our psalms

The short lingering, the dawn of dawn seems to come faster and earlier.Opening his eyes, looking at the police uncle who was sleeping soundly next to him, the little boy became confused and struggled.He couldn't restrain the sadness and reluctance that hit him one after another in his heart. He didn't dare to recall that crazy and unforgettable night, he didn't want to think of Lao Cao's gentle and deep eyes again, and he didn't want to hear him call him Good boy, I don't want to call out those two words again - uncle.

Just watching silently, watching the moment when the light shines on the sky, he is about to bid farewell to the man who disappeared before his eyes.He doesn't understand what kind of psychology this is. He tries his best to convince himself that this is the most realistic and true love.

Even though he thought so, the pain and helplessness in his heart continued to destroy his young heart.

"Will you come again, Uncle?" When the last moment of separation finally came, the boy finally couldn't help crying. "You'll come again, won't you?"

"Of course, I will." Old Cao raised his head high, he didn't know if he didn't want to, or he didn't dare to look at the child's only pure and sincere tears, because he still understood deep down that such tears, He's not worth it at all.

When the back of Lao Cao gradually walked away under the light of the morning sun, the boy suddenly mustered up the last courage and ran towards him, shouting, "Wait a minute!" It took Lao Cao a long time to turn around , a little confused, but still with a dry smile on his face.

"My name is Luo Xiaorui, at least you must know my name..." The child smiled innocently, and after saying this, he turned his head and ran away quickly.

For the first time, Lao Cao felt a kind of inexplicable sadness welling up in his heart. All along, in his concept, people are only together for joy and pleasure. Apart from this relationship, everything is blank.But at this moment, he suddenly realized that such thoughts gradually began to waver, and he kept looking back and looking.When he really saw the boy who had run away reappeared in his rearview mirror, watching him silently and affectionately, he couldn't help but jumped out of the car again.

"Why haven't you left yet?"

"I want to see you go before I go!"

"Be good, be obedient, go back, I will come to see you again."

"Is what you said true, not lying to me?"

"Of course it's true. The policeman won't lie, will he?"

The boy then smiled again and turned to walk in the opposite direction.Lao Cao stood there and looked at him. When the child turned his head again, he wept...

The police uncle will not lie, but he lied to him.

After returning, those thoughts that had already begun to waver and blur once again occupied his whole heart. When he lamented that the boy was just an accident, or was not sensible at all, he realized that all the people in this world, all with the same sex Those who pursue and yearn for emotion wrap themselves in a strict and hypocritical mask. Only when they really sleep together, the gentle and longing eyes are real. After all this, step on their own After the long journey, the eternal smile, happiness and anger on the mask remained unchanged.Lao Cao stood in the middle, thinking that he was stronger than anyone else, and happier than anyone else. In this way, he could easily control and get rid of it.However, he didn't know that during such a long and tormenting process, it would only further catalyze his inner desire for truth and eternity. In fact, he should have thought that there would be a day when he would be bored and confused.It wasn't until many years later that the first person who gave him the determination and perseverance to love well appeared, the boy who was hiding in the corner, smoking drugs, tobacco and alcohol, when his eyes were full of fear and rebellion, but easily When he was influenced by Lao Cao, but easily fell in love with Lao Cao, but easily gave up everything, when he was so obedient and obedient.Lao Cao really thought about being with him forever, loving him, and protecting him.His name is Yang Xing.

Lying quietly in his arms, listening to his deep and magnetic voice, telling his past seriously word by word, when hot tears dripped on my forehead, I seemed to see Standing in the crowd one by one, holding a sign loudly looking for love, but had to hide in a corner and wipe their tears alone to find true love.I yearn for true love, but at most I can only pick up a piece of ice that is about to melt in the vast sea of ​​people.

There are many, many people in Lao Cao's life, and he also knows that maybe he has been one of many, many others, a passer-by, and will never return.But when he looked deeply into my eyes, gritted his teeth and told me with the greatest firmness, I was his last whole world.I didn't doubt or wonder, I nodded silently to him, wiped his tears, and told him with a smile that I was the same, but the sudden sadness surrounded me tightly.

I haven't seen Xiaodong for a long time. When I pushed Lao Xie in the wheelchair to his tombstone, I saw Xiaodong's innocent smile again.Lao Xie's face is getting older and older, even if he forgets everything in this world, he can't resist the ravages of time and the torment of loneliness.I said sorry to Xiaodong over and over again. When I was helpless, I almost didn't have the slightest strength to recall his true and persistent heart. In fact, everything about Xiaodong was just It is the most precious, without any confusion, without any unwillingness, even at the last moment of life, still so persistent and persistent, how many people in this world can be like him, even including me?

"The weather is fine, Xiaodong. Are you still lonely in another world, and can you still smile so heartily?" I put flowers on his tombstone, and Lao Xie watched quietly. Compared with before, he He became more silent and quieter, he couldn't even call out that "dong", his dull eyes were full of bewilderment and doubt.Perhaps, he also began to think about why he stood in such a posture among the world.

"Maybe it won't be long before we can be together again." I smiled lightly, "I can finally stop being entangled in those unknown and complicated feelings. But I can't bear him, and whenever I think of him Walking alone on the road alone, recalling the past alone, finding the light in despair and falling into despair again, I was so sad, I finally understood, at the last moment, why did you cry , not because your life is short and bumpy, but because I am worried that Lao Xie will live alone. I can’t help you, Xiaodong, I’m really sorry, there are many, many things, I’m really helpless, so helpless. Will you forgive me, will you still smile at me like that when you see me in the near future?" I shed tears silently, falling on the bright bouquet and Xiaodong's photo, still so innocent, Such an innocent smile.I slowly raised my head and looked at the flowing clouds in the sky, which one could have enough strength to carry these great and deep feelings, and which one was enough to carry the wheelchair, in the eyes of that old man, slipping quietly teardrops.

My name is Luo Xiaorui, at least he must know my name.I thought so, at least he will remember me.Someone who really, really likes him.I may no longer be able to face the world, the despair of my uncle and mother, the confusion of my classmates and friends, maybe they will stay away from me because of this, this eccentric and perverted person, at least let him remember that I am a person who loves him .

I thought I would just miss it like this, no matter how long I have to miss it, as long as I have such a memory to support me, it is enough.But why, God still didn’t let me go, is it really like that, people in this world who have feelings for people of the same sex, all made big, big mistakes in their previous lives, and they came to this world as punishment in this life of.

Why did that aunt hate me so much, why did she threaten me so much? When I knew she was my uncle's former wife, I was so moved. Two parallel lines that I thought would never intersect can finally intersect again, but she Why do you force me to do such a thing? If I do this, my uncle will definitely be very unhappy, so it is absolutely impossible for me to do this.The moment I saw him again, he was much older, and he may be bearing a lot of things. I don't want to be any burden to him, or hurt him.So I chose to betray her. I know that if I do this, it means that everything about me is over. Those things that can only be hidden in my heart will become the most conspicuous signs on me. I don’t care anymore, really I don't care at all, as long as my uncle is fine, it's fine.

He must love that kid so much, it's good to see him find his unwavering true love.And I, next, should face all the memories and future that belong to me.

"Wait a minute!" When I was about to board the return train, I didn't expect that the child came after me.Why did he chase after me? I should be his enemy, right? Why can he still smile so gently and sincerely.

"Wait a minute, Luo Xiaorui, I finally caught up..."