you are my baby [rebirth]

I don't know how long the room has been quiet, only the sound of the torrential rain outside and the rumbling thunder coming in from afar.

Qin Moyan tilted his head slightly, his eyes staring blankly into the boundless night.

His eyes and the tip of his nose were still red, his eyelashes were wet and curled up, and the teeth marks on his lips were mottled...

Looks pathetic as hell.

When Lu Xiye came out of the bathroom, the first thing he saw was his bewildered look.

His hands clenched tightly, and water leaked from the wet towel held in his palm, soaking his entire palm.

"Qin Moyan." He called his name very gently, leaning down in front of him as if afraid of scaring him.

A shadow hung over Qin Moyan's head, and he backed away in a little panic.

Lu Xiye's lips were tightened, and the hurt look in his eyes was fleeting.

"Wipe your face." He said, raised his hand to clasp Qin Moyan's chin, and raised his face as usual.

Qin Moyan seemed to want to avoid it, but he only moved a little, and he saw the emotion in Lu Xiye's eyes that was so heavy that water dripped out.

He didn't move any more, just closed his eyes slightly, and a plain white hand curled up unconsciously.

In the past, when Qin Moyan slightly raised his face and closed his eyes, it mostly meant that they were about to kiss.

"Kiss me," he'd say, with a smile in his voice.

Lu Xiye seemed to be hallucinating, as if he really heard those two words.

His movements paused for a moment, and he came back to his senses after a while. He wiped away the tears on his face with downcast eyes earnestly and intently, and then caged his hair back.

Then he squatted down in front of him, and took his slender hand in the palm, starting from the heel of the palm and rubbing to the thin white fingers.

"Lu Xiye," Qin Moyan slowly retracted his hand, and said in a low voice, "I want to go home."

Lu Xiye raised his eyes to look at him, and said in a deep voice, "I won't return."

He pulled his wrist over again: "Look at the time, if you go back in the rain at this point, you can only worry about Auntie and the others."

Qin Moyan really lowered his eyes to look at the time, and his eyelashes trembled accordingly.

"I won't come back, okay?" His voice lowered, still hoarse: "If you don't want to sleep with me...you can sleep in the guest room, or I can go out to live."

Qin Moyan's lips were tightened, and he looked down at Lu Xiye's side face.

His jaw line was extremely tight, and the corners of his lips were straight. Because he had just washed his face, his slightly damp hair was messily placed on his forehead, and he lost his usual vigor and calm elegance.

Like the most ordinary 20-year-old young man, he also has confusion and hesitation, and will also be hurt emotionally.

A long time ago, no, maybe it should be before today, Qin Moyan, like most other people, believed that Lu Xiye was a well-deserved favorite of heaven, and there should not be many things in this world that he wanted but could not get.

But he didn't know until today that not only did Lu Xiye have it, but he was also much more unfortunate than most people.

Although he knew that everything was God's will, but Qin Moyan still couldn't accept everything Lu Xiye said immediately.

Lu Xiye obviously hated Qin Moyan the most, how could he like him?

This kind of cognition has already become deeply ingrained in his heart after years of accumulation in the previous life.

So many nights when the two were together, he always felt guilty when he woke up in Lu Xiye's arms.

Guilty thought that I stole the love that didn't belong to me, so I couldn't fall asleep for a long time with my eyes open in the dark, listening to his breathing and heartbeat, imagining who he finally liked in the last life, and who he walked hand in hand with It's time to turn white, or, what should I do if that person reappears...

He never dared to imagine that person would be himself.

That was absolutely impossible in his cognition.

"Do you hate me?" Seeing that he hadn't spoken, Lu Xiye looked up at him and asked hoarsely.

His eyes were bottomless, darker than the rainy night outside the window, and he called him by name: "Qin Moyan? Do you hate me?"

Qin Moyan looked at him, and stubbornly pursed his lips, but the circles of his eyes still turned red quickly.

He shook his head, frowning as tears rolled from his eyes.

He doesn't hate Lu Xiye, he never hated him before, and he won't hate him now.

But he couldn't go back to the peace and happiness he had worked so hard to maintain before, because those things had been completely shattered.

He closed his eyes and felt Lucino's warm fingertips touch his cheek, wiping away the tears on his face.

"Lu Xiye..." His voice was crying and trembling slightly.

"I'm here." Lu Xiye held his hand tightly, looked at him intently, wanted to reach out to hug him, but restrained his movements, and only said, "Don't cry."

Qin Moyan looked at him, his eyes were filled with mist, but his eyes gradually became tough.

He doesn't hate him.

But wronged.

The sadness that secretly likes someone but is hopeless, turns into an extremely strong and vivid grievance when you know that this person loves you too.

Maybe people are so strange, they can be extremely strong in the face of suffering, and carry it silently without saying a word, but they can't help but break down emotionally and burst into tears when they get a little bit of tenderness.

In addition to the grievance, there is endless sadness and unwillingness, especially unwillingness.

But in the face of those past events that have long since disappeared beyond time and space, even expressing these emotions would feel inappropriate.

Because of the passage of time, it is out of date.

But in fact, those pasts in his heart may never change.

Even if he tried his best to suppress it and stop thinking about it, even if he tried his best to live as if he only had this life, those hidden wounds would still hurt unconsciously.

In countless dark nights, he would dream of drowning in the sea, dream of the shock and fear after he beat someone to blood for the first time in order to protect Jiang Ying, and would be half asleep and half awake, not sure who he was now , Jiang Suifeng?The illegitimate son of the Qin family or the real Qin Moyan?And Lu Xiye looked at him with indifference and disgust...

