chronicle of court survival

She was crying, but her words were like a thunderbolt splitting his chaotic life, and it also split his blood and flesh.

Lou Guanxue was stunned in place, for the first time, her immature face showed the helplessness and confusion that should be expected at this age.

His arm was still injured, and the wolf's blood spattered on his eyelashes, which made him very uncomfortable, but his hands and feet were stiff and at a loss.His voice was hoarse, he lost his voice when he opened his mouth, and he couldn't speak.

Xia Qing's eyes were sore.

He didn't have much contact with the five-year-old Lou Guanxue, but he saw with his own eyes that every step he took was to "survive".He jumped up and down, pretended to be obedient, and endured all the insults, mocking, beatings and verbal abuse, and grew arrogantly with scars all over his body.This wolf cub-like child never felt hate, sadness, or loneliness, but simply wanted to live.

But now, the woman who gave him life told him in a broken tone.

"You shouldn't be alive."

Lou Guanxue's eyes were also red, but he was too young, and he didn't know how to stop the surging pain in his heart.

He could only open his mouth, almost begging: "Stop talking..."

Yao Ke couldn't hear his voice, she seemed to be in a daze, and blood kept gushing from the fingers covering her face.

"I'm sorry, Axue, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given birth to you."

She became hoarse every time, and her liver and gallbladder were torn apart from crying.

"I'm sorry, Axue, I shouldn't have set up a blood formation on you, trying to make the gods wake up on you."

Lou Guanxue was trembling all over, and took a step back: "Stop talking."

"I'm sorry, Axue." Yaoke cried desperately, and blamed herself for defeating her whole body: "I'm sorry."

"You don't grow up, you don't want to live, Axue."

She let go of her hand tremblingly, and raised her head stiffly and slowly.

The silver-blue eyes were blood-colored and dull, Yao Ke was completely blind.

She couldn't see, and looked forward dimly.Kneeling on the ground, her long, jet-black hair lay on the ground, like a wisteria flower in a withered barren mound.

"Don't grow up." She murmured softly, with blood and tears in the corners of her eyes.

"...It's all my fault, I shouldn't have given birth to you and only treated you as a container,"

"You are five years old, and soon, God will wake up in you."

"Don't grow up, don't live anymore."

She couldn't see, so she could only grope forward, her hair was disheveled, her eyes were dull, her expression was numb from the pain, she just seemed to be crying and laughing like crazy: "The moment the god wakes up, you will have to bear all the sins of the Mermaid Clan back then. Grow up, don't live anymore."

"I don't ask God to come back to the world now, and I don't ask the sharks to return to their hometown now. I just want you to be safe, painless and fearless, Axue."

"Axue, I'm sorry..."

"Lou Guanxue!" Xia Qing was finally able to move, he rushed over and covered Lou Guanxue's ears first.

And Lou Guanxue froze in place, motionless, her expression was as pale as paper, and her dark pupils widened lazily as if she had seen something extremely terrifying.

A fire burned the weeds in my heart to ashes.

Every sentence pierced his soul, shattering the pure desire to live on.

--container.

——You don’t grow up anymore, don’t live anymore.

—God is about to wake up in you.

Lou Guanxue was on the verge of falling, she had hurt her lungs in the fight with Xuelang before, and the pain was particularly obvious at this moment.He opened his mouth and spat out a mouthful of blood, his eyes were washed by tears, washing away all the tenacity and stubbornness of the previous endless life, leaving nothing but confusion.

Xia Qing's eyes were also red, and he grabbed his hand and said in a hoarse voice, "Stop listening, I'll take you away, I'll take you out."

Lou Guanxue didn't speak.

"I'll take you away." Xia Qing took his scarred hand, covered his eyes, and led him to run outside: "Let's go, let's go."

Yao Ke was completely blind, but she could still hear footsteps, she stood up in a panic: "Axue!"

But her arm hit the table, and the unfinished needlework fell to the ground in a mess. She tried to move forward, but she tripped hard. The moment she knelt on the ground, the dying scorpion saint showed an expression Feeling confused, her long hair fell down, and finally she couldn't bear it anymore, and cried out in a long and mournful cry.

Crying and crying blood, mourning resounded throughout the entire deserted hall.

Xia Qing grabbed Lou Guanxue's hand and ran outside, out of this oppressive cold palace.

The stars were shining brightly outside, the first-quarter moon hung in the sky, and the sounds of various small bugs could be heard in the wind.

The ground was covered with all kinds of weeds and gravel. Lou Guanxue walked halfway like a walking corpse, and suddenly let go of Xia Qing's hand, leaning on the wall next to her, and began to retch loudly.

