traveling doctor

Kou Tong was about to get out of bed, but was held down by Huang Jinchen, and wrapped a blanket around him: "I just sweated a little after a long time, what are you looking for? I'll find it for you."

"Things in the safe wall." Kou Tong said, "Take out everything - the switch is on the top of the cabinet, you can touch it and it will come out."

The huge bookcase parted to reveal the lockbox inside.Huang Jinchen looked back at him, and Kou Tong said casually, "The password is BODEBX."

Huang Jinchen paused: "You... tell me this..."

Kou Tong leaned on the head of the bed, raised his head and smiled at him: "There are no state secrets in it, and some are technical, anyway, you can't understand."

For some reason, Huang Jinchen's mood suddenly became very good.

The small cipher box popped open, and the yellowed document bag lay there quietly, as if displaying secrets buried in time and space.Holding it in his hand, Huang Jinchen suddenly became a little apprehensive, as if what he was holding was not an old document bag, but Kou Tong's heart and memory.

"Turn off the light." Kou Tong said softly, after Huang Jinchen turned off the light, he raised his hand and turned on a small dim lamp hanging by the bed.

Sitting by his bed, Huang Jinchen raised his hand to gather the blanket on Kou Tong's body, watched him open the file bag, and poured out something with a musty smell inside.I don't know if it's because of the light or because of the fever, but Kou Tong's face looks extremely pale. His long and thick eyelashes don't curl up like Westerners, but hang straight down, casting a gloomy shadow. At that moment, he lost his smile, like a ghost imprisoned in the ruins, forgetting who he is, for ten years.

After an indeterminate amount of time, Kou Tong held a folded admission notice and said, "This is the first gift I received after the projector entered the experimental stage. Liberty's compensation."

"University O gave it to you?" Although Huang Jinchen is a half-illiterate youth, he has occasionally heard of some well-known universities, "Oh, my wife is really capable."

As soon as he uttered his voice, the dark and quiet atmosphere of the entire bedroom was broken. Kou Tong's train of thought that had just connected to the past was suddenly interrupted, as if his breath was stuck in his throat.

For a moment, Kou Tong smiled softly, without raising his eyes, but his eyes under the shadows softened a lot, and he looked less gloomy. He raised his lips in front of him, and softly "shushed": "Don't interrupt."

Huang Jinchen shut up obediently.

"It's my first time to travel abroad." After a while, Kou Tong closed the admission notice and picked up the old photos next to him, "Some are from college, and some are from when I was traveling around Europe when I was free." photos below."

Huang Jinchen imitated his speaking speed, lowered his voice very low, and asked very softly, "Why didn't you take pictures later?"

"Later I found out that I have no interest in photography, and I don't have much talent." Kou Tong said, "I don't develop photos anymore. I take a few photos with a card machine or mobile phone at most. I don't bother to take them out, so I put them in the memory card. caught."

Huang Jinchen looked at him flipping through the old photos one by one. The people in the photos looked no different from the current Kou Tong—smiling brightly, posing in all sorts of wretched or pretentious poses. It happened years ago, but when I turned to the last few photos, some older photos appeared.

Huang Jinchen was taken aback.

The little boy in the photo doesn’t seem to be over ten years old, and it’s hard to distinguish between male and female, which makes his facial features look more like Kou Tong’s mother. However, after looking at it for a long time, Huang Jinchen realized... that little boy might be Kou Tong when he was a child .

He asked softly, "Is that you?"

No wonder he didn't see it for a while, it is difficult for anyone to connect the little boy in the photo with the current Kou Tong - that little guy has exquisite eyebrows, with the pure and good-looking characteristics of a young child, but he shows a little dead air.

He is like a... lifeless doll, standing quietly beside the woman, looking out through the photo, his eyes don't have the liveliness and agility of a child, but instead make people feel a little indescribably dull and indifferent.

He didn't smile, but the woman next to him forced a smile - the corners of her mouth were pulled up abruptly, but there was no smile line at the corners of her eyes.

