longing

In the last two weeks of the summer vacation, Xu Wei went back to his grandmother’s house for a while with his mother who had a rare vacation. The signal in the countryside was not very good, and it took a long time to load the news, which helped Xu Wei from the almost suffocating thoughts. Pulling out a bit, he followed the old grandmother to rise at sunrise and return at sunset every day. Grandma planted a large garden of vegetables, which grew lush and lush. Xu Wei followed her every day to help carry water and do some manual work.

It has been a long time since my grandfather passed away, and my grandmother refused to live in the city. She guarded her old home and lived happily every day.

"Grandma, do you usually pick these picks yourself?"

Grandma smiled. Wrinkles had accumulated on every inch of her face. She lovingly helped Xu Wei wipe off the sweat from her forehead: "It's easy to pick, stop and rest when you're tired, and continue picking when you're rested."

Xu Wei tilted his head, slightly puzzled: "Why do you have to work so hard, why...don't you live with us?"

"Grandma is old and can't move anymore."

The old people seem to be very persistent about rooting. They have lived, worked, and loved each other on the same land all their lives. They have a very deep obsession with this land. Xu Wei’s eyes are in a trance. In his memory, his grandmother and grandfather often quarreled , Every time I quarreled, my face was red and my ears were red. After my grandfather passed away, no one quarreled with my grandmother anymore, and the old house was quiet.

Xu Wei still remembers the year when her grandfather passed away, she didn’t see her grandma crying at the funeral. A whimpering cry came.

Xu Yu's heart suddenly suffocated. At that time, he didn't know what liking was and what separation was.

But he knows now.

In the evening after work, there is usually a wind blowing along the long and curved concrete road with few cars coming in, blowing from the direction of the sunset. Xu Wei has seen the most beautiful sunset in his life this summer. , a piece of orange red looks like a girl's skirt blown away by the wind, the rippling gentle glow, the vastness of the world, at this moment, it seems to freeze all the beauty and tranquility, Xu Wei's heart is at peace.

He always makes the matter of liking Duan Hefang too humble, sad and painful, but in fact, no matter whether the secret love ends without a problem or not, for Xu Wei, this desperate heartbeat in his youth is something he will cherish all his life , just like the wind in the summer evening, the chirping of cicadas on the roadside trees, the flickering street lamps, and the water vapor bubbling from the sparkling water to the mouth of the bottle. All the gentle and beautiful things are gifts from the years. .

Duan Hefang hadn't slept well for two consecutive nights. It became very difficult for him to fall asleep. His mind was filled with heavy thoughts, and he tossed and turned. His eyes were very clear and he didn't feel sleepy. The eye is the lingering image in his mind - he is holding Xu Wei's face, with a gentle expression, and kissing Xu Wei.

Duan Hefang wasn't sure why he had the same picture. He had only a vague idea of ​​homosexuality until yesterday when he saw two boys kissing with his own eyes. Duan Hefang seemed to be stimulated. A picture of himself kissing Xu Wei appeared in the video, could it be possible that he is actually a homosexual?

He turned over, scratched his soft hair, and sighed softly, a message from Ayun suddenly popped up on his phone, asking him to read a book together tomorrow.

Duan He paused, it was difficult to figure out this matter because of the depression in his heart, he thought about going to ask Ah Yun tomorrow.

The place Ayun was looking for was a coffee shop, which was quite suitable for chatting. Duan Hefang didn't read too much into the book, and chatted with Ayun, his voice was not loud, and he used Chinese. Basically no one can understand.

"I feel that your state is a bit strange recently." Ayun glanced at the black and blue under Duan Hefang's eyes, and then silently withdrew his gaze.

"Didn't sleep very well."

"Don't work too hard. Your study progress is almost catching up with me. Take a rest and play more."

Duan Hefang lightly pursed his lips and said, "I want to graduate early and return to China to study in graduate school."

Ayun frowned: "You went abroad to study as an undergraduate, but returned to China as a graduate student? What's the situation?"

"I don't plan to take root in the United States after I graduate. It's the same when I take advantage of the few years of university to learn more and go back to graduate school for a PhD."

"Are you not used to the pace of life here?"

"A little bit." Duan Hefang sighed softly, and suddenly asked: "Ayun, if you're gay... how do you know if you're gay?"

The light in Ah Yun's eyes flashed, and he bent his lips: "Why do you ask so suddenly?"

Duan Hefang licked his lower lip: "I'm a little curious."

"There are usually two situations in this thing, one is that you are born curvy and you are not interested in girls, the other is that you only like a certain boy, and other boys are not good, and some people are bisexual, If you like it, it depends entirely on your feelings. You may date girls first, then boys, etc., but this kind of person usually tends to become a normal person in the end, and find a girlfriend to spend the rest of his life." A Yun spread his hands, "After all There are easier options, and no one wants to fight the world."

"Isn't the second type bisexual?" Duan Hefang frowned slightly.

"Not quite. How can there be such a standard formula for liking this kind of thing? If your heart is moved, your heart will be moved."

Duan He was silent, his eyes were filled with countless emotions, he slowly rolled his Adam's apple.

A heartbeat is a heartbeat.

