dance like a butterfly

☆, 210

Having said that, Lao Han stopped, got up and took a cigarette to smoke by himself.

In the smog, he narrowed his eyes slightly, his eyes piercing through the smog became very deep, as if following a time tunnel, he returned to the early winter of that year, the cold winter that buried his first love.

I didn't speak any more, just waited there quietly, I knew he would go on.I also deeply know that this will make him have to go back to the most unbearable time when he was young, and he has never mentioned it to anyone with extremely complicated emotions.

He didn't speak for a whole cigarette.

He wringed out the cigarette butt in the ashtray on the bedside table, and he stretched out his hand to pull me back into his arms.Leaning my head against his chest and gently stroking my face with his hands, he fell back into memory again.

"Before I met Chen Hanzhang, I was not a person who would be easily emotional, and I never knew what sadness was. Although the life in the countryside was a bit bitter, I quickly adapted to the difficult life in the army. Even after joining the army, I was very sad. Be less homesick. Seeing a few urban soldiers secretly hiding and wiping tears during the Chinese New Year, I will remember that I have been away from home for a long time, and I will wonder if my parents often miss me. But at that time, the only thing I could do , that is, to write a few more letters.”

"I remember a lyric that said: 'I once broke my heart for love, why is it easy to wake up from a sweet dream'. Later, Chen Hanzhang really left the company to go to the military academy, and a series of things happened later, all gave It was such a big blow to my brother that I almost lost the courage to love.

Xiaohui, you don't know, when I met you, I suddenly felt the same feeling I had when I was in the army and just dated Chen Hanzhang!Brother often has heartbeats for no reason, and often feels a sour-sweet taste.At that time, my brother laughed at himself a little bit, how come he still has such a mood at such an age, isn't it a bit unserious?

Brother also realized that this is a feeling that I have been looking forward to, and this feeling has not been felt for a long time.So I thought, you are my only chance for the rest of my life, and I must not miss it again.do you knowXiaohui, I don't know how many times I have broken my heart in order to get this affection from you.

That time in Hua County, when you said the word 'breakup', my brother's heart seemed to be taken away suddenly and broke into pieces.The taste is really indescribable.That was the feeling I never had after leaving the army.However, that kind of sadness, when put on brother, who is running towards the age of 50, is extremely hurtful!To put it in a selfish way, I wished I could beat you to death, so I thought, even if I beat you to death, I can't let others take you away from me.But after all, I really don't want to be cruel to you. "

What Lao Han said made my heart ache, and I felt ashamed of my childishness and shallowness.Covering his mouth with his hand: "Didn't he admit his mistake a long time ago? Why don't you open which pot and carry which pot? Do you still want to talk about it?"

Lao Han grabbed my hand, bit my five fingers one by one, and said with a naive smile: "I can't bear to let the child not beat the wolf, so I'm rushing to talk today, brother just can't let your scar heal Forget about the pain!"

There should be no major surprises in the following story.

For Lao Han, the departure of Chen Hanzhang not only means the end of an unforgettable first love, but also makes Lao Han realize that in such a realistic society, it is more important to obtain a very pure comradely feeling from a lover. It is much more difficult to afford all material comforts.And deceit and betrayal abound like three meals a day.However, my old Han is a very harsh person for feelings, and he can't rub a little sand in his eyes.The comparison between a kind of expectation and the final result made my old Han really heartbroken.He was so hesitant, so hopeful, so lost, but so unwilling.

I finally understood why Lao Han, a dignified man, was as narrow-minded as a woman when dealing with the issue of Lao Zuo and Guo Jingqi, so caring and intolerable to others.I also finally understood why when Lao Lin gave me that valuable emerald butterfly, Lao Han was so furious that he couldn't control himself.

Isn’t the emerald butterfly that Lao Lin gave me now equivalent to the bag of milk powder he gave Lao Han at that time?Isn't it clear what is implied in it?

The winter in Qilian Mountains is very cold, and that winter was especially cold that year, at least for my old Han.

Chen Hanzhang was notified by the company that he would go to the division to attend cultural training as one of the three outstanding soldiers recommended by the regiment.It is said that after the three-month training and examination, two-thirds of the students will be admitted and sent to one of the few military academies in the country at that time.According to Chen Hanzhang's academic performance and cultural background at school, this kind of training is just a formality for him, allowing him to preview life in military academies.

In other words, Chen Hanzhang's ideal has finally come true, and he will become a very enviable army officer!

