[guard]

"It's five o'clock again without any surprises!" my colleague Tang Zhicheng babbled. I stretched and checked the watch in my hand that it was two past five o'clock. I made all the arrangements and archived them on the computer, and my colleagues have already left one after another, because the lights are still on in the private office opposite my desk, so I am still selling unpaid coolies, for no reason, because of him——Yan Jiasheng , my general manager is also my boss.

Tang Zhicheng is the most active person in our company. With him, we will never be bored, and there will always be new jokes. It is strange that he is not the first to swipe his card to leave work today. Instead, he leaves later. At the latest, I can’t That’s how he is, because I must be the last one to get off work every day (except for sick leave and not going to work). He passed by my desk, "Brother Min, why are you working so hard after everyone is gone? The one in there is very cold-blooded, and there won’t be many I'll give you a bonus! Your health is important! Let's go! I'll treat you to dinner tonight." He said it lightly, and then smiled maliciously.

Tang Zhicheng, the salesman of our company, is about 25 years old. He looks very handsome. He is a handsome guy. He has an iron mouth, which may be related to work, because the business needs to build relationships with customers. Only when the relationship is good will there be orders. , The relationship between me and all the colleagues in the company is not very close. After a year and a month in this company, I feel that I am not the same kind of person as them, so I built a wall of communication. , except for work needs, I seldom talk to each other, except for Tang Zhicheng, who is more enthusiastic about me, an insignificant and indifferent little fat man, and has some topics to chat about every day. At the beginning, he didn't have any special rejection towards him. only friend.

"I'm not going! You should ask someone else! There is still a lot of work at hand." I tried to dismiss him, still staring at the computer.

"Let's go! What day is it today? If you don't accompany me, go back and accompany your wife and children!" Tang Zhicheng knew that I had no intention of having dinner with him, so his tone was somewhat displeased.

"What day?" I looked up at his fair face with some doubts.

"Mid-Autumn Festival!" He opened his mouth wide.

"Oh..." I still echoed flatly, and continued typing on the keyboard.

"You're cold-blooded too!" He pouted, looking like a child.

"You're looking for me because you have no one to accompany you!" I looked like I didn't care, and even smiled.

"Brother Min, you are so smart!" After finishing speaking, he looked a little embarrassed.

"I can't accompany you! You should ask someone else!" I still replied like this, because he reminded me that today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, and he reminded me that this day is the day when I shed tears once a year. Take it with a smile.

Tang Zhicheng's expression was as dark as the bottom of a pot, "Cold-blooded animal!" He yelled at me loudly.

This phrase 'cold-blooded animal' startled the people in the office opposite me, the door opened, my boss, my manager, no... it was Yan Jiasheng who I had been secretly in love with for 20 years, finally came out.

Every time he appears, other people in my world are gray, but he is a luminous body. No matter what occasion he attends, he always has a steady and indulgent smile on his face, his self-confidence, charity and tall and mighty attitude. Fat body always attracts my eyes, and I am his ordinary supporter, maybe I am a passer-by in his world, or maybe I will be a little better than passing by, because I love him, I am very humble, because Loving him, I put myself in a humble corner.

Yan Jiasheng came out and saw Tang Zhicheng standing in front of my desk. He clearly heard that the voice did not belong to me, so he smiled, "Zhicheng, why haven't you left today's Mid-Autumn Festival?"

"No! I don't want to ask Min Miao to have dinner together! This workaholic doesn't mind if he doesn't eat with me. He has left his wife and children at home, and he doesn't want to leave work." Tang Zhicheng immediately changed his tone, obviously he wanted me to accompany him After eating this meal together, in front of Yan Jiasheng, he said that I am not a human being inside and out.

"Miao... You can't finish your work, you should go home from work to be with your sister-in-law first!" Yan Jiasheng's voice is always so shocking to me, I can't tell whether I obey or enjoy what he says, I am willing to accept it , but I can't show it too much, because I'm afraid of losing this opportunity to lurk and guard by his side.

"Well... just leave, I'm teasing this kid!" I winked playfully at Tang Zhicheng.

"Brother Min, you just like to tease people!" Tang Zhicheng was completely fooled by this, he was so embarrassed that he had nothing to say, and blushed.

"Brother Sheng, we're leaving, you should go home earlier!" I turned off the computer and stood up, patting Tang Zhicheng on the shoulder to signal that I was leaving.

"Well...see you tomorrow!" Yan Jiasheng returned to his office after speaking with that tall back.

