Like Love But Not

"Why are you in a daze? You never thought about it, right? It's true... You don't need to take the mistakes you shouldn't have to affect your mood! Well, I was wrong, I really didn't Thinking so much," Xiao Heng smiled, baring his teeth as he did when he was a teenager, showing nostalgic smile lines: "Anyway, now that I have bone marrow, I can't die, and you can also take off the burden. That's it, I'm sorry. The agreement wasted half a year for you, and from now on we really have to live our own lives."

He patted me, a very indifferent gesture.At this moment, what he is saying and doing can no longer stab my heart, because Luo Yuchen, a clumsy creature, has already withered in sorrow.Ten years later, I finally saw him show such a carefree smile again, and when he was finally able to smile like this, he said the farewell between us from now on.

"Don't look like you are reluctant to part with life and death, you have an expression that only appears when you are in a TV series." He waved his hand in front of my eyes kindly, and said with a comforting smile: "When I am discharged from the hospital, I will have a chance to invite you Have dinner with Xia Mingxiu, or... Actually, you should invite me to dinner, forget about it, anyway, we will still be friends from now on, keep in touch."

As he spoke, he stretched out his palms, looked at my eyes with the brilliance of the sun and said loudly, "Luo Yuchen, give me some encouragement for the last time."

I went to pat his hands, and he patted me in turn.When we played football together, every day after the training camp, all the teammates would come to such a ceremony to encourage each other, and then bowed and saluted each other and said "Come on, see you tomorrow".

My hand was slapped hot by him, he smiled and bowed like before, but he looked up and said: "Come on, then goodbye."

He left without looking back, and disappeared into the gradually blurred field of vision. He found what should be shining in his life. He should have been a dazzling existence in the crowd, and finally he didn't have to be dusted because of my lack of appreciation. , I should be happy for him.

But why in such a bright afternoon, the tears kept flowing.

In the days that followed, I was buried deep in a mountain of work. If I didn't work, I couldn't get rid of the irritability.If you do something wrong, you know that the remedy is almost as difficult and hopeless as Yugong Yishan, but after digging a hole to hide yourself, you find that running away will not solve the problem at all, it will only make the future worse.

You can't ask for it, you can't hide it, Luo Yuchen's life is really a failure.Sometimes when I think this way, I will unconsciously say it out loud. At this time, the uncle composer who is boringly poking the keys with one or two fingers next to him will smile sinisterly and say: "Luo Daxing is young and promising, how can he fail?" ?”

"Where is it not a failure?" I asked this kind of yin and yang a few times, and I occasionally counterattacked: "I will be 30 years old in the next year, and men generally start a family and start a business at the age of 30. I think I have a successful career like this? What's more, the boss is not young. "

In fact, I don’t care about the career anymore. Unlike other people in our industry, they thrive with the accumulation of experience, and we decline with age.But I can't say anything about getting married. It could have been accomplished, but in the end, I ruined the good life with my own hands.

"Big star, are you full?" Unexpectedly, the uncle stood up and closed the piano heavily, grinding his teeth and said angrily: "At least you have money, money is enough, money is not enough. You will be toyed and applauded by hateful people, so don’t moan about your illness, at least it’s better than me being poor and white.”

"Gu Yan, failure is graded. Your life is definitely more failure than mine, please don't compare casually." I smiled, looking at the person who was even worse than me in front of me, I finally found a punching bag in my bad mood. balanced.

The composer uncle is used to being ridiculed by me, he didn't even lift his eyelids and muttered to himself: "It's good to be like the president, the money is so much that you can burn it for fun, and you have found a beautiful family... It's not yet thirty, he life is really wonderful.”

"What did you say?" My heart slightly!After a while, the uncle said mysteriously: "Inside information, I heard that the engagement is about to be announced, and the bride-to-be is the eldest lady of FA. Although it is a political marriage, it is said that she is a well-educated eldest lady, and our FF and our biggest competitor Once FA is merged, it will achieve a monopoly in the industry, and the interests of these capitalists will..."

He wants... he wants to get engaged?How is it possible, how is it possible?

"Hey, Luo Yuchen, where are you going? There will be a show soon, hello, hello!"

In fact, as long as I am not overwhelmed by jealousy, even if I calm down for a moment, I can figure out that it is not what I understand.But at that time, I was stunned and couldn't understand it. I rushed to the hospital and asked Xiao Heng: "Can you not get married?"

