Nana

I am Nana, you know, I have always liked you, very much.

Even if I'm drunk and crazy, I will keep calling your name. I can't imagine what will happen to me if we are apart. In fact, it took me more than three years to forget you. I almost moved a case of wine from the supermarket every week or spent the whole day. Smoking all day long, we didn't even have a reason to separate, just like that.

Let me think about what happened that day.

By the way, that morning we made an appointment to buy breakfast for colleagues in the factory at the breakfast stand.

You are very patient in buying one by one. Seeing how serious you are, I really want to act like a baby. I keep saying that I will be late. Why don’t they buy it by themselves.

You seem to be upset. On the way to the factory, you suddenly yelled at me and said loudly that you don’t understand anything, why are you so stingy for helping them buy, you just leave if you don’t want to wait.You are very fierce, I forgot to apologize, I just looked at you blankly and wondered if you are tired of me.

You didn't wait for me to leave by myself, I was terrified, and I followed you with small steps and small steps, and you carried a lot of things with big strides, I really wanted to help you carry them, but I didn't want to let you You saw that I was scared to cry by you, I felt so ashamed, I just wanted to cry when I thought of you annoying me.

The sky is cloudy again, the sky is always cloudy, happy is cloudy, unhappy is also cloudy.

We have been in a cold war until the afternoon. Because of this trivial matter, I secretly watched you and wanted to apologize to you.

At that time, you were already in the same class as me, and it didn’t take long. I was happy for a long time. We played and played while working. Sure enough, love needs distance? We have problems so soon.

When you found out that I was looking at you, you suddenly looked at me very angry and said, you are sick, why don’t you die, then you smashed the things around you to the ground and ran out.

The colleagues in the class were startled. They all looked at me subconsciously. I was very scared and ran out with you.

God, we skipped work at the same time, so willful.

Nana ran very fast. I didn’t see her at the factory door, and I couldn’t help it anymore. I was crying so hard that I didn’t even know what I was crying for. I just wanted to go home and sleep for a while, and ran across the road in a daze. I heard the sound of the horn, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, I ran across the road, but I couldn't stop, I want to go back quickly, I don't want to cry on the road, I feel so ashamed, Nana.

I kept thinking about your sentence, why don’t you die. After running home, I felt breathless and went upstairs. The more I thought about it, the more sad and painful it became. I sent a short message to apologize, and I said I’m sorry Nana, I also called but you turned off the phone, don't you like me anymore, because I'm too stingy.

Don't hate me like this, please, I'll change it, don't say such hurtful things.

Standing on the edge of the building with one foot hanging in the air, the wind was so strong that my head hurt, and the sky began to rain. I didn't want to jump down. I was afraid that my sister would see me lying in a pool of blood when she came back. And the heart-piercing appearance is not worth it.

After I calmed down and sat on the roof for half an hour, my brother-in-law suddenly came back to collect my clothes. He was not surprised when he saw me. It must be my sister who told him about my early return. My brother-in-law came to ask me if I was okay, but I didn’t answer. He didn't know what to do, so he said that you will go down later, it will rain heavily.

The wind is getting stronger and stronger, my mobile phone is playing the songs we like to listen to, my voice is hoarse, my hair is blown into knots, it is so cold, it is terribly cold, why is the wind on the roof so much colder than the one below.

I forgot how I got down, but my brother-in-law went upstairs again and asked me to go down.At that time, I was already very dizzy, and my whole body was uncomfortable.

In the middle of the night, I felt terrible, crying and shouting that I was not feeling well. My sister called my dad while crying, and my dad whispered something to me on the phone. At home, my head hurts all the time, I vomit whatever I eat, I never thought that my first love hurts so much.

When I asked for leave at home, Nana sent a text message to make up, she said sorry baby, because my mother called me to go back, I want to go back but when I think about what you should do, I will lose my temper when I am very upset, sorry.

I replied, hey, it's all right.

I'm so glad she's reconciled with me.

