Water lanterns and dreams in 1 nights

The white world returns to color, reminding myself that I am still alive.Even if one day his body/body is destroyed, I will still remain as his remains.Destroy me to save me, he makes me nowhere to hide, and I have to actively search for the meaning of my own existence in the emptiness, so maybe he can be called my mentor.Sadly, I wasn't the traveling companion, brother, or lover he wanted, at least not after what he did to me.I raised my left hand, which was always loosely placed behind his back, and handed over the things in my hand to my right hand. The silver shimmering razor was as cold as the moonlight. With my left hand, I grabbed his hair and pulled it away from me. Chill, he pressed the knife to his neck with one hand.Elo lazily combed his hair back with his fingers, his lips were as red as blood, and sighed, "I should have expected that there must be a reason for you to take the initiative the first time."

"You shouldn't put the knife in such an obvious place." I said as I tidied up the messy clothes, "You shouldn't be too obsessed with domesticating me."

"Whatever, honey." He shrugged, not caring that the knife cut his neck, "I'm glad you figured it out."

Blinking, I plunged the point of the knife into his neck, then slowly sliced ​​it open horizontally as deep as I could, blood spraying from the huge opening onto my face and clothes like a warm red fountain.I let go of him, and the razor fell to the ground with a clang. Elo struggled to sit up against the wall, covering the wound tightly with his palm, but I was steady, he was determined not to survive, and this only slowed him down a little. Die a little bit.

I opened the drawer and rummaged around. There were still some leftover cigarettes from Elo's last smoking. I found the mint cigarette we shared last time. He was looking at me, but his vision was distracted, and I wasn't sure if he could really see me, or if he was just keeping that motion stiffly.I took another big breath and went over to kiss Elo's cold lips, and he choked, which made his death much faster, but he did laugh and lip-sync to me. "I'm proud of you." He didn't make a sound, and if I spelled it correctly, that's what he said, and it fit his character.

Elo was dead before I could finish a cigarette, and I sat next to his body and smoked the rest, lit a second, and a third, until there was nothing left in the box, and I Holding the last cigarette in my hand, I saw some scrawled writing on the inside of the cigarette case. I opened the case hastily, and found that Elo had taken it apart, copied a little poem on it, and glued it back as it was. go back.

"And Piero, forgetting the mask of tragedy," he wrote, "through the pale fire of the moon and the flood of desire, those childish follies laughing in the breeze, I put aside all anger, from the sun-drenched window , dreaming of walking into that cheerful scene, the fragrance of fairy tale times." I threw the cigarette pack aside, sat on the floor and smoked the last cigarette leisurely.

Just grab Elo's hand to open the door and I'll be out, and if I go too far, I'll chop off his fingers to unlock it and he won't be able to complain.And at this moment, I don’t know if it’s a hallucination or something, I heard someone knocking on the door, and a woman called my name anxiously, and then I recognized the voice as Jin Dongshu.It was a long-lost, nostalgic voice.In this way, it is easier to leave.

Elo's blood spread silently around me, climbing up the fibers of clothing like a living plant.I put a finger on it, and leaned over to paint Elo's tightly closed upper eyelids, just like he did to me that day.Then I picked up the razor on the ground, wiped off the blood and dust with my sleeve, and pinned it on my neck.

—Just realize what you can do, and there will be no hindrances in the world.

Elo is right, the most frightening moment for a person is to discover his own abilities.

I shrugged and cut it without hesitation.And freedom is so sweet.

fourth night

63. Twins 01

The first time I saw Xiao Wu was nine years ago.

Since arriving in this life, all the previous good luck has been exhausted, leaving only the appearance of a poor family.He was originally the only son of an honest family in the township. He was doted on all the year round, and he never did any labor when he was an adult. Put on my soul and live in it.I used to grow up from a baby and suffered a lot, but this time it was a novelty. I guessed that I wiped my neck to be able to do this. Although the process was painful, it was very practical in my opinion, and I decided to do it in this life Will try to kill myself.

