I only like you as a paper man

you:"………………"

Tosi: "........."

You and Tosi stood at the door of the store, neither of them took a step forward.

The first time you saw someone hanged yourself, the reason why you were stunned was because you were an ordinary person who couldn’t be more ordinary. Of course, your first reaction was: Fuck, someone in my shop committed suicide. I can't sell milk tea anymore, calm down... In short, find the time machine first, no, you should call 119...120 first?Or 110? ?Hey, is it possible to play the system notification sound for the discovery of the dead body at this time?

But Tuo Si is different, he still has eyes that look at the mentally retarded.jpg, but the object of his eyes has changed from you to Osamu Dazai.

"It's a corpse." While speaking calmly, Tosi began to plan how to make it real.

"...It's Osamu Dazai." When you saw the appearance of the person hanging there, you instantly became rational.The question you need to think about now has suddenly changed from "what should I do if someone hanged myself" to "why the paper man crossed again, and my utility bill will increase again".

You looked at Dazai who was swinging from side to side like a European pendulum clock, and said to Tuo Si: "You mean to say that this is a corpse."

"Under normal circumstances, don't normal humans think this is a corpse?"

"But this is not an ordinary situation, and you are not a normal human being."

"..." Tosi said in his heart: I think you are scolding me, but I have no proof.jpg.

"Moreover, under normal circumstances, it should be: people will want to confirm whether there is a chance of rescue, and call 120 first. As for the first reaction, this person must be dead. The person we should call the police must be the murderer. One of the murderer's laws in "Conan"." You talked about your Two-dimensional bean knowledge again, but Tosi didn't respond at all, and you felt a little embarrassed, so you had to say, "Okay, we should let him go first." Come down and give him artificial respiration."

"Are you going to give him artificial respiration?"

"No, not me, you do it, Mr. Dostoevsky."

"...I think he would prefer you to do it."

"But I think it's more effective for you to do it."

"Okay—" But I said no.

Tosi didn't have time to say the second half of his sentence.

Dazai, who was dangling around, suddenly raised his hands to grab the rope, and easily fell to the ground with a back flip.His speed was so fast that you couldn't see what he had done to untie the rope that was originally tied to the beam and bring it down.

"Sorry, can I vomit first?" Dazai pretended to "vomit" and looked at Tosi with an extremely weird look, "Sorry, I don't like artificial respiration with men."

"Look." You pointed at Osamu Dazai, looked at Tosi confidently and said, "I said it would be more effective if you went, right?"

"...You say yes." For a while, Tosi couldn't tell which of you was more mentally retarded.

"The lovely lady!"

Dazai turned around, deliberately threw the rope in the direction of Tosi (of course, Tosi dodged it), then skillfully held your hands, eyes full of expectation, and skipped a long list of wrong words he would usually say. I spoke to you and said, "Are you willing to die for love with me?"

...Although what he said in the end was not very serious.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to." You ruthlessly rejected Osamu Dazai's invitation to die in love.

"Oh—how could this be—I thought, if you were my fan, miss, you would definitely agree to die with me without saying a word!" Osamu Dazai shouted (?).

"Sorry." Tosi raised the corner of his mouth, took out your mobile phone from your purse and held it between the three of you, letting the pendant on the mobile phone fall where Dazai could see it at a glance, as if showing off nothing average.

He chuckled and said to Osamu Dazai, "She is my fan."

Osamu Dazai's expression changed from surprise, to bewilderment, and finally to complacency.He leans close to your ear, puts his hands between the two of you, and you can even feel his breath.

Obviously ready to whisper, but Dazai said to you in a voice that everyone present can hear: "Fan has no future, miss, why don't you think about changing tweets."

"I heard it all." Tosi looked helpless.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dazai, I don't think about it." You swipe a step to the side to increase the distance between you and Dazai. You always see men whispering to the heroine's ear in novels. It's one thing that people blush and heartbeat, but you just feel itchy in your ears, and you don't want to do it again, let alone blush and heartbeat.

You patted yourself on the ear, and then said: "If you follow him, you will have no future at all. If you follow him, you will have no future."

Dazai: "..."

Tuo, who didn't know whether to laugh or not: "..."

"Tch——" Dazai pouted, pulled the seat by the bar and sat down, and looked at the milk tea menu, "However, I really didn't expect to meet in this kind of place, how do you feel?"

"It's not bad, but it's a bit hot." Tosi said, and turned on the air conditioner.

"...You're right." Dazai, who heard what Tuosi said, silently put down the menu, took off his damn thick coat, and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt above his arms, revealing his flawless white face. ……bandage.

Dazai looked at Tuosi who was making milk tea, and when he saw you two, he came to the conclusion that he had traveled to another world and that he should be a paper man in this world.And now, he has come to the conclusion that Mr. Majin, who is forced to make a living (although Osamu Dazai doesn't believe it), has to work part-time in this milk tea shop for some reason or another.

