Deep Cabinet Licking Dog Diary

Light rain on Saturday, March [-]

I, broke up.

thoroughly.

For the first time in my life, I dumped someone and gave it to the man I loved the most.

Last night, when I walked out of the restaurant, the rain was still heavy and tended to intensify.

Lu Bei came out from behind me, remained silent and held up a big umbrella beside me.

I don't know what to say to him, and I don't know how to act.

Half an hour ago, the two of us sat facing each other on the seats, each looking down at the plate in front of us, listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the window hard, like two statues decorated in the restaurant.

Lu Bei grabbed the napkin in front of him, rubbed it into small balls, and finally said, "Why?"

He was caught off guard, and a little confused.It seemed that he was trying to calm himself down before asking: "I don't understand, why did you break up?"

There's no reason for this... I frowned and thought for a long time, but I didn't have an answer.

He put it another way: "Did you stay with me because you wanted to repay me?"

"……no."

"Then why should we separate?"

"..."

Lu Bei's sudden and persistent questioning was beyond my expectation. I thought he was the kind of person who said "I see" coldly and then turned away.

"I want to have a good life, let's take it easy." I finally said, "It's not that I'm unhappy with you. I seem to be happy every day, but I feel that this happiness is false and fake. It's not safe and secure ...I don't know what to say for a while now, it just seems that I have reached the limit. I am too tired."

I stared at the off-white tablecloth in front of me and said, "I'm going to take a rest."

"..."

It may be rare to meet someone who is not green but wants to break up. Lu Bei seemed at a loss, so he naturally would not ask to stay. He sat on his seat hesitated for a long time, and asked, "Then how long will you rest?"

"Take a break until I feel free to start over."

……

"Okay," Lu Bei finally said, "If leaving me makes it easier for you, then you..."

The second half of the sentence didn't go on.

But we know it.

"Then... that's it." I said.

We walked out of the restaurant, and I spoke first: "I'll pack up tomorrow and take away all my leftovers." After a pause, "Don't worry, I'll pick up Aini too, and I won't trouble you."

"Because I want to move out suddenly, I will pay you the rent for these three months as usual, so don't feel this pressure. And the deposit of thirteen thousand at the beginning, you don't have to pay me back. After all, you also Recharge my meal card, I don't want to owe you anything."

"..."

Although Lu Bei only held an umbrella and didn't speak, his eyes looked like he wanted to beat me up.

"I... let's go back to school tonight, and I'll go get things tomorrow."

For me, the idea of ​​being in the same room after a sudden breakup is extremely awkward, so it's best to avoid him for now.

"Where are you going in such heavy rain?" He asked coldly.

"There should be a bus back to school now, and it's not too far away. I'll be back in a while."

"Don't do it, go back today. You don't have to rush to move this weekend, have you found a place to put the cat?" Lu Bei said with a straight face, "Let's go on Monday."

"No, I still..."

"I can't take so many presents." He said suddenly.

"……Well."

I knew it was his rhetoric, but I still softened my heart.She lowered her head and took the small bags in his hand, silently followed behind him, and squeezed onto the subway home.

The umbrella is very big, but it is even more powerful when it loses to the wind and rain.When I came, Lu Bei still held my shoulders to prevent me from getting wet from the rain, but when we came back, we could only walk side by side embarrassingly bumping shoulders.

go home.Home can no longer be called my home.

Aini still greeted us with his tail raised, rubbing his trouser legs happily, completely unaware of the changed atmosphere and identity between us.Lu Bei went into the house and put his things away, then went straight back to his room, and never came out again.

I sat on the sofa, didn't turn on the TV, just looked at the nothingness in front of me, feeling empty in my heart.

I will never admit that I did something wrong, and I don't want to think about this possibility. After all, it is this belief that has kept me going for so long. After all, Lu Bei is really not a good partner for me.

I am not wrong.I'm not wrong.

I even began to persuade myself not to last forever, having had enough.

But when night came, I started to be hypocritical again.Considering that our relationship is still four days away from the full three months, and we haven't made it to the [-]th anniversary, and it's not even the longest relationship in his college career...

Did I mention it to him too soon?

Is there no need for me to break up with him?

It's too late for me to find him to get back together now...

Sitting on the couch, I've started practicing ahead of time for being single after a breakup.But, with a distaste for honesty, while convincing myself that he is about to stay away from Lu Bei, he secretly hopes that he can come out of his room and talk to me again, even if he shows his face.

But Lu Bei was quiet in the room, and it seemed that he didn't plan to talk to me anymore tonight.

In the end, of course, I refrained from looking for him. I didn't want to be a capricious and hypocritical monster, and it was outrageous to talk about it.

