Heart fire

The night seemed endless.McVey's equations, Pythagoras' theorem, the circumference of a circle and Fourier transform, I can't fall asleep after memorizing it a dozen times. The great physics formulas can neither hypnotize nor solve my doubts. Like a calm thinking brain, it became a mess.

Zhou Tong never felt that he had a strong demand for that.In the past, I only met with Yu Di once every two or three weeks on average. Every time she asked for it, he would give it to me. It wasn't considered proactive, and I didn't have any deep feelings that I couldn't forget.I didn't have such a strong desire and impulse like tonight before, and I haven't had it since I joined the army. I don't have anything urgent to vent, and I haven't thought about it when I occasionally see the few women in the team.

In fact, it's not that I don't want to at all, at least the body's reaction when I wake up in the morning is honest.But I am so tired from training every day. If I can sleep for an extra minute, I will never waste 1 seconds doing other things. I don’t have excess energy, and I know how to deal with it.

In addition to self-discipline, this kind of conscious self-guidance also comes from a night of studying in the office. Out of curiosity, Zhou Tong flipped through Xi Yang's mental health lesson plan, and read his summary of the main causes of the psychological crisis of front-line firefighters. , which wrote: "Sexual maturity, sexual awareness and sexual impulse can easily lead to psychological problems. The average age of front-line firefighters is relatively low. With the continuous maturity of sexual physiology, the continuous enhancement of sexual awareness, the desire for friendship and love of the opposite sex It will also become stronger and stronger. But in the fire brigade with strict requirements, heavy tasks, high pressure and special environment, this kind of desire is usually difficult to be satisfied. If things go on like this, emotions such as anxiety and depression will affect physical and mental health and cause adverse consequences.”

Zhou Tong doesn’t understand psychological crisis intervention techniques that are too esoteric, but there is a line of small words marked below the content circled in red pen: “Self-guiding and dispelling does not mean to be pure-hearted and free from desires. Reasonable venting , Full expression, mastering knowledge, learning to adjust, and establishing a good order of life are the effective solutions.”

Thinking of these things, he couldn't help asking himself, was his performance tonight considered a full expression, and was it reasonable to vent?If you think the trainer is good-looking, you tell him directly; if you want to be close to him, you don't shy away from him.What is the insatiable emotion that breeds all this?Why does the longing for friendship end up being a sexual drive, a shameful obsession?Is this still a reasonable vent?

Fear mostly stems from ignorance and uncertainty about certain things, understanding life and death, but unable to understand this sudden lust.Zhou Tong suddenly panicked and was a little scared. He faintly realized that what he longed for seemed to be far more than simple friendship. He was eager to find an answer, a dialectical statement, but he couldn't calm down to sort out the clue.

The more he thought about it, the more uneasy he became, and he fell asleep in a state of distraught at dawn.In the dream, someone was surrounded by a halo of halo, illusory and unrecognizable, asking him over and over again, Zhou Tong, what do you really want?

...

Du Wei couldn't sleep either, and lay in the hospital for more than half a month. He was fed by Zhang Siqi's parents so that his face was red and fat, and he had nowhere to use his energy.The temperature of the air conditioner in the dormitory is low, and the shoulders that have just recovered from the injury are still a little chilly. In addition, the boy in the bunk climbed up and down, and rolled restlessly on the nail board for half the night. The next morning, he went to the instructor to report back to the team When, yawned all the way.

But it seems that he and Zhou Tong were not the only ones who didn't sleep well.Knocking on the door of the dormitory, Du Wei was secretly taken aback when he saw the person.The trainer's complexion was not very good, the area around the eyes was blue, the white eyes were also bloodshot, and the cheeks were slightly sunken, looking as if he was extremely tired.

Just when Du Wei was hesitating whether to say hello and come back later, Xi Yang smiled at him and said it was okay, let him into the room and asked him to sit down. Talk to him while holding the gauze on your hand.

A small photo frame holding a group photo of the three of them was placed in front of the window. The items on the table were neatly arranged, and the fine dust was floating and dancing in the sunlight, which made people feel happy.During the hospitalization, Du Wei and Zhang Siqi visited Deputy Team Xiang who lived in the same building several times, so after reporting their situation, the topic naturally shifted to Xiang Yu.

"Siqi will be discharged from the hospital after removing the plaster." After saying this, Du Wei's expression became much more relaxed. "Teacher Xiang recovered very well. After the skin grafting, there was no infection, and he cooperated with the treatment very well. The doctors and nurses praised him for his strong willpower."

"Siqi will be back next week, and Teacher Xiang will be back in a while." He raised his head and looked at the instructor with a smile. "Our family is finally reunited!"

Simple people are always very easy to be happy, just like that child.Xi Yang felt emotional in his heart, and told him: "It's better to pay more attention. If you feel uncomfortable, you should say it in time. Don't force yourself, and don't be too burdened with your thoughts. I believe you will be fine. Look forward, everyone misses you very much. Talk to everyone more."