He didn't eat anything today, and all he vomited was blood.

Xia Qing was so distressed that she didn't know what to do. She walked over and held his hand: "Don't trust her."

The moonlight was clear and faint, and Lou Guanxue looked like a puppet who had lost his soul. Hearing this, his thin lips trembled, and he smiled stiffly.

"How ridiculous."

Xia Qingan looked at him quietly.

Lou Guanxue couldn't stand up straight in pain, her face was pale and she squatted down, staring at all kinds of bugs scattered in the grass on the ground, and murmured absentmindedly: "How ridiculous, why am I working so hard to live?"

He stared at his ugly hands and said softly, "It turns out that I live to die."

He was so sad that he couldn't complete his words: "...for...to raise a container for God."

Xia Qing couldn't bear it anymore, with red eyes, squatted down and hugged him, and said, "It's not Lou Guanxue, it's not like this."

Lou Guanxue did not resist his hug this time.

The boy's thin body trembled violently, and he bit Xia Qing's shoulder, as if trying to suppress the unbearable choking.

Xia Qing felt the hot tears wet his clothes, ignored the pain, and said in a trembling voice: "I have seen you when you grow up. You really lived to grow up, and became a very powerful, powerful, and no one would dare to provoke you. people."

Lou Guanxue laughed, her teeth trembling: "Are you sure what you saw was really me when I grew up, not a god?"

Xia Qing: "It's you. I'm sure."

His voice was too calm, without heavy tone, as if he was simply stating one thing.

Xia Qing: "When you grow up, you become the emperor of Chu, and the world calls you Lingguang Zhuyu. Although you still have a bad temper and a lot of bad problems, I don't hate you when I get along with you. Although you just started Like a psycho, the latter is similar, but I just...have never hated you." How strange, he couldn't explain this strangeness himself.

"You live a good life. So don't believe your mother, a crazy woman, the meaning of your birth is not some ghost container."

"The purpose of your life is not to die when God wakes up."

"You are born to be yourself, and everything you do and say in this life is for yourself."

Big drops of Lou Guanxue's tears scalded Xia Qing's skin.

Insects were humming in the grass.

Xia Qing pursed her lips, chose not to speak anymore, and gave him a quiet space.

He was thinking before, for a person like Lou Guanxue, adversity wears out his bones, darkness breeds arrogance, and he lives so clearly and earnestly, why would he have a demon?Now Xia Qing knew that what could make him collapse was that even "living" became a kind of original sin.

Fireflies are flying in the wild grass, and in the silent night, there are many noises under the soil layer.

"Let's go out first." Xia Qing couldn't stand the atmosphere, and grabbed his arm to walk out of the cold palace.

Lou Guanxue said, "I can't get out."

Xia Qing looked at him silently.

Lou Guanxue's face was pale and fragile, her dark eyes were calm and serious like never before, and she said softly: "You said this is my demon, so you are also fake, everything is imagined by me."

"If you don't grow up, you don't live."

"Humans treat me like a mermaid, and mermaids treat me as a human being and an enemy."

He squatted in the grass, a kind of confusion appeared on his young face.After his faith collapsed and his bones were shattered, he asked himself: "Then what am I?" He thought of Yao Ke's words, shivered in the wind, and said word by word with difficulty: "I am... a monster? "

A monster that shouldn't be alive.

To be born is to die, and life is just a sacrifice, not even qualified to grow up.

His voice was unreasonably soft: "I am a monster."

"No." Xia Qingxin was also very sad, squatting in front of him, stopped and said to him: "Lou Guanxue, come with me."

Xia Qing took him to the wall.

Two small children sit side by side.

"The first time I wanted to ask you, what I saw when I was sitting on the wall was nothingness, what about you, what did you see?"

The wind blew up Lou Guanxue's misty blue hairband, and he didn't speak.

Xia Qing took a deep breath and said, "I guess, what you saw should be the imperial garden, the palace, the city wall, and the sky and earth beyond."

The walls are covered with pale green moss and tiny white flowers.

Xia Qing said slowly: "When I was a child, before the orphanage was renovated, my favorite thing to do was to climb up the half-collapsed old wall at the front door and stare in a daze."

"A group of children inside the wall kept arguing about the seesaw on the swing, and the excavator on the construction site outside the wall kept beeping. At first, the dean thought I was withdrawn, but he soon discovered that it's not that I can't get along with others, I I just wanted to sit there."

"Orphans have no parents, so they have nowhere to go. When I was a child, I didn't expect to grow up, and I also had nowhere to go. You are much better now than I was when I was five years old."