The naive old Han in my family was still kept in the dark at that time.Even when the sadness of parting was approaching, he was still happy for Chen Hanzhang.He very naively thought that since the two of them had already done what couples did, then one day he and Chen Hanzhang would come together again.It is true that according to his temperament, even if he becomes rich and wealthy in the future, he will not abandon his first love.As for Chen Hanzhang, he has long regarded status, marriage and family more than this short period of homosexual love.For him, life, material enjoyment and being envied by others are the first priority, and feelings will always come after this.

Parting is a word that can never be deleted from fate.When the comrades in arms were all smiling and sent off Chen Hanzhang to embark on the journey with envious expressions, although Lao Han was reluctant to let go, but at the same time felt sad, he felt a sense of pride in his heart. My silly old Han has already Treat Chen Hanzhang as his own!

Fire cannot be contained in paper.Even though Chen Hanzhang did everything right in front of Lao Han, he not only got a chance to be promoted, but also got the girl's favor, and at the same time tied up a naive same-sex lover, but after all, my old Han felt something.

Before Chen Hanzhang was about to go to the division for training, on the afternoon of the last Sunday the company spent, Lao Han just left the bathroom with a basin of washed clothes for him and Chen Hanzhang, when he saw Chen Hanzhang hurriedly follow the regiment The servants of the Ministry left.It wasn't until almost dinner that Lao Han saw Chen Hanzhang come back with a tired expression.

According to the previous agreement between the two of them, Lao Han and Chen Hanzhang came to the mountain again after dinner that day.The weather was fine that day, there was no wind, and the moonlight sprinkled the ground like mercury.The mood of parting soon drove Lao Han, and he couldn't wait to kiss Chen Hanzhang.But he felt that although Chen Hanzhang was also responding to him and cooperating with him, he didn't have the same passion as before.

It is this kind of "breach of faith" and "selling oneself for refuge" that made Chen Hanzhang feel himself a sinner for the rest of his life in front of Lao Han, and made him unable to hold his head up in front of his feelings.When all the original truths are exposed, that's why in the future relationship between the two people, this stubborn donkey who is half a head shorter than him can always dictate to him, but he never has to rely on his breath or look at his face reason for acting.

Closer to home.Chen Hanzhang left, taking Lao Han's heart with him.

After three months of training, Chen Hanzhang successfully entered the Xinyang Army School, majoring in "Grassroots Political Work".

At that time, except for the children of high-ranking military officials, there were very few people who could attend a military academy at their own doorstep.Chen Hanzhang, who originally joined the army from Xinyang, suddenly became the favorite among relatives, friends and middle school classmates in his hometown, and he became very popular.Although he has never let go of the infatuated rural boy in the military camp at the foot of Qilian Mountain, he spends time with his girlfriend from time to time during the holidays when he is busy studying, but he has little time to miss my family. Wait for his old Han.It was only when the impulsive desire in his young body was about to erupt, that he remembered again and again how much affection that little stubborn donkey from Xi'an had given him in a difficult environment on a small hill in the Qilian Mountains and physical comfort.Han Jun's vibrant body that fascinated him had satisfied his many physical desires.My old Han is often just a marginal person that he occasionally thinks of emotionally.

If my old Han just spent the rest of his military service slowly in lovesickness, it would be fine.Those who have hope can live strong in any place, for the dawn before the dawn.However, the tree wants to be quiet but the wind keeps blowing, and another round of emotional torture finally completely crushed Lao Han, making him understand how strongly modern material life corrodes pure emotions, and the damage caused by his wholehearted devotion to himself The injury may not heal in a lifetime.

When Chen Hanzhang's training was about to end, Lao Han was pulled from the class by the company headquarters and officially served as the company's correspondent.It is quite puzzling how this easy job that many grassroots soldiers covet fell on this seemingly quiet and not well-behaved rural boy.Only the cadres in the company know that this is the order of the head of the regiment, and no one will raise any objections.

Although the stuffed pie fell from the sky, instead of being happy, my old Han began to panic all day long.It's not because he hasn't learned to flatter since he was a child, and now he has to do the work of serving people, but because he is always worried about the appearance of the regiment servant.

He knew that there was no free lunch in the world, and it was impossible to "lose his virginity" last time in exchange for Chen Hanzhang's success and his own success once and for all.Lin Wenlong's bag of milk powder and the last kiss on his forehead made him realize that besides Chen Hanzhang, there are other people who have already developed a strong interest in him, and the next embarrassment may appear at any time.Therefore, after serving as a company correspondent for a month, Lao Han's weight did not increase by at least five catties as expected by his comrades in the class, but decreased.