"En!" Du Wei's heart became hot, and he immediately cheered up: "Please don't worry, instructor!"

...

After seeing off Duwei and closing the door, Xi Yang relaxed, leaned his back against the door and let out a heavy sigh. After a while, he pulled himself together again, changed into clean clothes, and went out to the office to read the materials Zhuo Qunfang sent.

The police records during the two years almost occupied the storage capacity of the entire USB flash drive.I sat in front of the computer for 10 to [-] minutes, opening and closing files in different formats one by one, but my mind kept wandering, and I couldn't concentrate no matter what, and couldn't read a single word.

There was a stamped transfer order by his hand, probably sent by his logistics colleagues during the two days he was away.Xi Yang was not in the mood and didn't want to read the contents inside, so he simply picked up a book and pressed it on top of it, out of sight.

If only all difficult problems to face and solve could be hidden and covered up like this.Xi Yang let go of the mouse, leaned back, covered his eyes with his injured palm, and thought in a daze and helplessness.

Put it away, hide it well, stop it in time and stop the loss in time, don't touch it or get close to it.Overnight, he established a seemingly tenable theory for himself that not all problems must be solved positively.Sometimes, escaping may be the safer way to minimize the damage, because time will naturally replace the solution and calm everything down.

In the face of dangerous fire scenes, he can be braver every time, but in the face of feelings, now he is willing to be a timid turtle.

You don't need to guess, you know that the child must have had a hard time last night, but why not yourself, there is no better life than him.There are many emotions and desires that a person should have like Xi Yang, but in the current environment and burdened with a painful past, he has learned to suppress and hide, and is better at disguising than most people.

No one knows better than him the truth of preventing unburned.The reaction of the body can be forgiven, but it is impossible to forgive and tolerate one's own heartbeat.Yes, even though he had warned himself countless times not to take the delusion seriously, not to regard his younger brother as a substitute for his elder brother, in the end he still made a wrong step, and his heart was out of control.

The conflict between shame and selfish desire pulls the moral bottom line.They looked so much alike, he thought, maybe in this lifetime, he would not be able to face him calmly.

...

The slogans kept ringing outside the window. The two squadrons staying in the camp finished the afternoon training. After disbanding, they flocked to the cafeteria noisily, wondering what new dishes Uncle Fang had prepared today.Before he knew it, the day was coming to an end, and Tu Ke hadn't come back yet, Xi Yang unplugged the USB flash drive and turned off the computer, planning to go to the infirmary to change the dressing on his palm.

After a day of being in a daze, he even missed lunch, and now he finally felt hungry, but before he figured out how to deal with it, he decided to go to the cafeteria later and avoid Zhou Tong for the time being.

Everyone went to eat, and only nurse Xiaohui was left on duty in the infirmary. She put down half of the things she had sorted out, switched her gaze back and forth between Xi Yang's outstretched hands and his face, and said in a daze, "Ah, I I thought Xiao Zhou changed it for you."

Xi Yang didn't react for a while, and then she pulled him to sit down, stared blankly at her bringing iodine and gauze, and muttered while putting on his gloves: "It's Zhou Tong, he came here half an hour ago and asked me I took some things, and said that I was afraid that you would not take it seriously, so I was going to help you change your medicine."

The wound has begun to scab, and the pain is not so obvious when iodine is applied.Xi Yang looked down at his palm, and asked in a low voice inexplicably, "How is he...?"

Nurse Xiaohui mistakenly thought that the trainer was asking about Zhou Tong's situation, so she thought carefully while cutting the gauze: "39 degrees, I'm still in good spirits, I don't think there's anything wrong, and I said that I was ordered by the monitor to get the medicine."

However, Xi Yang, who didn't know it, immediately raised his head when he heard the words, his palms curled up unconsciously, and doubts appeared between his brows and eyes.

"39 degrees? Fever?"

"Yeah!" Nurse Xiaohui, who was twenty years old, shook her head and frowned, and complained like an old Chinese doctor, "It must have been blowing on the air conditioner because of greedy coolness, these young people!"

After dinner, he had to do the physical training of Catch Di Quan, and after leaving the medical office, Xi Yang met the members of the intervention team who were going to the training room.As expected, the child was not in the team, he called Ye Zheng, first talked to him about some irrelevant things, and finally asked Zhou Tong "inadvertently".

Ye Zheng reported to the trainer solemnly, saying that he had taken compulsory measures to make Zhou Tong take the medicine obediently, wrapped him in a quilt into spring rolls, and threw him in the dormitory to sleep and sweat, and Du Wei had already packed the dinner and sent it back.

