growing up porcelain doll

◎For a long time afterward, Gong Qing treated Cheng Yu with self-restraint and politeness, and said everything. Although there would be a kind of heart-piercing pain, when facing her elder brother

For a long time after that, Gong Qing always restrained herself and returned to courtesy to Cheng Yu, and said everything openly. Although there would be a kind of heart-pounding pain, she was more calm when facing her elder brother.I can't tell which way is good or bad, but there is no turning back when you open the bow. Since you have chosen to confess and separate, then you have to bear all the consequences. There is nothing to complain about. After all, people who have gone astray He is himself, and he is not qualified to ask the world to be gentle with him.

Cheng Yu has gradually learned to adapt in such an awkward life, but adapting does not mean that he can accept all of this calmly. He has experienced the depth of love from Gong Qing's phrase "save my life". Jue realized that she was the prison that Gong Qing could not escape from.He didn't want to see his younger brother's heart and spirit being tortured and suffering, but he couldn't really listen to Gongqing's words and give half of his love to Cheng Yue. He didn't want to and didn't want to.So he spent several months feeling uncomfortable with the care and love that he couldn't send out.He didn't dare to go to Gong Qing rashly again, he was afraid that if he was not careful, he would destroy the balance that his brother could keep, and let him fall into an invisible abyss.

The days are in a hurry and it’s another midsummer. Gong Qing often goes out now just to say hello to his elder brother and leave. When he comes back, if the elder brother asks, he simply tells the itinerary. If he doesn’t ask him, he won’t Take the initiative to say that they are not like brothers or friends, they are polite like two tenants under the same roof maintaining their politeness.They all knew that there was no going back.

One afternoon in July, Cheng Yu met an old acquaintance when he was relaxing outside. Today, Lu Yangyang is an editor of a youth magazine, and he can be regarded as half a writer. Cheng Yu met a calm and intelligent young woman, and Cheng Yu didn't recognize her for a while when he was stopped.

The two were chatting in the coffee shop. They talked about life, the past, work and study. The relationship between those teenagers was only six or seven years ago, but they felt that it was a little far away.

Maybe Cheng Yu was the bud of her love affair, but Lu Yangyang still couldn't help asking: "Are you talking about a girlfriend?"

Cheng Yu pinched the cup uncomfortably, then chuckled and said, "No."

Lu Yangyang looked a little surprised, and asked: "I didn't see it? Your vision is too high."

Maybe there were some ripples in the feelings when he was young, maybe those ripples didn't stir up bigger waves and made him feel at ease, or maybe it was because he had too many worries and was depressed during this time, Cheng Yu really wanted to pour out all the emotions in his heart In one fell swoop, Lu Yangyang is a good person to confide in.Instead of answering her question, he asked, "What do you think about homosexuality?"

Lu Yangyang was taken aback by this rambling question, but she seemed to understand something, and immediately smiled: "There is no special opinion, everyone has the right to pursue love, love has nothing to do with gender, it just happens to like people are of the same sex.”

She didn't explain much, but every word flowed into Cheng Yu's heart like gentle flowing water, and then melted the tip of the iceberg that was hidden in her heart.

For more than half a year, Cheng Yu has not had an easy time. He understands Gong Qing's concerns and her choice, but he feels that the distance between them is getting farther and farther. This is not the result he wants. When he belatedly realized that he had a strong possessive desire for Gong Qing, Gong Qing had already kept a distance from him.

The question that he never thought about is now always appearing in his mind-why don't you fall in love?

Yes, why don't you fall in love?Is it true that I haven't met the right person or have I never thought of falling in love with other people?He has been excellent since he was a child, and he is a "child of other people". How can a boy with good looks, good study and good personality lack the love of girls?He has seen many scenery along the way, but he has never been nostalgic for anyone. It is not that the scenery is not beautiful enough, but that his mind has never been here. There is no difference between high-rise buildings, so I don't care.His heart was full from beginning to end, but now he realized that the person who filled it was Gong Qing.

This discovery made him feel unbelievable at first, but recalling the past for so many years, it seemed that he was always clinging to him and demanding him.He gradually recalled the reason for those unexplainable sweetness in his life. It was not purely because they were relatives, but also because he liked Gong Qing's yearning and closeness to him.He never asked Gong Qing why he likes boys, because he knew that the person his brother liked was the one that shocked him more than anything else, but now he will not ask this question again, because the answer is no longer important, he is Walking on the road that Gong Qing walked before.