Xiao Heng was stunned, Fang Shuiyi next to me burst out laughing, then leaned forward and back together, Lu Weixi next to me looked like she didn't know what to do, and two or three medical staff looked at me dumbfounded.

It was only at this time that I suddenly realized what kind of oolong I had caused, and there was no ground for me to drill.

Xiao Heng knew that Fang Shuyi was going to get engaged, he was taken aback for a moment before he realized it, and after he realized it, he continued to be in a daze.He didn't speak, Fang Shuyi laughed wildly, Lu Weixi still didn't understand, the medical staff had already slipped away quietly because of a certain fox's creepy laughter.After Fang Shuyi finished laughing, she pulled Lu Weixi, who was not very reluctant, and walked out and said, "Well, I'll leave you two to talk alone."

"...Luo Yuchen, I have a lot of toys in my life, and you are the most fun." When he walked by me, I heard such a sentence, I don't know if it was a psychological effect.

When Fang Shuyi brought him to the door, Xiao Heng had already calmed down completely.He spread his hands and gave me a step down helplessly: "You don't even think about it, how can I get married in my current state?"

He is still pretending, seeing my gaffe so clearly, it is impossible for him to be so dull and not feel at all.He clearly noticed the strangeness, but he deliberately avoided the seriousness, and his eyelids drooped to avoid my enthusiastic gaze.

Maybe I want to thank this misunderstanding. Some things are like this. When you can’t take the first step, you can only see how many difficulties and obstacles lie ahead. It’s chilling to wait until you make up your mind or be forced to helplessness. In short, you have taken the first step. , the following things are already not so difficult.

"Xiao Heng..." I called him, and waited until he hesitated and finally raised his eyes to look directly into my eyes. There was not much doubt or curiosity in it, because we all knew what was going to happen .All I saw in his eyes was calmness, and although it was disappointing, I had to speak.

"Xiao Heng, I..." I walked to his bed and asked him, "Can I stay by your side?"

The voice was trembling, and it was ridiculous to hear.When did my voice become as thin as a gnat, and the vibrato was so obvious at the end.

"Why?" He asked, tilting his head and squinting his eyes to stare at the buttons on my chest. I was thinking about how to answer his question when he suddenly smiled and said, "Luo Yuchen, didn't I tell you After that, you have no responsibility, really no responsibility, why are you so harsh on yourself?"

"Xiao Heng, let's start over."

He froze for a moment, his eyes still fixed on my buttons.I stretched out my hand anxiously to comb the hair that had grown a lot around his ears, and added softly: "We, you and I..."

My hands slid down his hair to his shoulders, and I bent over and hugged him before he was fully clear.Originally, I was just afraid that he would get hysterical and angry when he woke up, and would laugh at my arrogance and ask me why I got to this point. It was as if an electric current had been generated, and it was unbearable to let go. I just wanted time to stay at this moment, and hold him forever after I finished talking about starting over.

Instead of being angry or sarcastic, he took a deep breath.I could feel his body relaxing, as if he was lying in my arms trustingly, I quickly tightened my strength and hugged him even tighter, only hearing the sound of my rapid breathing, and then it was almost unbelievable, he He put his arms around my back, just like he used to hug me all the time.

"Really?" He suddenly asked for confirmation after a while, and I hurriedly nodded, confirming like garlic: "Really, really..."

At that time, I simply thought that it was all right, and simply thought that all the things I had done in the past would be wiped out once I compromised.Because it is Xiao Heng, because Luo Yuchen is always irreplaceable to him, because he is willing to forgive me every time I make a mistake, until he indulges me and becomes a habitual offender.I naively thought that since he condoned it, he couldn't forget all about it in the end so that he could truly bear those injuries, but the fact is that I still know very little about the sins I have committed.

He leaned on my shoulder for a while, then laughed suddenly, which made me feel a little creepy, and then muttered to himself: "What am I doing like this, because the money is useless, so I started to use suicide as a threat to tie others by my side. ?”

One sentence made all my previous unrealistic illusions disappear, and a chill filled my body.He pushed me away and said decisively with a blank face: "Luo Yuchen, you shouldn't be kind to me. I made a mistake ten years ago, do we need to repeat it?"