Stubborn illness

"Hey, it's so cold, why are you standing here alone?"

"Nothing, just come out for a walk."

It was snowing that day, and it was snowing heavily. In the morning, the boy heard that L and a girl went to Fuxingmen. The girl went first, and L followed.In the afternoon, the boy was back and forth at the school gate, pacing non-stop, rubbing his palms, shrinking his neck, as if he had lost some precious item, lowered his head and looked up, as if he was looking for it.

From a distance, he saw L walking towards him alone, also rubbing his hands, shrinking his neck, strutting with his head bowed, without looking sideways, as he approached him, the boy called him loudly, he was surprised, stopped, and was at a loss for a few seconds , Turning his head to look around, the surroundings are quiet, even the shops on both sides of the road are closed.

L took a deep breath, stretched out his hands to wrap around the boy's shoulders, and patted the boy's left shoulder vigorously a few times: "Let's go, go back to school, it's too cold outside."

"Well, let's go." The boy followed behind, although the pace was much slower, but the depression of the whole day disappeared, replaced by joy, quietness, and steadfastness.

This is obviously the feeling of being in love. This feeling is becoming more and more obvious and stronger. The boy knows it, not at this moment. As for when it originated, think carefully:

The boy likes to read L’s newspaper on the blackboard. On Sundays, other classmates go out to play. There are only L and Xiami in the classroom. His calligraphy is well-proportioned, well-proportioned, neat, vigorous, and he is also asked to write on the school banners. He writes with a brush for sweeping paint, which is majestic and domineering.

The boy likes to watch him play football in the playground, wearing a pair of low-quality mid-length shorts bought from the Xidan Wholesale Market, running wildly in the large playground with bare sand and gravel. His football skills are not good, but he has enthusiasm , A volley, the ball flew, the pants were torn, croak!At the crotch, there was a piece of arched and concave-convex flower cloth, I saw him squatting down, covering it with force, turning his head shyly, seeing no girls around, standing up again, opening it generously, facing the The crowd gathered around to watch the excitement: "Oh ho ho, oh ho ho." Like a shy or estrous male monkey, he shook his arms and walked around the field.

In the dormitory, the boy likes to listen to him playing and singing. The flute and the erhu can make a pleasant sound in his hands, plus Lao Zhang’s guitar, harmonica, classical and modern, folk music with Western, the two are well-organized, but they also complement each other Cheng Hui.

He can also play Tai Chi with both hands. In an open place, he wears a pair of soft black trousers and a thin dark red sweetheart-neck wool sweater. He ties up his horse stance, throws his arms away, and follows the palms of his hands with his eyes. , leisurely, the breath comes from the dantian, eyes slightly closed, moving like a snake, quiet like an ancient clock, sending and receiving strength, full of charm.

The most touching thing is that when I go home during the winter vacation, I always take the train at night. From the school to the West Railway Station, it is not advisable to take a bus with large bags and small bags. You can only take a taxi. Four or five people gather together. They go to stop the bus, but they can’t stop at the school gate. When I arrived, I ran outside, walked for ten, twenty, ten minutes, to the intersection outside, and stopped back: "Come on, come on, hurry up, let them go first, ehhhhh, where is little X?" He would snatch the boy's luggage over there, put it on his shoulders, and deliver it to the car, and he would give instructions.

"Fuck you, this guy." Lao Zhang, who was always as serious as a regular army, was also teased by him like a lady, and he smiled, but his mouth was not polite.

The boy was on the upper bunk, and he had a panoramic view of all of L's actions. Over time, some forms turned into specific thoughts, and some thoughts aroused hidden desires.

The craziest thing is, before leaving, the school vacated the dormitory, and they were notified to move from the sixth floor to the fourth floor. In the new dormitory, L and Gao Lao shared the same upper bunk, and they were still in the same row. The boy asked to switch beds with Gao Lao. Gao Lao readily agreed, and then asked suspiciously: "Why do you want to change? Can't you sleep on the lower bunk?"

