Like Love But Not

Finally I started to understand why I was left behind, watching this happen.

Probably because people who commit suicide cannot be redeemed. The legendary eighteen hells are all about physical torture.And I've begun to wonder if the real hell is where I am now.There is no physical pain, but the heart is like a knife.

God wasn't forgetting me, nor was he trying to test me, he was laughing at me, gloating at me struggling in a different kind of hell he had just invented.

Laugh at me for doing wrong all my life, for casually giving up my most precious life, for selfishly involving everyone in my own misfortune.

Now he should still be laughing at my unwillingness, helplessness and weakness at the moment.

He made me unable to speak or act, and I could only watch the tragedy happen.What next?

I don't know, I dare not think.

Half a month passed by and it was already March.The ice melts and the snow melts, and everything recovers.

The house that holds the memories of my life's joys and pains is still a world of ice and snow.

Luo Yuchen was absent from work for half a month and opened a huge skylight. The company had already issued a serious ultimatum to him, but he didn't care about it, and stayed half dead on the sofa, listless and empty-eyed.

Xia Mingxiu tried his best for half a month, but it was all in vain. He could only worry about him. These days, Luo Yuchen was extremely decadent, and it was all because Xia Mingxiu had to take care of him in addition to his busy work.If it wasn't for Xia Mingxiu, no one would know that he would have died of mildew like this.

I am no longer the president, and I can make him lawless like before.Now that Fang Shuiyi is in power, he cannot live a good life in public or privately.

Xia Mingxiu has been silently taking care of him by his side without any complaints. He doesn't know how many good things he has said and how many public relations he has done in the company.

I have to admit again that I can't beat him.Xia Mingxiu is more perfect than me, stronger than me, and greater than me, Luo Yuchen should be able to see that if what he did to me is already a tragedy, it can only be an irreversible past; and Xia Mingxiu who is beside me now, if he doesn’t know Cherishing it can only lead to another irreparable mistake.

Taking pity on the person in front of him is the simplest truth, but Luo Yuchen is so obsessed with it that he can't figure it out.As a result, Xia Mingxiu, who was very bright with the sun on his body, gradually dimmed because of Luo Yuchen.

Everything is like a nightmare, I have woken up, and I still can't figure out why everything has changed suddenly, and it has suddenly become dark for everyone.I'm stupid, I don't have any complicated thoughts, I just thought about everything at first, and then everyone is happy.

I think that when I'm gone, Fang Shuyi and Xiaolu don't have to cry secretly behind my back all day long, contact hospitals and donors everywhere, desperately looking for a glimmer of hope; Xia Mingxiu doesn't have to look at me with a guilty expression every day , obviously likes Luo Yuchen but remembers my favor to him, hides aside and dare not compete with me; but Luo Yuchen can really do what he wants to do, like the person he really likes.

In the end?I made Fang Shuyi cold, made Xiaolu sad, and made Luo Yuchen and Xia Mingxiu fall into the abyss of extreme self-blame and guilt.

I learned long ago that when a butterfly flaps its wings gently, there will be a chain reaction.I never thought that I would be that stupid butterfly that caused a hurricane and eventually a tragedy.

Now the stupid butterfly has suffered retribution. It wants to watch all this happen, but there is no chance of redemption.

The weather was getting warmer, and Luo Yuchen finally got up from the sofa when the sun that had been frozen all winter finally penetrated the chilly spring to sow warmth for the first time.

Xia Mingxiu watched him slowly walk towards the balcony, breathing deeply in the morning breeze, still piercing but with a hint of gentle wind ruffling his hair, he was suddenly as handsome and elegant as before, chic and moving.

He turned his head to look at Xia Mingxiu, and smiled vainly, but his words were so cold that it made one's hair stand on end.

He said, "Xiao Heng is not dead, I know it."

He smiled so brightly, he didn't know what kind of joy he was imagining, but he didn't see that because of his weird language, the instant expression on Xia Mingxiu's face was extremely sad and frightened.

Luo Yuchen finally returned to normal on the surface, not depressed, nor particularly excited, but the very normal indifference and composure that I am most familiar with, the very normal indifference and composure that I have felt by his side for ten years.He works normally, sings normally, sleeps and eats normally.

He resolutely stopped mentioning the word "Xiao Heng", as if I never existed in his life.But not mentioning it does not mean that his so-called "Xiao Heng is not dead" argument does not exist, and not mentioning it does not mean that his behavior that is too normal to abnormal is taken for granted.

The worry on Xia Mingxiu's face became more and more serious day by day. This kind of normality, which was too sudden and too weird, made us all shudder.

Finally, Xia Mingxiu had no choice but to ask Luo Yuchen at the risk of making him sad: "Shall we go and see Xiao Heng?"

I also really want to see it, I want to know if Fang Shuyi buried me in a very poetic place.

The cemetery in my fantasy is a small uninhabited island. A white cross stands quietly, with garlands placed by people I miss, and red petals scattered around. I think such a lonely place is very suitable for me. .

If I bought a vulgar cemetery casually, I would definitely not spare Fang Shuyi.

Luo Yuchen laughed when Xia Mingxiu said this: "What are you looking at, how do you look at it? Did Fang Shuyi tell you which hospital he is in?"

Xia Mingxiu bit his lip, and reminded him in a low voice tremblingly: "Xiao Heng already..."

Luo Yuchen interrupted him without letting him finish speaking, and said coldly and forcefully: "He just bears a grudge against me, and he will come back after a while when his anger subsides. I know him."

Xia Mingxiu looked at Luo Yuchen's normal face, and didn't dare to speak again.

He lied to himself, but he lied to himself, as if he believed it.Luo Yuchen's escape from reality is very worrying.

What happened later confirmed my worry even more. He actually bought a very expensive diamond watch and said he would make it a birthday present for me.

My birthday is in April and he never bought me a present.But that's not the point, the point is, I'm dead and he knows it.

Xia Mingxiu was obviously frightened by Luo Yuchen's actions, he couldn't help trembling slightly when he saw Luo Yuchen smiling quietly and looking at the shining luxury watch against the sun.

It was Xiaolu who came forward to sing the bad face in the end. Although he still had the color of last time on his face, he still couldn't refuse Xia Mingxiu's request.He stood in front of Luo Yuchen for the second time and told him clearly: "Xiao Heng cut his wrist and committed suicide the day after he moved out of your house."

Luo Yuchen didn't jump up like last time. Instead, he ignored Xiaolu as he had always ignored me for ten years, fiddled with his watch, and smiled noncommittally.Then he suddenly had a creepy tremor. He raised his head and asked Xiaolu eagerly, "Say it again, when?"

There was ecstasy in his eyes, and I watched him, suddenly regretting that I had done one more thing wrong.

"The day after I moved out of your house, December [-]rd."

The tense muscles of Luo Yuchen's whole body suddenly relaxed. He laughed strangely twice, and finally relieved, he took a deep breath, his face overflowing with a touch of ease.He looked at Xiaolu, his black eyes flashed with pride: "You really lied to me."

As soon as Xiaolu moved his body, he had the urge to come up and beat him, but Xia Mingxiu stopped him.