growing up porcelain doll

◎Although Gong Qing was already prepared and felt that he must have discovered something, but when the question was really asked, he didn't want to admit it

Although Gong Qing had been prepared for a long time and felt that he must have discovered something, but when the question was really asked, he did not want to admit it.What good is denial?How to explain the problems between the two people during this time?It takes several lies to cover one lie, and he doesn't even know how to cover such a lie.So he sighed and said, "Yeah."

As expected, Hu Cong said in a flat tone, "Is it hard to accept?"

This time Gong Qing didn't hesitate, he shook his head and said, "No!"

Hu Cong was a little surprised by his answer, and sneered: "Then why are you hiding?"

This question is really compelling.We are all smart people. When we figured out the situation, we didn't speak out directly but used actions to weaken this kind of feeling. It was already a silent rejection. We didn't make inquiries with much fanfare because we didn't want to embarrass everyone too much. But now he Ask him "what to hide" knowingly, what can he hide?

Gong Qing let out a long breath towards the sky, what should come will always come, since he opened the mouth first, he might as well say everything clearly.He took a deep look at Hu Cong and chuckled, "What do you think?"

Hu Cong was taken aback when he heard the words, he lowered his head, and his voice was a little hoarse when he spoke again: "I thought I hid it well, and thought that your change was just because you knew my sexual orientation after reading that magazine and it was difficult to accept, so you just came here. trying to hide from me."

Gong Qing was a little helpless, he said: "Since we already know your sexual orientation, wouldn't it be difficult to guess a little more? Before I knew your secret, I never had any doubts about our relationship. After your secret, I never thought of being thousands of miles away from you, as I said just now, your sexuality is not difficult for me to accept."

Hu Cong rubbed his face, smiled wryly, "So you can accept that I am gay, and you chose to distance yourself just because you can't accept that I am in love with you, right?" ups and downs.He sighed, and said again: "Actually, I should have figured it out a long time ago, but I'm not willing to admit this fact. I thought that if you didn't really speak up, I might still have a chance."

Gong Qing shook her head and said nothing, he felt very uncomfortable to have such a trouble with his good friend.

After a while, Hu Cong seemed to have finally made up his mind to make the last effort, he looked at Gong Qing with a forced smile, and said, "Although I already know what the result will be, I still want to make the last struggle. Gong Qing, I have liked you for a long time, since you can accept my sexuality, can you try to accept me too?"

The words were sincere, but with a little pleading, the boy in front of him with eyes full of seriousness and anticipation really looked like two people, Hu Cong who was always joking about what he did in the past, this was Hu Cong who he had never seen before.

His heart was suddenly pulled by something, and it hurt a little. Could it be that the friendship he cherished was really about to come to an abrupt end?His eyes were red for a moment, but fortunately it was night, and Hu Cong should not be able to see it in the dark stairwell.

He calmed down secretly, and said: "Thank you for your liking, but, I'm sorry. The magazine I found at your home last time really shocked me for a while, but after the shock, it's nothing. I don't feel disgusted. I can also accept your differences. After guessing your feelings for me, I didn't feel disgusted, but I was a little uncomfortable. This matter has been going on for more than a month. Such a long time is enough for me to think, if I I like you, so even if you don’t say it, I may respond to you secretly, but I don’t like you that way, I only regard you as a good friend and a good brother. Your kindness to me makes me uneasy and more disturbing I feel guilty, I can't respond to your feelings for me, so I just want to keep some distance silently, I'm sorry!"

The dim environment couldn't hide the gloom in Hu Cong's eyes, even though he knew it would be such a result, he still felt heartbroken.He knew the difference between himself and others when he was 14 years old. He was smart, good-natured, and popular. But at that time, he was young, and he never felt that this difference could cause him any trouble. Anyway, he didn’t have anyone he liked. , he has been so carefree and happy to get along with the people around him.Until I was in high school, in a crowded dormitory, I saw a boy pushing a suitcase and saying "borrowed". Slender, the scene of meeting at that moment became his dream for countless nights in the future, he knew that he was attracted to this boy.

He suddenly remembered what his classmates teased him before, and he couldn't help laughing bitterly: "They said they didn't know which window God closed for me when he opened the door for me, maybe it was the one of love!"

Gong Qing was silent and did not speak. Although he had never experienced the relationship between two men, he knew that this kind of relationship beyond the world must be very difficult. He suddenly felt sorry for Hu Cong.

The two walked out of the teaching building, and Hu Cong asked, "Then do you have someone you like?"

Hearing this question, Gong Qing's heart trembled, and inappropriately thought of a dream that happened almost a week after coming into contact with that magazine.

That period of time was the day when he was most in a trance, and the images that had finally been pressed into the sea of ​​questions would reappear in his mind uncontrollably every time he saw Hu Cong. flustered.I don’t know if it’s because he’s never experienced such a situation. For a while, he felt a lot of psychological pressure. During that time, he always had nightmares, and those pictures that he couldn’t finish thinking about during the day continued to appear in his dreams at night, and then A week later, at night, the two models he dreamed of gradually blurred into the silhouettes of himself and his elder brother. In the dream, he was awakened by a restlessness, and he opened his eyes suddenly, covered in cold sweat.