The night of resurrection was a cold early winter, there was no proper bed in the house, only an earthen platform built with mud, on which he fell asleep on weekdays.The quilt was thin, so I lay down with my clothes on and saw that there was still a piece missing from the ceiling, exposing the ultramarine sky and bright stars. The coolness soaked through the thin coarse cloth clothes.I think I should still have some mood swings, which are not obvious on weekdays, fleeting, and elusive. Even if I catch them, I don’t know what kind of emotions they correspond to, so I simply think that I have no heart.I didn't expect that killing Elo would bring me such a significant change. I judged my state of mind and thought it should be "happy" at the moment, but I just came up with this name, and my heart became emotionless again.

I had a dream that night. I had the same dream many years ago, but this time it was more specific.In the awesomely blue deep sea, the big fish far away, in the deepest blue and black, there is an ancient and terrifying pulse surging, my blood beats with every breath of "it" .I slackened my strength and told myself to fall endlessly. I just felt extremely relaxed, as if I had returned to my mother's womb and was wrapped in water with peace of mind. Everything was extremely relaxed, and I didn't have to think about anything, and I let myself melt into a misty wave of water.I glanced to the side through my half-closed eyes, and found that there were countless human figures falling like me, and one of them was hit by the water and turned over to face me. At this time, I recognized the face and the pair of eyes. It turned out to be my original real appearance.All of a sudden, all the bodies looked up at the sea surface, and when they took a closer look, there were countless dancing candles the size of soybeans flickering there.

I know that there are many types of dreams, most of which are the manifestation of the messy thoughts in the brain. There are also special dreams that can be used to reveal the past or predict the future. I don’t know what kind of dream this is. I even feel that my own destiny is closely related to it.But many questions can't be answered by thinking, I have to continue to wait for a suitable time, when the time comes, all I want to know will appear in front of me, and now I just want to take a vacation from a long forced life .

Before, I should be thinking about finding a job to make ends meet, save a little money, and make a decent living. Now that day is far away and useless. Young people are not afraid to travel more to see the scenery outside.Let's go, until we can't go any further, stop for a rest, or earn some money and then go on the road.The road is bound to be bumpy, and it doesn’t matter. I want to see with my own eyes everything I haven’t experienced before. It’s quite new. After living for several lifetimes, I realized that the world is indeed quite broad. I only knew this concept before, of course. I've done a few trips too, but this time it was total freedom and indulgence, I didn't have anyone else to worry about, and I didn't have to compromise for any other reason, and I enjoyed it.

There was nothing long in the dilapidated hut, so I put the usable household items into an old parcel, slung it over my shoulder and set out on the road.Since then, I have been on the road all these years, stopping and going, without a fixed destination, which makes me the most undisciplined traveler.If I want, I can go across the entire desert to see the beautiful exotic flowers that only bloom at night in neighboring countries; I can also climb up the snow-capped mountains and bury a pot of wine, and go to the mountain top again three years later to get drunk.Compared with other people, my biggest advantage is that no matter how resolute others are, they will lose their souls for at least a moment when the god of death is staring at their ears. Now I am still young, and I am really not afraid of death. Dangerous legends appear to me It was a tempting invitation from the unknown, and of course I readily obeyed, letting myself enjoy the unrestrained taste.

There is no place to stay, the old temple lacking bricks and tiles, the yizhuang where the corpse exorcisers stop at night, the dry bridge hole, and the worst time was extremely fierce lightning and heavy rain. The bones of the dead have been spent overnight, so the smell is certainly not good. You have to be careful that there are no snakes, insects, centipedes and the like close by. Fortunately, you don't need to be exposed to rain.It's a small price to pay for the journey, but I'm comfortable most of the time.It doesn't need too much money, and the four seasons are different and have their own fun.Once in summer, I found an empty house that no one lived in and spent the night. I climbed up the mountain steps before the sun came out. After a hot night, it was a relief to breathe the cool and humid atmosphere in the mountains at dawn. , Looking down from the top of the mountain, the jungle is covered with white mist, a misty river flows through the village, and from the scattered low huts, some of the white smoke for breakfast is already wafting, and the shepherd is blowing his flute far away. Driving a flock of sheep to graze, looking down from a high altitude, the flock of sheep is like a cloud pile swelled on the yellow dirt road.Then the sun gradually came out, and the dazzling golden light pierced through the white mist. The birds sang happily, and a grass-green grasshopper hopped awkwardly from one blade of grass to another.I like this quietness.

I have never been too far away from the crowd, but mentally I seem to follow