Wading in muddy water

I really think so, it must be the responsibility of two people to be able to make friends like this, but I don't know where I went wrong.

The third son's expression was not very good either. He was chatting with Xu Yucheng in the group just now, but in a blink of an eye he was told that Xu Yucheng might be calling him an idiot in his heart when chatting with him.Obviously, if Xu Yucheng and I break up, the third son must be on my side, whether it is emotionally or logically, after all, his family's business still needs wheat fields.

The third son looked down at the news in the WeChat group, his fingers moved quickly, and the bubbles of two colors dazzled down on the screen, flipping to the day when he returned from the clubhouse last week in one breath.That day I was kicked out of the car by my brother and I was not in the mood to play with my mobile phone. I didn’t talk in the group for two days, but Xu Yucheng and Sanzi scolded Li Zhou’s 99+ news in the group. Sports car splashing paint.

He turned back and forth for a long time, said "grass" softly, locked his phone, squeezed the beer can in his hand, and threw his arms forward.

It hit the trash can across the road with a bang, hit the edge of the entrance, bounced, and bounced out onto the street.

He paused for a while, and let out a long breath. The early winter night condensed the air he had just exhaled into water mist, and it was white.He got up and went to pick up the soda can lying alone on the street and throw it into the trash can.The sky was already dark at this time, the street lamp was above his head, and a dark shadow fell at his feet, wrapping him.

After that, he walked back and sat next to me, put his hands behind his buttocks and looked up at the sky, as if he wanted to talk about life with me.

"Brother Li, I don't know what to say, I'm just a little confused."

I don't know how to answer this, I'm a little confused.

If I hadn't been beaten up by Song Yiwei today and climbed onto my brother's bed, then I would still be the same Chen Li as yesterday.I won't wake up to my unusual feelings for my brother, I won't know that Xu Yucheng doesn't regard me as a friend at all, and I won't sit on a fucking cold stone bench while my butt hurts so badly that it's about to crack.I moved my butt and changed my position. It hurts to stay in one position for a long time.

They adults think that our children don't understand anything, we think we can see through the world when we grow up, but in fact there are too many truths in life that we can only understand after we stumble and get up.I agree with half of it. I know it's not such an important value. People don't understand the truth when they arrive.

But the day of adulthood is indeed special. Everyone or everything thinks that you should grow up. Difficulties and setbacks also feel that they come one after another; happiness and joy are also felt, and they rarely care.Even you feel it.

I withdrew from our group in front of Sanzi without saying anything.

The third son scolded several times in a row. He felt that I was too indifferent, maybe there was some misunderstanding, even if there was no misunderstanding such a big thing, he had to make it clear in person.He frowned, and rarely spoke to me with such a strong attitude, "I know you are very angry, but don't you even want to know why? How many years, brother Li, how many years have we been together?"

We've known each other since elementary school, but we were not in the same class, each of us recognized each other, and we didn't really start playing together until junior high school, and now we're in the third year of high school.

Sometimes I feel that no one in this world understands me, and I live very pale.

Yes, it is paleness, no matter where I am, I can see lively people who are either happy or unhappy, they are colorful, only I am pale, no one comes to color me.I even think that maybe this is why I like my brother, the black on his body is so thick that it seems that I can get the color on it as long as I get closer.

I really don't want to know what Xu Yucheng will say, maybe he will regret and apologize and say that he was infatuated for a while, maybe he will get angry and reveal a bunch of my shortcomings, and maybe he will clarify that this is a misunderstanding.The third son thinks that my indifference means that I don't care about Xu Yucheng, I know what he means, and the implication is that it's no wonder he betrayed me, because I don't care about him at all.

The logic of many people is very simple in my opinion, and I envy such simple people.

I once asked Song Yiwei this question, why do girls think that I love her by buying them bags? As a woman, Song Yiwei felt offended, and asked me to reduce the pathological method of attacking others in exchange for my own sense of security.I said sorry to her and replaced it with the question I really wanted to ask: I'm used to being misunderstood, I don't bother to explain, and I even think it's great that you can misunderstand me.

Song Yiwei said that I lack love.

I don't understand how she can tell from my question that I lack love, but the fact is that I do lack love.

The temperature in Maicheng is already very cold at night. I actually want to smoke a cigarette more than drink, but my hands are cold, so I can only give up.

When I speak, when I breathe, I can spit out white air, which floats between my son and me, and finally drifts away, getting weaker and weaker.

When I stood up from the stone bench, my posture was a little stiff. I don’t want to explain to Sanzi that I’m quite sad. I don’t look so calm on the surface. I can be so calm because I just got fucked by a “scumbag”, ass A lot of pain.If I'm alive and kicking I'll do a bungee jump tonight, screaming and jumping into the air, pretending I'm dead.

