zombie log

life,

A flickering decorative flower in the ancient and desolate world.

It is alluring because of its ephemerality.

From the perspective of death, life is an unattainable state. It is not a waste to enjoy it when you have it, because it is irretrievable if you lose it.

Bei Xinmiao knew very well - what he had been avoiding to face - how much he longed to live again.Although this is an impossible wish.

Chi Yang and his house are still the same as when he left last time. He even still sits in the same chair and wears the same clothes.

Bei Xinmiao had an illusion for a moment, as if he had not left for a few days, but returned here in a few minutes.

Chi Yang is not surprised by his arrival.In front of him was a low wooden table filled with bottles and jars.

"Where is the end?" Bei Xinmiao asked.

Chi Yang applied a white ointment to the back of his hand, which smelled like sulfur.He obviously understood what Bei Xinmiao was asking, but he didn't answer, or maybe he didn't have an answer here.

"Everything has a beginning and an end... This is the law of nature." Bei Xinmiao.

"What are the laws of nature?" Chi Yang said.The tone is teasing.Bei Xinmiao naturally understood that their existence was already the biggest irony to the laws of nature.

"I still keep the habit of a long time ago." Chi Yang said.

Bei Xinmiao was surprised.Because of Chi Yang's weird tone when he said the word'long time'.

"This is punishment." Chi Yang looked at Bai Ruyu's hand after smearing.Life is not life, death is not death. "No relief."

"It doesn't make sense!" Bei Xinmiao's anger rose in her heart. "Punishment for what?" He didn't feel that he was sorry for anyone or anything, but he had always been in a passive position.If he was to be punished like this, it was God who wanted to bully him.

Chi Yang suddenly put down the bottle in his hand and raised his head to look at Bei Xinmiao. "No, it can also be seen as a reward." His tone became ambitious. "After thinking about it for too long, I've been going back and forth between two diametrically opposed views." He looked at Bei Xinmiao. "Maybe that's the reward? Escaping the laws, we don't have to be like everyone else. How free. Look what I have..." He gestured around.

Bei Xinmiao had no interest in the splendor of the whole house.It seemed to him that only the living could be happy about it.To him, Wan Guan's wealth is meaningless.

"Two views... which one do you agree with more?" Bei Xinmiao said sarcastically. "If you were given a chance to live, would you give it up?"

Chi Yang continued to smear on his hands, and suddenly pushed all the things on the table down, and the round and flat bottles and jars rolled to the ground.He dipped his freshly anointed hands in a basin of liquid beside him. "The chance to live..." He shook his head, "To live again is to die. This is the law."

"The problem is that it's impossible to live again!" Bei Xinmiao said.He felt that something was tormenting him in his heart, and that was because hope was right in front of him, but it was a mirror image, and he couldn't grasp it.That hope tormented him.If he could, he would even look alive.There were too many misses and too late in his life.

Chi Yang took his hand out of the basin, and the ointment on his hand had melted in the water, and his hand was so tender and alive for a moment.However, the beauty is only so short-lived. It gradually dries up in the air and shrinks, revealing its true colors like dead leaves.

"Life is such a process. From good to bad, fresh to withered, hopeful to cold." Chi Yang said, "There is nothing to miss."

He pointed at Bei Xinmiao with a finger that had become like a dead branch. "I know why you came to me - I really admire..." He suddenly changed his face again, "Another point of view I will say: I am really jealous. Jealous mad. You did what I couldn't do ..."

He stood up, the hem of his long coat hanging down to his ankles.Those feet are like dead branches.

"Actually, the answer you want...you will find it soon."

……

Bei Xinmiao walked in the bone-chilling wind, and the spring wind, which was the last battle with winter, rolled up a piece of paper.Flying all over the sky.

He was thrilled.

What Chi Yang told him last echoed in his world - he couldn't even tell the truth from the fake - he heard the answer he wanted.

"You can feel like you're alive...or you're really alive. But the reason for keeping you alive is so fragile, you will die even worse. In the end, you will become like me with only a shriveled skin left. Then There is no chance that hope will come."

He couldn't listen to the warning, he just thought that it was still possible?

He thought about it ten thousand times, he would rather be a moth to a flame.Now that he is dead, what if he dies again?

(two more)

If life is just like first sight, why is Qiu Feng sadly painting a fan.

Bei Xinmiao saw a man at the intersection.Mr. History.

This intersection is not far from Chiyang's residence.

Mr. Shi leaned on crutches in one hand. Although he was not very old, he looked old because of his illness.

Bei Xinmiao recalled the first time she met Teacher Shi, it was the first day of high school.Although Mr. Shi was not young at that time, he was full of arrogance and dressed very fashionable.At first glance, she doesn't look like a teacher, but looks like a woman who is proficient in business in the shops on the street.

