[Comprehensive Classics] Traveled all over Europe to demolish CP

Chapter 20 Diary of a Cannon Fodder God ([-])!

Tuesday, February 25

For the first time in my life I am grateful for the babbling and tirade of the fool Collins, at least in the fight against the idea of ​​"strangle him or strangle him", I will temporarily forget Jane and forget the innocent smile that used to flash on me .

But when my aunt began to give her strict special training, I suddenly realized that I could no longer look away.

Jane submissively obeyed her aunt's most critical request, but the smile in her eyes couldn't be ignored: it seemed that in the eyes of others, the stern and terrifying aunt was just a curmudgeonly poodle, as long as the hair was smooth. .

I mean no disrespect to you, dear aunt.I'm just feeling how many changes and colors Jane has brought to my life.

Sunday April [-]

Even though it was Easter, Aunt Catherine refused to give Jane a chance to breathe. It seemed that she was trying to teach Jane to be as elegant a lady as a princess, no matter how violent and rude she was.

My aunt's decision was a stroke of genius.

"As a junior, it is natural to listen to the elders, not to mention that this elder is so respected, respectable and amiable." Jane was carrying a heavy encyclopedia, her back was straight like a steel plate, and although her smile was helpless and pitiful, she still So bright it made me want to squint my eyes.

She was so consummate with compliments that even Mr. Collins was a little inferior to her.But when the fat young man said something similar, it made people want to strangle him and slap his head, and the similar meaning was expressed by Jane...but it always made people smile.

I firmly restrained my eyes and reminded myself not to always glance at the living room, almost every time I failed when I was close to success.

The longer I stayed with Jane, the more I realized how rigid my past life was, how unchanging, how...

My aunt actually allowed Jane to be with me for nearly two months. I have to say that she was too mistaken.

Monday April [-]

Jane stood on a bare brown rock, her blond hair blowing as if it would blow away in the next moment.

She admired Pemberley so much and couldn't wait to visit that I wasn't sure whether to be happy or alarmed.

Jane rode into the first open carriage and moved further away from me.I should have taken advantage of this moment to stop daydreaming immediately, my reason repeatedly reminded me, but her fluttering blond eyes caught my sight, making my fingertips almost want to move.

Georgiana likes Jane very much and hopes to get along with her more.

Oh God, every force around me is against my will and my reason, pushing me towards her who most likely will doom me.

Tuesday, April [-]

I must have inadvertently drunk Jane's psychedelic potion, I am now in a more dangerous situation than I was in Hartfordshire.There, at least her family members dispel my thoughts from time to time and remind me not to make mistakes; but here, I only face her.

Her boldness, her intelligence, her presumptuousness, her insights, her smile...everything about her is pulling me closer and falling into me step by step.

I must be more careful not to show any flaws in front of Jane, and I must not reveal half of my feelings for her.She must have been suspicious, and half-heartedly encouraged me to propose to her, no doubt she was waiting for that moment, otherwise why always and only in front of me, showing her truest and most indulgent side?

May God bless me to be extra careful.

Thursday, April [-]

I was still more silent in front of Jane, because once I started chatting with her, I couldn't imagine what nonsense I would blurt out.

I can't have a moment of weakness, or else...

Tuesday 22 April

Jane's back was set against the scenery of the lake and mountains. Although I made up my mind repeatedly, I still walked towards her in a strange way.

When my appearance frightened her and nearly fell into the lake, and I hugged her into my arms in a moment of impatience, all self-control collapsed.

I have to keep apologizing, otherwise, otherwise...

Jane seemed impatient with my lengthy apology. I couldn't think of other topics for a while, but I didn't want to leave, so the two of us fell into silence again without any suspense.

I was driven to approach her by a strong desire in my heart, and my heart became more chaotic every second.

I have to find words to say, like express my pain and love...

"I really can't hold on, I can't fight myself, I can't fight. My feelings can't be suppressed... You must allow me to tell you how much I admire and love you. "

Finally said it.

After saying this, I felt a little empty and relaxed in my heart.What's the use of hiding it well?The secret I kept deep in my heart finally turned into audible language, and it frightened both me and the other party.

I must be crazy, but seeing those blue eyes staring straight at me, I can only let my heart indulge the madness at this moment—I poured out the love in my heart to Jane like crazy, I proposed to Jane.

After this unprepared proposal, I was as exhausted as I had been boxing for four hours.Everything has been settled, my mind is blank, my body is exhausted, I just need to wait for Jane to nod.

However, things went beyond my expectations, and I didn't see the expected shyness or smile on the young lady's face—well, I shouldn't have expected "shyness" at all, which would never appear on her—— But Jane didn't nod, didn't agree, and didn't answer, "I would like to accept your love with gratitude, joy and solemnity. I am moved by your humility and sincerity, and I am very grateful for the sacrifice you made."

With uncanny calmness she told me that she had no love for the suitor before her, and with the sincerity and gentleness with which she took my own consideration, she tore my defenseless heart to pieces.

Jane, Jane...she doesn't love me.

It was several hours later when I found myself standing at the library door, eavesdropping with disrespect.

My feet rooted in the doorway.

Listening to Jane's joking questions and answers, I can even visualize her smiling in my mind.

