imaginary rival

That loud noise awakened too many bad memories.

When returning home after dinner in the afternoon, Yan An leaned against the car with his eyes closed. There seemed to be an echo of the loud noise in his ears. In front of him, the landing sound was deafening.

Then there is blood.

Boundless blood.

Ran Hang didn't suffer serious injuries that time, and he didn't shed much blood. Yan An didn't understand that Ran Hang in his memory would be a bloody man, he always felt that Ran Hang's blood splashed on him that day.

He was a little scared.

He was afraid that he would follow the same path as Ran Hang.

Yan An opened his eyes, just in time to meet Jiang Shiyu's gaze: "What's wrong?"

Jiang Shiyu hesitated for a while, then handed over his hand: "Hold?"

Yan An froze for a moment, and reached out to hold his hand.

On a very hot day, Jiang Shiyu's hand was also hot, and it was very comfortable to hold. Yan An didn't let go until he got off the car. He saw several red marks on Jiang Shiyu's fair skin.

"Hey," Yan An said, "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay." Jiang Shiyu didn't care, "Just take it as my retribution for slapping you."

"What retribution," Yan An said, "You never really hit me before."

"You didn't really break my bone." Jiang Shiyu smiled and put his hands into his trouser pockets.

Xie's mother was going to pick up Xie's father from get off work, and she took Xie Lanlan away together. Before leaving, Xie Lanlan's eyes were quite unique, from the initial temptation, surprise, to the previous precautions, hesitation, and now.

The look in which you fucking dare to snatch my son and I hate you is very similar to Yan An's look at Sun Ke.

As expected of a childhood sweetheart.

But Jiang Shiyu knew that she had no prejudice against homosexuality, which would make it easier for him to get along with Xie Lanlan.

Mother had no objection to Jiang Shiyu's going to sleep at Yan An's house at night, and only asked a few words not to cause trouble to others. Yan's mother quickly said that Jiang Shiyu was a good boy, so why would he cause trouble? Anyway, Jiang Shiyu followed Yan An in the end. Ann is gone.

Back in the bedroom, Yan An lay down on the bed and let out a long sigh of comfort. After a while, his expression became a little confused again, with fear and struggle in his eyes.

Jiang Shiyu frowned and looked at him for a while, then said, "Why don't you just stop talking about it."

"Huh?" Yan An sat up.

"If you are afraid of having nightmares, I can sleep with you directly," Jiang Shiyu said, walking to the bedside, "You don't have to exchange any stories with me."

Yan An's eyes became a little confused again, he stared at Jiang Shiyu for a while, and suddenly laughed: "That's right, what a rascal."

Jiang Shiyu didn't react, and looked at him directly.

Yan An flipped the air conditioner at the end of the bed and patted the bed: "Come and sleep with the uncle!"

"You must be sick." Jiang Shiyu said sincerely.

Yan An was relieved for a while, and put the air conditioner back on.

Little Hail immediately jumped up, put her paws on the quilt, squinted her eyes and fell asleep slowly.

It was already dark outside, and Mother Yan knocked on the door and asked them to take a bath, so the two of them went to take a bath one after another, and after coming out, they wore the same style of big pants and sat by the bed and chatted casually.

Although Yan An seemed to be fine.

But Jiang Shiyu gradually understood that it was just a look, and he still remembered the strength of Yan An's grip on himself when he was in the car.

"Hey, it's comfortable..." Yan An lay on the bed, his clothes were pulled up a lot, exposing a section of his waist, Jiang Shiyu glanced twice, and then looked away.

"Come to sleep." Yan An patted the bed again.

"Master is here." Jiang Shiyu sighed and climbed onto the bed.

Yan An pulled up his clothes, lay down and turned to look at Jiang Shiyu, and Jiang Shiyu also looked at him.

No one spoke for a while.

The pillows were very close, and they were also very close, Jiang Shiyu had the illusion that they were going to kiss in the next second.

kiss.

Will he kiss Yan An?

Probably not, Yan An not only has someone he likes, but also seems to be homophobic, he really has no chance at all.

Can I steal a kiss?

Is it a little immoral?

Jiang Shiyu stared at Yan An for a while, and forced himself to look away.

Also at the moment when he looked away, Yan An sighed lightly.

"Huh?" Jiang Shiyu was puzzled.

"It's nothing, just... let me ask you," Yan An said, before continuing after a while, "Is there anything you're particularly afraid of? Just like I'm afraid of ghosts."

Jiang Shiyu thought for a while: "No."

"At this time, you should say yes, understand," Yan An stared at Jiang Shiyu, "otherwise I will lose face."

"Then come again." Jiang Shiyu said.

"Is there anything you're particularly afraid of?" Yan An repeated.

"Yes." Jiang Shiyu smiled.

Yan An smiled and gave him a thumbs up. After a while, he sighed again.

"What's wrong?" Jiang Shiyu turned to look at him.

"...No, just today's incident, it brought back some memories for me," Yan An looked conflicted, "What I wanted to say, but you didn't let me say it again, I... I'm a bit suffocated It hurts."

Jiang Shiyu was stunned.

"I'm different from you. I can't hold back." Yan An sat up cross-legged, and the air conditioner slipped off his body. You yelled, this time..."

"I thought you didn't want to say it." Jiang Shiyu also sat up and looked at him worriedly.

Maybe it was because the worry in his eyes was too obvious, Yan An was taken aback for a moment, then stopped talking and muttered: "I want to say, don't let me say that I'm so uncomfortable."

"Then tell me," Jiang Shiyu said hastily, "I'll listen."

"...Hey," Yan An raised his hand and rubbed his face, "Talking for a while is like writing a composition."