However, when I got to work, I heard news that was particularly depressing.

Nana said she was pregnant.

I asked if I want to give birth?

She said she would kill it.

I said so, when will I ask for leave?

She said please.

We were silent for a while, and I asked her if she could have a child after beating her three times?I have beaten the child three times for him, will I continue to love him?

She didn't know what to say and just hugged me.

I'm sad very sad.

I really can't take it anymore.

Don’t you like him, don’t you like me? Don’t have a child, don’t kill it, don’t kill it, marry him, start a family, Nana, stay with him, even if forced Let's be together too, Nana don't suffer, you should be together.

I decided to end the relationship completely, unilaterally, and it didn't affect her much, and maybe it should have been in the first place.

I have been working quietly for a few weeks, and Nai Nai still texts me as before, and my not-so-sweet replies are now all wishes and greetings.

Nana will leave a message in my space every day, saying that she loves me and wants to be with me forever and that she is sorry, it was cut off in those few days, during the days of abortion.

I thought it would take a long time for her to come back, but she came back in two days, everyone greeted her with greetings, I watched her smile slightly from a distance, and she smiled at me in the crowd surrounding her, we seemed to be still there It's the same as before, but I know in my heart that it will never be the same again.

She came over and hugged me gently, and I also hugged her, feeling distressed and throbbing.

It's only been a few days since I've lost weight like this, don't come to work and rest more.I said to her.

Well, the doctor said I didn't have a clean flow and had a curettage, so I came to ask the proprietress for an advance payment.

not enough?I give you.As I said, pinching her palm, my heart throbbed again.

She smiled at me and said yes, if it is not enough, I will ask you to borrow it.

But still didn't take any of my money, just don't want my money, do you not want to owe me?

Nana, have you taken anesthesia?I ask her.

She said no, not enough money.

At that time, I couldn't bear it at all, and burst into tears.

What about the man?Not with you?I ask her.

She said she couldn't stand it after coming for a while and left after hearing my call.

I hugged her very uncomfortable and said, I would have gone to accompany you if I had known.

She also hugged me tightly.

I asked Nana if you would separate from him?

She was silent.

I asked again, will you be with me?

......

You left the factory without giving me a clear answer. I heard from the proprietress that you went to work in the new factory and your boyfriend is fine.

I don't know what to say, blessing or what, no matter what it is powerless to say.

Since the day I asked Nana if she would be with me, we have not been in touch. Our personal world is constantly filled with new things, new beginnings are constantly pouring in, but it is tense for each other. Once Nana was in my space I left a message saying that she doesn't know me now and doesn't know what I'm doing or thinking. I replied that if you want to know, just ask me and I will answer you, but she didn't look for me again.

.........

Do you know that feeling, even if she leaves the factory and me, she still doesn't want to leave the man she always said she hates.

Nana, I am number one or he is number one.

You will answer me.

I think it's me too.

But why do you want to stay with him, is it more at ease and safer?

I can't give it, right?

I don’t know if this is a good thing, but after Nana left, the girl who said I was gay never said I was gay again, should I be happy?

Life in the factory became more and more painful. Whenever someone mentioned Nana’s name, I felt uncomfortable. After a few months, I couldn’t stand it anymore and resigned. I stayed at home and didn’t go out.

My sister saw that I was upset and bought me a computer. I started to officially enter the Les circle and met many Les online. At that time, Les was very cute. We all put our relationship first. It was a very difficult period in the gay circle. , It’s still the same sentence that mentioning homosexuality is like swearing, les support each other and encourage each other. We are getting stronger and stronger on the road of seeking true love. Our hearts are strong and brave. Believe in love and believe in miracles are our slogans. Now I think it will feel a bit outdated , but the feelings remain the same, and I am deeply moved by it.

☆, end chapter

I have no contact with Nai Nai anymore, no matter whether it is a phone call or a text message or QQ, I have no reason to look for her, what should I say?Do you want to ask Nana hello, are you and your boyfriend married?