He has seen Gong Qing walking on the playground alone at night, seeing Gong Qing holding a book in the corner of the library for a whole day, and seeing Gong Qing busy and lonely in the laboratory alone , I even saw Gong Qing's helplessness and loss sighing alone.He had seen too many times that Gong Qing smashed her teeth and swallowed in her stomach. The loneliness and desolation on Gong Qing's body also became a wound in his heart. Seeing this gradually silent person, the wound would bleed.

Cheng Yu came up with a different idea, if this kind of forbidden love is wrong, then Gong Qing shouldn't be the only one to bear the pain of falling into hell, and this kind of feeling was born between the brothers, since the tension keeps getting deeper and deeper If it is deep, then go with Asura ghosts, at least there will be clean people in this world who will not be implicated by them.

But after thinking about it, he still couldn't help being timid when he took action. He was not afraid that he would become a laughing stock of others, but he cared that his parents and relatives would be stabbed in the back by others, and what he was most worried about was Parents know what to do about it.

"Who do you like? Do I know him?" Lu Yangyang asked again when he saw that he didn't reply for a long time.

Cheng Yu looked into her eyes, nodded and said, "Yes, my brother."

As if Lu Yangyang had already guessed it, he nodded clearly.

Cheng Yu was a little puzzled: "Aren't you surprised?"

Lu Yangyang: "I don't think so, you are a brother-in-law. I have been since I knew you, so I guessed it when you asked me the last question." She paused for a moment, and then said: "But you know you Will there be any problems together?"

Cheng Yu nodded lightly and said, "I know, everyone will think that we are brothers. Society, the law, and even my family will not recognize our relationship."

"Then do you want to continue?"

"Yes, because I love him." Cheng Yu's eyes were a little red, and he said, "I don't want to see him struggling in pain alone, he is already suffering."

Lu Yangyang: "This road is very hard, but life is for oneself, everything is difficult to be perfect, there may be criticisms around, but there are people who understand you like me, although we can do very little, But at least it can make you feel that the world is not as lonely as you think."

Lu Yangyang's voice was very soft, but it ignited a little spark in Cheng Yu's heart like a fuel for combustion, and thousands of words were contained in a "thank you".

At first, I thought that the long summer vacation could not bear the passage of time in the end. After a few times of sunrise and sunset, the vacation came to an end all at once.

Cheng Yu and Gong Qing bought tickets for sleeper berths at night, one in the upper berth and one in the middle berth. This position is really difficult for the 1.8 meter tall guy.

Gong Qing gradually became sleepy amidst the "clang" sound of the train, and her hand that was holding the quilt gradually let go and hung in mid-air.Cheng Yu didn't fall asleep, the dim light not covered by the curtains hit Gong Qing's hand, changing from day to day, making his hand even more beautiful.This hand once taught him to talk about the piano, this hand once held his arm to fall asleep, this hand once hooked his neck unscrupulously, the owner of this hand... I like it.

Cheng Yu raised his arm and gently pinched Gong Qing's hanging hand.

Gong Qing, who was about to fall asleep, was awakened by this soft touch. He subconsciously curled up his fingers, and then regretted his actions. In just two seconds, his mood went up and down like a roller coaster. Suddenly speeding up, and after regaining consciousness, the hanging hand froze there and did not dare to move.He greedily wanted to keep the warmth in his palm, but he was also afraid that his actions would make the warmth disappear.

Cheng Yu caressed Gong Qing's curled up fingers gently as if comforting. The place where the skin touches can be so hot. It's not like I haven't held hands before. Why didn't I feel so moved?

The two held hands like this for an unknown amount of time, and Gong Qing finally couldn't help but hooked his hands back and shook hands to test it out, but what responded to him was a tighter intersecting fingers.

The heartbeat at that moment cannot be expressed in words, like a lonely soul who is too obsessed with too much suffering and refuses to enter the reincarnation suddenly sees a certain place in the world and rekindles hope, and it is also like a dying person who suddenly catches the reflection of the light. A moment of happiness, worrying about gain and loss, intertwined with surprise and anxiety.Gong Qing bit her lips tightly and tried not to let herself whimper, but her tears already wet a small piece of pillow.

Cheng Yu seemed to feel something, sighed softly, picked up his phone and sent Gong Qing a message:

Don't cry, I will feel bad.

Gong Qing's mobile phone did not ring abruptly amidst the continuous "clanging" sounds, and did not wake up other sleeping passengers in the carriage.He picked up his mobile phone and saw the message from his elder brother. He had mixed feelings in his heart. After wiping away his tears, he replied with a message:

Brother, thank you.