"But I have no where to come from, no where to go, but I have never thought about who I should be. According to later generations, life is a cycle of reincarnation. Hundreds of millions of years ago, the big bang produced elemental particles, which became The heavens and the earth become sentient beings, you and me. Then they return to the loess and the universe.”

Xia Qing tilted her head, looked at him seriously with light brown eyes, and said softly.

"Lou Guanxue, you don't need to be given any meaning to be alive, to be alive is to be alive. Your efforts for so many years are all right."

If fate treats you unfairly, it seems that the years of struggling and growing up on thin ice are all a joke.

If the "meaning of living" that you insist on collapses suddenly, it will look pitiful and pitiful, and it will be the last blow to crush your pride.

Then I want to tell you that it does not need to be endowed with any meaning, and everything you do for it is not ridiculous.

Lou Guanxue lowered her head, her eyelashes trembled violently, her teeth were biting so that her lips turned white.

Xia Qing sighed and said, "You're not a monster either."

He leaned over, stretched out his short and tender hands, and wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes. His voice was as slow and slow as the wind: "How can you be a monster? She gave birth to you, but it doesn't mean she is qualified to judge your status." Life."

Lou Guanxue raised her head, the corners of her eyes were still red, her black hair was flying in the air with her wispy green hairband, and the mole on her eyelids was glowing with blood.

After a long time, Lou Guanxue smiled without emotion, and said, "It's that kind of look again."

Xia Qing was puzzled: "Huh?"

"The way you look at people." He seemed to have calmed down, his complexion was pale and fragile, like a glazed doll.

Xia Qing stared at him, with hair tied on his head, and he pulled the corner of his lower lip depressedly.

He was comforting Lou Guanxue, what kind of bullshit did Lou Guanxue respond to!

At this time, the fireflies in the weeds in the corner flew to the wall, and the stars were dotted into a sea, and the turbid yellow light reflected the starry night softly.

"I guess I have a weird body."

Lou Guanxue spoke again, her voice was cold, and she reached out and grabbed a firefly: "Because I won't die. I won't die if I fall down the stairs, I won't die if I'm held down in the water, I won't die if I starve for days. Death. Every time I am about to die, I always miss it, and my life is as hard as a rock."

"At first I thought it was God who treated me a little favorably."

In the end, it was Sen Leng's fangs that fate had not spoken.

He let go of the firefly again, watched it fly higher and higher into the sky, watched it quietly for a while, and then raised his hand to untie the hair tie behind him: "This is what she gave me, and she said it was a treasure. It’s safe, so I kept it on and didn’t take it off when I went to bed.”

After finishing speaking, he smiled sarcastically: "Maybe it's just a way to suppress the blood formation."

The moment the blue headband fell off, the boy's black hair fell down.

Her skin was as white as snow, and the moles on her eyelids were strangely red.

Lou Guanxue said again: "Today is March [-]th."

Xia Qing was stunned: "March [-]th..."

It turned out to be March [-] again.

Shocked.

No wonder, no wonder there are fireflies all over the sky, no wonder there are so many rustling noises under the soil layer.

Lou Guanxue tilted her head, and for the first time, a normal emotion appeared on her delicate and cold face.

"Actually, it's also my birthday, although she keeps saying it's February [-]th."

Xia Qing was speechless, and mumbled: "Your birthday..."

Lou Guanxue loosened the hair tie, and let it fall off the wall. The cold wind of the night of Jingzhe dried the tears on his face and ignited the weeds in his eyes again.

Lou Guanxue said, "I know how to get rid of my demons."

Xia Qing didn't know why.

The boy pulled his lips and smiled, and looked at Xia Qing: "You are right, my inner demon can only be myself. Thank you, I will send you out."

This was the first time he said thank you, but Xia Qing was suddenly alert: "What are you going to do!"

The boy ignored him, took out a small knife from his sleeve, and jumped off the wall neatly.

Black hair and black clothes are fluttering and hunting, fireflies are around him, if the boy jumps into the sea of ​​light, he will step on the grassy land, run over all living things, and run back without turning his head.

"Lou Guanxue—!" Xia Qing yelled suddenly.

But everything in the barrier began to ripple like water mist.

The fireflies flying all over the sky turned into grotesque phantoms, and the whole desolate and silent cold palace showed a kind of panic.

It was like a harbinger before the collapse and burning.

"Lou Guanxue!"

Xia Qing also jumped down, but as soon as he landed, someone pinned his shoulders.

The hand was cold, and the chill penetrated into the bones through the clothes.

A cold and familiar voice came from above, and he said, "Let him go."

Xia Qing turned her head stiffly.

He saw the grown-up Lou Guanxue standing next to him, the owner of the barrier, with black hair like waterfalls and dustless snow clothes.His eyes were indifferent and calm, his eyes were as deep as the ocean, and he looked forward indifferently.

