[Tutorial] Self-indulgence

The next day, Gang Ji came to the hospital early in the morning, put the clothes I asked him to bring on the table, and sat beside me without saying a word, peeling apples clumsily.

I could only sigh when I saw his expression of hesitation when he wanted to say something. "What do you want to say... just say it directly." I looked at him, and his hands paused.I had to take the paring knife out of his hand before the guy accidentally hurt himself.

"I... I don't have anything to say!" He put the apple aside, rubbed his hands on his clothes, his tone of nervousness was exposed by others.

I looked down at the paring knife in my hand and twitched the corner of my mouth. "How about we try to be honest?" My hesitant but sullen expression was reflected in the thin blade, and then blurred by the water stains on it.

"Frankly...?" He looked at me with such a puzzled expression.

I put down the paring knife and looked at Tsunayoshi who was sitting in front of me. "Yeah, frankly." I looked at him, without any emotion, just looking at him. "You... just think that I had a strange dream and I am still unconscious, and I'm talking nonsense."

His eyes flickered, but I avoided them. "...I..." I thought it must be difficult for me to say something so frankly.So I chose to avoid his sight, but even so, I was still a little nervous, and I couldn't feel myself clinging to the sheets as I hid myself in the quilt. "I'm scared. I've always been scared." But the moment I actually said it, my voice was quiet. "My personality is eccentric but I'm used to resignation. Do you understand what that means?"

He shook his head suspiciously, but I interrupted him when he wanted to say something.

"Listen to me first," I put my hand in front of him, subconsciously biting my lips. "Listen to me." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readjusting my emotions. "Actually, I have been afraid. Do you understand? You will gradually grow up, and you will have friends and even people you like around you." When I said this, he seemed to want to interrupt me, but he didn't speak.So I continued, "They will understand your preferences, your insecurities and even share memories with you, but I only have you."

I know what I've been worrying about, what I'm afraid of.

But never in front of others.Just as I have always understood that my own character is fraught with danger but appears docile.

I took a deep breath again, as if to relieve this depressed and restless mood, and the lights in the ward seemed to dim a bit in accordance with this mood. "I've always had a weird temperament and love to vent my anger, but at the same time I'm used to being submissive in front of people. Do you understand? I will have bad or even dangerous thoughts about certain things, but because I'm used to being submissive, I never show it in front of people .” I set my eyes on the far corner of the wall, and suddenly felt very empty. "I've always been submissive, so very few people know that I'm a terrible person and I can't control my emotions."

I looked back at him, smiling. "So I'm going to be more scared. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to lose control, and I'm afraid..."

His face was full of doubts, so I simply put it in a way he could understand. "I don't understand what I'm talking about? Actually, I don't understand what I'm talking about. I just had a strange dream. I was with you in the dream, and we lived like we used to. However, when you gather around Many friends, but you are the only one I have. Nobody knows I exist except you, but you have many people. Do you understand, since we were together ten years ago, I have only you. "

As if he had been shocked, he raised his head and looked at me in surprise, the shock and joy in his eyes could not be concealed at all.

"...But this is not something to be happy about for me. Just like you were once afraid of being swallowed by me, I was also afraid. And I know my character, maybe it was okay before, but now it's starting to be a little bit different Controlled. So, "What I'm afraid of is not being unstable and hurting someone. After all, I always choose to blame myself before blaming others, but what I'm most afraid of is...

"I'm afraid that one day you'll disagree with me and you won't be able to reconcile, and we'll end up on either side. It's not impossible, because we're used to waiting for one side. Isn't it?" I looked at him , waiting for his answer.

He didn't deny it, and it took a long time before he nodded muffled, and I just laughed.

"Actually, ten years later, I was always afraid of what that woman said to you. I didn't want to share it with others, and I was used to thinking about myself and avoiding. But I also understand...if this continues...I will definitely lead to an imbalance " I subconsciously stretched out my hand to grab my neck, but he grabbed my wrist with his hand, and just pulled him to his side.I didn't reject his behavior, and he still put my hand on the side of the bed and watched him put his hand on the back of my hand. "After the imbalance, I might choose...to choose some very bad behaviors. Especially now that almost no one restrains me."