Curled up on the sofa, I thought about taking a nap, but it was dawn soon after I woke up.When I woke up in the morning, I found that I didn't know when I was covered with a quilt.

The house was silent again, as if I was the only one left.

I fell into a drowsy sleep, thinking in a trance that Lu Bei was trying to avoid me, so I simply went out, my heart became flustered, and I hurriedly got up to look for him everywhere.This is my last two days with him!Did he really just walk away?

But when he rushed to his door, he found that his door was not closed tightly. He was wearing earphones and concentrated on watching the drama inside, as if nothing happened.

When I see him, I feel at ease.

Nothing else matters, as long as he's here.

Then today, all day long, there was an unbearable silence.Lu Bei tried not to stay out of the bedroom at home, and even when he was in the public area, he treated me as a transparent person, neither seeing nor talking, as if we were living in two worlds.

Ah, I am always not tough enough, and I made a special trip to make an extra portion for him when I was cooking at noon.But I didn't call him, I just left a note on the table after I finished eating, and told him to eat it later when he saw it was hot.

But after a while, Lu Bei took the initiative to knock on my door.I hurried over to open the door, and when I came up, I saw his poker face: "I ordered takeaway, I won't eat, thank you."

After finishing speaking, he immediately closed the door again, lest I say a word to him.

……

Pfft, he started to have this kind of petty temper again, really speechless.

Very good, Gou Tian, ​​you must know that you are no longer Lu Bei's boyfriend, so there is no need for you to be angry!Don't get used to him anymore!

Feeling depressed for a while, I decided!Go today!go now!

I can't listen to him in everything, why he told me to leave on Sunday, I will leave on Sunday, I just want to leave today, he was caught off guard!Fuck him to death, bastard!

Just do it, I immediately started packing things.Basically, I took all the things I needed to bring to the dormitory for the first two days, and I packed up two bags of the remaining bits and pieces.

Aini is still here for the time being, and Lu Bei also said that she can stay for a few more days.I have contacted the landlord of the small single room that I have been renting for two days. He said that the cheap single room I rented before is gone, but there is a larger single room next door that is 100 yuan more expensive. Just have to wait a week.

I wholeheartedly agreed.

Dragging my luggage to the door, I was hesitating whether to say hello to Lu Bei before leaving.

Unexpectedly, he heard a noise in the room, and rushed out of the room immediately.

His tone was very bad, and he questioned me: "What are you doing?!"

Harm, and finally willing to take the initiative to say something to me today.

"I'm afraid there will be too many people on Sunday tomorrow, so I thought I'd better leave today." I whispered back to him.

My excuses are always lame, but now I'm not afraid of being exposed.

Lu Bei sneered and asked: "Today is Saturday, there are not many people outside?"

I ignored him and fumbled in my pocket for a long time: "Here is the key, here it is for you."

"..."

He seemed to be getting angry, and he took the key through gritted teeth.

"Also," I stood in front of him pretending to be calm, and took out my mobile phone: "Alipay has already transferred all the money to you, three thousand and nine, take a look."

"Oh."

He didn't care about the phone, just looked down at me, and realized that I wasn't joking, his face was getting darker and darker.

"If there's no problem, I'll be leaving."

I picked up two bags of luggage and walked towards the entrance.

"Wait a minute." Lu Bei said suddenly, he turned his head and hurried back to the room.For a moment, I thought he was going to give me some commemorative gift, or to send me a love letter to keep me, but I saw that he took out the yellow dog I gave him.

"Aren't you going to take this dog?" He asked coldly.

I didn't expect him to even return my presents, especially this dog.I didn't want it at once, but my momentum weakened, and I said in a low voice: "This is specially bought for you..." After thinking about it, I changed the subject: "It's so big, it's not easy for me to hold it, so you can put it away."

Lu Bei was indeed scaring me.Seeing that I showed timidity, he then hugged the dog back into his arms and tightened it tightly.

Then stared at me and said deliberately: "I don't want it anymore. It's a bad dog."

I was teased again, but I couldn't get angry, and paused: "Then you can do whatever you want, you can throw it away and give it away, it doesn't matter."

After talking, I didn't want to talk to him anymore, so I left without looking back.

I couldn't see Lu Bei's surprised and regretful eyes behind me, but it didn't affect my stepping out in the slightest.

This was probably the first time I did things according to my own will, and I finally got rid of the shadow of putting Lu Bei first in everything.

Only then did I feel that the emotional process between the two is like a primitive animal contest. There will be injury and pain between the two, and they will fight back and fight for the upper hand, and they will restrain each other to find a balance.

I seem to have found a new way to love you, Lu Bei.

Hurt you, sting you, crush you, conquer you.

Lu Bei, this is just the beginning.