Sea King's Self-cultivation

Dazai woke up in bed.

The sunshine outside the window is just right, the white gauze curtains are shaking gently under the breeze, and the red maple trees in the yard outside the window are like fire, and the autumn is getting stronger.

October [-].

A calendar on the wall confirms the time.

Shimizu Xing died on the evening of October [-]th.

And the world in the book begins the day before Shimizu Xing dies.

Everything is still in time.

He just wanted to get up, but he felt a slight pulling sensation in his arms. The sleeping girl in his arms groaned twice because of his uncomfortable movements. He stopped the tendency to get up, and his eyes fell on She slept on her slightly flushed face.

Her hands were softly clenched into the shape of small fists, resting on the side of the pillow, a few strands of black hair were scattered around her cheeks, her cheeks were white and pink, her breathing was shallow, sweet like a fruit candy.

Not the pale apricot.

Nor is it Xing who has completely lost her life force and will never respond to his actions again.

It is healthy and alive Xing Xing.

She fell asleep in his arms so trustingly and dependently, it was as real as if Qing Shui Xing's death was just a nightmare of his.

His breathing was disordered for a moment, and then he calmed down immediately, and his arms around her tightened inch by inch, as if he was holding a lost and recovered treasure.

But that's probably just an illusion.

He knew very well that he didn't love Shimizu Xing.

"Well……"

Xingxing opened her eyes, she just woke up from sleep, she seemed to be a little dazed, she didn't struggle when he held her in his arms, she just looked up at him: "...Mr. Dazai?"

Dazai lowered his eyes slightly, smiled at her gently and said without any abnormality, "Do you feel better?"

She nodded slightly.

He left the bed to prepare cold medicine for her, but in the middle of the journey, he remembered this time. She was already a month pregnant and could not take medicine, so he just poured her a glass of warm water.

Xingxing took the warm water glass, she seemed to be a little unconscious, and her voice had an unreal feeling floating on the clouds: "Mr. Dazai... don't you need to go to work today?"

"Well, it's okay." He whispered, "Today I will deal with work at home."

"What do you want for lunch?"

"I also can."

Xingxing said obediently.

Time passed slowly in the daily chat, and Dazai was always paying attention to Xingxing's state when he was handling work at home. This time, she didn't ask him for divorce like in reality, nor did she run away from home, she just quietly leaned against the He was reading by himself, probably because of his illness, his face was a little tired, not as lively as usual, and he talked less.

Nothing unusual.

If she didn't do anything unreasonable on October [-], does that mean that Qing Shui Xing would not commit suicide on October [-]?

Dinner was prepared by Shimizu Xing, who made his favorite steamed crab.

Xing Xing seemed to be sick so she had no appetite, so she stopped eating after only a few mouthfuls of porridge.

Night falls.

In the past nights, she would hide in his arms because she was afraid of the cold, and he would take the initiative to put his arms around her, and gradually fell into a deep sleep in the hugging position.

It's just that tonight, the drowsiness seems to be particularly violent.

The night is cold as water.

She gently rested her head on his chest, her heartbeat was steady and strong in her ears, after confirming that he had fallen asleep, Xingxing got up, put on her slippers, and walked into the bathroom.

A sharp utility knife just enough to cut through your wrist with ease.

The moment the blade touched the skin, there was a slight tremor, but the fear did not overwhelm the desire to die. After a short pause, she closed her eyes, but the next second, her wrist was firmly grasped. The degree of pain felt by people, the utility knife fell on the bathroom tiles, making a crisp collision sound.

Xingxing opened her eyes suddenly, and looked at the man holding her wrist with a condensed expression. There was a trace of panic in her eyes, but it was only a short moment, and it turned into unconcealable pain and despair again.

"Why, I clearly..."

"Do you think the amount of sleeping pills in the crab meat is enough to make me sleepy until dawn?"

He asked rhetorically.

"Xingxing, why did you do such a thing?"

She lowered her head, neither speaking nor looking at him.

When he was still a cadre of Hong Kong|Blacks, Osamu Dazai once assisted the torture team under Ozaki Koyo to torture countless difficult spies and undercover agents who kept their mouth shut. Often after leaving the torture room for a long time, his black windbreaker still wore Bloody smell.

But those methods of torture, whether mental or physical, were impossible for him to use on her.

There was no light in the bathroom, and the cold moonlight shone in through the gap in the window, and the cool wind blew her nightgown, making her already thin body look even thinner.

People can't even feel the blame.

He closed his eyes, and after a long while, he opened them again. He reached out and hugged her into his arms, and buried his head in her warm neck.

"There's one thing I didn't tell you."

"Xingxing, you are pregnant."

After that, how long has passed?

Knowing the news of her pregnancy, Shimizu Xing did not return to normal emotions, but became more silent.Perhaps it was because of the mentality of breaking the can because he knew about it, she never concealed her intention to seek death.

It's just that Osamu Dazai will stop it in time every time.

She was brought back to the Hong Kong|Black Headquarters by him, and Dazai Osamu was by her side almost all the time, except when he had to send someone to guard her.Xingxing was not such a resourceful girl in the first place, and she was no match for Dazai Osamu in terms of planning and schemes, not to mention that there was still a huge gap between the two in terms of manpower and resources that could be used. Under this strict control, she Not a single |suicide has been successfully executed.

Shimizu Xing has an excessive sense of self-destructiveness. In order to prevent her from hurting herself, her range of activities is restricted within the Hong Kong|Black Headquarters building. Unless Dazai Osamu is by her side, she cannot leave his office for half a step.24 hours a day, the people who accompany her are either members of Hong Kong|Black or Dazai Osamu, and Xingxing has no chance to stay in the space by herself.

Even her ankle was tied with a delicate anklet. On the surface it was an ornament, but in fact it was an instrument that could monitor her physical condition in real time.

As if knowing that she has no ability to resist, Xingxing accepts all arrangements very obediently.

"Is this level of protection really good?"

someone asked him.

"What's wrong?" He said lightly, "She is still alive and healthy."

"Is it healthy? Instead, I feel that she is about to wither."

At first, she would talk to him a few words and react to his actions, but now, most of the time, she just sits on the bed quietly holding her knees in a daze, and when he talks to her, she is mostly silent Yes.

Except for the rounder and rounder abdomen, she didn't grow much flesh elsewhere, and her cheeks even became paler and thinner.

There is a saying that goes like this, you can prevent a person from committing suicide a hundred times, but it is difficult to prevent her from committing suicide the hundred and first time.

This sentence is obviously not true for Osamu Dazai, not to mention the one hundred and one first time, even if it is a thousand, ten thousand times, he can stop her from seeking death.

But what if it is a lifetime?

Strict monitoring, waiting every step of the way, deprivation of free-style protection... Do you really want her to stay in the space of the chief's office in the Hong Kong | Black headquarters building for the rest of her life?

What is the difference between living like this and dying.

He wanted her to live, but he didn't want her to live like this.

He knows that the first possibility of the world in the "book" does not exist.

Xingxing's mental state is getting worse and worse.

The 120th suicide attempt by Anko Shimizu.

This time, Osamu Dazai did not stop.

He just hugged her, feeling the life gradually draining from her body, and then calmly opened the veins in his wrist.

At least this time, he was with her.

[The first attempt failed. 】

[The second attempt is about to start. 】

【Please get ready. 】