blue marshmallow

Sitting on the bed for a long time, I mustered up the courage to unfold the thin letter paper.

"Xiang: Forgive me, I love you..." Tears rolled down my cheeks, this is your love for me, you made me cry.

"Do you still remember that day when we went fishing? When you put that naughty little fish back into the sea, I looked at your longing eyes. At that moment, I was shaken. Maybe I shouldn't be selfish and keep you by my side. I shouldn't To change your proper trajectory, to let you leave the familiar world that belongs to you, but I can't bear to part with you, the closer I get to you, the more I want to hold on to you, possess you, and possess you. My selfishness, ugliness, and cruelty all emerge from the bottom of my heart. I really despise myself." Shan, why do you evaluate yourself like this?I don't think you are selfish, ugly and cruel. On the contrary, you are tolerant and considerate. You can always move me uncontrollably.

"Xiang, in fact, there is something I have been keeping from you. I knew from the beginning that Lei Zheng was not with Li Zihang, but I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid that you would return to him, and I was afraid that I would lose him forever. You. But when I found out that you really fell in love with me, I no longer worried that I would lose you. I began to worry that I could not give you a better life. I was afraid that you would not be happy. Xiang, can you Do you understand this feeling? The more I love you, the more afraid I am not good enough to make you happy forever." Of course I know, because I love you too, and I hope you can be as happy as me.

"Until my selfishness hurt you again and again, but you accepted it willingly, which made me feel even more ashamed. Xiang, I promised that I would not let you follow me to the end of the world, and I also promised to love you for the rest of my life. I will do what I promised you.” I cried and shook my head, regretting asking him to make such a promise, Shan, I didn’t mean that, I just don’t want you to risk your life for me, I hope you can be mediocre. Ann is with me.

"Xiang, thank you for the love you gave me. You fulfilled the dream I pursued all my life and made me have no regrets in this life. Please forgive me, forgive me who can only love you from the bottom of my heart, and return to your original life , Lei Zheng has been waiting for you, I wish you happiness forever!"

I closed the letter, and my tears have dried up. Thinking about yesterday's decision to go with him with full of expectations, and now being alone, I can't help laughing. So far, I haven't passed the test questions about love once. But it's not my fault.

what is love?Why do Ah Zheng and Lu Youshan think that they love me because they leave me?Why don't they understand what I want?And what do I want?

I am confused, I have always thought that love is only when two people are happy, you love me and I wish, but there is love between me and them, but this is the ending?Is that the love I want?No, a voice in my heart answered clearly, that is not the love I want, so what do I want?

I want someone I love and who loves me to be with me forever. It can be vigorous or plain, but it must be together. When you want to hug, you can hug when you turn around. When we are together, even if we don’t do anything or even talk, as long as I know he is by my side, I will be very happy and at ease.

Is such a request extravagant?It should be, I shouldn't have such unreasonable thoughts about heterogeneous people like us from the beginning, I'm too greedy, so God will let me have it and then lose it, and will warn me again and again, I should awake.

I don’t know if I already have immunity, I don’t have the energy to cry bitterly, I don’t have the mood to complain and get angry, I just calmly accept and accept the answer from my loved one, I suddenly feel how I have become so submissive.

After packing the letter, I adjusted my mood and walked out of the room.

"Chu Xia, can you take me to the train station?"

"Why? Where are you going?" Chu Xia stood up in surprise.

"Ah," I squeezed out a smile, "It's been so long since I've been out, it's time for me to go home."

"Have you... thought it through?"

"Yeah!" I nodded vigorously, yes, I've thought about it.

He saw that I was determined to go, so he had no choice but to send me to the train station with a sigh. I didn't care about the sleeper berth on the express train and the slow train, I just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

I was sitting by the window, looking at Chu Xia who was silently watching me on the platform, my heart was churning, "Chu Xia!" I called him as soon as the car was driving.

"Xiaoxiang..." He ran after the train.

I reached out and took his, "will we be happy?" I was still greedy.

He squeezed my hand hard, his bright eyes were extraordinarily dazzling in the night, "Xiao Xiang, you will be happy, believe me, we will all be happy!"

Let go of my hand, I want to laugh, but I can't laugh, I can only wave to him vigorously, happiness, what a tempting word, I know, she will never be with me in this life...

I don't have any luggage with me, a bank card that Lu Youshan left me, and I also asked Chu Xia to give it to Xiaofeng. I only have the wallet, mobile phone and a watch that I brought on the wedding day.

That's all my belongings, I just regret that I can't go back and get the things Ah Zheng left me, but those things are meaningless to me now.

It was windy at night, and I closed the window and leaned my head on the window glass, with the dots of lights outside the window flashing from time to time in my eyes.

This is the oldest green leather car, because only this kind of car will stop at the county town closest to my home. The car is very crowded, the aisles and seats are full of people, and some passengers are still unattended while the crew is resting. I actually climbed onto the shelf to sleep. I really don’t understand why there are so many Chinese people. Why are these people running around when they don’t stay at home?Looking down at myself, I couldn't help laughing, am I not one of them?

Looking out of the dark window, my face is also reflected on the window glass, looking into my eyes, my heart has never been so peaceful.

The repetitive noise of machinery is the most suitable for reminiscence. Looking back on the experience of the past few years, I have experienced warmth and romance, but also experienced thrilling, harvested sweet love, and tasted the bitterness of loss. I grew up from a cynical The young man has become the current man with a calm heart, and his 29-year life is already exciting enough!

Enough is enough, it's enough to have these memories with me in this life, I can't ask for more.

Close your eyes tiredly, people I love, I hope you are all safe and happy!