Like Love But Not

I always thought that people have no soul after death.Even if there is, it must be because of too much obsession or too much resentment and unwillingness in life, so they turned into lonely ghosts and wandered in the world.

It now appears that this is not entirely the case.

I am dead.Cut his wrists to commit suicide.

When I died, I thought that I didn't have too much resentment and unwillingness, but I just felt that there was no point in living any longer.

When people really despair to a certain extent, death is not a terrible thing.I just remember that the cold water flowed through the hideous cut on the wrist, and the pool of water slowly turned from pink to scarlet. I quietly watched my hand float in the water, and then slowly closed my eyes.

Finally, everything was let go.Finally, it is time to let go.

All the love and pain, longing and sorrow can finally disappear.

This time I really let you go.

So, I sincerely hope that you will be happy in the future.

I never thought that I would have the chance to see the light again.

A faint soft light, like a solar eclipse, gradually revealed a ray of light in the endless darkness, and then became brighter and brighter.

There seemed to be a vague double image in front of my eyes. I was half asleep and half awake, and I didn’t realize it. Looking back now, my body was very light at that time, floating in the air like a leaf. I couldn’t feel warmth or cold, and I couldn’t feel pain or sadness. Surrounding me is nothingness as light and soft as a feather.

I began to gain consciousness. In the dark, I felt something pulling me forward. The surrounding scenery brightened and darkened, and then faded and brightened. Gradually, the light dispelled the darkness, and then the light also dimmed, turning into A nostalgic orange light.

The scene in front of me, like an unfolding scroll, became clear and realistic.

I was still a little confused, and I looked around like a sleepwalker, and I couldn't be more familiar with the place. This was the home of me and him.

The dark mahogany floor, the large and soft white sofa, and the floor-to-ceiling art table lamp are still shrouded in a warm orange halo, sprinkled on his peaceful sleeping face as usual.

It has become a habit, and I appreciate it almost from the first moment.

He always liked to fall asleep on the soft sofa with a dim lamp on, and he slept very dishonestly.I like to secretly sit beside him when he falls asleep, watching his handsome face like a knife, and the faint brilliance of the silver cross earrings shining in the black hair on the cheek.

"Hmm..." He turned over slightly, frowned, seemed to feel cold, and reached out to fumble for the Indian blanket with intricate patterns.

He tossed and tossed the blanket to the ground long ago. In the past, I gently helped him cover him back again and again, but now I can only stand on the side, unable to help.

Unable to touch the quilt, he was forced to wake up.My heart slightly!After a while, he felt as guilty as if he was caught peeking at him sleeping, but this time he glanced at me, but he didn't get angry, but reached out and picked up the quilt from the ground.

I was standing so close to him that his hands actually went through me as he took the blanket, and neither of us felt the slightest difference.

He can't see me, he can't touch me.He can't feel my presence.

In fact, it doesn't matter, anyway, when he can see me, he always ignores me, and when he can touch me, he tries not to touch me as much as possible.

When I was by his side, he always regarded me as air, but now, I really am air.

Satisfied, he grabbed the blanket, fell back on the sofa, and fell asleep again in an instant.

I watched him fall asleep quietly, and admired my good self-cultivation in my heart.

I should be hysterical, I should be freaking out, I should be in a rage, I should try to grab God by the collar and shake it like hell and ask him what the hell is going on.

However, I have not been able to see God, I have not been able to see black and white impermanence, I have not been able to see Hades, I have not seen any of the legendary people who can see after death can at least give me a direction Someone who told me what to do next.

I died just like that, I didn't go to heaven, I didn't go to hell, and somehow I became a lonely ghost that no one cares about and asks about.

And it happened to be tied to him, I can't remember what the scientific name of this is, earth bound spirit?

I think I must have done something wrong, for example, the gate of heaven opened behind me, and I accidentally didn't see it; or black and white impermanence happened today, so I was left here irresponsibly.

Or, under the careless self-deception, I secretly hide too intense obsession, grievance and unwillingness in my heart.

I do not know.

When I first regained consciousness, it was like waking up from a nightmare.I found myself in the car while he slept in the back seat with a tired face.

I often come back from the company in the same car with him. He often ignores me and falls asleep on his own. I can understand him. It takes a whole day to be on the show, which is very exhausting.It is actually difficult to be a big star, admired by thousands of people.

I reached out, but couldn't touch his hair.

That was the first time I realized that I was not the same as before.

I called the driver, the driver didn't look back, I called his name, he ignored me.

My body is very light, and my feet are still on the ground, but my body has no substance, and no one can see or hear me anymore.

When the car drove downstairs and he got out of the car, I would be led away by him as if I was tied to him.By visual inspection, the furthest distance was only three meters.

Then I anxiously followed him back to this familiar place that couldn't be more familiar.

The tasteless bright yellow fringed curtains I picked are hung on the windows, with cute ducklings printed on them, which is incompatible with the simple and stylish atmosphere of the whole room.

The furnishings haven't changed much. The lamps, sofas, and pillows are still as I remember them.

It's just that in the photo frame on the table, instead of the photo of me looking at the sun flower dazedly next to him, it was replaced by him and that person.

The man was beautiful and bright, wearing a kitten costume with a bell, and a bright smile on his face; while he was forced to wear dog clothes, he was still handsome and tall with a cold face, secretly carrying a hint of helpless frustration, slender When you look closely, there is a bit of gentleness that is hard to detect.

Although I knew it would be like this for a long time, I still feel frustrated when I see it.

Thinking about the two celebrities, not only do they really love each other in private, but even on the surface, they are the official pairing launched by the company, and they have a lot of fans.Every day on the official website and blog, a bunch of nympho blessings swiped the screen to dazzle the eyes.

Every time I go to his blog and see those ambiguous pictures and fanfiction, I want to jump out and yell: Within ten years, he, Luo Yuchen, will be my Xiao Heng's man!

Looking back now, I'm like the kind of non-main character who usually appears in romance novels who clings to the main character. He overestimates his ability and deliberately inserts a bar between the two main characters, which makes a pair of lovers. The road of human relationship is bumpy, the sea of ​​love is turbulent and troubled for a long time, but they can't get married in the end.

Sure enough, in the end, like the sad supporting role that generally hinders the happiness of the protagonist, I was not only completely swept away as a garbage obstacle, but also ended up with an unhappy ending, which is very satisfying.

I looked up, and failed to find that several of his huge and gorgeous photo posters that I insisted on sticking on the wall were taken away by him.

Compared with the photos that I predicted my fate long ago, this one makes me more angry. I don’t know where he threw it. I have always cherished those photos.

Forget it, when is it? I still care about these.