Tagged post bipolar omega

Xie Zhitang cried all the way, and when the car parked in the parking lot, he had no emotions left, only tired.

Xie Zhitang has fought against bipolar disorder for so long, and he is very clear about his state before the onset of the disease.

It's just that after he changed to the new medicine, he really felt peaceful.

During the half month since the dressing change, Xie Zhitang's mood was stable, neither sad nor happy, and his mental state was also good.Such a good state made Xie Zhitang raise a kind of expectation-maybe, he can recover.

So he felt the symptoms of illness, and he just put it aside, wanting to test whether the effect of the new medicine can control his condition.

Unexpectedly, he only had a glimmer of hope and boldly walked out of the safe house tentatively, and fell so badly, so disgraceful.

Recalling what he did that day, Xie Zhitang felt ashamed and sad.

How could you make such a joke with Lu Jinsen?How could Lu Jinsen be used to anger an old man?How could he ask about Jiang Haichao's scars in such an impolite manner?How could Lu Jinsen be so angry?

Xie Zhitang buried his face in his hands, thinking disgustedly, what mother said was right, if a person can't even control his own behavior, he is no different from an animal.

When Xie Zhitang was young, when he was troubled by his illness, he told his mother like everyone else.

He said he occasionally couldn't resist doing things of his own volition.

At that time, Xie's mother was arranging her jewelry, and when she heard this, she turned her head and looked at Xie Zhitang who was standing in front of the display cabinet in doubt, and asked, "Is someone forcing you to do something you don't want to do?"

Xie Zhitang was silent for a while, tightened and loosened his clasped hands several times before saying: "No one forced me. It's me...I can't control myself."

The young Xie Zhitang confessed his secret to his mother and wanted to ask her for help.

But Mother Xie just rubbed the gems casually and said, "Then you control yourself. If a person can't even control his own behavior, what is the difference from an animal?"

Xie Zhitang wanted to deny it, but felt that her mother was right.

This is not the last time Xie Zhitang will try to reveal himself.

After hesitating for a long time, Xie Zhitang plucked up the courage to reveal something wrong to Xie's mother again, but it was still not taken seriously.

Xie Zhitang picked a sunny breakfast, and whispered to Xie's mother who was eating breakfast gracefully: "Mom, I'm a little sad."

Mother Xie swallowed the food in her mouth, picked up the napkin and pressed the corner of her mouth before asking, "What are you sad about?"

Xie Zhitang seriously thought about what he was upset about for a while.It doesn't seem to be sad for a certain thing.

It just feels that the things he liked in the past can no longer arouse his interest, as if there is a layer of frosted glass between him and the world, and he looks at the world through this layer of blurred glass, and nothing has anything to do with him.

Xie Zhitang knew that it was not normal to be depressed for such a long time.

So he chose to raise doubts to his closest mother.

"I don't know what I'm sad about, I just feel... sad. Sad and exhausting," he said.

His mother gave him a strange look and said, "You should regulate your emotions."

"There are no difficult things in the world." Xie's mother said: "Sometimes we may encounter very sad things. When my mother's father passed away, I was also very sad, and I cried all day long."

Mother Xie straightened her back and said proudly: "But I came out. What is there to be sad about now? You have to regulate your emotions by yourself. No one can help you. Some roads are destined to be I went alone."

Mother Xie glanced at Xie Zhitang, thought for a while, and comforted her: "Tangtang is so smart, she will definitely learn to regulate her emotions very quickly. Mom can do it, so can you."

Xie Zhitang responded in his heart: "If I could adjust my emotions well, I wouldn't be so sad. But I can't adjust well."

Xie Zhitang wanted to open his mouth, but a huge indescribable fatigue suddenly swept over him, making him unable to move even a single finger.

So what he wanted to say fell silent in his heart.

Just like that, Xie Zhitang seemed to be covered by something, no matter how difficult it was for Xie Zhitang to confide, he walked alone on the road for many years.

Lu Jinsen sat with Xie Zhitang in the car for a while, but Xie Zhitang was still curled up motionless.

Lu Jinsen sighed inwardly, and was about to get out of the car and walk to the co-pilot to see Xie Zhitang. Lu Jinsen unbuckled his seat belt, and the buckle popped out.

The quiet sound startled Xie Zhitang, he trembled suddenly, and immediately raised his head, seeing Lu Jinsen unbuckled his seat belt with one hand, and pressed the doorknob with the other, as if he was going to get out of the car.

