I was bored, I swiped my phone and fell asleep after a while.Around 11:[-] p.m., a call came in, and the caller chose Chinese service (because there are many Chinese students in the school, Chinese services other than English were specially opened).

"Hello! I'm Alex from the LGBTQ+ club at University of M. How can I help you?" I said with a smile, although the other party couldn't see it.

"I..." the person on the other end of the phone said hesitantly.

"Don't be nervous, just treat it as a small talk. How do you call it?" I heard that the other party was still silent, so I asked.

A neutral low voice came from the opposite side, "I feel bad, I don't know why I have to live..."

This time I heard clearly, it seemed that something was serious, and maybe a "suicide intervention" was needed.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to ask in a calm and gentle tone, "This young lady? Or is it the little brother?"

"Boy." The other party hesitated for a moment to answer.

"This little brother, no matter what difficulties you encounter, you can tell me, and we will find a solution together." While talking, I sent a message to the teacher in the club, telling him that we may need professionals.

"I'm transgender, which means my gender doesn't match my biological sex. I just found out I'm in this situation recently," he said.

This involved my knowledge blind spot, but I still listened to his narrative very patiently.

"I'm married. I only found out my situation after marriage. The other party is straight. I really can't bear it. Whether it's the way others see me, what they call me, or the couple things. I feel like I live in a disguise every day. , my mood has been depressed, I have no energy, my life and studies are in a mess, for this reason, my tutor has warned me many times, and I may face expulsion from school."

My mind was racing through the stories he told me, bizarre but understandable.I imagined that if I were a married gay man, I would have to pretend to be a good husband to my wife, and pretend to be as interested in women's bodies as I am in men's.Just thinking about it makes me shudder.

"I came out with her, we had a big fight, and then I broke up. The other party refused, but finally agreed to temporarily separate and calm down. In the past two days, I suddenly fell ill. Maybe it was because of the illness. Trapped in an unbreakable situation, I felt more and more meaningless to live. On the spur of the moment that day, my family and I came out." He began to choke up as he spoke, "My mother didn't understand me, she thought I was mentally ill, Let's live a good life, but if you insist on torturing yourself, you won't allow me to go for treatment and surgery."

"I can understand your predicament, although I have never experienced these, but I think you are very brave." I tried my best to empathize with him, thinking of inspirational words, "It's a matter of showing the most authentic self to others. It takes courage enough in itself. Although, for lovers and family members, it is true that there is pain along with it, but at least you did not choose to cheat them, but tried to make things right, I mean being who you are, letting They get to know you anew."

"En." He responded, it seems that because of my understanding, the crying sound became more obvious.

"I know you are in pain now, but you might as well take all the predicament in front of you as an opportunity. As a comrade, the day I came out with my parents and family, my father also said that without my son, let me go as far away as possible. So I secretly made up my mind that I would roll as far away as he said, so as not to block his eyes. I worked hard on vocabulary books, participated in language training, and passed the entrance examination to a foreign school. Now I have successfully graduated from university. If it weren’t for the fierce struggle at that time, how could a person like me who doesn’t like studying graduate? Now, although my parents avoid this topic, it is not as fierce as it was at the beginning. Little brother, you must not give up, your family also There will be a day of acceptance. If you give up before that day, how do you know how good life will be then?"

"Thank you, Alex." Judging from the tone, his mood was much calmer.

"Little brother, I may not be able to give you substantial help, but I just hope that chatting with you can make you feel better. I am not a doctor, so I cannot give you any advice on treatment or surgery. However, I can help you make an appointment for school Psychological counseling, they can give you more professional advice."

"Thank you, after chatting with you, I feel much better."

"It's my honor to help you! If you have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to call back. Maybe it's not me, but every member of our community is happy to be your listener."

"it is good."

"Little brother, you must believe that there will be someone in this world who loves you and accepts you. Before you meet him, please take good care of yourself. And I wish you a happy new year!"

18. You are not the first

◎I have never been anyone's prey, you are my prey, if you want me, seduce me. ◎

"What are you doing?" The scene I saw when I rushed into E Yu's house can probably be summed up as a typical "sex after drinking"!

Empty glass wine bottles and beer bottles were lying on the ground, clothes and pants were scattered all over the floor, and there were even used needles!It took me a lot of determination to look at the bed, and sure enough there were two people lying on top of each other, sleeping soundly.

"You boy!" I picked up one of the guys, "You rapist! How dare you come to provoke him?"

The boy Nanheyou was woken up roughly by me, and he didn't react for a while, "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! Don't catch Master Ben!" He wailed in pain.

Because of the hangover, my stupid and unscrupulous younger brother looked at me blankly at this moment, and then at E Yu who was pressed on the bed by him just now.When my anger soared to the extreme and I was about to shake my fist at him, he suddenly woke up and begged for mercy: "Brother, brother, don't! I didn't do anything!"

"Didn't do anything?" I asked back in a very distrustful tone, "You drugged him again! Nan Heyou, you are promising! How dare you even touch drugs? Let's see how the old man will deal with you!"

"I didn't, I just asked my brother for a drink!" He begged, blocking my fist again.

The night before, E Yu was at home alone.Suddenly heard the doorbell.Since moving here, he hasn't brought any friends here, except for his boyfriend, so he once thought it was an auditory hallucination.After a moment of silence, there was another "Ding Dong" sound, and he got up to answer the door.Standing at the door was Nan Heyou, a former friend who had "misconducted" towards him not long ago.Nan Heyou shook the bottle of wine in front of E Yu's eyes, and held the door with his hand a second before E Yu was about to close the door, and was almost pinched by the door.

"Brother, don't chase me away, I'm here to apologize." Nan Heyou laughed along with him, his tone very sincere.

E Yu looked at him coldly for a while, and finally let him in.

Nan Heyou asked attentively, "Brother, are you in good health?"

"Will you be responsible for the sequelae?" E Yu asked back.

"I can be responsible to the end. As long as you are willing." Nan Heyou saw his brother sitting on the sofa in the living room with his arms folded, and sat beside him unceremoniously.

"What do you want? To be your lover? Nanheyou, please stop playing with me!"

Nan Heyou's expression was like a puppy who did something wrong. He leaned over to E Yu and said, "I'm serious."

"What? Today you want to take advantage of others again? Continue to throw me down? Do you really think that I am some kind of big girl who sleeps once and you have to marry me?"

"Brother, I didn't mean that, I promise never again. Please don't delete my friend."

"Is there still a need for us to keep in touch? Didn't we all speak clearly on the bed? I'll just treat it as being bitten by a dog." E Yu got up deliberately, and stood leaning against the French window to prevent Nan and You from sticking together Own.

"Brother, I am sincere to you. If you want, I can marry you!"

E Yu was stunned, did Nan Heyou get kicked in the head by a donkey?Why is it getting more and more outrageous time and time again, "I understand, I am not a big girl with yellow flowers, but you are? Why did my brother sleep with me once,