Cheng Yu squeezed Gong Qing's hand again and then let go, and replied:

Go to sleep, sweet dreams!

Although Gong Qing was very nostalgic for the warmth in her palm, she still put it back under the quilt and closed her eyes obediently.

The next morning the train arrived at the station, and Gong Qing was still in a daze when she got out of the station. Recalling the holding hands last night, he always felt unreal.Holding hands, they have held hands since they were young, but after he clarified his heart, he paid great attention to such an intimate behavior, and after confessing to his elder brother, he never held hands again.So what now?On the premise that the eldest brother knew that he liked him, he held hands with him and clasped his fingers. Didn't he really think too much and have a beautiful dream?

He was absent-minded while pulling the suitcase. When he reached the stairs, he didn't notice that the steps under his feet almost stepped on the air.Seeing that his body was tilted, Cheng Yu quickly grabbed him, and hurriedly said, "You don't look at the road when you walk. There are so many people. What if you fall and have a stampede? Did you sprain your ankle?"

Only then did Gong Qing come back to her senses, and said, "It's all right, I didn't pay attention just now."

They carried the suitcases and walked down, but Cheng Yu didn't let go of Gong Qing's hand, the crowd was crowded, I don't know if anyone's eyes were focused here, but Cheng Yu didn't care.After leaving Nanshi, there are very few people who know them. He doesn't have to care about the eyes and thoughts of those who meet by chance. Although this place is not utopia, he is willing to give Gong Qing the warmth and love of a lover within his ability. happiness.

Gong Qing regained his sense of reality from the familiar temperature in the palm of his hand, but he became a little nervous and called out awkwardly: "Brother?"

Cheng Yu pulled him into the subway entrance, and said to him, "From now on, you can call me by my name when there are only the two of us."

Gong Qing's heart that had just fallen to the ground suddenly became lighter again. He didn't remember whether he smiled at that time, but only remembered that the ups and downs in his heart made him a little breathless. He loved someone for so long, but suddenly As if they don't know how to love anymore, the passive ones can only be pushed away by Cheng Yu.

When they arrived at school, Cheng Yu asked Gong Qing to put the luggage back in the dormitory and go out for dinner together. The two walked side by side on the busy street. Cheng Yu asked with a smile, "What do you want to eat?"

Gong Qing suddenly smiled at the thought of Cheng Yu, who had been calm since last night, and replied, "Hot pot, we have to celebrate."

Cheng Yu smiled brightly. He naturally put on Gong Qing's shoulders and wrapped the whole person in his arms. But when he saw Gong Qing who had bent down slightly, he clicked his tongue and frowned again: "You've grown taller again."

Gong Qing chuckled and pulled Cheng Yu's arm down, then put her arm on Cheng Yu's shoulder comfortably, and said, "Yeah, I've grown taller, so let me—" He After thinking about it for a while, I finally reflected on my unscrupulous performance from last night to now in this short few seconds. The thoughts that have been suppressed for many years finally felt that spring is coming, so I drew Branch germination can not help but speed up.He leaned close to Cheng Yu's ear and said softly, "Hold you."

Cheng Yu, who is calm on the surface, is not as straightforward as he looks. It is true that he likes Gong Qing, and it is true that he wants to be with him, but he really has no love experience. How to change from the role of brother to lover He doesn't know if it doesn't look obtrusive.But he is used to being an older brother, and he is the one who took the step and decided to get closer to Gong Qing, so even if he is also crossing the river by feeling the stones, he will take Gong Qing to walk there, and he can do it in the process. It doesn't matter if the stone that was thrown to ask for directions hurts, as long as Gong Qing can cross the river smoothly.

Cheng Yu was numb from the sudden whisper, and felt his whole body warm up when his shoulders were wrapped by Gong Qing's palm. Things that used to be sparse and ordinary now feel very intimate when he does them. The child was blown up to the clouds by the wind, making people panic and fascinated by the softness.

When Gong Qing looked down and saw Cheng Yu's red ear tips, she couldn't help feeling dry mouth.He coughed lightly and said, "Brother, your ears are red."

Cheng Yu thought that his heart was so big that there was no limit, but he really overestimated himself. He only felt embarrassed when he heard this. He couldn't bear Gong Qing's casual teasing.He secretly collected himself and looked at Gong Qing and said, "Really? It might be because of you blowing it up."

The author says:

Ouch, my mother, we are finally together, I am exhausted!