zombie log

It was a very restless night.

Even though the lights are off.

Tang Guan hugged Bei Xinmiao tightly, perhaps because the latter had no objection, his actions became bolder.

If a man puts on makeup, in Tang Guan's mind, it only means one thing.

"I also thought about piercing my ears and wearing some earrings." Tang Guan whispered in Bei Xinmiao's ear.Bei Xinmiao could feel the boy's heartbeat, powerful and fast.

Disturbing.

His hand slowly grabbed one of Tang Guan's, but he didn't push him away.The heat on the boy seemed to be transmitted to him, reminding him of the fiery state when he was alive.

he could not refuse,

How could he refuse.If only I could experience the feeling of being alive again.

Instead, he turned around and hugged Tang Guan tightly.

"Do you like me to wear an earring? Or in other places..." Tang Guan's voice trembled a little, maybe he was too excited, his heartbeat was too fast, and his breathing was short of breath.These are signs of being alive.

"Maybe... you can wear it somewhere else."

"Where is it worn..."

Bei Xinmiao grabbed Tang Guan's restless hand again, trying to reach into his nightgown.He pressed that hand to the other side of the boy's body, and said softly, "Don't move, let me..." He put his hand on Tang Guan's body, and slid across the boy's soft body through the pajamas.

Finally slipping to the edge of the pajamas, he stuck his hand in...

Silky soft skin, warm and fresh... an irresistible delicacy.

The lower abdomen rose and fell violently, and Tang Guan's hand pressed against his hand through the pajamas, "Do you want... to wear it here?" There is the navel.Bei Xinmiao moved her hand upwards and put it on the boy's chest, and the heartbeat became more clear.

"Is it here..." Even his voice trembled.

……

That's what it's like to be alive.

……

Bei Xinmiao seemed to have found a glimmer of light in his world.He's fascinated by the illusion that makes him feel like he's alive.

After Tang Guan fell asleep, he stared at the ceiling with his eyes wide open.For the first time in ten years he felt something like happiness.In his world, it seemed as if a spun flower had bloomed.

For a moment he felt that he was not hopeless.He finally found a way to make him feel 'alive'.

……

Before the sun rose, he left, wandered the streets and alleys, bought a lot of things and carried them on his shoulders.He has a goal...how to make himself alive.

When he woke up, he suddenly found that he had walked to his old house.It was a dilapidated place.When he was very young, this place had just been built, and everything was new.But now, a generation has not passed, and this place has become a dilapidated area that needs to be demolished.

But many others live here.A human life seems to outlast a house in decay.Don't know if it's sad or what.

Back then, my father was a man who was full of love for life.Everything in the house is full of vitality under his infection.

Every year new photos hang on one wall.Even gift it to friends and family.On the nearby streets, he organized the planting of some willow trees, hoping that these streets will be full of trees in the future.

It is only a few years now, and those trees have been cut down.Not even the roots.Only the messy and dilapidated on both sides of the street remained.

Bei Xinmiao desperately counted the time,

Trying to figure out how quickly things can go from good to bad.

A middle-aged woman stood on the side of the street and sighed. "It's just more than ten years of hard work. I thought I could live in this house for a lifetime when I bought it back then...Damn it."

On her face, being alive is a burden.Unable to find a safe place for life.

She turned around and suddenly saw Bei Xinmiao standing beside her. "You are... you are not..."

"Aunt Qiu."

"Is it really you? How is your mother now? You look very similar to your father. You were a little kid back then...Come and sit at home."

Bei Xinmiao followed the woman into a building that looked almost tilted.There are still many people living in it.There are only a few households in the old neighbors in the past.Most moved to better places.

When this building was newly built, it looked like a splendid palace in the eyes of young Bei Xinmiao.Now, even worse than his dead body.

"Is Uncle Qiu okay?"

"He'll be glad to see you."

They entered the room.The layout of the room is that of ordinary people, there is nothing special about it.An old man was lying on the bed, who seemed to have been ill for a long time.

"Do you remember him? This is the son of Deputy Mayor Bei. You never thought he would come to see you."

The man on the bed looked at Bei Xinmiao in surprise. "Yes, has it been 15 years? I have seen you once since your father died, and I haven't seen you for 15 years..."

"Uncle Qiu." Bei Xinmiao sat down by the bed. "What’s wrong with you."

"Cerebral thrombosis." Aunt Qiu opened the curtains in the room a little wider.

"In all accounts, if you were the same age as my father...you shouldn't have died so early."

These words sound harsh, and no one wants to delve into it. "Did you never come to see Uncle Qiu because you resented Uncle Qiu for kicking you?"

"I don't even remember." Bei Xinmiao pulled the corner of her mouth upwards. "Oh, I got a little impression. After my father died..."

Uncle Qiu sighed: "After your father died, you were disobedient and no one would care about you. I..."

"Yes. No one touched my finger before my father was alive, he didn't hit me, haha. I remembered, you were the first person to hit me..."

"You insist on seeing him, but his ward is an intensive infectious disease ward, so you can't go..."

"So you beat me up and locked me in a ward...I didn't even get to see Dad for the last time. I don't even know, how he died!"

……

Life is like a mirror.

Once upon a time, the reflected dazzling light and the colorful clusters of flowers were broken into pieces in an instant.I found that there was a bottomless darkness behind the mirror.

Beautiful things, in Bei Xinmiao's view, are fragile mirrors, just false images reflected in people's eyes for a while.

……

Carrying bags of all sizes, he returned to his basement, got into the bathroom, and took off all his clothes.In front of the mirror, look at yourself, groom yourself, beautify yourself.

Maybe it's time to try and get back into the crowd.Maybe there is still hope to find that feeling of being alive.

Tang Guan—soft, warm, and alive—seemed to appear in front of his eyes again...

What I didn't dare to do further last night,

Maybe tonight is the time to make a bold attempt.