The poor aunt almost yelled incoherently, but she had to be speechless again and again.I never thought it would be so easy to keep my aunt quiet. It is a rare and precious experience in life.

"Pemberley is big and beautiful, but it is by no means the center of the world, nor is it the whole of life."

"You see, it doesn't even exist on Earth."

"When we are arguing about your nephew's life in the secluded manor, the steam engine is billowing smoke; when we don't ask about world affairs, we only care about whether we can catch a rich man or marry a well-matched lady. The train full of goods and workers is running fast, from England to Scotland; while we are boasting at the dinner table and at the ball, the cotton spun from the spinning jenny has been loaded on the steam ship invented by Fulton and exported to all over the world... "

"Thank you so much for taking the trouble and condescending to remind me not to give up a healthy forest for a small tree like Mr. Darcy. I can't thank you enough for being so considerate of younger generations. good!"

After Jane pushed her aunt into a desperate situation, she rescued her old man casually.

It also freed me from wavering hesitation and the pain of not responding.

I've decided, Jane, so what if you don't love me now?I can't bear life without you.

I will propose again tomorrow, and she can go wherever she wants...Arabia, India, Africa, America...As long as she wants to go, I will accompany her, travel everywhere with Jane, and travel around the world with Jane.

What I have is money, and what I have is the experience of roaming the world. I can give and satisfy everything she desires.

In the honeymoon of a lifetime, it is not difficult to cultivate the deep affection of interdependence and the inseparable love.One day, those two soft petal-like lips will say "I love you, Fitzwilliam."

I can finally sleep well.

Wednesday 23 April

I can't express how I feel today.

When I came down to dinner in the morning, I heard Mrs. Bingley's screams and exclamations.

After we had managed to calm down the trembling, tearful Mrs. Bingley, she put a letter on the table, and sank limply into a chair, as if all her strength had been sucked out.

The words on the envelope were in Jane's handwriting, and an ominous premonition rushed straight to her head.

I snatched the letter regardless of politeness, and mustered up the courage to read it:

Dear Elizabeth:

When you read this letter, I have already left you, the most difficult person, the beautiful manor in Pemberley, the parents who always bring us laughter, and the lovely home in Longbourne.

I won't be back until I find the answer.

After reading this, don't panic, dear sister, don't worry about me, I just started a journey alone, I have money, and I will write to you every month.

Dearest sister, you must think me crazy, and yes, I am of the same opinion.But one has to be crazy once in one's life, otherwise, looking back in old age, wouldn't there be regrets in vain?

I'm not sure you can understand me, brightest Liz - and if not I'll tell you, because you understand me best in the world - I consider myself a go-anywhere person, but deep down There is a restless seed sprouting and growing, reminding me all the time, since I am stuck in this era, don't leave any regrets.

It took our ancestors many years of hard work to be able to own a piece of land, have a reputation, and become a prominent family in the village and be respected by others.

But none of this is what I want. I sincerely don’t want to be stuck here for the rest of my life—whether it’s a small house or a big manor—talking insincerely, gossiping, singing, Dancing, socializing, waiting to land a rich man, or being an old girl, in the same day to day, waiting to grow old.

More generally speaking, I just don't want to take everything that everyone is used to for granted, don't want to do nothing but visit each other, don't want to be content with the status quo and become a real nineteenth century lady, don't want to be hypocritical I don't want to deny my true self every moment.

This is not an impulsive decision, but the result of careful consideration.

I don't ask your understanding, Liz dear, I only ask your understanding, for God's sake, to comfort our parents and let them not worry about me.

In order to see more scenery, in order to answer the doubts in my heart, I had to be on the road.

love you forever

Janet

kiss you ten thousand times

After a whole year, I accumulated enough courage to record the experience of this day.

I will not keep a diary in the future.

——————————————— I am the dividing line at the end of the diary and return to the text ———————————

"Once upon a time, kings and princes were together,

Live in a castle in a magic garden.

The king is old and full of disappointment with the world,

He built a high wall and locked the gates,

The king said: 'There is no better place in the world than here! '

There was a voice in the prince's heart telling him..."

Miss Darcy was playing and singing "Gold in the Stars" at the very best piano her brother had given her.She is sixteen years old and naive, and it is difficult for her to interpret the longing and longing in this piece, so she sings this passionate and sad fairy tale as cheerfully as an Irish ditty.

"Gold mines of stars, occasionally falling from the sky.

To get out of the castle and go where no one has gone.

To learn and grow is to live a life.

To find treasure in the stars,

The dangerous world is about to go alone..."

Yes, to learn and grow is to live a life.The elder brother clenched his fist and then slowly let it go.

"Loving someone sometimes means letting go.

Loving someone sometimes means letting the loved one wander..."

Mr. Darcy, who was listening with his eyes closed, suddenly picked up the piece and sang in a hoarse and deep bass:

"When you love someone, you can't just think about your own happiness.

When you love someone, sometimes you say with tears in your eyes:

Goodbye, please be happy.

I'm too stubborn and not persistent enough,

Too much time wasted trying to hide my love for you.

You are a migratory bird that never stops,

There are no wilderness and flowers here.

My heart is cut like a knife, reluctantly,

But I still have to say with tears in my eyes:

Come on, honey, please,

Go after the life you want,

You will find the result you have been looking for! "