The woman and the child only occupied half of the photo, but the other half was empty, and someone crossed it with a bright red fountain pen.

Kou Tong held the photo, and his whole body was still. For a moment, Huang Jinchen almost had an illusion, as if his breath had disappeared.

"It's me." After some time, Kou Tong said as if in a dream, "The one next to me is my mother, and the crossed place should be my... father. But he does not exist in this space, so all those who have his place There will always be such a person vacant in the photos."

He gently pinched the photo paper with his fingernails. During this period, neither of them spoke, only the sound of the paper rustling: "I remember...he is here."

"It was raining heavily that day." Kou Tong said softly, "But he was very happy because it was their wedding anniversary..."

The faded things in the memory flashed through his mind quickly like a fleeting image, like a dusty treasure chest was suddenly opened, everything inside was still the same, and there seemed to be fine rain sounds outside the window. Above the city, the air also became sticky and wet.

"He opened the door violently and said loudly, 'Come on, let's go out to eat today and take a family portrait.'" Kou Tong's pupils seemed to be out of focus suddenly, and through the old photos, he fell into the... Lostness of many years ago In the years, "We went out together, ate something, and then took a lot of photos in the photo studio opposite the hotel, and even enlarged one in the living room."

"Why, did you have a bad time as a child?" Huang Jinchen asked in a low voice.

"When he is not drinking, he is a man who loves to talk and laugh. After drinking..." Kou Tong paused, and said softly, "He is no longer a human being."

Huang Jinchen tentatively stretched out a hand and held the back of Kou Tong's hand. He felt that he was struggling uncontrollably, and his whole body became smart. The carefree Doctor Kou suddenly became extremely sensitive to other people's touch. Huang Jinchen Q: "Is it domestic violence?"

Kou Tong nodded: "He doesn't allow my mother to talk to other men. Since he was young, he has been reckless, and he has made a name for himself by being a gangster. It's even more shameful when he is middle-aged. I Later, his criminal record was checked, and it seemed that he had a record of drug involvement. When he was in a bad mood, he drank alcohol, and then..."

"He hit your mother? What about you?" Huang Jinchen asked, "Have you ever touched you?"

Kou Tong's side face was tense, he didn't know what was recalled, after a long while, he smiled coldly, pointed at the blood-red fork, and didn't answer Huang Jinchen's question directly: "I really want to kill you!" ……he."

Huang Jinchen has an intuition like a beast. Although he doesn't understand the law of memory, what is perception, and what is non-structural diagnosis, he just feels that not answering questions directly is a kind of escape, even if he himself does not want to escape. , but his instinct still made him avoid it skillfully.

So Huang Jinchen held his hand tightly, and asked, "Answer me, has he ever hit you?"

"He strangled my neck." After a while, Kou Tong said with difficulty, as if he was having difficulty breathing, his voice became weaker, "He strangled my neck and pressed me against the wall, his eyes were red Bloodshot, breath full of booze and stink. Like a monster."

Huang Jinchen's heart tightened.

"My mum jumped on me screaming and he just shoved her aside, dropped me and hit her on the head with a wine bottle. Hit her many times... the wine mixed with blood - until she was motionless. lying on the ground."

"And then?" Huang Jinchen asked softly, "And what happened to her?"

"Then his brothers happened to come to the house. They didn't know what was going on. When they saw that someone was about to die, they pulled him away. She was sent to the hospital." Kou Tong said, "It happens every time. He was drunk, Hit her, and then sober, regretting, kneeling, apologizing, swearing..."

"If it's like this, is she still willing to be with him?"

"After she was discharged from the hospital, she took me home to pack my luggage and prepare to leave this alcoholic."

There was a loud noise, a woman's scream, a child's hysterical cry, and a man's scolding...these sounds were mixed together, as if they could directly hit a person's soul, Kou Tong suddenly stretched out his hands to hug his head, His fingertips were white, pressed tightly against his temples, leaning against the head of the bed into a ball, his shoulders were exposed from the blanket, and his shirt was already soaked, tightly pressed against his thin and curled shoulders.

