dance like a butterfly

I hope that Lao Han and I will go on like this forever, without external disturbances, and we have nothing else to do.Lao Han promised me that he will not renew his term as the village head when this term expires.On New Year’s Eve, when the snow is flying and there are few people, in the pine garden outside the south gate, we stay in the cold and real space until the early hours of the morning. I want to stay like that until the morning light pierces the darkness. , until the world gives us the kind of recognition we want in our hearts.

But I obviously feel that is unrealistic.Because Lao Han loves me, he will stay with me until I want to leave.I can't be too selfish, he has a child after all, if Haohao wakes up and doesn't see anyone at home, how can I feel at ease?

When I got home, I endured the reluctance in my heart, kissed his face and drove him back to the old house, "Go to sleep in the old house tonight, it's past midnight with me, you should go back and have a good rest, Maybe there will be something else going on early tomorrow morning. Don’t you give New Year’s greetings to the military martyrs on New Year’s Day? Don’t you worry about someone giving you New Year’s greetings tomorrow morning?”

Old Han smiled and said, "Okay, bro, stay a little longer, and I'll leave when you're sound asleep."

I climbed into bed and quickly closed my eyes.

Lao Han sat on my bed and smoked, looked at me, and stretched the quilt for me.

I felt that Lao Han's eyes were still on my face. After a while, I pretended to snore lightly.Suddenly, I felt him leaning over, his face approaching.

Old Han must have wanted to see if I really slept soundly.Smelling the faint smell of tobacco on his body and the inexplicably familiar and alluring warmth, I really wanted to get up and hug him and say brother, you should sleep here, swallowed my saliva, and I continued to doze off.

"This child is really tired, alas!"

Sighing softly, Lao Han turned off the lights with a "snap," raised his feet, and tiptoed out.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

It's really difficult for this man who doesn't care about anything and is vigorous and resolute!Concerned about how many complicated matters, he can't sleep peacefully because of me on this New Year's Eve!However, the second sister-in-law is right, I should be sensible, and I have to be considerate of him. When he is no longer the village head, when Haohao grows up, and one day the children understand my relationship with him, we will have a happy life , as the saying goes, a long flow of water!

I tried my best to think of a better place, and my tears finally stopped rolling out.

But then I thought again, would Haohao and Meimei really understand Lao Han and me?What if they don't accept it?Don't look at them not saying anything now, once I get stiff, how can I settle down?The house at Yuxiangmen is no longer mine, and I have no way out now!This has no name or title, what can I do then?

Thinking of this, I immediately became nervous again.

I seem to have gotten into an alley with no exit, surrounded by the dark night, and I am so frightened that I have nowhere to go.In the past, one figure after another flashed in my heart, Guo Jingqi, Chen Hanzhang, Hao, Lao Lin, Zhang Wenqing, Lao Zuo, they shuttled vividly through my mind one by one.Those things I experienced zoomed in and receded like movie clips, and I sat up suddenly.

The room was dark and quiet, and I could almost hear myself panting.

I know that long-standing restlessness is starting to bother me again.I love Lao Han, really love him, without him, this world has no meaning to me, I know, even if I die for him from now on, I will be willing.So what am I worried about?Maybe, when Haohao grows up, with the improvement of knowledge and rationality, maybe the world will change, become tolerant and lenient to Lao Han and me, and can also recognize people like us.

I comforted myself like this again.

However, what did Zhang Wenqing and Tian Zhenzhen show today?Is it a simple meal?This question is really tangled.When Zhang Wenqing brought people to embarrass Tian Zhenzhen earlier, weren't they the same as enemies?What does Lao Han think about this issue?Is Lao Han so calm today because of Lao Han's tolerance?If Lao Zuo knew that Zhang Wenqing was with her, what would Lao Zuo do?Lao Han stopped me from calling Lao Zuo, what was he thinking and what would he do?

It's a complex problem that I can't solve, but I know it's all because of me.However, if Lao Zuo hadn't met me back then, and had met someone else, would he have divorced Tian Zhenzhen?If Zhang Wenqing and I had never chatted online, and Lao Han had never met me that night, what would everything have been like?

Like drinking fake wine, thinking of these questions, I have a splitting headache. I know that I will never have an accurate answer to these questions.By chance, it all happened, and I could be the one in the right place at the right or wrong time.

Tired of thinking, I lay down and covered my eyes with my hands: let it go, you can’t live, you can’t find it, you have to live tomorrow, I love Lao Han, it’s true!

I didn't know when Lao Han entered the door the next day, I was still in a daze and fell asleep.

"Xiaohui, it's time to eat! Big lazy cat!" Old Han tugged at my ear with a smile on his face.

"What time is it? Brother", I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Get up, come over with me to eat dumplings!" Lao Han urged with a smile, "After dinner, I have to pay New Year's greetings to others, so you should go too. Take this opportunity to meet the people in the village."

"Who is it for? I won't go. I went to the village and people want to gossip!" When Lao Han said this, I immediately lost my sleepiness.

