dust and ash

laugh and cry

The year I reunited with Zhuo Minhao, my grandfather passed away, and my guilt was greater than my sadness.

Grandpa was in the late stage of dementia and peed everywhere in the living room, and I scolded him several times loudly.Later, I couldn't stand it, my parents couldn't stand it, and my grandma couldn't stand it even more, so my grandfather was sent to the hospital to be taken care of by nurses.I visit him once a week and bring him meals.

My grandfather was just like that, an honest man, and he was a middle school teacher during his lifetime.

"Yizhi, when you grow up, you should study hard, be a promising person, and make some contributions to society." These are the words he said the most.

When I was young, my family was not very well off, and he would stuff pocket money into my hand as soon as I got out of school.Then listening to my grandma scolding him from beginning to end for various trivial matters, my homework is almost done.I don't remember the days when Grandpa didn't get scolded, and I don't know why he was scolded.Grandma always has endless reasons to scold, and parents can't persuade her.Later, my mother and grandma quarreled, a small quarrel every day, and a big quarrel every three days. Except for doing homework at home, I basically didn't like to stay at home.

When grandpa left, I couldn't see him for the last time.I just remember that when I came back from school, my mother said that there was a call from the hospital. Grandpa was choking on blood in his throat. He couldn't be rescued and passed away.It turned out that he coughed badly and vomited blood every time until he died.

I haven't had time to apologize to him, I shouldn't have scolded him.

Many people came to my grandfather's funeral, crying loudly. I thought I should cry too, so I did.

I gradually began to miss him, think of every word he said, think about the meaning of death, and tell myself that he is really gone, just like that.Occasionally when I wake up in the middle of the night, a mosquito or a fly flies in. Once I thought it was a butterfly, and I would imagine that it was Grandpa who came back to see me.I am not a superstitious person, I just like to think wildly.

Sometimes when encountering a little difficulty, I would think that maybe my grandpa is in the sky, looking at me and blessing me, so I would have the courage to overcome it.

Sometimes when I did something bad, I would talk to myself, for fear that my grandpa would see me too, and I would apologize to myself, I was so stupid.

Over time, grandpa has become my spiritual pillar, and I always think about how to make up for the past.

After Zhuo Minhao knew about this, he secretly stuffed a small note into my backpack: "Raise your smiling face and leave your shadow behind".

family change

It's about Zhuo Minhao's family, so I will mention my parents by the way.It was nothing more than an aunt playing cards who was a bit outstanding, and my dad took a fancy to it, and I caught them making out in private.I didn't dare to tell Mom, because I was afraid of hurting her. Anyway, she found out later, and quarreled with Dad several times. The most serious one was being slapped by Dad under the nose of many neighbors.Every night after that, my father never came home drunk, and my mother had to run out of the house every time to drag him back.

These are nothing, at least they were all fine afterwards, but Dad talked less.

The situation in Zhuo Minhao's family was more serious. His father had made a woman's belly bigger, and he was arguing with his mother every day about getting a divorce.

Zhuo Minhao didn't like to laugh anymore.

Called me one night and said he was dying.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Yizhi," he said slowly, "sometimes when I'm standing at a crossroads and those cars are driving fast, I'd like to just take a step out and let the car hit me, and it'll be over once and for all."

"Zhuo Minhao, what nonsense are you talking about?"

I seem to hear him crying.

"Zhuo Minhao, if you can't stand still, I'll support you. If you can't walk, I'll hold you. If you can't run, I'll carry you."

In this way, I chatted with him for three full hours, and he finally gave up the idea of ​​ending his life.

I wondered if I hadn't received his call that night, would he have disappeared overnight like grandpa.

People who used to be so energetic are now tired of the world and committing suicide, because they can't find a better way than to settle everything once and for all.

What I can do is too limited.Ai Mo can help the word is brutally realistic.

As long as he is still alive, he can still talk to me, and he will give me a second note: "In the deepest despair, meet the most beautiful scenery".I knew he would be fine.

answer

I asked him, "Do you know how high the sky is and how deep the sea is?"

He said, "I don't know."

I said, "Look how small we are."

He secretly wrote to me again: "Honey, take you to see the sea and the sky".

When it was written and when it was put in, I don't know.I only know that it will only be him and no one else.