Count and see that I have loved you for five years

Sorry! ! !

! ! !He said he wants you to persuade me, but I really hope you can persuade him, don't live in illusions, people should look forward, right, maybe I am destined to be his past, not the future.Please understand that he is only in his 20s, he still has a long way to go, my road has come to an end, I can no longer drag him down, maybe I am dead, but what will he do? ! ! !

(Note: The following is what Ziyi replied to friends)

1: Let me ask you, when I die, what if he is 30 years old and everyone else is already married and has a family?Does he want to live alone for the rest of his life?Are you going to die alone?

2: Maybe he will be uncomfortable now, but his future will definitely be better. I have no right to let him change my life for me.He never told me about his mother, because his mother is a Chinese teacher and has traditional ideas. His mother hopes to have grandchildren, but you know that it is impossible for him to be with me.His father passed away, I understand how important his mother is to him, he will get married after all)

3:! ! !I really have no right to delay him again and again.You think I don't want to see him become an old man?Think I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him?He used to be my future. In the third year of high school, I studied for him, so we were in a university. Maybe this is the last gift I gave him, at least for the past few years.Forget it, I am not qualified to talk about the future now. I know my mother wants me to go to the United States. Maybe I owed me too much when I was a child and now I just want to make up for it.You also know that sooner or later you will die, the reality is like this, and you can't change it! ! !

4: I really love him, there is no way not to think about his future, the society is too realistic, he still doesn't understand anything, I really hope that I can help him take care of everything, I don't want him to suffer a little grievance.

5:! ! !I don't know, I think tonight, maybe it would be nice to go to America. ! ! ! (Note: I have to say that on the night of White Valentine's Day, Ziyi sent several posts with his mobile phone in the autumn period, all of which were his consideration for the future of the autumn period, in a very desperate tone)

(150 eight)

Today he told me that he would go to the United States with his mother. It seems that he is determined to leave me alone, but it doesn’t matter. I will wait for him and spend time with him.

He is much better today, and he took his medicine on time, and promised me to go to the United States for proper treatment.

Her mother said that it seems that she wants to invest in the United States, and she will get a green card in about half a year

don't know what he thinks

I know that the medical care in the United States is better, but to be honest, I really can't bear him, I don't want him to go

Mine is here to take care of my mother, can't pass

I'm so worried about his physical appearance, I'm afraid that one day he'll go there and refuse to take good medicine

then i'm helpless

I will go downstairs with him to bask in the sun first, and I will follow him wherever he goes

a year or two are waiting

He is fine today and takes his medicine on time

But her mom isn't home these days

I have to go to school again

I don't mind leaving him alone at home

I don't know if it would be better to hire a babysitter

He really decided to go to America

last few years i don't know

last few years i don't know

will come back i don't know

I have selfish motives and I really don't want him to go

but i pretended to be great

don't make it difficult for him

Who knows I'm actually stingy too

I just want to be with him

I'm afraid no one will take good care of him when he gets there.

His mother seems to be very busy at work

and his messy temper

I'm the only one who can tolerate it

(It's been a month and a half since this post)

(150 nine)

(Note: After one and a half months, the autumn period came back, bringing bad news)

Let's leave

Maybe I'll delete the post when I think about it

I'm lucky enough to have known you for such a long time

son is also

I know you care about him, thank you

He went with a blessing

at least i was by his side in the end

he died in my arms

I blamed myself for a long time

Support him to go to the United States when he is not in good health

it was bad weather

small lung infection

let me lose him forever

i'm calm

He's getting cold in my arms

It's a pity that the doctor finally asked me to stay away from him

His illness will be feared even if he is gone

but i'm not afraid

I survived too

I used to feel that I would not be able to bear it

Never wanted to think about what I would do without him

Only now find out that everyone can bear it

I bear all the memories he left behind

I bear the laughter he left behind

I bear the pain of losing him

I will bear everything

as long as it's about him

I bear

life is really good

The big ups and downs pass, and the heart becomes ashes

He was really tired in the last time, he was so thin, I feel sorry for him

He had a lung infection and a tube was inserted from his body

But I feel that the pipe went straight through my heart

let me hurt with him

But I still have to smile at him

he can't eat

daily glucose

I really miss the old days

Such happy days are lost so quickly, really so quickly

maybe it's a good thing he's gone

no more toss

It is said that the one who stays in the world is the one who suffers the most

Then I will bear this pain

because he gave it to me

I cherish it.

