Eros kisses Psyche

"The situation is not optimistic."

In the doctor's cafeteria, Dr. Qu invited Cheng Zhu to eat their special noodle, and "Animal World" was playing on the big screen hanging on the wall, and a leopard was hunting, which seemed very appropriate.

"Is it serious?"

"That's not easy to say. After all, it's the first time. He's like a clam shell. He's very vigilant and hasn't opened it yet. But ordinary people shouldn't be so vigilant in these aspects, so the more nervous he is, the more nervous he is. It’s an overreaction, like a hedgehog, he enters the state of preparation for war at the slightest sign of trouble, so that the whole person is actually very tired, and it is easier to be dragged down, which can also reflect the seriousness of the problem from the side.” Dr. Qu rambled, seeming to find that Cheng Zhu stopped his chopsticks, and hurriedly waved his hand to signal him to eat more, "I also checked the situation and made him a scale. It can be seen that he has tried his best to beautify and fill it out, and it is not completely truthful, but like that It seems that some values ​​have already crossed the line." He gulped down his face, "I don't want to talk about it, so I have to listen to what others have to say. I also learned some things from the side, so I want to hear what you say ——How did you realize that there may be problems in these aspects? According to what you said, you are not his guardian or relatives or anything like that."

Cheng Zhu hesitated for a moment, feeling a little embarrassed, thinking of those chaotic, sudden, and gradually blurred plots under the mist. "Actually, I'm not sure... But, you also know that because of Lele's matter, I'm more sensitive to this aspect than others, and I thought about it from the very beginning."

"It's okay, I don't want to inquire about anything," Dr. Qu waved his hand, "Just talk about your intuitive impression of him."

Cheng Zhu put down his chopsticks. "At first I thought he was normal, not just normal, it should be said that he was too healthy, as if there was a motor in his body, which could illuminate him clearly at night. Such a person is naturally attractive and young. He is also energetic, and he looks like he has the strength to do things. It is very suitable for a guy like me who is in a middle-aged crisis and does not want to make progress. Moreover, he is very considerate and considerate in every aspect, and he always makes people feel very appropriate So, when he suddenly became nervous and broke out, he looked very weird and extreme. It shocked me, not only me, but everyone around me. According to the old saying, he was a bit ghostly. He smiled self-deprecatingly, and looked at Dr. Qu's expression, "How did he explain it himself?"

"He said it was because he had a sudden accident at home, and he was so emotional that he ruined your student's very important exhibited works, which caused you to have a bad opinion of him. It looks like he sent him to see a doctor." Dr. Qu smiled, "That's quite the story."

Cheng Zhu rolled his eyes. "This kid. Just because he usually looks too normal and healthy, the sudden outburst of abnormality is very... prominent and more serious, like a valve in a water pipe that suddenly exceeded the threshold, and the pipe exploded out. The pressure of the water will be too high... probably this kind of feeling. I think I can't just sit idly by."

"That's true." Dr. Qu nodded, "Combined with some information about his family's previous situation and some words I barely got, he may have a certain degree of traumatic stress—that is, PTSD, which is often said nowadays. status."

"You mean, his sudden and abnormal reaction is due to the stress state of psychological trauma left by the car accident?"

"Not only the abnormal reaction you encountered before, but also his current reaction that you seem to be particularly 'normal'—"

"……What's the meaning?"

Dr. Qu thought for a while, and pointed to the hunting scene in "Animal World" on the big screen with the tip of his chopsticks - after a long and careful observation and lurking, the nimble leopard finally jumped towards the target, with incomparable speed Caught an antelope that had fallen behind the line.After a brief struggle, the antelope immediately became motionless as if dead, with its neck tilted to one side, with an extremely calm expression, submitting weakly and obediently to its sharp teeth.The leopard leisurely dragged its prey back, found a place to lay it down, and planned to feast on it; even after it let go of its mouth, the prey remained motionless for a while.And suddenly, at the moment when it was really distracted and let down its vigilance, the antelope, which was just as dead as before, suddenly jumped up, ran away at an unbelievable speed, caught the cheetah by surprise, and was dumbfounded. Can't catch up anymore.

