Water lanterns and dreams in 1 nights

What I want to do, I will accompany you to do it, never bargain. "

"Let me go for a walk." I closed my eyes and spread out my limbs on the bed, sinking down in complete relaxation, the soft cushions surrounded me like solid sea water.

"You have to give me an answer first."

Elo took the trouble to ask me for a small wish, a destination, something I really want to do instead of what I should do, "You say it, and we will set off."

I turned a deaf ear, and my body continued to sink, straight into the floor, into the soil, into the darkness, letting my breathing become light and slow, pretending to be a hibernating cicada in the soil, with an empty head and an empty body.I have been used to going with the flow for too long, accepting everything that cannot be changed and is customary.Just relying on instinct or without much effort, if some metaphysical things such as ideals and life are mixed into it, it will suddenly become profound and obscure.I forced myself to think about my heartfelt desire that maybe the answer was already there and all I had to do was dive in.

After a short sleep, I woke up and saw that the room was very dark. I glanced out the window and realized that it was dark. After all, it was this season, and the sky always darkened very quickly.I walked to the window and looked out, only to suddenly realize how absurd it all was.From the beginning to the end, the room I was locked in was opposite my parents' house. If the windows were not covered, I might be able to see my mother walking up and down in the room through the opposite window.I was always this close, and they died so close without making too much noise.This made me feel a strange emotion rising.Not sadness, because I don't want to cry; nor anger, which is said to be like fire, wild and bursting, driving people to lose their minds, and my emotions are not so intense.Elo was right, I didn't have overly elevated feelings about their deaths.

But that doesn't mean I don't care.

It took me days to remember that watch.It’s not really useful to me anymore, but I still asked Elo if it was fixed, he was watering the flowers, he stopped when he heard that, he took the watch out of his pocket and threw it to me casually, “Be careful not to break it again. "I put the watch back on my wrist, and the hands ticked forward. I thought I had no expectations for it. As soon as it returned to my hand, it gave me a faint delusion that I could still Back in the simple environment before, I never knew Elo.This feeling is as fragile as a spider's silk, unable to snare reality, and is soon torn apart.

I was depressed for a long time to sort out my thoughts, which was probably too long for Ello. He began to move pots of flowers into the house until most of the room was covered with sunflowers again, and the brilliant golden orange color brought in many inappropriate flowers. Lively atmosphere.Elo watered them every day, just watered them, and didn't care if they had enough light or anything.He stepped lightly from pot to pot, feeling the stems one by one to see if the stems were still upright, and discarding the listless ones and those with wilted petals.This process always reminds me of myself, and one day he will come over and touch my neck, disappointed that I have not come to a conclusion, he will deal with me, and the way of handling is definitely not more friendly than he treats those sunflowers.

And during this period, I figured out one of Ello's behaviors by the way, why he kept asking me if I was happy.His own curiosity is hidden in this repeated questioning. He doesn't know the so-called taste of happiness, so he inquires with me, hoping that I can share this wonderful experience, or try to experience the taste of happiness with me.He framed me, and secretly hoped that I would save him.He is everywhere, and he can't allow him to be away from me, nor can I take my eyes off him. He wants me to show that I need him every second, and I can't live without him. Naturally, he makes I hugged him, and compensated in disguise from this aspect. He wanted me greedily, even hatefully, and touched me with his devilish fingers.I complied with his will.Anyway, what is it other than entertainment?

After it was over, he measured the thickness of my wrist and lamented that I was getting thinner day by day, and then maybe the watch on my wrist that I didn't take off annoyed him, he touched the white dial and said, "Honey, you still don't understand this watch. How did the watch break in the first place?"

Once again, in his coded words, I completely threw that tiny hope into the swamp.

After that big show, Elo didn't kill people for a while. I learned to express my opinions without contradicting him.But no matter how long I stay in this room, I know this is not my home, but Elo seems to be confused. He forgot that he said that people can't have too much, otherwise they will be lost.