Halfway through the conversation, he was interrupted by Tu Ke who was going upstairs. He had just come back, had already changed into his training uniform, and was about to follow to supervise the training.The two had a quick exchange in the corridor, and when they learned that the transfer order had been issued, Tu Ke pondered for a moment, then replied lightly: "Understood, let me handle it."

"It's time for Lao Xiang to rest." Seeing his gloomy face, Xi Yang persuaded him, "Retiring is a matter of time, don't be too tough, or he won't be able to step down."

Tu Ke didn't respond or refute. He confirmed the date when the new deputy team took office, asked about Xi Yang's injury, and left in a hurry.Xi Yang returned to the dormitory, hesitated for a while at the corner of the second floor, and finally couldn't resist going up another floor, and came to the door of the dormitory of the intervention team, while excused himself, thinking that he was just doing his duty as an instructor to care for the soldiers Unexpectedly, he opened the door and walked in. Unexpectedly, there was no one in the room. The food and chopsticks, which were not completely cooled, were placed on the table neatly and untouched. The spring roll skin is intact, but the stuffing inside is gone.

It wasn't the police, so why did it look like he left in such a hurry? In the past, the first thing to do was to give this unqualified soldier a record, and punish him for pressing the tofu cubes twenty times.But at this moment, apart from worry and intolerance, Xi Yang couldn't think of anything else. He stood by the bed in a daze. The body exuding heat, and remembering that the child slept without a shirt on, the skin was always in close contact with the soft fabric, and suddenly felt that his hands were full of his sweat and smell, so he couldn't help but clenched and loosened, nostalgic She was ashamed and angry, and her face was also burning hot.

In the end, he left the dormitory as if escaping, and wanted to go back to the office to find something to do, to write a report summary, to make a training plan, even if he copied the introduction to fire training by hand, everything was good, he just wanted to regain his previous determination and hide from the dormitory. Go back to the not so strong barrier.

However, when he walked into the long and narrow corridor and recognized the tall and tall figure guarding the office door by the pale light from the row of lamps above his head, all the complicated emotions were swallowed up in reverse like a fire in an instant, and they were indestructible. Sheng, the last line of defense was breached and shattered.

Zhou Tong leaned against the wall with one long leg bent, staring blankly at the empty wall opposite, with gauze and vital iodine from the medical office in his arms, and a courier letter under his arm. He sweated profusely and looked weak and exhausted, but when he heard the movement, he immediately turned his head and looked over, as if he had been looking forward to it for too long and experienced too many disappointments, his eyes were loyal and eager, and they were too pitiful to refuse.

Seeing the trainer, the originally dim eyes also lit up.Zhou Tong rushed forward, showed Xi Yang the pile of things in his arms, and asked cautiously and restrainedly: "Where have you been? Is your hand still hurting? Let me change your medicine for you."

Xi Yang's eyes moved slightly, he raised his head and looked at him for a moment, then suddenly stretched out a hand, brushed away a few strands of sweaty hair on his forehead, touched his forehead, and asked softly: "Fever gone? "

Known by him... Zhou Tong sent his forehead to Xi Yang's hand with almost imperceptible strength, grinned awkwardly, and said with some embarrassment: "It's a little burning, it's fine. My body It’s been pretty good all the time, maybe this time, maybe it’s just a little tired.”

Xi Yang couldn't feel the real temperature through a layer of gauze, Xi Yang withdrew his hand, took out the keys in his pocket and said, "Why don't you take a good rest when you're sick, why run around?"

"It's time to study." Zhou Tong didn't bring a book, and kept talking nonsense with his eyes open. "If you didn't participate in the training, you can't miss your homework."

Just as Xi Yang opened the door of the office, he turned his head and glanced at him when he heard the words, his eyes fell on the express letter, and he asked, "What is it?"

Zhou Tong just remembered this, so he hurriedly handed over the express after entering the door: "It's yours, and I brought it here as I passed by the duty room."

Xi Yang took it, and found that the column for the mailing information only filled in the three words "Teacher Jiang", nothing else.He opened the bag and took out an envelope with the logo of a little ballet dancer. He put it back on the table and asked Zhou Tong, "Did you not eat?"

Zhou Tong was curious about what was in the envelope, but he was embarrassed to inquire. Hearing this, he nodded absent-mindedly: "Well... I don't have an appetite, I can't eat."

Xi Yang turned his head to look at him, his tone sounded a bit harsh at first, but he said with a helpless pampering: "You are such a big man, don't you know that taking antipyretics on an empty stomach will hurt your stomach?"

Zhou Tong was still faintly happy when he was criticized, and was about to tell him that I just want to look at you and eat some lemon sandwich biscuits with you, so he heard his instructor say again: "Go to the cafeteria. "

"I'm not very good at cooking." Xi Yang lightly clenched his fist with one hand hanging by his side, and the tip of his thumb stroked the knuckle of his index finger, probably a little nervous.

"I can only cook a bowl of noodles for you." He asked, "Do you want to eat?"