father - home

Just now, I just wanted to get rid of Walter Foss's flattery, so I pretended to check the medical records.As a result, I noticed a detail that I had overlooked before, so I took out all the medical records, spread them out on the desk, and studied them carefully, smoking one cigarette after another.

A slight cough. "Do you want to smoke yourself to death, or freeze to death?"

As soon as I looked up, Zhaozheng stood in front of me with a full smile.

"Who told you to come here." I hurriedly snuffed out the cigarette butt, complaining distressedly.The room was full of smoke and the windows could not be closed, so I had to put my overcoat on Zhao. "Go! Go! Go back, it's cold here!"

Wearing a black SS overcoat over the Zhao gray prison uniform, it felt a bit weird, and I couldn't help frowning.Zhao was fine, and smiled frankly. "You don't need to do that?"

"what?"

"You really treat me like a doll."

This is a joke that Ernst often made with Zhao, saying that Zhao was my baby, and it was a very precious baby.

I poured Zhao a cup of hot water.

Zhao picked up the cigarette case on the table, put it under his nose and smelled it, and closed his eyes, his expression seemed a little strange.

He put down the cigarette case, turned around, and smiled slyly. "Does this happen every time you smoke?"

I nodded wordlessly.I have never smoked in Zhao's ward, but in the office, in order not to affect him, every time I smoke, I open the window wide and wait until the smoke clears before closing it.

"You know what? I smoke too."

I didn't expect that.There was no trace of smoking on Zhao's body.

"I didn't smoke at first. But, you know, if I don't smoke, my cigarette ration will be intercepted. Rather than being embezzled for no reason, I might as well give it to my friends myself." Zhao sighed quietly, a little nostalgic He said, "Just now I smelled the smell of smoke, and suddenly I really want to smoke."

I walked over, took a cigarette out of the pack, stuffed it directly into his mouth, and lit it for him with a lighter.

Zhao was smoking a cigarette while looking at the medical records on the table.Xu Shi hadn't smoked for a long time, and the smoke made him squint his eyes.He took off the cigarette, looked at it, coughed a few times, and returned to the medical record.

Although Zhao didn't understand those medical terms, he still recognized the word "death".I was anxious, but I didn't know what to say.

Zhao coughed again, put his left hand on the table, blushed, and extinguished the half-smoked cigarette.

I handed him the glass of water on the table. "You didn't come here to smoke a cigarette, did you?"

"Oh!" Zhao took the cup and took a sip of water.Only then did I remember the real purpose of coming here, leaning against the table and looking at me. "Just now, you shouldn't be angry. He has only been here for two days."

"I'm mad at you." I said angrily, "Don't you know your own body? It's so cold outside, you don't even wear a hat or scarf when you go out."

"Is it my fault?"

"Of course, is it my fault?" As soon as the words came out, I suddenly stopped.Yes, it's my fault!First of all, Zhao Zao asked me to help him shave his hair.I ignored it.I was obsessed with exercising my rights and restoring Zhao's hair to the way it was before the camp, when we first met on the platform of the Berlin train station.Then, because Zhao had never been out, and there was no suitable cupboard in his ward, Martin and the others gave Zhao the hat, scarf and a woolen coat they brought later and put them in my office. Lower level of filing cabinets for medical records and books.So, I'm not here, he can't get it.

I took out those things consciously. "Blame me! I should be blamed!"

Zhao smiled, took off my long coat, and put on the gray wool coat. "It's really cold here, I'm going back."

I wanted to go with him, but he stopped me. "No! Marty."

"Huh?" My heart twitched again.

"Walter Foss is very serious and conscientious in his work. You don't always come to the ward in the future. You don't come when I resume exercise." Zhao's voice became softer and softer.

"why?"

"I can't bear it..." Zhao turned around and went back to the ward before he finished speaking.

I can't stand it either.I stood at the door of the office and thought to myself.The office is only a dozen meters away from his ward. Could it be a gap?Can you still stop me?

After a while, Walter came back, and it is said that there are good things in the restaurant today.

As soon as I ate the dinner he brought back, I became nervous. It was lamb!

"That's right! Today's mutton is very good, the chef said that it is not often available."

"What did the patient eat?"

"It's also mutton. It's cheap for him. He is the only prisoner in the whole camp who can eat so well."

I stood up "swish", but hesitated again, and sat down again.

Zhao never ate mutton since childhood.After coming to Germany, he forced himself to eat everything.Usually there is no problem, but after staying in bed for a long time, my appetite is poor and my digestion is not good.I didn't know about this at first, but there was mutton half a month ago, and it was a good thing. I excitedly brought it and told Zhao it was mutton, and he ate it without saying a word.But the result was a stomach upset, and finally vomited up.I don't know this time...

I was worried, but it didn't pass.

Later, I restrained myself and warned myself all the time.But there are times when I can't help it.Sure enough, as Zhao said, it is no longer a kind of enjoyment, but has become torture.

Zhao was there, on his hospital bed, but I felt that every time I approached, he was retreating, avoiding me.He reads with his head down; when he looks straight ahead, his eyes will pass through my body; he no longer smiles softly and shyly at me; the gray prison uniform has covered him with a gray curtain, I can't see clearly, I feel less than his body temperature.My stay in the ward became shorter and shorter, and finally I stopped going.Even knowing that he is having a hard time getting back to his workouts, panting, sweating, shaking, and unable to stand, he needs my arms and my support.I still haven't been there.Only in the dead of night, I walked into his ward, tucked his quilt tightly, kissed his forehead, and watched him quietly under the moonlight... This is not his need, it is my need, and I can no longer live without it. Let him go.