Alas, he loves physical touch so much, hugging me, entanglement with hands and feet is not enough, it is better to cuddle with lips and teeth all the time.Because I can't express myself, I satisfy his demands and hurt him at the same time. Sometimes I bite, and sometimes I fight with all my strength. He is not in pain at all, but looks extremely happy.It's not that he's enjoying the pain itself, he feels the pain, but making me hit harder, in his view, it's just a way of expressing intimacy, the more I abuse him, the more intimate he feels.When it was too much, he fought back mercilessly. After all, he was considerate, far from being humble.Therefore, I have to grasp the degree of being rude to him. He has never stopped giving me medicine, which makes my strength far inferior to his.

"Let me go out." I kept complaining to him, "It's okay to tie my hands, I need some fresh air, it's suffocating in here." After complaining a lot, one day, he finally agreed to take me out for a walk lock up.That evening he put handcuffs on me, half-supported and half-held me into the car, and drove straight along the road as before, passing through the bustling city center to the desolate suburbs.I barely opened the window with my hands together, and the wind combed my long hair wildly and coldly. I lay half of my body on the edge of the window, watching the sky turn red and dark, and the huge orange sun hung low in the outer suburbs. On the trees, the luster dyed the rows of white windmills standing in the wilderness red, and at the end of the field of vision, the pier by the sea and the shadows of the vague ships can be seen in the distance.Such a long-lost scene reminded me of my dilapidated two-story building, and I clearly pictured this scene in my mind: at dusk, I went down from the bedroom to the back door on the first floor, and the golden grass ears grew and grew on the wasteland. At the waist, I walked through the dense grass like wading a golden river, and then heard the sound of the waves, I raised my head, and the mud flats of the shallow sea were shining in the setting sun, and the evening tide was rising.

At this moment, for the first time, I have a very clear and profound awareness of what I need.My deepest and strongest desire, I thought I could obediently obey all the gifts of fate, but now I know that I can't do this at all, there are really things in the world that I really care about.

I miss this long-lost freedom. This kind of nostalgia is not only a thought, but also a physical need like drinking water and eating.My eyes are clear, when I accepted Elo into my world, and even ignored the subconscious intuition of danger, it was not that I wanted him to lead me, but I hoped to see from him how I should behave, so as to break free from my intuition. The invisible shackles on the body.While he domesticated me, I was also learning.By the time Elo sent me back to that tiny room, I had realized that if there was one thing in the world I wanted to have forever, there was only one way to get it.I don't care much about being guilty of it.

I urged Elo to release my manacles, and as soon as my hands were free, I pushed him against the wall, kissing him fiercely and groping over him, after so much practice, I knew exactly where to put my hands.He quickly became excited, kissed back passionately, and gradually took the initiative.He hugged me tightly and reached into my shirt, I arched my knees a little bit between his legs, he buried his fingers in my hair and pulled me closer to him and kissed until the two Everyone was disheveled and out of breath.He stared at me with hazy eyes, "Honey, you have butcher's eyes."

I told him that although we haven't figured out what to do specifically, we can go on the road first, and I am willing to go with him, "Just like this afternoon, you drive and I sit in the co-pilot. I didn't think about it calmly before, I didn't expect It doesn't feel bad."

Elo looked at me with a mysterious smile in his dark eyes and said, "If that's what you want, honey."

I thought I would have to spend more time talking.

He licked his lips and leaned over to bite my Adam's apple. I trembled and raised my head slightly. His hairy hair scratched my chin. "You always don't believe it, honey, after all, I love you." The slight licks and bites on the skin, the warm tip of the tongue gliding, he is really good at this kind of thing. "But the word 'love' is bright and false," he went on, "and I don't have that much noble stuff in my soul, if I had to squeeze it out, for example, and I could squeeze out a little bit of it. With bits of asphalt. I'm attached to you with the only bits of that." He deftly undid my shirt in sequence without taking it all off, then the buttons at the waist, the zipper of my trousers, he He raised his head and smiled casually at me, then buried it deeply.I held his shoulders tightly, half-closed my eyes, and let my thoughts wander endlessly.

Flesh/body and soul are always different. I thought about how much fear of loneliness was wrapped in Elo's obsession with me, and how much narcissism was mixed in what he called love.He wants to get rid of the long loneliness by shaping me. When life has nothing, no fear and no attachment, despise everything and envy everything, life is no fun. He has to find a partner so that the black