growing up porcelain doll

◎Liu Danqing took sick leave with the school to recuperate at home because of her mental state. As the eldest son of the family, Cheng Yu has the responsibility and obligation to take care of the mentally ill

Liu Danqing took sick leave from school to recuperate at home because of his mental state. As the eldest son of the family, Cheng Yu has the responsibility and obligation to take care of his mother who is not in a good mental state, not to mention that he is one of the parties who caused this situation. .He didn't want to stay in Nanshi, but seeing Liu Danqing like this, he couldn't leave her to Cheng Yan's care, so he found a random law firm in Nanshi for an internship.

Home has gradually become a place Cheng Yu doesn't want to return to, because there are too many memories there that are related to Gong Qing.After Gong Qing returned to school, he moved back from the study to the bedroom. He buried his head in the quilt and seemed to be able to smell the smell left by Gong Qing, but they became weaker and less, and he couldn't keep it. .He had never felt so uncomfortable living in a place without Gong Qing but full of their memories like now.

Could it be that Gong Qing, who was thousands of miles away, was also so sad in that small house in Beijing?Cheng Yu couldn't help thinking.

When Liu Danqing was in better condition, Cheng Yu would go home later, to avoid too much exposure to such a sad environment, and also to avoid showing a little miss for Gong Qing in front of Liu Danqing.

Sometimes he would visit Gong Qing's original home during his breaks, clean the room for him, communicate with his aunt and uncle, and admit his mistakes in front of them by the way, but every time he would say the last sentence Say "But I do love him and I miss him so much."

The piano room is also their common memory, but there is no depression in their home here.For them, the piano room is their secret base, just like the small nest in Beijing, which only belongs to the two of them.

Cheng Yu can play the piano here. Although he has not passed the grade test, Cheng Yu has already reached the tenth grade level under Gong Qing's guidance. He can play many pieces according to the score, but every capital he plays is like Gong Qing once He didn't touch anything else that he taught him or that Gong Qing had played.

Although he and Gong Qing are already separated by two places, he often faces the mobile phone when he is with Liu Danqing at home, which inevitably makes Liu Danqing wonder if they are disconnected. Every time his phone rings at home, he will see Liu Danqing flustered And helpless expression.The look of her wanting to ask but not daring to ask was really bitter and sad in Cheng Yu's eyes. How did his mother become like this?How did their house become like this?

So soon after, Cheng Yu changed his phone number. He cut the original card into smaller pieces in front of Liu Danqing, and sent a text message to all his former contacts in front of her, except Gong Qing.He deleted the number he knew so well from his phone, WeChat, QQ, and email, as if he wanted to make a clean break with this person and never see him again.He said, "Mom, are you relieved?"

Liu Danqing stared at Cheng Yu's actions in a daze, and listening to his suppressed sad tone, she also felt overwhelming sadness in her heart.She wanted to say that she didn't mean it, but she couldn't say anything as if she had aphasia.

Gong Qing in Beijing did not have a better life. That small nest is full of sweet memories of their past, and Cheng Yu's shadow is everywhere. For Gong Qing, this place is both heaven and hell. I moved back to the dormitory, but I was never willing to leave here.He began to fill up his time again, and began to use his limited time to go out to work. He suddenly wanted to save money, so that he could save enough to buy this house of tens of square meters and pay for that time. Love that doesn't last long leaves something real.

He regularly cleans the house off-campus, but everything remains the same as it was before they left, as if life here has never changed, and the house is still waiting for its two little owners to return at nightfall.

Ever since Cheng Yu changed his cell phone number, Gong Qing hadn't contacted his brother again. He sent many messages but nothing came of it, until he finally couldn't help but dialed the cell phone number he knew so well, and what came from the receiver was When "the number you dialed is an empty number", he had to admit that everything was really over.As for the reason, he also guessed □□ points, so he didn't get to the bottom of it, and he didn't ask anyone for Cheng Yu's new contact information.Some things don't need to get a real answer, because a straightforward answer will make people more helpless and heartbroken.

Even though the time schedule is full, Gong Qing's miss for Cheng Yu has never retreated. The sweet moments of the past will appear in a stitch when he is in a daze, when he is eating, when he is running, and when he is sleeping. There will be auditory hallucinations, but after the surprise and joy, there is usually an unspeakable loss and sadness.

He spent countless nights flipping through their photos before, tossing and turning, editing one sentence after another for the dialog box that would never respond.The life is tight and empty, he completes the daily tasks step by step, but the whole person loses weight at a speed visible to the naked eye, and the body that his brother raised for him half a year ago finally fell back.

He had some sporadic hopes, hoping to see his brother at the graduate graduation ceremony, but he waited for a whole day but did not see Cheng Yu's figure.When he returned to the den at night, he found that the light in the living room was broken. He felt that his world was like the chandelier at this moment, and it would never light up again.

If the light in a person's heart is gone, where can he go even if he walks in the dark?

Gong Qing curled up on the sofa in the living room and felt very confused. He felt that he had always lived in regret all these years, but he was very helpless about these things that made him regret. Maybe it was because of his powerlessness.

After Liu Danqing's condition gradually improved, Cheng Yu still left Nanshi. In order to reassure his mother, he went to the south, and the distance between him and Gong Qing increased by tens of thousands of miles, and they became completely separated from each other.

Liu Danqing and Cheng Yan are not ruthless people, and it is very uncomfortable to see their two sons living in different places like this, but as parents, they really don't know how to accept their two sons who are not only gay at the same time And □□.

