Taste

Diary of a Crush (Part [-])

May 2019, 2 sunny

It's the seventh day of school, and I still can't adjust my schedule. I'm always in a haze before nine o'clock every morning. I don't know what others are saying, what I'm doing, or where I am.

I have chosen a thesis topic during the winter vacation, and I plan to do my own experiment this semester.The busyness has not yet started, but it is actually defeated by sleep, but why is Sister Yanhan so not sleepy, I have never seen her lying on the table and sleeping.

In the afternoon, I celebrated the birthday of the only senior sister in the group, and finally the whole research group got together.On the way, Wang Li suddenly called me and wanted me to accompany her.Well, I admit I can't help but tire of her lately.

Winter vacation and summer vacation are actually equivalent to the long-distance relationship of campus couples, just like what my roommate told me before, it is prone to problems.

One video call is required for two days, two video calls are required for three days, and three video calls are required for five days. It is a bit novel at the beginning, but it is really tiring after a long time.I usually like to sleep with my head covered when I am on vacation. Even if I am not sleepy, I will fall asleep on my stomach. Sleeping is the most delicious food for me, and I usually taste it irregularly, so I always miss her call call.When I woke up, I had to dial back three or two times to apologize every time.For this reason, we were sulking on New Year's Eve, ignoring each other, and sent "Happy New Year" scribbled wishes.

When choosing a thesis topic during the winter vacation, you need to carefully search the literature.Literature is not a storybook, it is easy to pick up when it is interrupted, and once the literature is interrupted, the train of thought does not know where to go back.She actually said that I don't care about her because of this.The more you hear this, the more it sounds like your girlfriend dislikes her boyfriend playing games.

I have a headache, don’t get angry, don’t quarrel, I don’t have time for myself, I always worry about whether I missed a call; when I get angry and quarrel and ignore the other party, I can’t concentrate, worrying about whether she is too angry.

Every time I talk to her about it, she always says yes but still acts.

Fortunately, I am back to school now, but there will still be such a situation-suddenly ask me to accompany her.

It's understandable if it's a special situation, but it's impossible for me to tell me to put down what I'm doing and run to accompany her simply because I'm in a bad mood.She refused without even thinking about it, saying that she couldn't get away from the lab, but this time, instead of hanging up the phone angrily like before, or snorting, she was silent for half a minute, and then hung up.I didn't think much about it, anyway, I'll be fine after a while, at worst, I'm done here to find her.

It turned out that the birthday party ended three hours later than I expected, but fortunately she was not very angry. I sent her a message after ten o'clock, and she replied "good night".I hope this time can really make her see this relationship clearly. If the two of them can't solve the same problem over and over again, they are destined to end soon.I don't want to end it either, but I'm a little tired.It's different from the last relationship, I obviously changed a lot this time, why it's always wrong, why it always makes me so irritable and distressed after the passionate love period.

I also specifically asked the big bad wolf roommate, and she gave me a lot of suggestions: what to pick her up secretly to create a surprise and ease the atmosphere, what to buy lipstick, what not to be ashamed to beg for forgiveness, etc., I used up this big basket of "suggestions" ", but the next day or the third day it's back to normal again.I couldn't stand it the day before yesterday, so I accidentally pointed the fire at my roommate, and asked her where the bad idea came from, and she replied "trepidly": "It came from a novel..." Well, the sentence "ideals come from reality and go beyond reality" The words are true.

Hey, what should I do with Wang Li, I'm so distressed.

In the evening, I continued to help Sister Yanhan with the experiment. There was a problem with her data, which led to a big deviation from the conclusion. I heard that she was criticized by the instructor in public.I volunteered to ask her to let me continue to work, not only because she was still revising until twelve o'clock every night this week, and even heard that she didn't go home two or three nights in the previous week, the most important thing is that she can let me learn a lot, I urgently need to replenish myself and divert attention now.And I believe no one is more suitable than me!

Diary of a Secret Lover (Part [-])

May 2019, 2 sunny

There is no reason to return to the laboratory after the Lantern Festival in the third year of research. Generally, they return to school one after another after the seventh day of the first lunar month.

This holiday, I can’t tell, maybe I’ve been out of my mind for too long, not to mention I didn’t get fat during the Spring Festival, I seem to have lost a lot of weight.This feeling is too familiar, and it seems to be back to the winter vacation of my senior year, which is also the last winter vacation before graduation. There is a source of distress, but last time it was a boy, this time it was a girl.

