Wading in muddy water

Dacheng went back to school for class in the afternoon, but I still didn't go, and went back to Lishui Garden in the afternoon.

Before entering the door, I stood at the door for a while, and opened the door only after I was mentally prepared.As usual, as soon as I entered the door, I hung the key on the hook at the door, lowered my head to change my shoes, and looked up... I still couldn't help but glanced in the direction of the stairs, and quickly looked away with just one glance.Fortunately, my mother was sitting on the sofa. When she heard me coming back, she turned her head and said anxiously, "Xiao Li?"

I grabbed my coat with my fingers, feeling uncomfortable, knowing that everything I said would be recorded and heard by my brother, so I couldn’t speak or answer.But my mother didn't know the existence of the camera and talked as usual.

"Why did you go to your brother's place? It will be his mother's taboo in a few days..."

"Mom!" I hurriedly interrupted her, and subconsciously glanced at the railing on the second floor.

Liu Fang stopped in embarrassment, not thinking that I was abnormal.Because not only today, I didn't like to hear her talk about these things before, I didn't like to hear about the Liu family's affairs, and I didn't like to hear Zhou Qingluo's name from her mouth.She immediately softened her expression and tone, and discussed with me, "I won't say this if you don't like to hear it. Do you want to go out to play in a few days? Mom will take you out for a while to relax, okay? "

Listening to her words, I frowned, "How many days? The school will not be on holiday recently."

"Mom can ask for leave for you."

I looked at her, the woman's expression was exhausted, her brows and eyes showed tiredness, but her demeanor was gentle, the gentleness that could tolerate everything.This kind of temperament can occasionally make people feel hateful, because she seems to only shed tears when you bully her, and she just bears it silently when you scold her.It is hateful for a person to be pitiful to the extreme.I suppressed the irritability in my heart and tried to ask her in a calm tone, "You don't want me and my brother to go back to my hometown."

Liu Fang looked at me quietly for a long time before opening his mouth, "You are already, you are an adult. He doesn't want to recognize you as a younger brother, what capacity do you use to worship his mother?"

I had forgotten about the camera.

Unable to suppress the irritability, I clenched my fists hard to prevent myself from picking up the vase on the table and falling to the ground.I will never understand why Liufang is like this, why she never feels that she is a sinner, I feel that I am a sinner, she dares to ask me what identity do I use to worship Zhou Qingluo?How dare she.

I turned around in a circle, but I couldn't find anything that could let me vent my emotions. Everything in this house is very valuable, it's so fucking stupid.He kicked hard on the sofa, but Liu Fang, who was sitting on the sofa, remained motionless, not even shaking his hair.I licked my lips and looked at her face, "It's really you, you're so good, awesome."

"Lishuiyuan, don't come back either. What are you doing here? I don't welcome you, and neither does Chen Zhiyuan. You have your own house, and you have your own lover. You can live a happy life by yourself. From now on, you don't Leave me alone, I beg you."

"mom."

Liufang's eyes seemed to be raining, but it didn't fall on her cheeks. The rainwater was tightly trapped by the eye sockets. The scope of the flood was too small, so small that I just thought she was really hateful.A woman who never feels that she is wrong, she only feels that the whole world is sorry for her, which is really okay.I always say that I am a woman and a mother, so what? The words "woman" and "mother" are warm and beautiful in themselves, but they are used by her as a shield, disgusting.

When I walked up the stairs, I suddenly remembered the camera thing again.

I paused, then continued to walk up with the fastest speed, slammed the door, and shut the world out with a "bang".

I'm not sure if my brother saw what happened just now.

He probably hasn’t seen it yet, he must have thought I went to school, but he might see it at night, and then he will store this video in his computer, and there will be another one named "11-30" in that folder video.I rolled around on the bed, this thought inexplicably calmed down my rage and irritability just now, I can’t help but feel that I am also quite perverted, if other people encounter this kind of situation, they may call the police, and I actually tasted it out of nowhere A sense of security.

I thought that if there was no one else in Lishui Garden for a few days, Chen Zhiyuan and Liu Fang didn't come back, and my aunt didn't come, my brother would find me immediately even if I died at home.

Next Sunday is the anniversary of Zhou Qingluo's death.

Zhou Qingluo was buried in his hometown, and Zhou Qingluo's mother came to collect the ashes. She returned to her hometown from Maicheng with my brother 18 years ago.

In fact, my brother never said that he would never leave me for the rest of his life, but I thought so selfishly before, he was my brother, and I was his younger brother, we just couldn't separate.But I thought it was my naive desire, he was eager to stay away from me, so I had to find some fetters between us that could never be eliminated.

I "killed" my brother's mother, and I "killed" Zhou Qingluo.

On the day I was born in this world, Zhou Qingluo committed suicide for the first time, but failed.

One month later, on December [-]th, Zhou Qingluo committed suicide for the second time and succeeded.

I have never seen that woman, but I know that she was gentle and beautiful when she was young, even if she really became a lunatic, it was all because of Chen Zhiyuan, Liu Fang, and me.I participated in a "murder", the three of us teamed up to drive a woman to death step by step, destroying the rest of her life first, and then directly depriving her of the rest of her life.Even before I was born into this world, I was confirmed as a murderer, and I am willing to confess.