Bei Xinmiao stepped forward...

Teacher Shi stretched out his hand to hold Bei Xinmiao as if he saw the person she had been waiting for. "It's really near here?"

"You mean?"

"Chiyang's home."

It turns out that Mr. Shi wanted to see Chi Yang.Since the last class reunion, Teacher Shi has been disturbed by the news he heard.Hearing that Chi Yang is not dead, she has been thinking about taking a look.

Bei Xinmiao stopped her.The excuse is that Chi Yang is not in City A.

"Did he really commit suicide when he dropped out of high school?" Teacher Shi asked.

Bei Xinmiao didn't answer, he couldn't answer now.

……

He bought a large bathtub when passing by the supermarket, went back to his basement, poured the liquid from several bottles he got from Chi Yang into it, filled it with water, took off his clothes and soaked it under the water.

For hours on end.

It was dark again outside the window.

He has been underwater.It was pitch black.He curled up, looking nothing.No sound was heard either.

He suddenly wondered if he felt like this when he was still in his mother's womb.Floating in a cloud of black water.Seeing nothing, knowing nothing.

No, he should have heard his mother's heartbeat then.

Rhythmically soothing his newborn heart.

In order to imagine the feeling at that time, he tapped on the wall of the bathtub with his fingers at the speed of his heartbeat...

In fact, people have no right to choose life.

Coming into this world is not anyone's choice.

Given the choice, there may be some who would rather never have been born.

When the mother conceived him, it should be with a happy and hopeful mood.Don't think about what kind of world this new life will face.

A beam of light hits the water, and someone turns on the bathroom light.Bei Xinmiao, who was underwater, didn't even notice that someone had entered his house.

Then an arm reached out into the water and lifted his head up.

"I fucking thought you drowned in your own bathtub!" Xiao Zhengnan stared.

Bei Xinmiao glanced at the mirror hastily, several hours of soaking made his skin look extremely fresh.

Xiao Zhengnan looked down, and then showed a shameless smile: "Are you preparing for our more ecstatic night?"

"Go away, I want to get dressed." Bei Xinmiao pushed him away, splashing water onto his coat.

Xiao Zhengnan said dissatisfiedly, "I've already done that to you, why are you pretending to be serious?"

"Aren't you going to visit the school?" Bei Xinmiao wrapped a bath towel around her body.

"I'm going. But first catch you who dare to sneak away from me. I'll take you to school with me, and go to my office to see, how about it?"

There is no reason to refuse.Bei Xinmiao changed into a new set of clothes, chose a pair of glasses to match, and put on the scarf given to him by his younger sister.When he got into Xiao Zhengnan's car, he suddenly saw Tang Guan—in the rearview mirror, squatting on the railing of the platform like a cat...

The office of Xiao Zhengnan Bilingual School is spacious and well-furnished.There are also several English remedial classes of different grades in the school in the evening.Xiao Zhengnan took Bei Xinmiao to look around and finally returned to his office.He turned on the lights in the office and closed the curtains.

"Do you have anything else to do?" Bei Xinmiao asked.

"Yes. Something. Then we'll go to dinner. What would you like?"

Not hearing Bei Xinmiao's answer, Xiao Zhengnan raised his head from behind his desk and saw Bei Xinmiao standing at the big filing cabinet.Staring at a form taped to a filing cabinet.

"Tang Guan is also in class here?"

"He is doing volunteer work here." Xiao Zhengnan said.

"what?"

"He volunteered for me on the condition that he take English tutoring courses here."

"You agree?"

"Of course. Although he is a crazy boy, he has a very active mind, and his purpose is to study. He is on my fitness team at City A High School. I have no reason to disagree."

"What does the volunteer do? Clean? Does he clean your office?"

"The office is cleaned by my assistant, but I heard he often helps out."

"...how long has he been here?"

Xiao Zhengnan stood up from behind his desk and walked to Bei Xinmiao: "Is there something wrong?"

"It's just... I didn't expect it." Bei Xinmiao was thinking whether to tell Xiao Zhengnan to be careful, Tang Guan has the habit of prying out other people's secrets—his detective dream.Volunteering is probably just a cover for him.But after another thought, Tang Guan had no reason to investigate Xiao Zhengnan.He may really just want to get a free practice English opportunity.In that case, reminding Xiao Zhengnan would be counterproductive.

The most important thing is that Tang Guan is so close to him, so he can't expose him.

Bei Xinmiao shook her head. "It's nothing. I treat him like a younger brother. He might seem very concerned."

"A very poor child. His mother just passed away." Xiao Zhengnan said.Then he showed a weird smile and hugged Bei Xinmiao, "How about we relive our high school days here?"

"Revisit what?"

"Of course I feel sorry for you."