"It's okay, even if there is zero imbalance or something..." He pursed his lips, a little hesitant.But he looked at me very firmly. "Even so... How should I put it, I still think it doesn't matter. Although this kind of thinking is a bit strange and contrary to common sense, I really think so. I like Zero, and I feel that my liking is close to ...uh...it seems too serious to say it's morbid, but it's just that...not normal?...that kind of feeling."

This time it was his turn to look at me. "And I had a dream last night, which seems to be Zero's past. I think that maybe that's the reason for Zero's being like this, like, for example, being slapped... Let me explain that I didn't watch it on purpose!" He said With a yell, he shrank into a ball and covered his face with his hands, as if he was very afraid that I would suddenly do something to him.

"...What kind of action are you doing..." I looked at him and had nothing to say.Then he tilted his head and thought about it carefully, and roughly understood what he said. "Slap... I remembered, I did see this scene. But it's definitely not me."

"Eh?!!"

I slapped him on the forehead. "What's it called? I had a dream similar to what you said not long ago. But I don't have the memory of being slapped, and many things in the dream made me feel very inconsistent."

"Sense of violation?" He raised his eyebrows this time, looking confused.

"To put it simply, it makes me feel like watching a family drama. Although I don't remember much about the past, I still have a vague impression occasionally. I was just used by my...my dad..." I Make a gesture of thickness and length. "I've beaten boards about five centimeters thick, and most of them were punished by kneeling. It's the kind that makes you kneel straight on the ground without moving and then listen to the training."

His eyes widened completely this time. "Isn't that scarier than a slap!?"

"Eh? Is there?? At least I don't feel that there is any violation. But I will never be slapped by my mother." I can guarantee this, "I don't know what you think of my character So what, but I'm actually kind of...well, a bit of a vengeful type? I have memories of being teased by boys and then biting him and crying. And if my parents fight, I usually just look out for myself I'm playing... like this." Because my memory in this regard is not very clear, when I said this, I didn't deny that I didn't feel as sure as a slap.

"...But no matter what, being beaten with a wooden stick is much more terrifying than being slapped..." Tsuna's face was full of disbelief.

"Is it? I think it's normal? But I was beaten once, like a handboard, right? Then, if my memory is correct, I seem to have stuffed that wooden stick into a trash can. The worst memory is being beaten My dad was chasing around the house with a belt. Then there was another time when he was beaten with a clothes hanger, and that time it seemed that I was glaring at my dad and I was scared." I shrugged, " That’s pretty much all I can remember about myself right now.”

"...Zero, what a terrible thing did you remember... No... why do you take such a terrible thing for granted!" He pointed at me tremblingly, his face full of horror.

I thought his hand was in the way, so I waved his hand and pressed it down. "A filial son is born under the stick, or beating is love, or not beating hard... Is that so?"

"..." Gang Ji looked at me with a pair of dead fish eyes, and then silently covered his face. "Is this okay? This is it! Then what exactly was I dreaming about?"

I thought about it and felt that there was a possibility that could explain the dream. "Maybe it's the girl's original experience? ... But I actually still think it's the sequelae of watching too many TV shows at eight o'clock."

"It's about that father," when he said this, his expression suddenly changed and he lowered his head and stopped talking.

I reached out and ran my hand through his hair, but I didn't care. "That seems to be true. And the reason why I was inexplicably anxious about you before was probably because of you... Then who came back and made me feel like that?" I felt a little speechless when I said those two words, so I simply skip. "Anyway, most of the things in the dream have no direction."

He nodded with a slightly displeased look on his face.

"By the way, I'm leaving the hospital. I don't like the smell of the hospital very much. And there's nothing wrong with my body. The infusion is just for nutrition, right? It's not because of illness." I was about to pull out my arm Putting on the injection needle and getting out of bed, Tsuna saw me like this and rushed over to stop me but accidentally tripped and pressed down on me straight.

