star chaser poem

-Fu Jing's perspective-

He will come.

he will come.

He will definitely come.

What if he doesn't come.

I do not know either.

Because I can't find him.

"Hey."

Fu Jing shuddered suddenly, and looked at everything in front of her again.

side of the stage.

The prelude to the opening music beat his eardrums regularly, and the alternately flashing lights passed his pupils, pulling him back to reality.

In front of him were overlapping palms and four questioning gazes.

"sorry."

He rested his right hand on the very top, and heard his frail voice completely drowned in the loud torrent.

"Please clear my mind."

"I know."

He responded without hesitation.At the same time, he desperately pinched the hand hidden behind his back, trying to use the pain to stay awake.

In fact, from where they are now, they can see the audience.

Fu Jing hid behind the curtain, secretly discerning the faces of the audience with different expressions in the first few rows - and then left quietly.

Today is his last day in Songshi.

The night after the quarrel.

Although he knew that going to the door at this time would only be boring, but he was worried that Xiang Shi would go back to school early the next morning, so he mustered up the courage to ring the doorbell.

Since he lived in this building, he has done this action countless times, as a matter of course.

When I was young, I simply used the doorbell as a toy, but I was too short to reach it, so I had to stand on tiptoe and stretch my arms.

When I grow up, I start to feel burdened. I know that I need to care about my image on the other side of the cat's eyes, so every time I press it down, I will nervously arrange my hair.

And now, among all Fu Jing's memories, it should be the most tormenting one.

The door opened.

The person who appeared was Xiang Shi's father.

Xiang Shi looks like her mother, but her demeanor follows that of her father.

Fu Jing recalled the time when she first moved here, she always felt that Uncle Xiang was a very scary person, as if he would reprimand her fiercely when he opened his mouth.

The first impression he leaves is that he is stern and unsmiling, but as long as you get along with him long enough, you will find that those are all illusions.

"There will be a mock test next week, and he was rushing back to school just now."

Hearing this, Fu Jing felt as if a bell had hit the center of her forehead, and she was so shocked that her eyes were filled with stars.

He held onto the door frame with difficulty, and the root of his fingers rubbed against the sharp right-angled edge, causing a burst of burning pain.

Maybe he noticed his abnormality, and a concerned voice immediately sounded in his ears: "Did you two quarrel? I think he didn't look very good when he came back."

Fu Jing didn't make a sound, but lowered her head guiltyly, staring at her toes desperately, for fear of being noticed more flaws.

"If that brat offends you, uncle will apologize to you on his behalf."

"The best friend he has had since he was a child is you. You will know how rare this kind of relationship is when you step into society."

Then, the other party patted his shoulder.

"Jingjing, you're done. Boys can't shed tears casually, you know."

He didn't intend to cry at first, but when he heard these few words, the last line of defense in his heart collapsed instantly, he could only bite his lower lip tightly, and nodded.

I should apologize to him...

Raising her head, Fu Jing looked at the sunlight coming in from the window in the stairwell.

He never knew that the mere two flights of stairs from Xiang Shi's house to his own house would be so long.

He had only taken two steps, but he was already overwhelmed. He simply sat on the steps, biting the back of his hand and crying silently.

The raging whimpers were all blocked in the throat.

He didn't shed a single tear when he was playing football and broke his bone, but now he is crying like a child who has been robbed of his favorite toy.

He thought he had grown up a long time ago, but the reality told him once again: when losing important things, he was still as helpless as facing the coming of the voice-changing period.

Hot tears rolled down his face, slowly cooling down and drying out.

Fu Jing rubbed her eyes with her sleeve and forced herself to stand up.

It's no use crying.

No one will get used to me.

The mobile phone is called every day, and it has been turned off.

Fu Jing even thought about going to Meishan to find someone in person, but she was worried that the critical period would affect his studies.

Every Friday night, he would run downstairs to find out if Xiang Shi had come home.

From the beginning of "I didn't come back this week" to "We went to see him at school recently", Fu Jing realized belatedly: He was waiting for me to leave.

He doesn't want to see me anymore.

The light from the spotlight shrouded Fu Jing in the narrow area in the center of the stage, as if locked in a transparent water tank.

An invisible force enveloped his surroundings, blurring the intense pain and struggle, making him unable to breathe and unable to move an inch.

Obviously all the light in the space is gathered here, but no one can tell clearly what his real expression is at this moment.

Can't sing.

Why did the sound break again.

The throat seemed to be resisting making a sound, it curled up tightly, hiding behind the cartilage, and refused to come out no matter what.

Fu Jing's hand that wasn't holding the microphone was clenched into a fist and hit the center of her collarbone hard.

Why can't you make a sound.

Don't you like singing very much?

He bowed his body and roared in a masochistic way of squeezing his throat with an aura that almost broke his abdomen. He watched his voice shatter into pieces and wither in pieces with cold eyes.