A month later, Lin Wenlong's famous name was often mentioned by the company leaders, and Lao Han actually saw Captain Lin come to the company for inspection twice.But during the whole process, Lin Wenlong didn't even look at my old Han.And that daunting regimental servant never appeared again, which made Lao Han feel relieved gradually.

As they became familiar with the company commander and instructor, they no longer spoke behind the back of this simple and never talkative young man.From what they said, Lin Wenlong was a promising middle-level cadre in the group army. He was young, educated, talented, and had a background.

He does not mean that.Every time they talk about Lin Wenlong, my old Han is very concerned.He wasn't thinking about how to get close to the water first, but he was thinking: It would be better if he was transferred to the General Staff in Beijing.

The company commander and the instructor are also from the countryside, and they have grown to like my Lao Han, a young man who is hardworking and honest, although he doesn't talk much.This made Lao Han's living environment much warmer and more natural, and relieved Chen Hanzhang's psychological pressure after he left.

Spring is here in Qilian Mountains, and the weeds and shrubs are starting to turn green.

Spring is the time when all things recover, and it is also the time when people's physical desires flourish.Smelling the fragrance of weeds on the mountain, Lao Han always recalled the scenes when he was with Chen Hanzhang that made him manic.Whenever he stopped at the place where he had been passionate with Chen Hanzhang, he could not help but think of the thrilling feeling of those big hands walking around his body.Unbuttoning his jacket, he stroked his protruding chest muscles and the chest hair that made Chen Hanzhang envious. His lower body always pushed up his fat military trousers, and a feeling of eagerness to release was always hitting his young body. .

Since Chen Hanzhang left, Lao Han has gone through the stage of lovesickness and the stage of getting familiar with the new working environment, and he can finally calm down and think about his own thoughts in a familiar environment.

For him, a comfortable environment is not what he needs most, but the military line phone in the company headquarters has the greatest temptation for him.He knew that Chen Hanzhang was a busy man, even if he called him before, it might not be convenient for him to talk.But after he arrived at the company headquarters, he told Chen Hanzhang immediately that he wanted to let the other party know that now they finally stopped exchanging letters and could hear each other's voices.

In fact, Chen Hanzhang doesn't have many phone calls, and once a month is pretty good.He always happily told Lao Han on the phone what progress he had made, and what manuscripts had been accepted by which newspapers and periodicals.In the end, he always whispered to Lao Han: I miss you, I miss you often, especially when I masturbate at night, you wait for me, one day I will sleep with you naked!

Lao Han never said these explicit words, but when he heard Chen Hanzhang say this, his heart was as sweet as honey, and he often loaded the shells while calling.

My old Han is always bewitched by Chen Hanzhang's once-a-month phone calls that make him blush and heartbeat. Such a phone call is enough for him to savor slowly for a month or even longer.

For Lao Han, the living environment in the company is much more comfortable than in the class.The company commander and the instructor are also willing to leave their delicious food to this solid-eyed correspondent. Seeing his fair face gradually flush, his youthful atmosphere is also stronger.

However, only Lao Han himself knows that with the arrival of spring and the improvement of his physical fitness, his body that has tasted same-sex love becomes restless every morning, and his lower body is often uncomfortably hard.He had to learn from Chen Hanzhang, immersing himself in the memories of the two having an affair on the mountain top, expressing his irrepressible desire.

It's a blessing, not a disaster, it's a disaster that can't be avoided.

One night in late April, after dinner, my old Han was busy packing up a large pile of military textbooks requested by the company commander when he suddenly heard hurried footsteps behind him.

Before anyone could enter the door, the southern accent of the regimental staff came in: "Han Jun, Commander Lin has something to do with you, so I want you to go right away."

Old Han was startled, and before he turned around to speak, the orderly said in a hurry: "Head Lin is in the office, go quickly!", turned around and left after speaking.

Although it happened suddenly, Lao Han was mentally prepared after all.Pay off the debt, let's see what he wants to do with Lin Wenlong. Anyway, I am only a hundred pounds, a soldier, and the service period is almost over. At worst, I won't be able to stay with you forever until I get demobilized and leave, right?I also masturbate myself. I know who I have in my heart, but I won’t give it to anyone behind me. You can figure it out!

After getting to know Lin Wenlong during this period of time, Lao Han feels that everyone's evaluation of him is basically positive. With his personality and prestige, I'm afraid he won't do anything too much. He is just like me. Like Chen Hanzhang, he likes men.

Thinking of this, Lao Han went all out again.