He's finally comfortable, right?

As long as he can be happy,

Then I'll laugh when I'm in pain.

☆, 16

(one hundred and sixteen)

I don't know what will happen to me in this life

Sometimes when I wake up, I'm in a trance and he's still by my side

he is still breathing

he would smile and feed me

He gets angry because of how I feel

he will buy me breakfast

I can't stop crying when I wake up

heart tearing pain

i would like to die in a dream

I can't see the sun tomorrow

dream of him

He has me.

he's gone

My heart goes with him too

maybe later i will get married

Maybe I can't survive and jump into a river or a building to go with him

i still love him

i miss every day

have his morning and afternoon

say goodbye to you

should be farewell

I don't expect my gloomy life to step into the light

I didn't have time to think about him when I was the busiest a few days ago

Many of his friends are here

I just told them it was lung cancer

I know he's good looking

I accompany them to dinner, accompany them to the public fundraiser

I'm so busy that I can't stop, I don't have time to hurt

now everything is settled

Really, when I am free, the memories will continue

I don't know how to live anymore

I have no hope of living

life is like this

what's more fun

i just worry about my mother

she is home alone

So I'm selfish and really want to go with him

But I have to take care of my mother. She expects me to get married and grandchildren. These are too realistic

I didn't think about it before, because I had plums and

Now I've got nothing, nothing, I've lost the one I love

I'm afraid to think about the future, I can't even get through the present, how can I talk about the future

You advised me not to commit suicide, but if life is painful, what is the point of living?

I don't want to hang around all day, I'm really unhappy, I can't laugh anymore

I miss him, just miss him, I miss him so much, I love him so much, I just want to hug him

He told me not to cry when he left, I really really didn't cry

But now I feel so uncomfortable, it's useless to cry

Suffocated to death, he took all of my life

I don't have the courage to spend the rest of my life missing him and remembering him

I am even more afraid of marrying someone else and having children. I will not be a good father, nor will I be a good husband. I am just an empty shell now

I also just want to be Ziyi's lover and accompany him for the rest of his life

Maybe life is really too long until he gives up halfway, giving up on me and the whole world

I don't have the strength to hold on, the world is dark and it hurts to breathe

Mom, I'm sorry, I really don't have the courage to live anymore

it hurts

Dad left you, I should take care of you, but I'm so tired

He's gone and my life has been emptied

mom, i'm sorry

Maybe I can't hold on and go find them before you.

(160 a)

I went to many pharmacies today

Bought some Valium here and there

Now I have to eat this every day to sleep

in order not to dream

i'm afraid of dreaming

I have him in my dreams

The sense of loss of waking up cuts through my heart again and again

When I just took the medicine, I wanted to eat the whole bottle

I can no longer see tomorrow's sun is the best

maybe like you said

I have two families and I can't send a gray haired person to a brunette

But let me hold on like this, it's hard

I don't think I'm living a normal life anymore

can't restore

I now treat each day like it's my last

My account password has been told to roommates

Maybe I don't get a chance to say goodbye to you guys and let them do it for me

I'm having a hard time

I'm sorry for many people

But the only thing I don't want to be sorry is Ziyi

death will not let go of his hand

Sorry

Goodbye

sorry mom

I feel sleepy now

Ziyi, good night

I heard people say that An Ding's death is also very painful

will be awake waiting to die

feel a little scared

But it will look more normal after death

I do not know either

Son also

going to bed now

so tired

can't take it anymore

(160 two)

(Note: This is Ziyi's last post)

sorry everyone

I don't have the courage to take responsibility

think i'm a coward

Actually, I'm afraid of suicide

I'm afraid it'll be ugly to die

he won't like it

I'm going to find him

He'll be a mess without my care

I asked for leave in the afternoon

i checked online

□□ is the best

just a little bit

just a few seconds

Now that I figured it out, I feel relaxed

I am most sorry for my mother in my life.