I admit, I feel like I'm screwed.There are three types of liking someone, and it is best not to touch them lightly: first, when you are about to graduate, you like someone who is a grade or a few years younger than you, because until graduation, the relationship is unstable and you have to accept the challenge of long-distance relationships, and the breakup rate is extremely high ; The second is to like someone who already has a partner; the third is to like the same sex.All three categories are occupied, how should I describe my liking, where there is no sense of pure beauty, it is "forbidden love" for me!

Originally, I planned to stay away from her, avoid her, and keep less contact, but my subconscious mind knew where she was, she was still by my side, and she was even behind me.But the moment I stepped on the long-distance bus home, I missed her so much, and I won't be able to see her for more than 20 days in the future.Anxiety suddenly grabbed my heart. I stared at the phone and couldn't see anything. I only had one consciousness: ah, whose frowning and hateful face is reflected in this reflection?

Looking at the phone every once in a while, not turning it off at night, in a daze, and knocking on the table with my fingers when I have nothing to do, has become the norm for me just a few days after I got home.After holding back for a week, I got better because I suddenly got busy because I was preparing for the holiday.On New Year’s Eve, my family used to sit around to watch the Spring Festival Gala, and young people like me would grab red envelopes in the group.But until ten o'clock in the evening, there was no record of her receiving the red envelope in all the red envelope records.It wasn't even eleven o'clock, and I was anxious again. I sent three red envelopes in a row, which caused the "Thank you big boss" in the group to swipe the screen directly, but there was still nothing.I put down the phone and started to be in a daze, peeling the sunflower seeds unconsciously.When I came back to my senses, there was already a hill of melon seed shells in my hand, and my cousin was eating the melon seeds that I peeled out happily.Kicked him and went straight back to the room.

It was almost one o'clock in the night, and I picked up the mobile phone that was placed on the bedside and vibrated twice, thinking about the last time and the last time.She finally replied "Thank you, Boss Yanhan", followed by "Happy New Year" privately sent to me.I lost my temper like an idiot.

Throughout the holidays, my connection with her was just that little bit.

In order to achieve peaceful coexistence with my heart thoroughly, I "retreat and practice", read many research books by well-known professors, and even searched for literature, but what disturbs me the most is the issue of "long-term". "Natural History of Love" wrote: "Homosexuality is essentially impossible to promote a permanent union. From courtship to passionate love is the most perfect form of homosexuality. Therefore, people who are in love will not presumptuously set a life-long relationship, which will lead to a lack of love. A sense of disillusionment." This passage was also mentioned in Ms. Li Yinhe's work, and it was even demonstrated in conjunction with the interviewees.With my limited knowledge, I always feel that there is a gap between this passage and the reality I have come into contact with. At the same time, it also makes me start to reflect that the healing I am looking forward to is only the pursuit of addiction from ambiguity to love?Or occasional small surprises, never tired?

That’s right, I overlooked that the most attractive thing about Korean dramas is the throbbing during the ambiguous period of the hero and heroine, but I just thought that this throbbing is the sense of healing I want to have, and it’s what I expect my lover to give me.Now it's all untied, no matter who the person I like is the current Runyun, or someone I like in the future, I don't have the burden of liking now.I like you, and if you happen to like me, then we will enjoy a sweet but not greasy love, which is more healing than the "healing" I expected.There is really no need to avoid her, I can't control my heartbeat, I foolishly thought that staying away from her was worthy of my heart, but it would make the emotional rebound worse, and now I miss her like crazy.

Just continue to be a senior sister and a friend. Although this sentence is generally used in novels or classic TV dramas, it is the truth for me.After I graduate, I will go to work in City H. She is so good, it will not be difficult to find a stable job in City S. "I wish you a bright future" just won't be seen for the rest of my life.

When I return to school on the eighth day of the first lunar month, I have to prepare for the group meeting dedicated to the graduation thesis before graduation.I was too negligent. There were two data problems, but I didn't find it when I calculated the error.This leads to serious contradictions in conclusions and data.When my supervisor was listening to my report, he suddenly discovered the problem, and criticized me face-to-face in front of the third-year students and the instructor.

It was frustrating and embarrassing, but what made me even more disturbed was what went wrong, and if I couldn't find out in time, it would delay all plans for the next stage.It seems that I can only move back to school temporarily, and get ready to stay up all night.Fortunately, I had already secured a job last semester, and I was not prepared to participate in the spring recruitment, otherwise the two-way pinch would be uncomfortable.

Also, she is going back to school, I heard there is still about a week left.