Huang Jinchen put his arms around his shoulders, regardless of Kou Tong's struggle, and pressed him firmly in his arms.

"Hush..." he said, "It's okay, look, the space hasn't vibrated abnormally yet, we don't need cold water yet, calm down. Didn't we make it?"

Kou Tong was stuffed in his arms, and even his voice was a little low: "...He suddenly rushed up and locked the door. He knocked her out, then dragged her on the ground, and dragged her away... as if dragging a corpse , staring at me hard during the period. Then locked her up."

"Illegal detention?"

"Ah."

"and then?"

This time Kou Tong was silent for a long time, and after an unknown amount of time, he closed his eyes in pain: "I can't..."

Huang Jinchen was silent for a while, but after all, he is not a professional. Although he vaguely guessed that the most important thing was the place he couldn't remember, he still didn't know what to do. He could only hug him and pat his back gently. After a while, he finally found an opportunity and asked, "Did you cut the wound on your hand yourself?"

Kou Tong was startled.

"Was it cut at that time?"

"...No." Kou Tong broke away from him, took a deep breath, and looked up at the shadowed ceiling, "That happened later, after she passed away."

"Why?" Huang Jinchen asked.

Kou Tong closed his eyes, and it was obvious that he wanted to calm down as much as possible, but there was a slight trembling between his brows. After a while, he opened his eyes and shook his head wearily.

Sure enough, it's not easy to be a psychiatrist, Huang Jinchen rubbed his chin.

He picked up the crossed photo, looked at it, and commented: "Your mother's face was not as good as it is now."

Kou Tong smiled wryly: "Isn't it strange that he looks pretty?"

"Hmm..." Huang Jinchen looked at her for a while, and described, "Her face has no flesh, it's sunken, her lips are blue and purple, and she looks sick and not smart..."

Kou Tong suddenly opened his eyes wide and grabbed his arm: "What did you say?"

"I said she looks sick and not energetic." Huang Jinchen repeated.

"Not this sentence, you said her lips were blue..."

Huang Jinchen suddenly felt the familiar vibration coming.

He glanced anxiously at the cold water on the ground, but he couldn't bear to splash him with cold water when the situation came to an end—a normal person would have to sneez a few times, but Kou Tong already had a fever, isn't this fatal?

"Lips are blue..." Kou Tong didn't realize it, and laughed in a low voice, the expression on his face was so ashen, almost like a dead person, "Yes... her lips always look blue, because she has a heart illness. At home... there is a medicine box with her Suxiao Jiuxin Pills and nitroglycerin."

His speaking speed became more and more urgent, the vibration in the room was getting louder and louder, the living room was in chaos, and someone began knocking on the door desperately and shouting "earthquake", Huang Jinchen ignored it, he just became more and more frightened, vaguely feeling Come to what Kou Tong wants to say next.

"She was locked in a small house, living with neither human nor ghost. I have tried many methods. There are people at home watching her at any time... I can't protect her, and I can't save her, even if someone close to her The room will be quickly carried away by people covering their eyes..." The corners of Kou Tong's eyes were wet, he stared at the ceiling with wide-open eyes, but the tears rolled down one after another, burning his hands, "I can only... only free her."

"I can only free her. I can only... free her..."

He repeated this sentence over and over again almost maniacally, as if re-witnessing the helpless little boy, emptying the small medicine bottle, spilling the life-saving pills under the sofa, and then waiting until she got sick one day and couldn't breathe , his face was bluish purple, his eyes rolled back, ugly like every dying person...

It is rare for a sane man to rummage through boxes and cabinets looking for medicine like crazy, only to find a few empty bottles.

At the age of ten, a little boy murdered his mother with the utmost courage and cunning.

He knew that in his whole life, he would never love another woman so deeply, maybe... There would be no second person who would love him that way again.

The mirror hanging in the air shattered. Huang Jinchen gritted his teeth, pressed Kou Tong's shoulder, leaned forward and blocked all his sobs viciously... He decided to use a more drastic method to wake this man up.