Wading in muddy water

There is no sea in Maicheng, but there are rivers.

After dinner in the evening, I didn't really want to go back, so I took Zhou Boxin to the nearby park for a walk.This park is very lively in summer, and the scenery is also good. In summer, there is a big horse in the middle of the river, which is framed by steel bars and surrounded by red light strips.In summer, it seems that it is stepping on the river and rushing to the sky, regardless of everything, as if it doesn't care about everything on this land.

But now it’s not a leisurely summer night. In winter, no one else will come to the river for a walk except me and my brother.But it was precisely because of this that we interlocked our fingers, and he took my hand and stuffed it into the coat pocket together.There is no wind tonight, but the cool air is blowing up from the bottom of the feet. The temperature by the river is low and few people come, and there is still a thick layer of snow.

There was an ice sculpture exhibition here on New Year's Day, but all the ice sculptures have been transported away, leaving only a bare space in the small square over there, and the sign of the ice sculpture exhibition is still on the ground.I exhaled a breath of cold air, which instantly condensed into white mist.

My brother's temperament is softened by the soft warm yellow light by the river at night.The shoulders are tall and straight, the legs are so long, so damn good-looking!He doesn't seem to be cold, unlike me shrinking from the cold.

I only remember how beautiful it is in summer, but I didn't expect it to be so desolate in winter.

I know quite well what is there in Maicheng. The map of Maicheng can be said to be engraved in my mind.I was really conceited in the past, and I always felt that the development of Maicheng into such a Liufang was largely due, even myself.The Fendi scarf I casually wrapped around the scarecrow will always be a medal in my life, shining brightly.

In fact, later on, I could understand what my brother meant by "everyone has his own destiny" at that time. A casual action of mine can create an Internet celebrity attraction, which can also drive countless first-generation Internet celebrities, and the relationship between the two They feed each other.All I need is a scarf that I no longer need, and I can subtly promote a series of economic developments.

And more people have countless "scarves" in their hands, and their every move can only affect their own small circle.

On the surface, this seems to be economics, but in fact it is more a commentary on my destiny.Who I should be will always be who I am, no matter how long I hide it, no matter how far I go, I have to come back and face my own destiny.

"Then I'll go back to Liufang tomorrow. Forget about this week. Today is Thursday. I'll go back to school next week." I whispered.

Zhou Boxin squeezed me tightly with his hand in his pocket, and it took a long time before he replied, "When will you come back, I will pick you up."

"Tomorrow night...won't you come back." I lowered my voice again, and after I finished speaking, I was agitated. I wrapped around Zhou Boxin like an octopus, and jumped directly onto him, in front of a row of street lights and trees on the street. Don't hug him.The air was damp and cold, and it penetrated into my lungs. I was icy all over, and Zhou Boxin was not a heater. The effect of our hugging to keep warm was not very good.

He didn't speak for a long time, and the breath he breathed out was more like a sigh. He was hugged by me like this, with one hand supporting my buttocks, and the other hand clasping my waist.

"When will you come back if you don't come back tomorrow night?" He asked.

I held his face in my arms and kissed him, and after the kiss was over, I turned my head to see if there was anyone else around.It stands to reason that there should be none. Who doesn’t run to the chilly riverside in a bar in a shopping mall without a warm bed on a winter night.There was no one, so I kissed him on the lips again, kissed and gnawed for a long time, and replied sullenly, "I don't want to expose Liu Yuan."

Zhou Boxin didn't even think about it, and said "hmm".

I didn't quite understand if there was any emotion contained in this simple "um", I buried my head into his shoulder and made a muffled sound.

"Brother, are you not angry with me?"

"Why are you angry?" Zhou Boxin said.

why are you mad.

Because he paved the way for me, I can bring a rapist to justice but I choose to give up; because he puts me first, everything is my first, but I still want to think for Liufang; Because he is always so cold and indifferent, loving me seems too violent, but I can't respond with the same strength for the time being.

I used to hear that there are two types of people in this world, good people and bad people.