How that performance ended, Fu Jing didn't remember at all.All he knew was that before the curtain closed, he knelt on the ground alone, and the microphone rolled down from the palm of his hand, making an extremely ear-piercing whistling sound.

He doesn't care about anything anymore.

Packing things, clearing the venue fee, greeting the staff...Because it was the last performance before leaving, these trivial tasks became more time-consuming than usual.

Those who accompany them along the way always have to say a few more words in good faith, take group photos, and give gifts—Fu Jing ordered herself to be patient and complete these necessary superficial tasks step by step, but her mind has long been occupied by other things. Occupied, out of mind.

He was the last member to leave the backstage that day.

When Fu Jing pushed open the side door and walked out without any hope, she couldn't help but gasped.

It seems that someone...? !

It's still the old vending machine, it's still the bench with peeling paint.

The gifts and flowers in his hand fell one after another as he moved forward, paving a crooked track.

He burst into the darkness excitedly.

"Hello."

The figure turned around.

He stopped abruptly, and at the same time he clearly heard the sound of his breathing suddenly stagnating.

"Sorry, I know that waiting for the musicians to come out in the background will cause you trouble, but there are a few words I want to say to you anyway."

Standing in front of him was a tall young man.

He wore a T-shirt with an unknown band logo on it, and a black hooded jacket over it.

Because she was wearing a mask and hat tightly, Fu Jing couldn't see his face, but only a pair of tired eyes and thick dark circles. Just looking at him standing there, he could feel a kind of Feeling sleepy.

He was obviously dressed suspiciously, but his tone of voice was polite.

Fu Jing nodded in a daze, motioning for him to continue.

"This is the first time I've seen your show."

"You know, I like to hear you sing very much."

"Although it's the first time I've heard it, and I can't fully understand the content of the lyrics, it just reminds me of many things from the past."

"I was about your age at the time, and I had some setbacks that made me feel very lonely."

"Originally, I thought you were so young, everyone liked you, maybe they just liked your youth and appearance - these superficial things."

"It turned out that it wasn't. Just now when I saw you singing so hoarsely, it was as if I saw my scarred self in the past."

"You're talented, you're emotional. And what strikes me the most is that your performance resonates with the audience."

"You will definitely become a very good lead singer in the future."

"Let more people hear your work, and then use your voice to awaken the most important things to them."

After finishing speaking, the other party bent his eyes at him, and before Fu Jing could speak, the young man had already disappeared.

There was no one in the still watery night, and the flowers scattered at the feet exuded a watery fragrance. Fu Jing even suspected that the appearance of that person just now was just a short-lived hallucination.

I glanced at my phone, it was just after 09:30.

Fu Jing stood beside the vending machine, and the straight strips of light illuminated his extremely pale face.

From top to bottom, tea drinks and mineral water are placed in the first row of the shelves, carbonated drinks and juices are in the second row, and coffee is in the bottom row.

From dull and tasteless, to lively sweetness, and finally to stable bitterness.

He wiped the bench in front of him lightly with his fingertips, saw that his hands were dusty, so he simply stood and waited.

There are all kinds of exquisite paper bags piled up on the ground, but there is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled.

Fu Jing made up her mind early in the morning, no matter whether Xiang Shi came or not, he would have to wait.

However, until now, he couldn't help asking coldly in his heart: Even if Xiang Shi came, what can you do.

Could it be that as long as he said "I forgive you", this matter could be forgotten with peace of mind.

Impossible.

In the first few days, Fu Jing was full of thoughts: I want to explain, I didn't hide it from you on purpose, I have so many difficulties, I can't help it, I'm wronged - listen to me.

But as time went by, he gradually discovered that those so-called explanations were all excuses to excuse himself.

No matter how whitewashing and beautifying what he did before, it will not change the fact that he hurt others.

In the end, all I care about is Xiang Shi's own self, not Xiang Shi's own feelings.

A selfish liar.

The reason why I haven't told him about the band is because I know subconsciously that if I tell him, he will definitely not be able to accept it, and he will even leave me.

So cunningly chose silence.

One look in front of him, another look in front of others.

Both want it, and neither wants to let go.

And now that one has been chosen, why expect the other to stay.

How can there be such a naive thing in the world, let yourself take all the benefits.

Ten o'clock, 10:30, eleven o'clock, 11:30.

Finally letting go of the cell phone she was holding tightly, Fu Jing felt a pain in her jaw.

After fighting for so long, until today, he still dare not send a message to Xiang Shi.

The words squeezed in her chest were almost overflowing, but Fu Jing just let them continue to evaporate under the burning of guilt, and finally turned into gas and disappeared, as if they had never appeared before.

He pulled out a cold smile.

Look, it deserves it.

It's time to go home, after all, we're leaving tomorrow morning.

But he didn't want to go home.

Because once he returned home, it meant that the day was completely over, and it meant that the person he was waiting for would never come again.

The Plum Coast in the middle of the night.