When I swiped my card and left, I glanced into the lighted office. He had no idea that I actually wanted to spend the day with him because it was his birthday.

Tang Zhicheng took me to a Japanese restaurant, and he chatted a lot on the way, and told some jokes that were too cold to lose his teeth. I just smiled because my heart was not on me at all. After sitting down, I had sake, sushi, fish raw, It is estimated that this meal will cost several hundred yuan, Tang Zhicheng eats it with relish, I am a cow chewing peonies, I don't know what to taste!

I am a white-collar worker!A married middle-aged man, 35 years old, a bit fat, but not very fat, a wife and children should be a happy family for normal people, because people around me say that I am very lucky, but I am I don’t have the happiness that other people say, because I am a man who falls in love with a man——gay, I don’t know if I’m a gay, because in this society, I’ve never touched any of it , not because I'm a married man and can't afford it, but because I don't love all men, only him.

He is what I have been pursuing for most of my life. He is my childhood sweetheart and a brother who grew up together. He is also a middle-aged man, two years older than me, and slightly taller than me who is 1.7 meters tall, only 1.7 meters five Let's go!He is fatter than me, but he is fat evenly and looks good. At least I think so. He is the owner of Yisheng Company. He also has a family like me and two sons, which is different from me. What's more, he is now a successful man with a successful career, and I'm just a mediocre worker.

After a few cups, Tang Zhicheng began to get a little overwhelmed. Nonsense can be related to any major national affairs, but I never pay attention to it at all, because how the world changes, my life goals remain the same, and my inner affiliation remains the same.

The phone rang, it was Yan Jiasheng's call, answer, the other end of the phone "Where is it?"

"I'm having dinner with Xiao Tang!" I was secretly happy when I received his call, and I felt this way every time he called.

"By the way, did you give me the quotation that Guangchang Company gave us? I don't seem to have seen it." Yan Jiasheng's voice was a little forceful, but not serious.

"Uh..." I thought about it for a while, and I forgot where to put it, but it was clear that I hadn't handed it over to him, so I thought about it, "I'll come back and find it for you right away!" Hanging up the phone, I actually heard "No, I..." on the other end of the phone

Finally, I had an excuse to end this boring meal. Seeing that I was leaving, Tang Zhicheng bought the bill first and followed me out. "Brother Min!" He called out from behind.

I turned around and said "Is there something wrong?" My smile was very hypocritical, and I didn't want to laugh at all in my heart.

He seemed to want to say something, and looked at me blankly, for about a minute, "Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!" After he finished speaking, he turned and left, with a sad expression on his face, or maybe I was dazzled by drinking, so I ignored it.

I ordered a cake at a cake shop, and it took about half an hour. It was already past eight o’clock when I rushed back to the company. The gate had already been pulled down. It was obvious that Yan Jiasheng had left. I took off my glasses in disappointment. Wiping the sweat from my forehead, panting, I took out my keys and opened the gate. I didn't turn on the light. The whole big office was dingy, and I could barely see the way by relying on other lights. I went back to my desk Sitting down, put the cake down, unbuttoned the top two buttons of the shirt, and sighed long.

I took out a candle, put it on the cake and lit it. I held the cake and said to Yan Jiasheng's office, "Happy birthday! Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! I have always wanted to say I love you to you, but I am not qualified and dare not say it to you." , I am afraid that I will lose this brother of more than 30 years forever, Yan Jiasheng, I love you! Happy birthday!!" After speaking, tears still welled up.

For a man, crying may be shameful, because some people say that men do not flick their tears easily, and crying may be incompetent and cowardly, because some people say that the strong have no tears. For me, crying is my only vent and the only accusation , How can there be men and women in this world?Why does the combination of a man and a woman have to be the truth and true love?Haven't I loved a man for 20 years?Is mine not love?What is love?

I don’t know how long it took, watching the candle on the cake was lit, the tears stopped, I wiped my face, I turned on the light, went to the bathroom to wash my face, and smiled at myself in the mirror, “Watch by his side That's enough!" I went back to my desk, cut a small piece of cake, ate it, and wrapped the rest.

I turned around and was about to leave. At the moment I turned around, I felt unprecedented fear, because Yan Jiasheng stood at the door and stared at me with clenched fists. The cake in his hand fell to the ground with a "snap". I couldn't see clearly what was hiding in his eyes, was it anger or contempt?I dare not look at each other, but I think he must have seen the scene just now, and also heard the inner monologue that I have hidden for 20 years. He knows the secret that has been hidden for 20 years-I am gay and love The person is him.