our psalms

You still have your future...

What Lao Cao once said was so firm and profound.But it has never been frustrated. After the heroic bloom of love, the unchanging belief and persistence, including myself, behind the truth that I never thought would change, wavered bit by bit, and returned to the truth bit by bit, bit by bit. Little by little, he clenched and loosened his hands and told me that he would never give up again.

But I really want to tell him that in this world, if I still have a future, it is him. Never changed.No matter how many difficulties and obstacles there are, I can go on with strength, for the real and dripping smile that bloomed on his face.But I never thought that one day, I would also become a burden, and I would also become a hindrance to his life journey, those youths and today's status that he spent his whole life in exchange for.Although he said it was insignificant compared to me, I still couldn't allow myself to trample on the dignity he had bought all his life so casually.

Those rumors will always permeate the whole world in the casual wind.People don't like to think too much about what they are doing and what they want to do, but they are so happy to tell others about any slight move.

"It was mentioned by a patient in the Public Security Bureau while chatting." Uncle He still didn't have much expression on his face, and today's re-examination results were more serious than last time. "I don't understand how those people know. Could it be that you are going to make it public?"

"They finally started talking nonsense." Without too much explanation, I walked up to Uncle He and asked him, "How much longer?"

"what?"

"How long, how long can I live?"

Hearing my sudden question, Uncle He's eyes were obviously a little more surprised at that moment.He tried to pretend to be as calm as usual, and said, "Why do you ask that, silly boy, didn't I say you're all right?"

"Don't lie to me, you are really bad at lying, do you know that?" I still smiled.Uncle He suddenly became gloomy.

"Zi Cheng..." He raised his head and looked at me, his bloodshot eyes were moist, "Don't worry about what other people say, don't you want to go with Lao Cao, you..." As he spoke, he suddenly Unable to restrain his emotions, he burst into tears.

"Uncle He..." His appearance is enough to explain everything, but I still want to know the exact number, "Please tell me..."

"I will, I know I will." Uncle He wiped his eyes and continued, "I am a doctor, I shouldn't add my personal emotions, but child, how did I meet you... "

"Now the toxin has completely diffused in your blood, there is nothing you can do. After you injected the reagent, it catalyzed the movement of the toxin in the blood...so..." Uncle He said with a sob, "so ...it shouldn't be more than a year...every part of your body will gradually lose the functions it should have..." After Uncle He finished speaking these difficult words, he couldn't help but turned his back to me and started crying.

……

"Old Cao, you can handle this matter on your own. It won't affect you very well. You are an imposing director, and you will be promoted next month. How can you make the people trust you? It doesn’t matter to the general public, but you should know that people’s words are scary, Director Cao! Oh, no... I should call you Director Cao!” The political commissar of the Public Security Bureau sat in front of Lao Cao’s desk. The words made Lao Cao concentrate and become serious, but what he didn't expect was that Lao Cao's reaction was to laugh out loud.

"Hahahahahahaha..." Old Cao smiled brightly, "People's words are terrible... people's words are terrible. May I ask what wrongdoings Cao Yongwen has done in my life, what can I say, what can I be afraid of, Liu Comrade political commissar, please go back and tell the bureau that this matter... I am not wrong, how you deal with it is your business!" Lao Cao's smell of gunpowder was full of gunpowder, which greatly surprised the visiting political commissar, " What else do you want, Lao Cao, I don't want your life, I just ask you and your baby to come out to dispel rumors, you just need to..."

"Don't talk about it!" Lao Cao shouted, "I can't get Cheng'er to show up for such a silly thing, and I can't force my baby away from me for such a thing, Lao Liu, don't you It's a waste of effort!"

"Yes, we have no evidence..." Political Commissar Liu said, "but this kind of rumor...you should think about it for yourself, you are old enough, don't end up getting lost at the end of the festival! If it weren't for the fact that we are old classmates For the sake of this, I won’t bother to tell you these things, you should weigh it yourself!” Political Commissar Liu walked out of Lao Cao’s office angrily.Lao Cao stood blankly in front of the desk. After the office door was slowly closed, he slumped on the chair weakly, gritted his teeth and continued to smile.

……

The body gradually loses its ability and waits for death gradually.It is easy to understand, this is what Uncle He wants to express.

I thought I was not afraid of death, but in fact, when the word was really so close to me.My heart was still full of fear, I pretended to say goodbye to Uncle He in a calm manner, and helped him wipe away the tears from the corners of his eyes, in fact my heart also started to cry.

What does it feel like to die? This is the question I asked myself the most along the way.Why would I die? It's all self-inflicted, and it's inevitable.Every time I think of this, I see the shadow of Lao Cao, and every time I see the shadow of Lao Cao, I cry sadly.

The hardest thing for me is to say goodbye to him.Maybe I don't know anything after I die, but what about him, what will happen to him a year later because of my death?I don't want to think about it anymore, and I dare not think about it anymore, at least compared to the unknown death, this is the most painful for me.

When I learned that my life was on the deadline, my inner complex emotions were entangled at that moment. I seemed to be unable to find myself. I was so scared, really scared, and I suddenly wanted to ask why it was so unfair.