look at me

As a leader with a relatively good relationship, Fu Gangqiang knew that he should not ask too much about Bai Chuan's life.Everyone has his own way of life and choices, even if he disagrees, he has no right to speak out.

Fu Gangqiang put the still warm muffins on the table, gritted his teeth, and still couldn't help saying, "You always..."

Seeing Bai Chuan's indifferent expression and scarred body, he was both angry and regretful.

How could he not cherish his body so much?

Is that man healthy?Are you sick?He heard that gay men have a very high incidence of disease.

Suddenly, Fu Gangqiang recalled the message from Bai Chuan's mother and Bai Chuan's expression at that time.

He realized that the illness Bai Chuan's mother mentioned was not a cold or fever.

Bai Chuan has been hiding it from the very beginning, from the first time they met.

Thinking of Bai Chuan silently carrying this burden, smiling and living like a normal person, being careful not to reveal any flaws, his chest felt like a boulder was being pressed down, feeling stuffy and painful.

He asked softly, "You...do you do this every time?"

Bai Chuan lowered his head and looked at himself: "It's not every time, this time the other party hit harder. Of course, I didn't spare him."

His complexion is very fair, and a little force will leave marks. It looks miserable, but there are not many substantial wounds.

The person I met yesterday liked to play with props, and Bai Chuan knew it was going to be bad on the way, and the other party was too excited to stop.Enduring the discomfort behind him, Bai Chuan beat up the other party, and the two parties broke up unhappy.

No matter how beautiful Bai Chuan is, he is still a man with a height of 1.8 meters, and he still has strength.

At this time, Bai Chuan seemed calm and sophisticated, and he was able to say some irrelevant words to Gang Qiang with ease.

In fact, his mind is blank, and no one would want to show his embarrassed side in front of the person he likes.He no longer knew what he was talking about and what expression he should make.

If he didn't smile, he was afraid that he would cry.

It doesn't matter, the world is destroyed.

He and Fu Gangqiang could still see each other when they were dying.

Bai Chuan thought, is such a thought considered self-defeating?

Fu Gangqiang always believed that he knew Bai Chuan better than anyone in the sales department.Bai Chuan standing in front of him, from his tone of voice to his eyes, made him feel very strange.It was as if he had known another Bai Chuan with the same name and surname before.

"Have you taken safety precautions?"

Bai Chuan: "Yesterday, all the props were used, and that person only knows how to use his hands." Bai Chuan said in a mocking tone, "He can't go down there, he shoots as soon as he touches it, he's limp..."

"Needless to say." Fu Gangqiang's volume suddenly increased, and Bai Chuan's voice stopped abruptly.

Bai Chuan lowered his eyelids, touched his neck, and said softly with a smile, "Minister, you think I'm disgusting."

A homosexual who has no morals, no integrity, and is being played with by strange props.

Bai Chuan thought nonchalantly, hate me, transfer me to another department, don't talk to me again, turn your head away when you see me like you saw a bug.

Leave him alone to fend for himself.

"As I said, I don't hate homosexuality, and I don't think it's disgusting. Everyone has their own way of life." Fu Gangqiang was too hasty when he came in. He didn't take off his shoes, and stepped on the clean floor, leaving a trail of footprint.

He stooped to take off his shoes and put them aside.

He was still angry, and there seemed to be a cloud of smoke in his chest that would not go away, but he knew that he could not say anything that would embarrass Bai Chuan now.

Bai Chuan seemed indifferent, but his left hand was trembling slightly. He leaned against the wall to make himself look not so bad.

"Can you sit down? Or lie on your side, don't stand up." Fu Gangqiang took off his coat, rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, walked to the bed and opened the heavy curtains, and the sunlight flooded into the room instantly.

Fu Gangqiang opened the thin gauze curtain to block the scene inside.

Bai Chuan leaned stiffly against the door, staring blankly at Fu Gangqiang.

"Can I help you?" When the light came in, Fu Gangqiang could clearly see the things on the coffee table. Disinfectant, ointment, bottles and jars, and gauze swabs were scattered on it, and the tip of the used cotton swab was stained with dark red. and tan liquid.

Fu Gangqiang took a deep breath, looked away, and asked Bai Chuan, "Shall I take you to the hospital?"

Bai Chuan looked at the ground, shook his head, and said with a wry smile, "How about going to the hospital? Was stabbed by a toy?" Bai Chuan was not in good condition, but his words were like a speeding train with no brakes. As soon as he entered the door, he started to run away.

Fu Gangqiang was silent for a few seconds, and said: "The intestinal tract is very weak. If you don't go to the doctor, you may get an infection. Besides, doctors in the anorectal department have encountered this kind of situation. You don't have to explain it. Let me explain."

Bai Chuan shook his head, as if he didn't want to get an IV in the clinic, and said, "There's ointment, I'll apply it myself."

Fu Gangqiang confronted him for a while, then sighed, "You have something to eat first? I bought muffins, which are still warm."

Bai Chuan leaned against the wall and shook his head: "If you don't eat, it will be very painful to pass."

Like a stone statue that doesn't get in, Fu Gangqiang didn't know what Bai Chuan was thinking. Seeing him leaning against the wall with a pale face, Fu Gangqiang approached slowly and stretched out his hand: "Come on, I'll help you , go to lie on the sofa for a while, don't stand up, don't you still need to apply medicine?"

Bai Chuan turned his head to the side, not meeting his gaze, and whispered: "Minister, you go back, I will do it myself."

