[guard]

This night I was sitting on the sofa in the living room, and I didn’t go back to my room. It can be said that I couldn’t go back to my room. I can’t remember how I fell asleep when I fell asleep. Xianshu’s voice, I want to open my eyes but I’m afraid that Xianshu won’t talk to me if she knows I’m awake, so I continue to close my eyes and pretend to sleep on my side, I want to know what she thinks, Xianshu, I know you’re tired, Really I know.

"I'm really afraid to call you husband now, you know, I've called you like this for more than ten years, I think it's natural, but now I don't dare to call you, because the person you love is not me, and you love a man, I don't know how to face you anymore. I foolishly played a silly woman in front of you for more than ten years. In fact, I thought before that even if you have a woman outside, I will try my best to satisfy you so that you Looking back, but I never thought it would be a man, the man who once told me to give you a home to make you happy, so what I gave was not what you wanted, I am tired, I am really sorry, I think I have I don’t have the energy to love you anymore, I’m also a human being, I’m going to hurt, it’s really going to hurt, you know?…”

Listening to Xianshu's words, tears flowed down the bridge of my nose, "Xianshu, I know you are in pain, I don't know how to make up for it except to say I'm sorry, Xianshu, can you hit me and scold me? Seeing you like this makes me feel worse than death." It's more uncomfortable..." I couldn't help but say it.

"I'm sorry...I woke you up..." Xian Shu wiped her tears.

"Why do you have to be so good? Why would such a good person meet a bastard like me?" "Slap, slap" I slapped myself twice, the strange thing is that I didn't feel any pain, it wasn't that I didn't use force but the pain in my heart Physical pain has been covered up.

Xianshu took my hands, "Don't be like this, I thought about it for a day, I don't think I can accept going on with you anymore, I can't accept that my man is gay, and I don't know if my son knows their father is gay How should they face the long life ahead."

Looking at Xianshu's swollen eyes from crying, I know that what I have said is useless, "Xianshu..."

"Let's get a divorce! Let me take care of the children, so at least they won't be affected by you. My only hope lies in them, so I don't want them to follow you. You can come and see them anytime..."

"Do you really want this?"

"Should I continue to pretend to be happy? Let me continue to live with you and help you take care of your 'lover'? I'm tired, really tired..." Xianshu let go of my hand and turned her head out of the window .

I knelt down in front of Xianshu again. People say that a man has gold under his knees. I think there is a home under his knees. If Xianshu is willing to forgive me, what if I kneel and break my legs?But it was useless, Xianshu wanted to pull me up, "Stop kneeling, I will find a place to live after the new year is over." After she finished speaking, she returned to the room.I sat upside down on the ground. The family that was happy and complete yesterday became fragmented today. I didn’t fall asleep all night, and lit one cigarette after another. Until the morning, I may have been too sleepy to sit up and fall asleep.

I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, and someone rings the doorbell. I take off my glasses, rub my eyes and put them on again.I thought it was Lin Xiufeng who was ringing the doorbell again, so I got angry in my heart, so I opened the door and said, "Are you satisfied with how my house is now?" Who knew I was wrong again, it was Chen Xinhua, what the hell is going on? Me, people who shouldn't be in my house come to my house again and again. Could it be that the words 'Min Miao's home' are written downstairs in my house?Can you find me at any time?

"I'm not here to make trouble, I'm here to pick up Yan Jiasheng..." Chen Xinhua said politely.

"What? Pick up Yan Jiasheng? You pick it up as soon as you say? You disappeared suddenly more than ten years ago, and you appeared again when Brother Sheng graduated. You disappeared again when you picked him up from the hospital a year ago, and now you appear again. What do you want? You just want to take him away when he shows up, okay? What do you think he is? If you like it, just throw it aside if you like it or not?" I was so angry that I didn't know how to vent it, and even thought of hitting someone. Does he know that I have already done it for Yan Jiasheng? Giving my all?

"Are you here?" Yan Jiasheng's voice came from behind, I turned my head and looked at Yan Jiasheng in surprise, how did he know that Chen Xinhua would come?

Chen Xinhua probably saw through what I was thinking, "Yan Jiasheng asked me to pick him up..."

I was anxious when I heard it, "What's the matter, Brother Sheng?"

"Miao, I called him and asked him to pick me up. I have disturbed you for so long, and caused your family to become like this. I'm sorry...Actually, I...don't...would...love you..." The following four words say Very slowly and loudly, for fear that I could not hear clearly, Yan Jiasheng's eyes were red, I don't believe it, I really don't believe it, why does he acquiesce that he is gay and I also acquiesce that he is gay, and he doesn't have any feelings for me?At this moment, he became very strange. I ran to the bathroom without saying a word, closed the door, and leaned against the door, crying uncontrollably...

After a while, "Miao, I left and brought you too much misfortune. I can only say sorry...you must explain to Xianshu and live a good life..." Yan Jiasheng finished speaking outside the door, I heard Chen Xinhua said, "Let's go..." It took a while before I heard the sound of the door closing. I was sorry for everything I had done. The self in the mirror was so annoying. I punched him, and the mirror was rotten. bloody fingers...

Xianshu wanted to divorce, Yan Jiasheng and Chen Xinhua left, I thought of death, it hurts too much, my heart hurts too much, I can't bear it, death may be a relief for me... I picked up the glass and slowly "Xianshu... I'm sorry, take good care of the child, if there is a next life, I will pay you back the promise of my life." After finishing speaking, I closed my eyes and prepared to give myself an end.

"Dad... Mom..." "Woo... Brother, where are Mom and Dad?" At this moment, two sons shouted outside the door, and Min Xing cried, "Little Xing Xing is not crying, mom is here..." Xian Shu finally came out of the room. I came out to comfort my son, and my heart suddenly softened. I didn't even have the right to die... Who will take care of their mother and son after I die?I just put down the glass.

I never thought that it would develop like this. If I knew the ending, would I still fall in love with men?Will I still get married and have kids?For a few days, I was walking around like a corpse, and I didn't talk to Xianshu when Yan Jiasheng left. I guess she didn't want to talk to me either. I locked myself in the room where Yan Jiasheng lived every day, even if my son called me, I didn't answer.Lying on the bed where Yan slept and smelling his scent, is this the guard who said I guarded me 20 years ago?