Duan Hefang has been well-educated since he was a child. The open family education taught him that love is free and responsibility is paramount. He is also a man who doesn't like to fight, and when his limelight naturally falls, Duan Hefang accepts it humbly. , his looks and grades made it impossible for him to keep a low profile. There are many girls who have chased him since he was a child, but Duan Hefang has never been in a relationship. Because of his family education and extensive reading of poetry and books, Duan Hefang is always a little precocious.

He sank into Xu Wei's secret love, the deeper the love, the more like a quagmire, once his fingertips fell into it, he would soon be swallowed up.

Unconsciously, Duan Hefang has changed from the leader of this secret love to a follower. It seems that he and Xu Wei have changed their identities. He was concerned about Xu Wei in the corner, worried that he would fail the exam, sleep well, worried about his broken leg and sunburned back, anxious that he did not receive any messages from him, and afraid that he would hurt him if he acted rashly. To him, the more cautious a person is, the more vulnerable he is to maintain his fragile emotions.

"How is it? Have you figured it out, which one are you?" A Yun leaned in front of Duan Hefang and blinked slowly.

Duan Hefang leaned back slightly, and smiled cheerfully: "I only like a certain boy."

On the day Xu Yu started school, he was very sun-baked, but he was in a good mood. Every novel corner of the campus made Xu Wei exclaim in his heart. His back was numb, he followed the instructions of his seniors to put his luggage back in the dormitory, and after having lunch in the cafeteria, he went to the classroom to gather for his first late roll call at the university.

Xu Wei felt a little excited in his heart.

Xu Wei was lucky. The dormitory he was assigned was a new apartment. The environment was generally good and the equipment was complete. After receiving the supplies for military training, Xu Wei packed up his things one by one, and then went to take a shower.

Duan Hefang swiped into Xu Wei's circle of friends when he was eating breakfast at nine o'clock in the morning. He rarely updated his circle of friends and shared a song, Mayday's "The First Day".

Duan Hefang sipped the milk slowly. Today is Xu Wei's first day of college. Duan Hefang narrowed his eyes slightly. After clicking on the music software, he began to play this song. He still has a study task arranged. A small stereo was placed next to the desk to play music. On this day, in Duan Hefang's list of listening songs, "The First Day" entered the list of frequently listened songs with a frequency of 55 times.

The military training at the beginning of September was very painful. Xu Wei was a lazy person who didn’t like sports. The military training under the sun for a week almost killed him, but he was a boy after all, and Xu Wei was embarrassed to follow the girls in the class We asked for leave to rest together, so we had to grit our teeth and do more and heavier training. After a military training, Xu Yu's skin was tanned again after returning from Sanya.

During the days of military training, sleep time is pitiful, and it is hard to have a break at night, and seniors from various departments and clubs come to sleep to promote. Xu Wei did not go to the dormitory after the evening training tonight. He left the school and found a place near the school. I bought a very small cake and two candles in a cake shop, and then carried them to find a quiet corner.

The soft legs squatted and soon became numb. Xu Wei simply sat down and lit the candle slowly. There was a wind in the night, and he was covered in cold sweat, and his body was sticky and greasy. The blow kept shaking, and mottled light and shadows appeared on Xu Wei's face. Xu Wei waited for the candle to burn out, and then said softly:

"Duan Hefang, happy birthday."

Originally, Xu Wei wanted to go out to buy cakes at noon, but he was caught by his seniors and asked to go over to carry things. Not to mention the delay in eating time, he was also very tired. He was dizzy and dizzy during the afternoon training, and his chest was so hungry Back, the stomach should be hungry for a long time and not feeling well. Xu Wei also ate a little at night. After the evening training, he went to buy cakes. It is more than 30:[-], Xu Wei picked up the cake and ate it by himself.

He is extremely cowardly, only an hour and a half away from the end of Duan Hefang's birthday, and he still dare not send a happy birthday to Duan Hefang.

Xu Wei was a little sad for a moment, he bought an ice cream cake, and it was very uncomfortable when a cold piece fell into his stomach, but Xu Wei didn't say a word, endured the discomfort with red eyes, and ate up the whole cake.

During today's training break, Xu Wei posted a photo on Duan Hefang's circle of friends. It was a photo of making a wish. Duan Hefang still had clear eyebrows and eyes, and gently closed his eyes, making a wish on the cake devoutly. After entering his circle of friends and opening this photo, he stroked Duan Hefang's eyebrows with his fingers trembling slightly. Seeing Duan Hefang's photo again, Xu Wei felt that the longing that was suppressed in his heart was so strong. It only needs a small opening, and it can be poured out.

In addition to the crazily growing longing, Xu Wei was also swallowed by bone-eating sourness.

In the photo, Duan Hefang is not the only one, there are several boys standing behind him. In the middle of the photo, a boy with oriental appearance is standing closest. gentle.

Both Xue Mo and Cen Suisui left a message of happy birthday, Xu Wei's fingers trembled slightly, and he withdrew from Duan Hefang's circle of friends.

Xu Wei sniffed lightly, stretched out his hand to rub his uncomfortable stomach, then got up and walked back to the dormitory slowly.

His birthday wishes were too far away to reach Duan Hefang at all.