"Who else can I give it to? Military martyrs! Don't talk about anything else, this one has to go. It's not easy to be a soldier, and every one of them abandons their homes when they are in their prime. Hey, let's not talk about it, you used to If you have been a teacher or a cultural person, you should be able to imagine the feeling. There is nothing to be afraid of when you recognize people. There are probably not many people who don’t know you in the village now. It’s okay to take the opportunity to walk around during the Chinese New Year. It’s also considered a contact As for feelings, who doesn't have a meeting, and it will save you from being alone at home on the first day of the new year!"

I said I couldn't beat Lao Han, so I went to wash up.

While I was not at the stall, Lao Han lit the incense candles in front of the incense table and kowtowed to the God of Wealth and the Kitchen God, Grandpa Land, and folded the quilt for me.

Just after eating the dumplings and putting down the bowl in the old house, Zhang Wenqing, Xueping and his group were already talking and laughing, surrounded by a well-dressed gong and drum team, and entered the door. Before they opened their mouths, the sound of gongs and drums was already shaking. There was a knock in the yard, and I just woke up like a dream: Lao Han was a soldier, and they actually started to pay New Year greetings to the military family from the village chief's house!

Old Han took out five packs of good cat cigarettes, and said loudly to me, "Xiaohui, open them up and let the big guys loose, one pack per person."

Meimei and Haohao also brought out candy melon seeds and Xifeng wine.I unpacked the cigarette sticks and handed them one by one, saying "Happy New Year, hard work." They smiled at me happily.Many people said: "The young man is very handsome, he is very good at talking and making things happen." I know that they are saying these words to Lao Han, not Lao Han, they don't have to please me like this at all.

Xueping presented the gifts they brought, which were nothing more than some pastries such as Red Star soft crispy Demaogong crystal cakes, a box of Taibai wine, and a red envelope with gold letters on it: condolences to Jin Wubai.The gifts of military members in every household should be the same.

This is a scene with a warm atmosphere. This atmosphere can make people feel a kind of warmth. It makes some people return to the lush and prosperous years of the past, and it also makes some old people remember the son who galloped on the battlefield and can never return.Still, soothing rituals like this are necessary, especially on this traditional day.

After staying at Lao Han's house for a while, I also joined their team.Our team is huge and lengthy. There is a long guard of honor with more than 20 people in two rows. The team members are dressed in bright satin and colored clothes and hold colorful flags. There is also a cameraman who takes pictures of the scene, followed by two cars. A truck loaded with gifts.I mingled among Xueping, Zhang Wenqing, the party secretary, Lao Han, and seven or eight members of the two committees. The task assigned to me by Lao Han was to take pictures with a Sony SLR camera.This is a good job. I am willing to capture the fullest expression on everyone's face at a moment, whether it is enthusiasm or tears.These expressions bring tension and interest to life.

Every household they said was almost the same thing, and everyone repeated these words mechanically.The Chinese New Year is like this, the enthusiasm of gongs and drums is noisy, but the lack of firecrackers is somewhat regrettable.

It was almost noon, and it passed like this.It was almost noon, and it was almost over. When we walked to the southwestern corner of the village and sat in a family facing north to pay New Year’s greetings, before we reached the door, Lao Han stopped and shouted: "Brothers and sisters, give us more energy, and we will return to the village." There is the last family of Zhang Dehai, everyone can go home and rest after the work is over! After dinner, we will go to the company to pay New Year's greetings in the afternoon, and everyone will get a red envelope at that time!"

When everyone heard this, they shouted hello, and the flags of the guard of honor were immediately raised. Those who had been knocking on the cymbal bowl all morning, and their arms were sore, cheered up even more.I remember that Lao Han once told me that for the enterprises on the ground of Yinshuifang, when the village pays New Year greetings on the first day of the new year, each enterprise has to break some water, and at least 3000 yuan will be given back.95% of the money goes to the village treasury, and the rest is wrapped into red envelopes and distributed to those who participate in the New Year greetings.This is a bad habit in the village. It is a New Year greeting in name, but it is almost like extortion.I smiled and asked, are Murakami people so greedy for money?Lao Han said with a smile that he learned from other villages, and he seldom gets involved in such things, and Zhang Wenqing usually leads the team.

Zhang Dehai had long stood at the door of his house looking here.This Zhang Dehai, 41 years old, about 1.8 meters tall, with dark skin and a chubby face, has only a thick tuft of eyebrows growing in the middle of the brow bone, but he refuses to extend to both ends no matter what. Extra funny.His eyes are not small, but the eyeballs are slippery, and his nose, which is said to be a garlic nose, is not full. When he smiles, his two front teeth stick out, but it has been yellowed by smoke.The whole face, as if it had been interrogated by God, was so unique that it was unforgettable.He was wearing a gray wide sweater and a black woolen tunic over the outside. It was a cold day, and he looked like a volcano about to erupt, and he looked very hot inside.

Old Han cupped his fists and said, "Brother Dehai, everyone from Murakami wishes you a happy new year!"

Zhang Dehai bared his front teeth, and said in a low voice, "Brother Han Jun, if you don't come, I will go over to your house to invite you today. My broken dad is back from Taiwan!" (broken, Shaanxi dialect, small mean)