But what frightened him even more was the sticky wetness under his body.Teenage nocturnal emission is nothing new, but the object of his nocturnal emission was his beloved elder brother. For a while, he was a little confused about the situation, and also felt guilty and at a loss for no reason.

He thought, he must have been too nervous and under too much psychological pressure during this time, thinking too much about Hu Cong's affairs, so he would have such absurd dreams. Why didn't they have such absurd thoughts when they hugged and slept together?

He gradually adjusted his mood, thinking that if he settled the matter with Hu Cong, everything would be back on track, so he began to distance himself from Hu Cong, and then devoted more time and energy to his studies.After doing this for a month, the effect is quite obvious. Except for the relationship with Hu Cong, which still makes him a little awkward, those absurd dreams seem to have never appeared again.He felt sorry for his elder brother at first, but after realizing that it might have been just an accident, the guilt gradually disappeared.

But now, the memory that was about to be forgotten came alive again in Hu Cong's mind under the reminder of "then who do you like", which is not considered a reminder.He never thought that the person who appeared in the dream was the elder brother. He could say that he liked it, or maybe he didn't dare to think about it at all, but when he heard others talking about the topic of "like" with him, he really thought of it in his heart and mind. He was only forced to think about this question when everyone was the eldest brother. Is this really like it?Does he like his big brother?Having such a thought startled him, and then made him blush and heartbeat.Fortunately, it was too dark to see clearly, otherwise Hu Cong would definitely find out that something was wrong with him.

He clenched his right hand into a fist by his side and swallowed. Although he was flustered, he tried to remain as calm as possible, and he replied, "No."

Hu Cong nodded. His state at the moment is like a broken flower that has experienced a hailstorm. It is pitiful to be beaten by reality. It is so lonely that he can't lift his head. It is really rare for him to be so lonely.Gong Qing looked at his profile, although he couldn't see the sadness in his eyes, but he knew that Hu Cong was really sad now, he raised his hand to rub Hu Cong's hair, just like he used to comfort himself , but put his hand in mid-air for a while and then put it down.

They walked towards the school gate in silence. When they were approaching the station, Hu Cong said hesitantly: "Then...we will still be friends in the future, good friends? Are you still willing to regard me as your buddy?"

This is really an eternal problem, not only difficult for Gong Qing, but also difficult for Hu Cong himself.How can you be friends with someone you really liked?Knowing that my good brother has different feelings for me, how can I continue to get along with him like before?Everyone knew in their hearts that there was already a layer of separation between the two of them, and that they could not go back to the past. They just wanted to find a way to step down and have a reason to continue to stay by each other's side.

Gong Qing took a deep breath and then sighed heavily. He patted Hu Cong on the shoulder and said, "Well, we have always been friends. We will always be brothers."

Hu Cong looked at Gong Qing, his eyes could not hide the loss and sadness, he pursed his lips, knowing that he could not and had no reason to entangle "good friend" and "friend", "good brother" and "brother" Gong Qing is very worthy of the relationship between them for not letting herself leave his world. He can no longer push his feet and ask for too much.

The bus not far away was approaching slowly, he turned his head to look at the bus, and said to Gong Qing: "Well, your bus is here, pay attention to safety on the road."

Gong Qing didn't know what else to say in the awkward atmosphere, so she said, "Well, you too."

On the way home, he felt in a trance, looking at the street scene outside the car window, he felt uncomfortable. Why did such a good friend in the past become like this?Why did they say "they are the closest to each other in the past three years if nothing else happens" but they became no longer close in the second year?He obviously did nothing wrong, why do relatives and friends leave him one by one?

Why did he only think of his elder brother when he was so wronged and sad?Is this love?

Can't figure it out, can't figure it out at all.His brain is about to explode, he just wants to have a good sleep, maybe after a sleep, his world will return to the way it was before, he and Hu Cong are still good friends, and he is just innocent to his elder brother affection.

In the past, Gong Qing would call his elder brother to chat about WeChat or something on weekends, but this week he did nothing.One is that although the matter with Hu Cong has been resolved, he is actually not happy.The second is that he has some bad thoughts about who he likes in his heart. He feels that he needs to calm down now. That is his brother, and it is impossible for him to have such feelings for his brother.Perhaps those thoughts are just derivatives of the "Hu Cong incident". After a little more time, these messy thoughts should disappear.

When I arrived at school, I knew that Hu Cong must not have had a good rest these two days when he saw the two black spots under his eyes. blame yourself.But this is the case with emotional matters, if you like it, you like it, if you don't like it, you don't like it, you can't force it.

Hu Cong glanced at him and smiled slightly, took out a can of yogurt from the desk and handed it to him, saying: "This is the handmade yogurt sent by my mother's friend from Xinjiang, you can try it."

Gong Qing hesitated for a while before accepting it, and said with a smile, "Thank you!"

This "thank you" sounded harsh to the ears of two people who used to have a very close relationship. They had never been so polite before, but now they have to thank each other for doing small things for each other, which seems extraordinarily natural , but this will be the norm in the future.Hu Cong endured the discomfort in his heart, suppressed the constant sadness, nodded with a smile, hummed and stopped talking.

Holding the bottle of cold yogurt, Gong Qing felt uncomfortable.He opened it and took a sip: "It's delicious."

Only then did Hu Cong show a relatively comfortable smile.