Leaving the presents and flowers by the tidal flat, Fu Jing climbed up the breakwater alone.

Can't remember the last time I sat in this position.

Probably haven't been here since high school.In the past days, even sleeping time has become a luxury.

In memory, Fu Jing never seemed to come here alone.

When I was a child, I found the sea very boring, because there was nothing.

The scenery I have seen is always the same, so boring that it makes people drowsy.

But now, facing this sea of ​​nothingness, he actually felt surprisingly calm.

People will grow older, their appearance will age, their minds will shift, their relationships will break up, and the past will be forgotten.

But this sea still maintains its original appearance.

It's like he took his mother's hand to play here for the first time, like he accidentally dozed off with his pillow on Xiang Shi's shoulder, like he was alone facing the sea level of the night in a daze.

The characters in front of the set are constantly changing, but starting tomorrow, he will leave the scene in front of this azure blue background.

After you leave, you shouldn't be able to come back for a while.

Maybe after a long time, when he calms down, he will be willing to see me again.

As soon as there is a vacation, I will go home immediately to find him.

If he is willing to forgive me, I will tell him anything in the future.

As long as he calls me, no matter where I am, I will definitely do anything to see him.

no problem.

will not miss.

He said before that he would not take the test to other places.

This is his home and he will always be there.

Since she barely closed her eyes last night, today's Fu Jing put on a pair of sunglasses to hide her haggard upper half of her face.

On the high-speed train on weekday mornings, there are very few passengers.After sitting down, he stared at the scenery passing by outside the window without moving.

The sea was no longer visible.

"I ask you a question."

Fu Jing opened her mouth to herself, and asked Ji Yin who was sitting next to her, "Which part of piercing hurts the most?"

The other party thought that he just mentioned it casually, without even raising his eyelids, "The higher you go, the more painful it is."

He nodded thoughtfully, then took out a plastic box from his pocket and placed it on the small table in front of Ji Yin.

"Then you come and help me fight."

Disposable automatic piercer.

He dug out several bags of individually wrapped alcohol swabs and a marker pen, and handed them over.

Only then did the people beside him realize that something was wrong, and quickly sat up straight, frowning and looking at him.

Fu Jing stretched out her hand and touched the earbone above her left ear, "Hit here."

"You pierced the ear bone for the first time?"

"Can't you?"

Ji Yin looked at him for a while, trying to figure out what the man in front of him was thinking, but the pair of sunglasses blocked his expression and shut him out.

"This position is difficult to maintain."

Staring at the intact piece of cartilage under Fu Jing's finger, he explained: "I have a friend who still bleeds and inflamed for no reason after being beaten for a year."

The people who heard it were indifferent, and only smiled coldly, "When did you become such a mother-in-law?"

He took off his sunglasses, and without further words, he swiftly opened the box of the perforator, and handed the sharp weapon to the torturer himself.

A white bolt of lightning pierced through the cranial cavity.

The time for the metal to close is extremely short, and with a slight "click", the two transparent plastic parts fall down, like scales that have fallen off.

"How about it."

Fu Jing shook her head, indicating that she was fine.But in fact, the severe pain was beyond imagination, so that even speaking became torture.

The entire muscle from the ear to the corner of the mouth was so painful that it was completely paralyzed, and the fiery pain turned into extremely sharp sawtooth, tearing back and forth on his nerves.

He thought that tears were about to overflow from the pain, but in the end he just blinked dryly, like a fish without tear ducts.

I remember that a long time ago, he once asked Ji Yin why he had lip nails, and the other party replied that he wanted to use a drastic way to make his body remember something.

The inner emotions are too strong, but the physical pain seems to be an understatement.

The fingertips touched the ear bone of the left ear tentatively, and the cold and hard metal was firmly embedded with the hot and congested flesh, which was an unprecedented and strange touch.

He won't cry anymore.

Ji Yin handed over a mirror and asked him to confirm the position of the earrings.

The blood vessels seemed to be connected to a bomb, beating with the rhythm of the pulse.

Fu Jing tilted her head, and in the reflection of the glass, she first saw the left half of her face.

Not a trace of pain, nor a wave of anticipation, like the other objects reflected in the mirror, lack expression.

And above his left ear, there is a black crystal emitting a dim light.

The ear piercing hurt for a week.

Dressing and bathing have become the most troublesome things. Once scratched by the collar or towel, it is like being struck by a thunderbolt with severe pain, and the whole person freezes stiffly in place, unable to move.

When sleeping, I can't even lie on my back, because the pillow will hit the earplugs on the back of the ear, and I have to keep lying on my right side all the time, sleeping quite restrained.

But all of this doesn't matter, after all, after the wound is healed, you can wear beautiful accessories as you like.

No one would care about his bloody healing period, all they could see was the dazzling crystal on the earbone.

Only he himself knows that the reality is far less beautiful than imagined.

Even, the pain of loneliness will be more protracted than the brilliance in front of others.