"This kind of suspended animation reaction is called rigidity." Dr. Qu explained, "Mammals often have three instinctive reactions when facing the threat of death. One is to fight, and the other is to escape. When these two cannot be realized, the third reaction— —Stiffness is our last self-protection barrier. The function of stiffness is to prevent the antelope from feeling pain at the moment of death, such as when the aorta in the neck is torn. Humans will do the same, in order to alleviate the pain, 'Spiritual submission' to catastrophe - that is, depersonalization, sensory-sensory syndrome."

Cheng Zhu digested this information for a while, understanding it from this perspective, even "Animal World" can see a different and profound feeling.He laughed and said, "It turns out that playing "Animal World" here has this effect... Then according to what you said, wouldn't this antelope also suffer from PTSD?"

"Maybe, after all, no one has really tracked the psychological state of antelopes, and they should face this kind of life-and-death decision more often than humans. The human mind is more sophisticated, more sensitive and more complex, just like a sophisticated instrument , so it is more prone to malfunctions and problems of various degrees, and not everyone will make the same choice when facing the same situation." Dr. Qu laughed, "But for this antelope, it has a high probability of being You will not get PTSD. Because the state of stiffness is a normal instinctive reaction, when our body feels safe, it will naturally recover. Its stiffness is a natural recovery due to the instinct of survival after it notices that the sharp teeth are far away. We Psychotherapy is usually intervened and assisted from this aspect. Through appropriate help, patients can truly feel safe, so that the body can complete a series of processes from stiffness to recovery of consciousness, and stiffness will not cause PTSD problems .”

Cheng Zhu came to understand a bit: "You mean, his usual healthy and positive feeling and way are a kind of 'stiffness' instead?"

"Yes, look at that poor beast. When it was caught, it gave up struggling and looked very calm, just like it usually grazes by the river. This kind of stiffness is not stiffness in the true sense, but In order to protect the functioning of the body, the spirit makes him live in a place that ignores this pain and whitewashes the most beautiful "daily life" in his imagination. Therefore, even if he is injured and loses his life in the process, he will There was no pain and everything passed smoothly."

"But... if the car accident is the sharp teeth that caught it in the neck, isn't that car accident over?..." Cheng Zhu regretted it as soon as he said it, and slapped himself on the forehead, "Oh, his mother—— —”

A person who may die from complications at any time, and may never wake up, is like a sword of Damocles hanging above his head, slowly gradually becoming invisible to the naked eye. pierced him.

"It cannot be said that he has no psychological self-healing process at all. People can protect themselves and they can also repair themselves. This child is very strong, so I believe that the overall situation should have improved since that incident. ;However, one or many things must have happened at this time." Dr. Qu looked at Cheng Zhu, "something interrupted his self-healing process, and instead induced or aggravated it. Stress response. I think the sudden exhaustion of my mother's illness is one reason, and what you say is seeing sculptures that make him uncomfortable, is there anything else?"

"And... there's nothing else, I took him... to the academic meeting, he said he wanted to go, so I took him... He was very happy too? By the way, we had Watched a sunset—and nothing else."

Doctor Qu nodded in understanding. "I guess that's beautiful?"

"It's really beautiful..." Cheng Zhu also vaguely understood, and he asked eagerly, "I just wanted to cheer him up. Shouldn't I take him to see beautiful things?"

"No, beautiful things are very good, but I guess there may be a gap with the reality he subconsciously recognizes. Then at this time, he may think of his own projection or current situation on that statue, so he can see what's inside. The difference. Art is spiritual stimulation, coupled with the stimulation in reality, under several overlapping, his consciousness was forcibly awakened like an electric shock, but his body was still in a state of rigidity. These two things Gradually out of touch. You know, when you were in a state of stiffness, like the antelope that was bitten, although it was deeply injured, it would not feel pain. But if at the moment when the carotid artery was bitten, Its spirit has woken up from a frozen state, and the pain and fear it has to bear... probably more than the original situation, so there is a scene that suddenly explodes in front of your eyes - he can't control his body at all do what."

Cheng Zhu understood completely.He suddenly felt a tightness in his heart.What am I doing?I did more than show him a sunset—and such a gorgeous penthouse suite, and the Angola steak as a gift. He remembered Xiao Xu unconsciously putting the beef that Lele had bitten and spit out into his mouth.I thought he was just hungry, chronically malnourished, or a family factor.Now it seems that the dislocation may have started since then; no, maybe earlier, thinking about it now, it is strange that he would suddenly propose to come to the exhibition...

"...So, should I stay away? Shouldn't I be so involved in his life?"