So Xie Zhitang rushed towards Lu Jinsen without hesitation.

Lu Jinsen only heard a few muffled crashes, and then Xie Zhitang appeared in his arms.

Xie Zhitang was like a robot whose battery had been exhausted by this last pounce, he refused to speak or move, he just hugged Lu Jinsen's neck loosely, with his knee resting on Lu Jinsen's thigh.

Lu Jinsen quickly realized that he put his arms around Xie Zhitang and said, "I don't want to leave, I just want to go and see you."

Xie Zhitang didn't respond, Lu Jinsen said again: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hurt you. But next time you are not allowed to cross the road."

Xie Zhitang still didn't speak, Lu Jinsen held Xie Zhitang in his arms and thought for a while.It was nearly eleven o'clock now, past Xie Zhitang's usual bedtime.

But Lu Jinsen didn't know when Xie Zhitang would move, so he hesitated for a while and thought, just take him back.

So Lu Jinsen changed into a position that was convenient for hugging, and said, "Hold tight, let's go home."

Lu Jinsen got out of the car holding Xie Zhitang who refused to move, and was about to close the car door when his eyes froze over the storage compartment.

Lu Jinsen bent down and handed Xie Zhitang forward, saying, "Did you see your roses? Take them with you, they will wither in the car."

It took a few seconds for Xie Zhitang to react, he raised his eyelids slightly and looked forward, then slowly stretched out his hand, hooking the flower with his fingertips.

Lu Jinsen got up with Xie Zhitang in his arms, and walked towards the apartment building against the evening wind.

When Xie Zhitang came back to his senses, he was already put on the bed.

Lu Jinsen helped Xie Zhitang take off his coat and shirt, leaving the thermal underwear inside.Through the suit pants, he noticed that Xie Zhitang was wearing long johns again, so he took off Xie Zhitang's outer pants and stuffed him under the quilt.

The nanny immediately twisted a hot towel to wipe the tears on Xie Zhitang's face, and then wiped his neck and neck.

Seeing that Xie Zhitang was being taken care of by a nanny and a nurse, Lu Jinsen prepared to go back to his room after a few glances and couldn't find anything wrong.But as soon as he turned around, Xie Zhitang grabbed his cuffs.

Lu Jinsen asked in a low voice, "What's wrong?"

Even if Xie Zhitang had just recovered, he could tell right away - the moment he met Lu Jinsen's eyes, he knew that if he wanted to arouse Lu Jinsen's desire to protect, now was the best time.

Lu Jinsen felt guilty, and also realized that Xie Zhitang might be in danger at any time if no one took care of him.

Now is the time when his sense of responsibility is the strongest, and it is also the time when his defense is weakest.

It was the opportunity that Xie Zhitang had been waiting for for a long time.

But Xie Zhitang couldn't think of such an idea, and he couldn't even say what he had simulated thousands of times.

Maybe it was because he was too tired, the outburst just now had made Xie Zhitang cry out with tears, and now his skin and flesh seemed to be filled with a thousand catties of mud, and he was falling down with mud.

His soul seemed to be split in two, one half clamoring for him to seize this rare opportunity, and the other half telling him, forget it.

Xie Zhitang felt that they were struggling against each other, weighing each other, and finally emotions prevailed.

So Xie Zhitang only looked at Lu Jinsen deeply, and slowly let go of his hand.

Lu Jinsen thought that Xie Zhitang had something to say, so he waited patiently for a while.But Xie Zhitang just looked at him, and after a while, he let go of his cuff, which meant to let him go.

Lu Jinsen just stood there looking at Xie Zhitang for a while, then said good night and went out.

Xie Zhitang looked at Lu Jinsen's back and silently said good night in his heart, then closed his eyes, and let the nanny around him back and forth to prepare hot water for him and twist the quilt.

Xie Zhitang closed his eyes and remained motionless, as if he had already fallen asleep.

But as long as someone touched him, he could find that Xie Zhitang's muscles were tense, like a wild beast preparing for a hunt, and also like restraining himself with all his strength.

The author has something to say: I want to go to bed early tonight and write more tomorrow.

I am writing very seriously, I hope you like it.

One hundred thousand words is not easy.

晚安诸位。感谢在2020-06-2023:59:08~2020-06-2123:45:05期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the mine: 5 rice dumplings;

Thanks to the little angel of irrigation nutrient solution: 30 bottles of stupid silver; 6 bottles of wow; 1 bottle is really difficult;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!