"I'm short and flexible to climb up and down, and I've been sleeping on the top bunk on the sixth floor, so I'm used to it."

"I also sleep on the top bunk on the sixth floor, and I also like to sleep on the top bunk."

It seems that there is no way to do it, but Gao Lao has a kind of quack spirit, enough loyalty, and he agrees after saying a few more words. Now the boy is forgetful and happy, and he can smell the fragrance of L's hair when he sleeps at night. His breath, the feeling of him being there.

In the middle of the night, when the surrounding snoring sounded evenly, the boy secretly and timidly tried to stretch his hands out of the quilt, through the overlapping iron railings of the two bunk beds, and leaned over, into his territory, to touch his body temperature , touched his smooth and firm skin, caressing his face that was more vicissitudes than other boys.

"Hmm." L turned over and lay on his side.

The boy was as frightened as a snail. He retracted his tentacles, held his hands there, and clenched them tightly, not daring to move.After waiting for a long time, everything returned to calm again, and the snail crawled slowly again tentatively, heading towards the direction he wanted, hair, eyelids, and bridge of nose.

L sometimes knows that in the dormitory, he does not make a sound, pushes the boy's hand out, or pulls it over, lays it flat, pillows it under his face, and presses it firmly, not allowing it to come out to make trouble, then For a moment, the boy's heart fluttered, and he fell asleep sweetly, or was so beautiful that he couldn't fall asleep all night.

"Gay, fuck it!"

When love, or to take a step back, when an emotion for another person forgets the time, the place, the surrounding environment, especially the other people around him, some people Words called blessings or reproaches will follow.For boys.Before he knew what homosexuality was, he heard the term "fag" first, and he saw that the expression of the person who said this term was weird, as if he was facing a pile of stinky, stinky shit .

The boy is sad, very sad, pressing in the bottom of his heart.

He was most worried that L would be jealous of him, turning a blind eye to him, ignoring him, but fortunately, it wasn't that serious, and sometimes he avoided it on purpose. Generally speaking, he was still talking and laughing.

"Hey, don't you want this?"

"No, it's rotten."

"Where there is something bad, it is good, and it can still be used."

"Take it if you want." It's time to leave school. In the dormitory, everyone is packing up. The boy packs up his things and moves them over. He watches L tidy up and sees him tidying up the square storage box like the TV cabinet. The clothes and utensils in the locker were moved out one by one, put them on the bed, and put them into the suitcase one by one, and threw a [-]% new light red crocodile brand leather wallet aside, treating it as garbage.

The boy picked it up, looked left and right, and opened the zipper. Inside, there were three large compartments, two small compartments, three small bags like ladders, and an independent small purse that folded with activities. Obsolete. "You really don't want it anymore?"

"You want it, I'll give it to you."

"Hey, it says Xujiang here, isn't it yours?"

"It's mine. Xujiang is my pen name."

"Oh, okay, I want it." The boy seemed to have picked up a treasure, held it in his hand, and played with it for a long time. Then, on a whim, he wrote the word "Xuhua" on the other side of the folded and fastened wallet.He proudly raised it up and raised it in front of L: "Look."

"What?" L has been busy cleaning up.

"Xuhua, the pen name I just took, does it sound good?"

"Oh, yes."

"Look, the combination of Xuhua and my scientific name, doesn't it feel a little arrogant, from the inside out, the same outside and inside." The boy was self-satisfied and proud.

"Hey, yes, it's not bad." L stopped what he was doing, picked it up to take a look, and gave him an approving look.

"Haha, thanks, this is mine." The boy snatched the wallet, exaggeratedly kissed each side, and put it into his suitcase.

The little boy grew up and became a boy, and he took a pseudonym that sounded good enough to correspond to another person.

Xuhua: I am Xuhua, and Xuhua is me.