Jiang Shiyu still looked at him worriedly.

Little Hail came out of the cat's nest again, jumped onto the bed, and sat between the two of them, seeming to be mocking some kind of pleasure.

Yan An grabbed it by the neck and threw it under the bed.

Little Hail jumped up again.

"Lao Tzu," Yan An stared at it, "Believe it or not, I'll go and sit in your cat's litter!"

Little Hail flicked its tail fearlessly.

"I'll let your brother beat you!" Yan An growled.

"Brother it?" Jiang Shiyu was stunned for a moment, and quickly realized, "Oh, me."

"Yes." Yan An glanced at him, the corners of his mouth curled up, and Jiang Shiyu also smiled.

In the end, the two couldn't resist Little Hail, and let it sit between them.

It was completely dark outside at this point, and the window panes lit up a few lights. Yan An's eyes fell on Jiang Shiyu, but the spirit in his eyes was not on him. He was thinking about something, slowly weaving something in his mind. .

After a while, he suddenly said, "Do you know that kind of treatment institution?"

"What kind?" Jiang Shiyu asked.

"Cure Internet addiction." Yan An found the most understandable item, and then talked about other things, "Cure children who rebel, disrespect their parents, don't like learning, and...homosexuality."

Jiang Shiyu was stunned for a while.

"Ran Hang... that is, the one who was sent there for medical treatment," Yan An paused for a while, "gay."

gay.

To heal gays.

Jiang Shiyu was suddenly overwhelmed by these words, his brows were furrowed, and he looked away.

"I just turned eleven that year, and he was the same age as we are now, seventeen, almost eighteen," Yan An said slowly, smoothing the hair of Little Hail with one hand, "During that time, my parents were very special. Busy, Xie Zhu was just born, something happened during the delivery, Uncle Xie and the others couldn't even take care of Xie Lanlan, let alone take care of me."

Jiang Shiyu nodded without interrupting Yan An.

"I went to Ran Hang's house for dinner. It was quite calm at first. His family is very nice, and the situation in my family is... similar." Yan An tilted his head and continued, "Parents are very cheerful, and they don't mind making jokes. It can be said that the elderly in the family are still alive, so it is a very harmonious family anyway.”

When he said this, he suddenly looked up at Jiang Shiyu: "Until one day, Ran Hang made a boyfriend and was seen by his mother."

The city is neither small nor big.

Walking around the streets, you can always meet a few acquaintances. Ran Hang probably never thought that he would just meet his mother, nor did he think that his always open-minded mother would become like that at that moment.

From shock and hesitation to hoarseness, with a hideous face, it seemed that all peaceful masks had been smashed to pieces, and then the whole house was broken.

Even if Yan An didn't go to Ran Hang's house, he could still hear those quarrels. Before Ran Hang's house moved, the two families were really too close to each other.

Why do you like men?You are sick, do you know that?

This is not normal.

Did he lie to you?Did he force you?

Taking medicine, hospitalization, psychotherapy, you are sick, sick, sick, sick!

you are not normal!No man likes another man!

Ran Hang's father began to question his mother, why did you give birth to such a child, and the mother began to blame the father for his negligence and non-participation in the child's education.

Anyway, they can quarrel about everything, they argue about everything, Ran Hang was beaten many times, when Yan An saw him a few times, he saw him standing downstairs in the community with a bruised nose and a swollen face, looking at the moon.

He said, Xiaoan, do you know that many things are beyond my control, if I can choose, I don't want to choose such a path.But I can't choose, I was born this way, and I shouldn't force myself to go another way.

"The day after he finished speaking," Yan An took a deep breath, raised his eyelids, and looked straight at Jiang Shiyu, "he was sent to the treatment center."

Jiang Shiyu swallowed, the almost crazy feeling of depression made his eyes sore.

"Probably... about my summer vacation. Aunt Wang happily said that brother Ran Hang's illness has recovered and asked me to go and see him," Yan An said, then paused, "Jiang Shiyu, you Can you imagine what it would be like for a person to be strangled to death by his family in such a short period of time?"

Jiang Shiyu lifted Little Hail away, moved forward, reached out to hold Yan An's hands, nodded, and shook his head again.

"I saw him, he was sitting there, his eyes were dead... No, no, he has no eyes," Yan An frowned, speaking with difficulty, "He told me that there was a girl in the treatment center, In the third week after entering, he fainted several times and could only leave that place. At that time, he was thinking why he was not the one who fainted, and why he was not the one who died.”

"And then on the first day after my summer vacation..." Yan An paused for a while, took a deep breath, and before he could finish the rest, Jiang Shiyu suddenly said: "This paragraph can be skipped, I can almost Guess what happened."

Yan An opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

On the first day after the summer vacation, Ran Hang jumped from upstairs.

Just when Aunt Wang was full of joy and the whole world announced that his son's "illness" was cured, Ran Hang chose to die.

He just landed in front of Yan An.

Did blood splatter?Maybe not.

But the blood was always splashed on Yan An's skin and eyes.

"So you have always been afraid of... homosexuality," Jiang Shiyu said softly, "It's not because you think homosexuality is strange."

"Every time I see homosexuality, I think of Ran Hang." Yan An lowered his head and looked at the hands they held, "I feel... very scared."

Jiang Shiyu didn't say a word, nor did he make any further movements.

He just felt out of breath.

"Later...Ran Hang was sent to a mental hospital again." Yan An whispered.

"What?" Jiang Shiyu looked at him, his eyes widened.

"Aunt Wang jumped off the building because she thought his illness was not cured." Yan An looked at Jiang Shiyu, swallowed a few times, and said slowly, "So he was locked up again."

The author says:

Happy New Years Eve!Happy new year!