That kind of torture is secret and long-lasting, and I can't tell anyone, and I can't even think about it.

Because he only wants this life, the reunion with his parents and family, and the true love with Lu Xiye...

That's why he gritted his teeth even more and swallowed those sufferings alone.

He thought that after living again, he should abandon all the unbearable things in the past and only focus on this life. Even if the wound in the previous life would ulcerate and rot, he should only let it rot in a place where no one can see it.

But it's different now, Lu Xiye uncovered all of this.

While he was inexplicably relieved, the scars that were forced to ignore in the previous life were once again exposed to the outside, more bloody and hideous than he imagined, making him at a loss as to what to do.

The past Lu Xiye and the present Lu Xiye, the past self and the present self, seem to stand on two completely different opposite sides.

He looked far away from himself in the previous life, his soul seemed to be split in an instant, he didn't know how to reconcile with himself, and how to deal with himself.

A huge shock hit him, the two worlds that had been deliberately separated clamored to be merged together, those hidden emotions returned to collide again, recklessly counterattacked, he couldn't even face himself, let alone Facing Lu Xiye again as before.

He needs some time.

"Thank you for letting me know that someone loved me in my previous life." Qin Moyan said in a low voice, "But, I still want to be separated for a while."

Lu Xiye's hand holding his wrist tightened suddenly, and the blood from the wound overflowed again.

Qin Moyan's eyes swept across the bright red, his eyes darkened, and then he forbearance moved his eyes away without looking again.

"How long?" He heard Lu Xiye's voice, low and forceful: "Qin Moyan, how long do you want to be apart?"

"I don't know." After a moment of silence, Qin Moyan slowly shook his head: "But if you meet other people in the middle, you can also..."

Every word is like a sharp knife, Ling Chi is on his heart, but Qin Moyan still said slowly: "You can also be with other people."

"What did you say?" After being stunned for a moment, Lu Xiye's eyes widened in disbelief.

It seemed that hearing this sentence shocked him far more than hearing Qin Moyan say that they would be apart for a while.

"I said," Qin Moyan didn't dare to look him in the eyes, and said mechanically, "I don't know how long I want to think about it, so if you meet someone else you like, you can be with him."

Qin Moyan felt that he was hypocritical.

He didn't want Lu Xiye to be with anyone else, not anyone else.

But he didn't know how much time he needed, so he could only murmur words against his will.

Lu Xiye looked at him quietly, his eyes seemed to be stained with disappointment, and after a while he suddenly smiled, that smile made people feel both sad and mocking.

The roses were scattered all over the ground under his feet, and he picked them up carefully with downcast eyes.

Some of them were pruned by Qin Moyan, and some of them were uneven in his hand, but he treasured them all and caged them together.

He bought many roses in his last life, but none of them could be delivered to Qin Moyan in time, and they could only lie in front of that cold tombstone in the end.

That was the pain and hatred in his heart forever and ever.

Qin Moyan has a wound in his heart, and so does he.

He is willing to let him explode and give him time to repair and heal, even if he hates himself, but he cannot accept that he takes his feelings so lightly.

Even if it spans two lifetimes, this relationship has always been just a straight line, from him to him, not even affected by the length of life or the transformation of space.

"Do you know why I like to give you roses so much?" He put the flowers on the table and asked softly.

Lu Xiye gave Qin Moyan roses more frequently than ordinary people. He would bring a few with him almost every time he went home or met alone. In Miyuan's house, the fragrance of roses was almost never lost.

Roses represent love, which is enough to make them sad in this situation.

Qin Moyan couldn't think of any other reason, so he shook his head slightly.

"In my last life, I lived to be 86 years old," Lu Xiye said, "After you left, I lived alone for 59 years."

"The most I've ever bought in my life are roses, and I put them all in front of your tombstone." He smiled slightly, but his smile was extremely sad: "It's the unswerving love for you and the endless resentment for myself. "

Qin Moyan's eyes shook, he couldn't imagine the loneliness and loneliness of 59 years, and he couldn't imagine how tormented life would be after losing his lover.

He couldn't help trembling and asked, "Why are you bothering?"

The ends of his eyes were crimson, his eyelashes were moist, and those clear eyes were full of sadness and shock.

Lu Xiye really wanted to hold him in his arms and kiss him well, to heal all the wounds in his heart, regardless of his unscrupulous words.

"Yes, why bother me?" He paused for a long time before continuing again: "Why do I bother to tell you all this and reopen your scars? I just don't want the person I love to suffer silently alone. wounds."

Qin Moyan clenched his teeth.

"Whether you want to face it or not, those memories are always a part of us." Lu Xiye said, "Whether you want to calm down or hate me, I am willing to bear it, but I love you, Qin Moyan, and you shouldn't treat me like that." Your love is so contemptuous, I was able to spend the remaining 59 years alone in my last life, so can I not wait for you in this life?"

"Not to mention," he tightened his hand, and the warm and sticky liquid stained Qin Moyan's wrist: "Whether you want to separate for a short time or you don't want me anymore, or even if you want to be with someone else Together, I will absolutely never let go of your hand."

Like the last life, I will haunt you for the rest of my life.

The author has something to say: I didn’t write very long, I’m really too useless

感谢在2021-05-2621:09:34~2021-05-2822:48:58期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who cast the landmine: Ice cream milk tea is best to drink one;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：猫尾巴74瓶；梦里梦着醒不来的梦50瓶；我带你走、2557191920瓶；路边的薰衣草14瓶；VV、公子卿、Dome.10瓶；旋舞的蜻蜓8瓶；不忍踏落花5瓶；某琑3瓶；下猫罐2瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!