Song Yiwei wanted to correct my perception several times, Zhou Qingluo committed suicide, and the murderer was Zhou Qingluo himself.

I thought she was wrong, so I looked into her eyes and asked her, "Louise, although you say that the murderer is only herself, you know it in your heart, the murderer is not her, but the three of us, and none of us Can't escape."

"Honey, I completely understand what you mean. This is a moral shackle. You can pick it up if you want to, and you can put it down if you want."

I always thought that the fact that I was a sinner was recognized by all insiders, including Zhou Boxin.

I always thought that the reward and punishment mechanism that Zhou Boxin established for me was because I was a sinner, he was superior, enjoyed my fawning over him, and pushed me away casually.

I just found out today that it was not the reward and punishment mechanism he established for me, but for himself.

Zhou Boxin was the sinner. He fell in love with the murderer who killed his mother, and fell in love with his younger brother.

There was no one at home on Sunday. I scolded Liufang away a few days ago, and she really never went back to Lishuiyuan.Chen Zhiyuan is still happy and happy every day, he often sees no one, he goes to play golf today, races horses at the racecourse tomorrow, and flies to see some art exhibition the day after tomorrow, pretending to be human.

Dacheng and his third son came to Lishui Garden to play. After entering the door, Dacheng changed his shoes and fell on the sofa with a groan. I subconsciously glanced in the direction of the stairs.

I have developed a habit of looking towards the stairs these days. My brother must have known that I found the camera, so I became more and more calm in this movement, and sometimes I would look in that direction in a daze.

But the two of us have never been in touch since that day.He didn't go back to Lishui Garden, and I didn't send him any message.

I never told the two of them that Zhou Boxin installed a camera in Lishui Garden.Although I have sworn to myself to be honest with my friends, this involves my brother's privacy, and they already think my brother is a scumbag, plus this incident, good guy, a perverted scumbag , can not be washed.

The three of them slumped on the sofa and played with their mobile phones. Dacheng suddenly felt emotional, "Hey, I feel bad when I think that next Sunday will be gone. I had an appointment for a basketball game, so I can only dove."

"It's not too cold in winter." I rolled my eyes.

"Indoors, it's okay. The main reason is that there is a cheerleader, and the cheerleader inside is so pretty! I'll find it for you, and she's an internet celebrity." Dacheng took out his phone and wanted to show it to me, and I straightened myself up immediately Sitting posture, "Don't show me, I'm not interested."

The third son took it over and took a look, "It's quite beautiful, how old is it?"

"Like twenty, or nineteen?" Dacheng flipped through her video, and said regretfully, "I don't have a chance to meet her in person, so I can only squat on her live broadcast, hiss...hey brother, Maicheng Most of the Internet celebrities are extremely popular, when I can catch up with your brother, then I will be able to date whoever I like."

I was taken aback and scolded him, "You're only fucking thinking about dating."

With an innocent face, Dacheng shouted, "Dating! Dating! The kind of date that doesn't hold hands! Hey, I'm that kind of person in your heart."

When the topic mentioned my brother, the third son looked at me with a hesitant look on his face. I was embarrassed by him, so I asked him, "Speak up if you have something to say."

"Going back to your brother's hometown next Sunday? Are you going this time?" the third son asked.

I stared down at the phone, but actually didn't read the content on the phone at all, "Of course."

"You didn't know you liked him before, but now... aren't you looking for abuse for yourself, or don't go there." Sanzi said.

Dacheng also came over, "The situation in your family is really complicated, brother, it's fine if you didn't like him before, but now you don't always think about his dead mother, it has nothing to do with you, otherwise you don't like him." Too tired. Love, isn’t that a happy thing? It’s okay to be unhappy, really.”

Dacheng said it casually, after all, he didn't say it in front of my brother, but I knew my brother would hear it sooner or later.He picked up a pillow and threw it on him, "I'm happy, I'll tell you guys again when I have a chance, this time I'm definitely going."

NO.12 came very quickly.

I followed him back home to worship Zhou Qingluo when I was 16 years old. At that time, he was already unwilling to talk to me, so I had to seize every opportunity to get along with him.And when I made the request to go with him, I never thought he would agree, but he actually agreed. I used to think that he wanted me to repent in front of Zhou Qingluo's grave. I repented everything. I represent myself. , on behalf of Chen Zhiyuan, on behalf of Liufang.

Neither of them felt guilty, only I came.

My brother's car was parked at the gate of Lishui Garden. I stood outside the co-pilot's door and reached out to pull the car door, but I couldn't open it.

Zhou Boxin was smoking.

We haven't spoken a word for nearly two weeks and met once.I knocked on the car window, and he paused, as if he had woken up, and turned his head to see me hesitantly. The look in his eyes at that moment made me feel that he had already decided that I would not come, but I suddenly appeared.

I mouthed to him through the car window, "Brother, open the door."

The author says:

See you on Weibo in the next chapter (should be in the next chapter