"On the contrary, I think...it's time for him to introduce new support. But the key is, are you the one who can support him to the end?" Dr. Qu also observed Cheng Zhu's expression, "He will be in the next period of time. He will definitely be more resistant to coming to me again, even against my whole person; he does not want to believe, and cannot believe that he is sick, which will make the last part of his persistence so far collapse. So at this time, he needs a new, pillars to lean on."

"Are you that one? ... It's not a random question. Because if you leave when he finally trusts you ... it's not just about falling apart. You know what I mean?"

Cheng Zhu walked back to the ward area.Xiao Xu didn't take the initiative to talk to Dr. Qu after chatting with him in the morning. He pretended to be very busy, ran up and down, and even went to the public rental kitchen downstairs to cook two dishes.When Cheng Zhu came back, he was sitting in front of the empty hospital bed and eating the dishes he had cooked. It seemed that he hadn't prepared anything for Cheng Zhu—after all, Cheng Zhu had said before that he was going to the doctor's cafeteria.

Cheng Zhu sat down opposite him, and the two of them didn't know what to say for a moment, Cheng Zhu could only stare at the two dishes, staring at them until Xu Budie felt embarrassed, and pushed the dishes towards him, "...Do you want to try it?" He thought of something, and hurriedly turned over the bedside cabinet, "I'll find a pair of chopsticks for you..."

"It's okay, I'm full, so I'll just have a taste," Cheng Zhu subconsciously held a piece of chopsticks in his hand and put it into his mouth, "The taste of S City is too bland, I haven't eaten your cooking these days Vegetables..." After he finished speaking, he felt that this posture was a bit ambiguous, and hurriedly let go; he coughed, "Then what..." He just started, and Xu Budie also said at the same time: "Then I..." The two stopped talking again and looked at each other, Cheng Zhu said: "You go ahead."

Xu Budie paused, tried his best to straighten his back, and pretended to be an adult: "Thank you... for thinking so much for me. But I'm fine, I've always come here like this, I was just dumbfounded before, I usually No way! . . . I can take care of myself."

Cheng Zhu looked at him carefully and nodded. "...What, I'm going back to City S in the afternoon, Lele is still there, and the meeting hasn't finished yet, and Jiang Nian doesn't know what's going on, I have to go and see, and I can't just Leave it alone."

A momentary shaken look appeared on the boy's face, but he hid it carefully, and nodded too. "You should go back... Sorry, I originally said that I should take care of Lele's side for you... But it turned out like this. What, wait for my side to stabilize... I'll go to Sister Jiang's side ..."

"You don't have to worry about Jiang Nian, and you don't have to go, I will explain to her. I will also pay for compensation and so on—"

"I will pay!" Xu Budie said loudly, "You don't have to worry about me. I will definitely. I will work hard and I can make money."

Cheng Zhu didn't argue with him, he could hear the fragile self-esteem in his voice. "Okay, then I bought the car two hours later, is there anything else I can do to help?"

Xu Budie said there was no more, but when Cheng Zhu was about to stand up, he hesitated and finally found the courage from nowhere, and asked tentatively: "The visiting time is coming soon. Can you... Come with me?"

This should be a good start, Cheng Zhu thought.They changed into isolation gowns, put on shoe covers, and washed their hands before entering fully armed. Almost all patients in the ICU have no self-awareness and autonomy, and there is a kind of mechanical noise and eerie silence everywhere.It was the first time he saw Xiao Xu's mother. She was lying flat, her body was covered with tubes, and her intact skin could hardly be seen. It looked extremely peaceful.

——This feels very strange, because they are completely irrelevant people, and no matter what, it would never be Cheng Zhu's turn to come here to meet her.But he is the only one who is willing to stand here at this moment, he can even feel Xiao Xu's helplessness, and his helplessness becomes more and more obvious as he gets closer to his mother.

Cheng Zhu somewhat understood that feeling.The untimely tranquility under the huge ruin also reminded him of the melting statue, and the beast crumbling under its sharp teeth.He closed the curtain to create a small private space for them, which was better than nothing.Xu Budie sat beside him for a while, watching the waveform on the monitor, and then suddenly and silently, he reached out his hand as if asking for help, and grabbed Cheng Zhu's cuff like a small animal.Cheng Zhu stretched out his hand to hold him back, leading his helpless fingers deep into the palm of his hand through the glove.