On the day Cheng Yu left, Liu Danqing sent him to the taxi parked outside the gate of the community. She watched all the changes in Cheng Yu in the past few months, and she lost a lot of weight, even though she was in front of her all day. Smiling, but she could see the exhaustion in that smile, and even a little powerlessness. From his haggard face, he could tell that he was not living well in this family, and maybe he couldn't live well anywhere. But he still left.

Watching the taxi gradually go away on the straight street, finally becoming a small dot and then completely disappearing from sight, Liu Danqing felt an unspeakable bitterness in his heart.She never thought about forcing anyone away, nor did she think about breaking contact with the two brothers and becoming strangers from now on.

She watched Cheng Yu change numbers in front of her and cut off all contact methods with Gong Qing. She really wanted to say that she didn't mean that. This was not the result she wanted in her heart. He really didn't have to be so decisive.However, whenever the words came to her lips, there was another voice in her heart saying: "It's right for him to do this, and it's good for everyone." These words are like an invisible shackle, binding her Her hands and feet also bound her throat, so that she could only watch Cheng Yu tear herself apart little by little, and smiled at her saying that he was all right while he was covered in blood.

But it is said that mother and child are connected, she can see the tears after Cheng Yu's forced smile, even her own son is having a hard time, Gong Qing from afar, that child with sensitive thoughts and delicate feelings will definitely not have a better life than Cheng Yu, but she But I don't know what to do.

The summer vacation is here, but Gong Qing didn't go home. On the one hand, he found a trainee hospital in advance under the help of his teacher, and on the other hand, he didn't know how to face those suffocating changes.He felt very sorry for Liu Danqing and Cheng Yan, and without Cheng Yu at home, he didn't know how to face them.

The days passed like this until winter. When Gong Qing returned home from the winter vacation, he didn't see Cheng Yu. He only felt that his hopes had been lost again. Being in a familiar environment can always evoke stronger emotions, but He didn't dare to reveal half a thing in front of Liu Danqing, exchanged a few words of greetings and then went back to the room.

As soon as he lay on the bed, Gong Qing's tears couldn't stop streaming down. He buried his face in the quilt and tried to smell it, hoping to smell the familiar smell that he missed day and night, but the clean quilt was exposed to the sun except After washing, there is no other smell, and even the fragrance of laundry detergent has disappeared completely.

Gong Qing's hopes were shattered again and again during the winter vacation. He even felt that such days were going to make him numb. Gradually, he also accepted the fact that "the eldest brother will not come back".Last year's New Year's Eve dinner was depressing, but this year's New Year's Eve dinner was so unprecedented that the family didn't even get together.No one mentioned Cheng Yu at the dinner table. It seemed that the family was enjoying themselves, but in fact they were already scarred.

Gong Qing returned to school after the new year, and when she left again, Gong Qing took away the painting of "Little Turtle" that Cheng Yue had posted on the back of their bedroom door. Looking at the head of the little turtle, he said bitterly, "How are you doing now? Do you miss you all the time like me?"

It was a month after he left that Cheng Yu went home to visit his parents and sister.The tacit understanding between him and Gong Qing was exactly the same, he never mentioned the other person at home, even though his heart was like ants gnawing on him, he wanted to know everything about the other party urgently, but he gritted his teeth and held back.

Counting the days, they have been separated for a year, but everything in the past is still as clear as yesterday, but the long time can't heal the wound in the heart.

The originally happy and joyful family was now in dire straits. After her brothers left home, Cheng Yue took care of her mother while going to school. She became the bond of the whole family and maintained the balance of the family.Gong Qing, who originally decided to go home to find a job after graduation, felt confused because of the various changes in her family. After much deliberation, she decided to follow the teacher's advice and stay in school to study as a graduate student.

Although two years have passed by in a hurry, their lives seem to be peaceful, but in fact they can't stand a little trouble.

During the long torment, Liu Danqing often wondered whether the people who caused the current situation were the two disobedient sons or because of her strong self.At the beginning, she didn't know who to blame for this kind of thing, but now she blamed herself more, and she drove them away from this family step by step, so she often felt guilty.

So gradually, she would only call Cheng Yue, and Cheng Yue could gradually distinguish what her mother said was missing her elder brother and what her mother said was missing her second brother. Whenever this happened, she would call again after the phone call. Call the corresponding person, and that person will come back home to see them soon, but the two still won't appear at home at the same time.

It will be another two years after such a day.In the summer of the second year, Cheng Yue flipped through the old photo albums in the living room and cried unconsciously. She really missed his brothers so much.

The past five years were obviously her best youth years, but she never felt happy.Liu Danqing's anxiety disorder is sometimes good and sometimes bad, and needs to be taken care of. The atmosphere at home is always tense. A shrewd and capable person like Cheng Yan has also been greyed out by life in the past five years.Cheng Yue was also under a lot of pressure. If Huang Tao hadn't been by her side to support her, she wouldn't have known how she would change from a pampered princess to the psychological support of her family.

She looked at the family's life photos and family portraits, looked at the carefree smiling faces of her brothers, and looked at the pictures of love that were captured. .The originally quiet tears could not help sobbing now, she no longer cared whether his brothers were gay or brothers, she just wanted her brothers to come back to her, back to this home, as long as they Happy and happy, as long as this family is warm and complete, she can do whatever she wants, and she is willing to bear the burden of gossip and pointing outside for his brothers.

She cried so emotionally that she didn't realize that Liu Danqing had quietly come to her side.The moment Liu Danqing saw the photo, she felt sore and painful in her heart.However, when Cheng Yue found her mother by her side, her last string of reason was broken, and she finally couldn't help crying with her mother in her arms.

She said: "Mom, our family hasn't had laughter for many years, and my brothers haven't been with us for many years. Our family really hasn't been reunited for many years! Mom, I really Miss them, miss them so much, let them come back, okay?"