"Don't make me say it a second time, I'm in a bad mood right now, if you say one more word, I'll throw you on the sofa." Fu Gangqiang gritted his teeth, his anger was still there, and he patiently talked to Bai Chuan It took all my patience to speak.

Hearing Fu Gangqiang's angry voice, Bai Chuan pursed his lips, and without reaching out to Fu Gangqiang's hand, he moved slowly towards the sofa. He walked very slowly, and Fu Gangqiang didn't urge him , followed him in case he fell.

Seeing Bai Chuan leaning sideways on the sofa, Fu Gangqiang went to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.

"I'll help you paint the wounds on your legs and body, but you took off your T-shirt." After washing his hands, Fu Gangqiang looked at the bottles and jars on the table and said after finding out the ointment.

Bai Chuan became very quiet, with no smile on his face, obediently took off his T-shirt, seeing the scars underneath, the veins on Fu Gangqiang's forehead were protruding, and he couldn't help but want to swear.

"Do you need a tetanus shot?" Fu Gangqiang asked, pointing to the bitten tooth marks on Bai Chuan's lower abdomen.

Bai Chuan shook his head: "No, just apply alcohol to disinfect."

Fu Gangqiang's facial expression was tense, and his expression was gloomy and scary. If Department Chief Wang and others were present, he would probably be too scared to breathe.

On the contrary, Fu Gangqiang's movements were very gentle, afraid of Bai Chuan's pain, he would blow air and apply medicine on some broken skin wounds.

Bai Chuan lowered his eyes, his gaze fixed firmly on Fu Gangqiang's face.

"If you want to do this kind of thing, can't you find a regular man? Don't mess around like this." Fu Gangqiang couldn't help but said.

Bai Chuan: "Homosexuals seldom find a fixed partner, and they will soon separate after dating." A relationship without future and security is more fragile than soap bubbles.

Fu Gangqiang frowned and said, "Aren't gays married abroad? If you really want to look for it, you can always find it."

Bai Chuan tilted his head slightly: "Isn't the minister also single? You can't find a suitable woman for a serious man like you, and it's even more difficult for a man to find a man."

Fu Gangqiang: "Our situation is different. You are not rushing to get married. Even a long-term fixed partner is better than changing someone at a time."

Bai Chuan: "If you don't like it, it's better to change to another man once in a long-term fixed partner, and it's still fresh."

Fu Gangqiang paused for a moment while putting the Band-Aid on, raised his head, and asked Bai Chuan seriously: "What do you think of yourself?"

No matter a man or a woman, once they become able to open their legs easily to others, a crack will quietly crack in the depths of their hearts.

That gap will accumulate over time and become a void, which is not painful or itchy at ordinary times, but at critical moments, it will make people feel overwhelmed with pain.

Distorted pleasure always has a price.

Bai Chuan deserves to be treated better. Although his sexual orientation is different from the public, he deserves to be loved and cherished by others.

From Fu Gangqiang's acquaintance with Bai Chuan to now, even if he disagrees with his sexual orientation, Fu Gangqiang still thinks that Bai Chuan is a very good person.

"Maybe you think my thinking is too rigid, but I still want to tell you, Bai Chuan, you have to treat yourself well, don't get lost under the drive of desire, even if you can be happy for one night, there will be no change the next day .”

Fu Gangqiang dipped a cotton swab into the ointment, and gently applied it to Bai Chuan's jaw. The graceful jaw was slightly red and swollen.

"...You think I don't want to?" Bai Chuan murmured softly.

"What?" Fu Gangqiang didn't hear clearly.

"Fu Gangqiang, I have someone I like."

Fu Gangqiang's movements were slightly sluggish, this was the first time Bai Chuan called his name, as if he knew what was going to happen, Fu Gangqiang stopped applying the medicine.

Looking up at Bai Chuan's eyes, Bai Chuan smiled, and Fu Gangqiang's froze face was reflected in his sad eyes.

"Fu Gangqiang, I like you." He said softly.

He didn't want to say it.

The best result is that Fu Gangqiang leaves him alone, walks out of his house with disgust towards him, and leaves him with the sound of closing the door.

Ke Fu Gangqiang did not leave.

He drew back the curtains and reached out to him.

The palm was so wide and big that Bai Chuan wanted to hold it every time, to feel its warmth with his own palm.

When Fu Gangqiang applied the medicine to him, his mind went blank.

He asked himself in his heart, how could he like someone so much?

If his heart could be shaped and cut open, it should be filled with Fu Gangqiang.

Fu Gangqiang's profile, his voice, his stubble, his smile, the back of him standing at the elevator entrance waiting for him to follow.

"Sorry." Almost at the same time, Fu Gangqiang moved his mouth and said.

"...I don't like men."

"I know." Bai Chuan's expression didn't seem to have the slightest expectation, and he said softly, "I just want to tell you that I like you, from the welcome wine bureau? From when you brought me into the department? Or the first time I introduced myself when? Who knows."

Bai Chuan spoke carefully.

"I will apply to be transferred to another department." Bai Chuan said, "Otherwise you will feel embarrassed."

"That's not necessary." Fu Gangqiang waved his hand: "Don't worry, I won't bring this matter to work."

Fu Gangqiang replied mechanically.

At this moment, his brain is like a computer implanted with a virus, and one dialog box after another pops up, with only one sentence on it:

Can you really distinguish between public and private?

The author has something to say: pay the old man a day of entanglement

Just one day, no more!

I, the manager of a sugar factory, can't sit still.