"Do you know... just use these instruments and medicines for a day here, it will cost [-] yuan." Xu Budie said softly.Cheng Zhu suspected that if he hadn't held his hand, the sound could hardly be heard, it was like whimpering vibrating from his throat.

"My mother is lying here, and she may die at any time. When the hospital called me and told me, this was the first thing I thought of. I quickly counted, if she lay down for one more day... it would be [-] more Five. My plans are all messed up."

"We had a great time in those few days. I almost forgot that life was like this. You caught the golden sunset and asked me to make a wish. I didn't remember to pray for her to get better. What I made a wish was... about me own business."

"You guys want to know why I smashed that statue. You got that doctor to ask me. But I was going to tell you that day, and then you forget about it. We can still be the same... I was just thinking ...Why does she want to hinder me, and not even let me spend the time I have come so easily?"

"I'm such a despicable person... Being mean is not a mental illness... I still know that."

Cheng Zhu walked into the high-speed rail station. The train he bought was about to leave in ten minutes. He was a little dazed thinking that just a few days ago, they were here, dragging Lele's little bee suitcase, dressed up for the New Year It's like some trendy human being, but it's been a whole day now, and the young man who usually pesters him to death hasn't sent a long-winded message.Cheng Zhu felt a headache, and he was thinking about whether it would be too late to buy a cup of coffee, but the broadcast urging him to get on the bus and check the ticket had already started, and the crowd gathered in a long stream, surrounding him to enter the queue.

At this time, a cup of hot mocha suddenly came under the tip of his nose.

"...Here." Xu Bu was out of breath from running, the sweat on his body even evaporated a layer of white mist, his cheeks were red, and beads of sweat rolled down the tip of his nose, he subconsciously used the tip of his tongue Roll away from the sides of the lips.

"...You..." Cheng Zhu was stunned for a moment. They could say that they were still together just now and separated from the hospital. It was a bit strange to see each other suddenly at this moment, "Why did you come here? What happened?"

"I'm... I... I'm fine," he said incoherently, "I'll just come and see you off."

"Ah?" Cheng Zhu was speechless. It's not a long distance to go to S City, and he will come back after a few days. As for it?

"I, that dish, that's right," Xu Budie hurriedly said, "I made dinner, and you can eat it in the car with you."

Cheng Zhu took the lunch box he handed over speechlessly, the inside was still hot, probably he fried it quickly after he left, and I don't know how he managed to catch up with the evening rush hour; Xu lowered his head, the tip of his nose was red: "Didn't you say you want to eat?"

"That doesn't need to be so much..." Cheng Zhu felt that this scene only appeared in a scene that appeared in a TV series decades ago after seeing each other for ten years. What to do; the crowd passed them in a hustle and file, split into two clusters like water meeting a rock, and merged again.

"You, if you can't eat it, at night, Senior Sister Jiang has a microwave oven. It's just right. Doesn't Lele like to eat it too...I made what he likes..."

"What are you doing, making it so complicated?" Cheng Zhu didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "Can't we eat together when we get back?"

Xiao Xu raised his head to look at him suddenly, his eyes were bright: "You are back... come to me?"

"Why don't you come?"

"I thought...you don't want to see me anymore, and you arranged everything for me in one breath...you have done everything you can...you go to listen to that doctor again, you must hate me. Lele must be angry with me... I..." He slumped his shoulders in dejection, everything was screwed up, but honestly, he didn't fully understand what he was doing.

The broadcast announcing the ticket inspection urged, and the long line of people at the gate had already left.

"I'm quite angry." Cheng Zhu finally said seriously.They stood in the suddenly empty hall, and the ticket inspector filled the gap between the two with his voice shouting from behind. There were still many things that they wanted to ask and dared not ask, and wanted to say that they dared not say. "I just want to ask, what happened to that girlfriend?"

"...Huh?" Now it was Xiao Xu's turn to be dumbfounded. Cheng Zhu had already turned around, waved his hands, and turned around to check the ticket and pass through the gate.

"—she's not," the young man literally threw himself at the turnstile, stopped behind the transparent partition and the screams from the machine, "I just asked her for help, I didn't... it wasn't that kind of relationship, what are you doing Just ask this!"

Everyone around turned their heads to look at him, with gossip expressions of surprise or gossip on their faces; the young lady checking the ticket couldn't help but stop him from turning over, and said to him in a low voice: "I don't understand, hurry up!" Send text messages to coax, your boyfriend is jealous."