Isn't that funny.

I can't help but use the trumpet to see her mood in the space. After separation, there is a girl in her space who is very close to her. She also calls her baby, the sound of my heart tearing.

You are very happy now, Nana, really.

The funny thing is that girl added me on QQ to accuse me of telling me not to hurt your heart anymore, oops, I am really speechless, Nana, you still like to be surrounded by people and love you.

I asked her about you, and I admitted that I wanted to know how you were doing, but she said that I was no longer qualified to know, so I said forget it.

Later, I don’t know why, your cousin and a lot of netizens in the group all came to scold me.

They say you are suffering because of me.

Whoa whoa, eh?

But why did you ignore me again when I mentioned that I want to be with you again.

If you are really suffering because you cannot be with me, then I am very willing to be with you, but you just don’t want to, so you suffer, I will love you.

Rear:

Nana, the ring you bought is yellowing.

You said you would buy me new ones that would never fade.

I was about to throw the yellowing ring out of the second-story window, and I really thought I had.

But when I was packing up my things that day, I saw it again, and it didn't mean anything anymore, just a yellowed ring.

A few days before I went back to my hometown, I saw you on the road. In fact, I met many times before that. You and your boyfriend, you and your girlfriend, you are very sweet now.

Seeing you is different this time. You walked in front of me by yourself, wearing a pink dress, and your hair was cut into a bob. I remember when you watched the TV series of Death, you said that the bob of the heroine at the end looks good. You want to too Cut it like this, you really cut it, it suits you well, the pink color suits you too, it looks good, you are very good, you don’t hide from me when you see me, and you don’t look at me, that’s good, that’s good ..

You have to be good.

Nana.

I made a great girl friend a few months after I went back, she was a good girl and was there for me when I was having a hard time, I was single all the time.

I don't know what you misunderstood, Nana, I saw what you scolded me, I don't want to be trapped in your affairs, after all, you are so happy now, I also think that's all right, I also let go.

It doesn't matter if you scold me for pretending to be fake, don't tell me to die, it hurts so much.

I keep telling you to stop liking the person who makes you miserable.

I tell you this all the time, Nai Nai I would be very brave if you were by my side.

Nai Nai, every time you tell me that he beat you and scolded you, it is me who loves you, every time you are sweet with your love, why am I the one who hurts again.

I'm not yet an adult, I don't want to feel this way, it's hard.

I think it's good for you to hold me and don't tell me about your affairs.

I'm complaining, I'm narrow-minded.

You see, no matter what, you and your boyfriend are together and there are many people to accompany you, but I can only be alone, and I will be accused by others.

Seriously, I kind of hate you.

After more than a year passed, one day I saw you left a message in my space, you said that we will be together in the next life.

There is no next life.I said,

So it is a lie to say forever and the next life, you answer me.

Nana, during the time I loved you, I really loved you seriously and without regrets. I love you very much. I have no regrets and I don’t feel that I owe you anything. If it’s because I didn’t fulfill the vow of being together forever If it's my fault, I don't think it's all my fault.

Everything is still headed by your happiness, but it has nothing to do with me.

Joey's words:

Thank you for reading my story, thank you very much, I have been holding back in my heart and feel very uncomfortable. I have no friends, and my relatives don’t care about me. I don’t know how to endure too many emotions. Writing it down will make me feel better. Thank you everyone.

Now I'm an adult, in my twenties, I've done nothing, I'm lazy all day, I'm still single, haha,

It has been more than five years since I knew Les and confirmed that I am Les. I don’t regret taking this path. I am very happy and happy. Although I have been lonely all the time, I long for eternal love. I am waiting, and I believe there will be , even if I keep getting hurt, I have to wait.

The feelings for Nana have faded, and now I only think of her when I write these memories, and I have no other thoughts in my heart. The time is really cool and dilutes many uncomfortable things.

Therefore, Nana and I have nothing to say.

end.

thank you all.