The third son also knows that we have been together for several years, but because we are going to lose Xu Yucheng, we ignore the harm he caused me. The words Mi Qiao said were probably taught to her by Xu Yucheng. Li Zhou said together that I am a bastard who is not worthy of entering the Liu family.

Who will comfort me?Who the hell will comfort me?The most unlucky thing is Lao Tzu, I am not worthy of being considered, not worthy of being comforted?

I don't blame Sanzi, I know he's crazy, I've always been considerate of others, I can forgive anything.

Or it may be like Sanzi said, I don't care about anything.

When I got back to Lishuiyuan, the lights at home were turned off.

The phone call that disturbed my brother in the cafeteria in the afternoon was from my mother. Today is Sunday, and the old man of the Liu family has his [-]th birthday today.

When my mother called me that phone call, Liu's house should be busy, I almost imagined that she appeared alone without me, and Chen Zhiyuan didn't go home with her again, how many eyes she received.She must have pretended that she didn't understand, and then she found some reason to hide and call me, or she wanted to persuade me to go over, and she didn't know if it was to let me share her pain or to make me aggravate her pain.

I sat on the sofa with my buttocks, I thought my sofa was soft enough to not be uncomfortable, but the pain was so painful that I almost jumped up again!Anyway, there was no one at home, so I grinned my teeth and simply lay down on the sofa. When it was over, I missed my brother when my butt hurt.His house is so big, my house is also so big, I will be lonely, won't he?

It turns out that this is the feeling of liking someone. I have been in a lot of relationships before, but I have never felt this kind of feeling. I feel my brother slowly flowing out of my heart, making my whole body feel warm, so warm that my eyes feel hot. Weeping, girls chirping.

The villa in Lishuiyuan is so big, it has everything, except my brother.

At eight o'clock in the evening, the Liu family should have stopped.The people from Liu's family have rushed back one after another since Saturday, and the celebration should start at noon today. The old man goes to bed early, so he won't toss around too late at night.I looked at the red missed call in the call log, and thought of my mother holding my hand tightly ten years ago, smiling and listening to their sarcastic remarks.

I turned over and called my mother.

When I called the first time, no one answered. After I got bored and hung up, my mother called back half a minute later. I knew she had cried after saying "Hello".I began to regret calling her again. I was annoyed when I heard her voice, and even more annoyed when I heard her cry. I didn’t know what she was thinking. He insisted on going back to Liu's house with shame.

"Little Li, I didn't hear that just now. Mom had a great time here. Are you home?"

I squeezed the phone, knowing that she didn't answer my call just now because she was crying, so I didn't expose her, "Well, I'm back."

"Just go back. Are you tired today? Go to bed early, and mom won't bother you. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." I hung up the phone.

I snapped the phone over and lay down on the sofa again, motionless.

After lying on the ground for less than half a minute, I raised my head again and glanced at WeChat. No one was looking for me, neither Xu Yucheng nor my third son, let alone my brother.

He clasped the phone again, stretched out his hand and pulled the pillow on the sofa to bury his head in it.

I didn’t turn on the light after I came in. The light in the fish tank in the living room was on 24 hours a day, and it was too weak to illuminate me. I lay down on the sofa with my hands hanging powerlessly, trying to let myself go.I emptied Zhou Boxin, Liu Fang, Xu Yucheng and a series of people in my brain, but when I really emptied it, I suddenly felt that the whole world had nothing to do with me, and all people and things had nothing to do with me.

No one defends me, no one misses me, and no one needs me.

The word Chen Li became vague and indistinct, and he raised his hand and scratched his hair indiscriminately, making it into a mess.I used to always like to find some meaning for myself, associate with people who like me...like Chen Li, and satisfy their wishes in exchange for the meaning and satisfaction of my existence. I don't know whether it is right or wrong to do so, but now this kind of The method no longer works.

I have someone I like, and I can't date anyone else.

The meaning of my existence can only be given to me by him.

I got up from the sofa, sat and looked up at the door on the second floor that belonged to my brother, which was hardly opened. After looking at it for a long time, I saw that my neck hurt a little.Then he bent down deeply, pushed his head into the pillow on his knees, took a deep breath, grabbed the phone and dialed my brother's number as quickly as possible.

My hands trembled uncontrollably, but in fact I knew my brother would not answer. I used to call him occasionally, but he would never answer.I will never find him, and he will come to Lishui Garden only when he is willing to appear in front of me.I know he won't pick up, so I don't expect it, and if I don't expect it, I won't be nervous.

Don't be nervous, exhale, inhale; exhale, inhale.

"Beep-beep-"

"Beep-beep-"

……

The air suddenly became quiet, and my heart skipped a beat. When I looked up, I saw the call time on the screen of the phone, which was increasing every second.

"Brother." I called out a single word only to realize that my voice was very hoarse and my whole body was shaking. I buried myself deeply in the pillow, muffled my voice, and wondered if he could still hear it.

"Brother, I miss you so much."