For the crimes that have been buried for nearly 20 years, Liu Yuan should get the punishment he deserves.Liu Yuan seems to be a pure bad person in many people's opinion. When you know that a person is a bad person but don't judge him, you also become an accomplice.I know this is what most people think, but not every bad person gets punished, and not every good person dies well.I think there are only "people" in this world, people are people, there is no distinction between good people and bad people, everyone is a good person, and everyone is also a bad person.

Everyone has their own destiny, that's all.

I'm afraid that Zhou Boxin will feel uncomfortable if I say this. He has worked so hard to pave three paths for me. If I don't know about it all my life, he will stay away from me. Give me a choice.

He said he didn't care what price Liufang had to pay, but I did.His world is only me, but there is Liufang in my world.

It's better to be a coward through and through than Liu Fang may have no evidence of rape at all and go through all the troubles wondering if Liu Yuan can be sent to prison.Escape is not shameful, those who say that evasion is shameful just have not experienced those things that want to urge a person to escape, just like Liu Yuan and Liu Fang.

She escaped for 19 years, she is not shameful; at least in the case of Liu Yuan, she is not shameful.

When I was writing essays in elementary school, I wrote "my mother" in the same way.

Of course I did.At that time, Liufang was considered a strong woman. When she was in Lishuiyuan, she usually wore home clothes, and the silk pajamas were smooth, which made her slender and elegant.Occasionally, I saw her at work a few times, her long hair was tied up behind her head, and a black abyss lay dormant behind her head.The lipstick is that kind of sharp red, and the sound of high heels stepping on the tiles is very clear.

I write to my mother:

Mom is a complicated person.She is an angel at home, she has dimples when she smiles, and the palm of my head is very hot.On the outside, it is a demon, capable of knocking down everything, and cold.

Forgot whether it was written like this, anyway, it probably means this.

Liu Fang became haggard again, opened the door and saw my eyes filled with tears instantly.I was taller than her a long time ago, I didn't notice when I started looking down at her, but she needed to look up at me, I know what it feels like to look up at others all the time.

Just like the whole world is pressing me down, I try my best to find some meaning of my own existence in that person, but I always have to keep my head up, always have to keep my head up.

A hesitant syllable came out of Liu Fang's throat. I watched her fingers stir the hem of her skirt, and asked me after a long time, "Did you come back from your brother?"

I nodded.

"Okay." Liu Fang also nodded, and the moment he nodded, a tear was not caught, and it fell down suddenly and smashed open.Liu Fang lowered her head, the winter sun was not too hot, it was very dull, and when it shone on Liu Fang, she said again, "Xiao Li, I'm sorry, it's my mother who is sorry for you."

I still believe that I am a sinner, a monster, and an unbearable deformity.

I accepted Liu Fang's sorry, and then forgave her.

Forgiveness is a difficult thing, and it must happen after acceptance.I accepted my life experience, so I can forgive Liu Fang, and she can never accept that, so she can never forgive Liu Yuan.Of course, no one asked her to forgive.

"Mom." I leaned over, knelt on the carpet with one leg, and held her hand, "I will give you the initiative in this matter, if you don't want to reveal the past, then we will never mention it. But I will not apologize to you because I like Zhou Boxin, I am not wrong."

Liu Fang nodded desperately, tears fell one after another like money, choked up so that I could hardly hear what she said, "You are not wrong, you are not wrong. I'm sorry, mother shouldn't say you are sick, you are not sick, you are not ..."

"I... I don't dare, dare not think about those things. At the beginning, I was mentally abnormal, and I didn't dare to test whether I was pregnant. I just thought about how to die. Mom didn't mean to destroy Zhou Qingluo's family, I I didn't want to kill Zhou Qingluo. At that time, I wanted to commit suicide. I walked alone on the street, went to the cafe to drink coffee, went to the playground, went to the theater, and committed suicide if I wanted to do everything I could... At that time, I met Chen Zhiyuan."

"He is very attentive to me, and I don't want to live anymore. I will do whatever he wants me to do. I don't refuse if I want to... open a room. Later, when I got pregnant, Chen Zhiyuan thought it belonged to him, and I told myself every day that it must be his. , try to make myself fall in love with him, and try to continue living. But I always knew in my heart that the child might not belong to Chen Zhiyuan, and before you were born, I secretly took a paternity test, and it wasn't his."