Eh, part-time job.

Dazai stared at the Brulee milk tea on the menu for a long time.

It is impossible to work part-time, and it is impossible in this life,

"Speaking of which, I haven't asked Miss your name yet~" Dazai smiled and looked at you who were cleaning the equipment, thinking about how to drink a cup of milk tea for nothing.

"Chacha, you can also call me Xiaocha or Chazi, but you must not call me Ahcha, because I will think you are calling me Archer."

"What is Archer?" Dazai asked.

"It's the class in the Fate series. Master can sign contracts with heroic spirits of different jobs, and then seven gods will fight to grab the Holy Grail. This kind of battle is called the Holy Grail War. The Holy Grail can fulfill your wishes, which is much better than books. .” You replied to Dazai that you always felt that this conversation seemed familiar, but you have to say it when you introduce yourself to people, and you are used to it.

"What is Fate?"

"It is a general term for a virtual work."

"Oh..." Osamu Dazai understood completely, you are a two-dimensional otaku, "Fyodor must be regretting that he was born in the wrong world."

"Since you already know the situation, why don't you think of a way to go back." Tosi cast a look at Dazai, "If you don't speak, no one will think you are dumb".

"Hey—don't be so rigid, Fyodor, of course you should relax on rare vacations. Ah, don't you think it's more comfortable to stay in prison? Don't you think the beds and pillows are hard there? Stay for a few days My waist is sore and my back is hurting." Dazai put his face in his hands and continued to smile, "Chacha, I want to sleep on that kind of soft bed at night~ and there~ If you can give me a cup of milk tea now, it would be even better ~"

"Why does Mr. Dazai act like he wants to stay here for granted?" You put your hands on your hips, trying to make yourself look dignified.

"Because I crossed over."

"Do you think you can eat and drink for free when you travel over here?"

"...Is it not possible?" Dazai tilted his head, he had already thought of countless ways to eat and drink for free in this world.

"Okay." You sighed, and the little sense of majesty disappeared in an instant.Not to mention living for nothing, a rich woman who wants to support him would probably be able to stand around the People's Square three times, and even use his fans in this world to take several free trips around the world.

In order to prevent Osamu Dazai from causing riots in this world, you decide to adopt this inflatable paper man who has a 99% probability of eating and drinking at your house.

"What about the milk tea?" Dazai poked at the menu, he hadn't eaten since last night.

"If Mr. Dostoevsky is willing to make it for you, you can drink as much as you want. Of course, if something goes wrong, I am not responsible." Your implication is this: I will not make it for you, If you are not afraid of being poisoned to death, ask Tuo Si to do it for you.

"Can I refuse?"

"Okay." You clapped your hands, showing a profiteer's smile, "Mr. Dazai, you need money to buy milk tea, right? Then do you know how money is produced?"

"How did it happen?" Dazai deliberately pretended to be stupid.

"Currency is the inevitable product of the development of commodity production and commodity exchange, and the inevitable result of the development of the internal contradictions of the commodity economy—that is, if you have no money, you can still choose to exchange things."

"..." Dazai thought in his heart: Is it so difficult to deal with the female shop assistants who work in milk tea shops/cafes these days?

"When you sell five cups of milk tea, how about I buy you a cup of milk tea for free! Of course, if you sell more, I will give you a salary. Even Mr. Dostoevsky is here Obediently work, I think he can do it and you can do it too!"

"But I think I just want to make some money for vacation, and he wants to make money to prepare funds for trouble."

"Don't worry, he can't handle it. Chinese snipers are all professional, and they can also snipe from the crotch."

"...It sounds so painful." Dazai Osamu's face darkened instantly, but he didn't know that the crotch|lower snipe you referred to was "sniping under someone else's crotch", not "sniping someone else's crotch|lower".

"..." You didn't notice that Tosi's face also darkened.Sure enough, no matter whether a man is thin or strong, a villain or a protagonist, there will be such a common weakness.

"So give it a try, Mr. Dazai. It's simple and easy. You just need to help with the cash register today! Yesterday, Mr. Dostoevsky asked a person to buy 12 cups."

"Oh—to have one person buy 12 cups—that's amazing—" Dazai pretended to be surprised, "Then let me try it too."

As a result, after a while, Osamu Dazai used his housekeeping skills to persuade a girl to buy 20 cups of milk tea.

Osamu Dazai looked at Tosi proudly - I won.jpg.

The author has something to say: Dazai Osamu: This is different from what was agreed, the rich woman who agreed to take care of me! ! !

Why do you say that Fan Dazai has no money in the article? Here is a popular science

Because Dazai Osamu (and Nakahara Chuya) are popular, the market price of the official merchandise is high and you may not be able to buy it... It's really miserable, and the worst thing is that you may not be able to buy it even if you have money.