"It hurts, it hurts... Get up soon!" I bared my teeth and howled dryly, patting his back with my hands.

He immediately got up but pointed at the back of my hand with wide eyes, "Blood, blood flowed backwards?!"

I looked down, and found that it might be that Gangji just jumped over and pressed on my hand, and then I moved around causing the blood to flow back into the infusion tube. "... Tsunaki, you bastard!"

"I'm sorry!" Gang Ji really cried this time, and even took two steps back.

I looked at the infusion tube, gritted my teeth and pulled out the needle neatly.But it may be because of too much force, some blood immediately oozes out near the pinhole, and it didn't take long for the back of the hand to be bruised.

"Why did I give up the treatment..." I looked at Gang Ji miserably, then threw the needle aside, quickly changed the clothes that Gang Ji brought, and then prepared to get out of bed, but as soon as I got out of bed, my body was shocked. Sit down. "... Tsunaki."

When he heard me calling, he turned around immediately, saw me sitting on the ground in pain, and immediately supported me. "What's wrong? Is Zero uncomfortable??"

I shook my head and spoke hesitantly. "You...can you move me?"

Hearing this sentence, his eyes suddenly lit up, and he immediately squatted down in front of me with his back turned to me.

This guy is too...

I twitched my eyes and chose to lie on his back. "Why, how is it? Will it be heavy?" Sure enough, no matter what kind of women are, they will be naturally sensitive and uneasy about this.

Hey, hey, I really want to turn into a beast!

"It doesn't feel heavy, maybe it's because this body has been lying down for too long, but it feels super light. I, I think zero and more points are fine!" He walked forward with my back on his back, and then stumbled out that paragraph.

I tightened my baggy clothes, put my face on his back, and stared at his profile. "If you have the ability to say this, why not be more forceful and want to kiss?"

"Eh? Huh?!" The guy screamed strangely, and then his ears turned red.

"Just kidding." I happily poked his face, then quietly lay on his back.

After walking out of the hospital, we decided to go for a walk by the river because we hadn't figured out where to go, but we ran into Yiping and Lanbo who were fighting by the river.

"Ah, stupid gang ~ I found it!" Lan Bo ran over whimpering and pointed at Gangji, and then pointed at me. "Hey! Who are you!"

I patted Gangji on the back to let him put me down, then squatted down and looked at Lanbo. "May I have your name."

"Hmph, my name is Lanbo! A killer who is only five years old!" The brat said proudly with his chest out, and then I stretched out my hand and tugged at his tail.

"But the five-year-old Mr. Lanbo seems to be very naughty. He didn't call me sister when he saw me." I glanced at Gangji who pretended not to see me, and curled my mouth in satisfaction. "Oh, I don't like this kind of kid."

Lan Bo froze, and slowly moved towards me. "Master Lanbo is very obedient, Lord Lanbo is very obedient."

"Oh...? Can't you hear me?" I poked his horn with a smile.

"Sister, sister..." Asking him to yell this word is like bullying him, this guy is about to cry immediately after yelling.

I shrugged, then looked at Tsunaki.But this guy turned a blind eye and waved at me to express that he didn't want to care.

"... Lanbo is so good." I gritted my teeth a bit, but I quickly adjusted. "Lan Bo is so obedient, he is such a good boy. I like a good boy like Lan Bo the most." To be honest, I feel a little... inexplicably ashamed to say these things after I haven't coaxed a child for so many years.

But these words seem to be very practical to Rambo.The child immediately jumped into my arms, and my elder sister shouted loudly.

Yiping also followed behind Lan Bo, first he greeted Gang Ji, then dissuaded Lan Bo who was huddled in my arms, and finally bowed quietly to say hello to me.

But before I could speak, the guy in black rushed towards me with something like a western sword. Fortunately, Yiping blocked this guy in the air so that I wouldn’t let me——to be precise, let me Something happened to Rambo.

"Zero?! Are you okay!" Tsuna held me in one hand and stared nervously at the man, and then came Valia's group on the river dam.