But I don't have the courage, I really don't

I went to the chemical market in the afternoon and found the best

I really feel so much more relaxed now, I finally breathed a sigh of relief

Thank you all, can't say goodbye

My account has been given to a roommate

Maybe he'll say goodbye to you for me, if he remembers

You don't have to persuade me

i want to avoid responsibility

he's still waiting for me

he is such a stupid person

The cooking is also terrible

without me he would be starving and skinny

he's so skinny

I will feel bad if I lose weight

Ziyi may see you tonight

a little excited

Bless everyone here too

and also

Goodbye.

(Note: This is the last autographed post in Autumn. Autumn committed suicide, and after that, my roommate in Autumn posted it on behalf of me)

(160 three)

I'm his roommate, maybe everyone knows what the result is when I come, so I don't want to say more.

I am still shocked. People around us always thought that Ziyi went to the United States. His family is good, and her mother is doing business there.

In fact, we should feel it when he committed suicide in autumn. How to put it, when he came back from the funeral, he was in a trance.

It's our fault. I think it will get better after a long time. He was the same when his father passed away. To be honest, I didn't know they loved so deeply.

I always thought they were just for fun.

Ugh······

Don't worry, we will take care of Auntie. She has lost a son, but she has three more sons. We will try our best to take care of her.

He had a diary, and he wrote each of us a letter saying let me get the facts out with you, I'm a bit slow at typing.

Auntie took the diary away, so I can only give a rough idea.

Please don't blame him, don't say that he is sorry for his parents.

It's really not easy for him. I only learned about these things recently. He has suffered a lot more than others. I respect his decision.

Our roommate in the dormitory ate his breakfast for three years. Although it is not considered to have lived and died together, his relatives are our relatives.

How to put it, in fact, he has always blamed himself, he felt that Li Ziyi had to die because of him.

At that time, a girl in their class celebrated her birthday, and she asked him to go there for everything. After she finally went, the girl confessed to him.

Later, Li Zi also found out.We quarreled.We haven't seen Li Ziyi since then, so we thought they broke up.

I never knew that he rented a house outside to take care of Li Ziyi, alas.

After the quarrel that time, Li Zi also went to the bar, where it was very chaotic, and someone conspired to give him medicine, and then he fell ill.

Qiu Qi has been blaming himself all the time, thinking that Li Ziyi died in the end because of him.

To be honest, we are all rough, and we have never noticed anything unusual about him for so long, so I'm actually to blame.

I don't want to talk about other things, everyone just let him go, forget about them

thank you all.Someone came to inquire about him today, I am surprised that you found our school, but the dead are dead, please let them rest in peace.

I don't know who told you, but it's not convenient for me to reveal too much information, and those who know some facts, please don't publish it, keep it in your heart

I don't want to make it known to everyone, and it's also to protect my aunt, so let's take it as a story

The story also ends here

end here

☆, postscript

Finally stayed up all night and finished tidying up

Will correct some typos later

The article comes from screenshots and Zhihu

is a real thing

Qiuqi and Ziyi should be fine in other places now

In that era, two men were too bitter

Nankang Baiqi is like this, so is Peng Qiuqi

i thought a lot about why i prefer bl

love between two men

really too heavy, too heavy

too heavy to bear

I hope everyone is together because I like it

I hope that the eyes of the world will never separate those who love each other

I hope that the same sex will no longer accept strange eyes

I hope we are all brave and cherish the present

love who you want to love

The article is not for any commercial use, and the infringement will be deleted

Peng Qiuqi's story ends here.