"I want to die again, but you were already so old at that time, I... had to give birth, give birth to you." Liu Fang finally dared to look up at me when he said this, and touched my face with trembling hands, "What a beautiful child Ah. How many times mother tried to kill you, but the moment I saw you... What a beautiful child, my child. You are so innocent."

"Mom." I couldn't help being told by her, and tears rolled down my face.

"Don't cry, Xiaoli, it's all my mother's fault if I don't cry." Liu Fang kept wiping my tears and apologized desperately.

I can almost imagine Liufang's state at that time, she is so beautiful now, she must have been even more beautiful when she was young.The young and beautiful beauty is like a marionette, led by Chen Zhiyuan, the thrill of conquest surges in Chen Zhiyuan's heart, but Liu Fang has never seen who this person is, whether she is beautiful or ugly, or how old she is , Is there a wife?

"I really didn't know that Chen Zhiyuan had a family. He kept saying that he was divorced and now he was single. After he knew that I was pregnant, he also divorced Zhou Qingluo before telling me. I didn't force him. I didn't I know about this. I... In order to escape, I can only persuade myself to fall in love with Chen Zhiyuan, and it seems that I really fell in love in those few years." Liu Fang hunched his shoulders, rested his forehead on his knees, and shrugged .

"It's all my fault. I didn't have the courage to sue him for rape in the first place. After so many years, it's impossible."

I know it's impossible, I've grown so much over the years.

Zhou Boxin said that he would think of a way, but he was not the only one who would think of a way, but also the Liu family.If Liu Fang really found out what happened back then, the old man of the Liu family would only try to keep Liu Yuan.Zhou Boxin could only call it true, and he might completely offend the Liu family because of it.

Liu Fang cried intermittently all afternoon, holding on to my hand tightly.

She found a rehabilitation center for herself, and said she would move in a few days after finishing the matter at hand, and no longer care about my Zhou Boxin's affairs.She will not give Liu Yuan any more shares, and they will all be given to me.

The night was completely dark before Liufang fell asleep on the sofa, the blanket couldn't cover her whole body.I bent over and picked her up off the couch, putting my arms through the crooks of her legs, and it didn't take much to pick her up.This is the first time I have hugged her like this, and I have never been close to her since I knew she was a mistress, and this kind of change has quietly occurred between us.

She lies quietly in my arms and needs my protection.

After taking a shower and returning to the room, I found out the mobile phone that I had thrown away at home. The moment I connected it to the Internet, I was overwhelmed by messy news.

I didn't even look at it, so I opened WeChat to see my top dialog box.

I wrinkled my nose the moment I saw it, it's already eight o'clock in the evening!Liu Fang and I stayed alone for such a long time, this person doesn't care, at least he has to send three messages, right?What is this cold and only one message lying in the dialog box, "Send me a message after processing"?Who is he to me, boss! ?

While grinding my teeth, I honestly sent him a message.

"Go back to the house and chat with Liu Fang."

I didn't expect Zhou Boxin to reply in seconds, and I was just about to quit to check other news.But as soon as I quit, the phone vibrated, and there was a small red dot behind "Gao Lengbi who never responded to messages".

"Come to the window."

My whole body froze, and my heart beat immediately to [-] miles!Is Zhou Bo new here?What does it mean to go to the window, he is here?

I jumped to the ground without shoes on, and jumped to the window in two steps. Before I left the room last time, the curtains were kept tightly drawn for three weeks, and now I feel a layer of dust when I pull them open suddenly. of dust.I opened the window suddenly, and the bone-chilling cold enveloped me instantly.But I stared at the car parked at the gate of the courtyard. Liufang is not as big as Lishui Garden, so it is easy to see outside the courtyard.

I saw clearly Zhou Boxin who was standing leaning against the car door, his posture was not very upright, as if he was very tired.After seeing me, he beckoned, then raised his hand and put the phone to his mouth.I received his voice in the next second.

"I couldn't help it, I came to see you. I miss you a little."

The author says:

I am working hard to adjust, and those who catch up with the list will never admit defeat. Maybe next week they will take a rest for a week, and then we will talk about it!Liu Yuan will subdue the law in the future, but there is indeed not enough evidence now.