I poked Lan Bo's face with my finger, "Lan Bo, let's play bazooka after ten years of throwing away." Probably my voice was so casual that Lan Bo, who was trembling in my arms, thought it was some kind of game And really took out the rocket launcher ten years later.

I took the opportunity to swing the rocket launcher away, and let it aim at Tsunaki.

"Judaimu!" ​​Ten years later, when the bazooka was fired, Yamamoto's prison temple, along with Bajir and Reborn, the old man, rushed over.

I could only sigh silently. [If I had known earlier, I would not be facing you. ] Although I want to tell Tsuna Yoshi this way, I don’t know if the guy who will be ten years later is the one I know, so I can only talk to myself.

"I don't know if I should say it's been a while, or it's rare." After ten years later, Gangji appeared with a gentle smile, but the right hand that was leaning on me was stuck on the back of my waist by coincidence.

The leader of Valia standing opposite us, the person with two x's in his name stared at the guy ten years later without saying a word, while Reborn was standing on the other side of me, and suddenly saw something The corners of his mouth seemed to curl up.

I think I, the most ordinary of these people, should be the most dangerous.So I had no choice but to silently pray that the uncle xanxus would not attack suddenly, and it would be best if both parties could stay still. ——Even in the face of Tsunayoshi ten years later.

But the strange thing is that the people on both sides actually stayed put.

Under such circumstances, Sawada Iemitsu and Cerbero did not make any surprising moves. Even the so-called Nine Generations Pardon was pushed by Tsunayoshi ten years later and said, "I am just wearing work clothes. Ordinary people, you can decide on this kind of thing' so that only Iemitsu Sawada questioned the authenticity of the pardon.

And reborn seemed to be determined not to speak out, even if Tsuna Ji said he couldn't understand a certain kind of words ten years later, he didn't make any reaction, just lowered his hat and stroked his temples.

Caught in the middle, I just felt that the hand behind me was super annoying, and finally I couldn't bear it anymore and just stabbed it with my arm.

He didn't seem to be prepared for this, but he didn't take his right hand away, but awkwardly covered his right waist with his left hand and howled dryly.

Perhaps because they couldn't bear to watch this kind of farce-like scene, everyone in Valia left after Cerbero finished talking about the rules of the battle, and the rest of the guys here all surrounded me. come over.

And 5 minutes just passed, Gang Jiluo glanced at us in confusion with an ignorant and anxious face, then quickly lifted Lanbo in my arms to the ground, and pushed me forward. "I have something to do, so I'm leaving first! You go for a walk slowly!!" He shouted so loudly, and then pushed me back quickly.

Although I don't quite understand what's going on with this guy, but I don't really want to face the prison temple who has been looking at me with slightly hostile eyes from the beginning, so I simply dragged Tsunaki and ran quickly.

When there was almost no one behind me, I gasped for breath while holding on to the telephone pole, and at the same time prayed that the elusive tutor would not appear. "By the way, what... who will you meet this time ten years later?"

He was about the same as me, and he also looked out of breath, "Don't mention it, this time it will be the brother Yamamoto and Liaoping who will look like ten years later... And I don't dare to ask random questions, so I didn't say what they asked... The feeling of those two people is terrible...!!" He waved his hand at me, as if he didn't want to touch on the topic ten years later, so I had no choice but to stop asking.

"Well, I still have to go to the hospital, otherwise I won't have a place to live." I looked at the sky and dragged him to the hospital.But met Miura Haru on the way.

Haru Miura was about to rush over when he saw Tsunayoshi, but he inadvertently looked at the hand I was holding with him, and suddenly pointed at me imposingly, "Hay! Xiaochun won't admit defeat! Just wait, Haru will become more suitable for Mr. Tsunayoshi!" After saying such inexplicable words, she turned around and ran away alone, completely ignoring us behind her.

... By the way, I don't care if you lose or not, I just know that I don't know you well and I'm super hungry.

"Zero?" Gang Ji called me from the side, and silently increased the strength of his clenched hands.

I decided to ignore it.

——Speaking of which, it seems that there will be girls who want to give something tomorrow.

I wondered if I had to have a sense of crisis.