This seems to be the most real him here.There is no lazy, mysterious, cloudy or cloudy environment in the Zhaixing Tower, and there is no masquerade orchid and jade tree in the bedroom.

Quiet, lonely and cold, the sharp sword that crossed the bones in childhood melted into the blood after growing up.

He stood silently at the corner where the insects were waking up, watching his five-year-old self, holding a knife, stepping across the barren land to break the last evil obstacle in the world of mortals.

It took Xia Qing a long time to find his voice, and said with difficulty: "What is he going to do?"

Lou Guanxue said lightly: "Do what I didn't dare to do when I was five years old, but I have been thinking about it all the time."

At the age of five, I didn't dare to do it, but I kept thinking about it.

The moment the fire ignited.

Yao Ke finally stumbled.She ran out of the palace with blank eyes, like a poor mother who lost her child, crying "Axue" eagerly and sadly, her eye sockets were dry, and she could no longer shed tears.

Walking alone in the dark, fumbling around with frantic hands.

Xia Qing saw that the five-year-old Lou Guanxue rushed over and took Yao Ke's hand.

"Axue?" Yao Ke froze, joy not showing on her face yet.

The boy's cold voice sounded: "Here is the knife, kill me."

Yao Ke was stunned, her face was pale, she was on the verge of falling, she said softly: "What did you say?"

Lou Guanxue's eyes were red, and when her lamp was exhausted, she forcefully pulled her hand away, and then put the knife in her hand.

Yao Ke has killed many people and held many weapons in her life, but this is the first time she was shivering from the cold of the knife handle.She is so sad and fragile but because she is blind, she can't do anything, her face shows deep helplessness, her lips tremble: "Axue, I..."

Big tears flowed from the eyes of the five-year-old boy.

Lou Guanxue roared hoarsely: "You said, tell me not to grow up, not to live anymore."

"As you said, all the punishments will be imposed on me when God descends. You want me to be painless, and I don't want to suffer from that."

"Kill me! Yaoke! Kill me!"

Yaoke's face turned pale inch by inch, her heart, which she thought had been numb from the pain, did not expect to be torn apart again, and blood blurred the world.She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Lou Guanxue burst into tears, and yelled at her: "Why! Why should I bear the crimes of your shark clan! I am human! Yao Ke! You have been pretending to be stupid and blind for five years! Can you see clearly now! I am Man! I don’t want to be a vessel of God, and I don’t want life to be worse than death!”

Like a dying cub, he gave the knife to Yao Ke.

"Didn't you regret it? You said that you don't want the real god to come to this world, as long as I am safe?"

"Then kill me! Kill me, Yao Ke!"

Tears dripped onto the back of Yao Ke's hand, she was so burned that she almost couldn't hold the knife.

Lou Guanxue almost pleaded: "Kill me."

Reborn from broken bones, flesh and blood returned to mother, I will owe you nothing in the future.

Yao Ke held the knife, her face was pale and bloodless.

She stood for a long time like a statue.

After that, he forcibly set aside his feelings, and nodded as if he had no soul.

She bent down, like a mother who accepts her child's unreasonable troubles, her silver-blue eyes were empty, and said calmly: "...OK."

The blood in Leng Gong was shining brightly, and the fire was burning little by little.

Xia Qing watched as Yao Ke took the knife and killed the five-year-old Lou Guanxue.

The moment of the boy's death.

The barrier was finally broken.

The knife rolled to the ground.

Yao Ke couldn't see, and didn't look at the boy's body, she just stayed there for a long time, as if she had completely withdrawn her emotions and desires, leaving a body that would not be uncomfortable or painful.His expression was pale and numb, then he shook his head on the spot, leaned on the wall and walked back, whispering to himself: "...Today is Jingzhe, Axue's birthday, I have to make a bowl of longevity noodles. I have to go back to embroider, yes, I haven't finished my embroidery yet, summer is here, it's time to change Ah Xue into new clothes."

She muttered to herself, walked slowly, and groped back to the palace.

The flames blazed brightly at this moment, and with a "boom", the ruined walls collapsed in an instant and shattered into powder.

Xia Qing looked at Yaoke in the firelight and groped back to the table, bent down on the ground to fumble for a needle and thread, but finally found a book, the book that she once read sentence by sentence while holding Lou Guanxue on the bank of the book The Book of Songs.

She had no more tears to shed, and she froze in place while maintaining a posture.

The blood in her heart has long been exhausted, and the oil is exhausted. At the last moment of her life, she knelt down and hugged the book with sobs.

His long hair hung down, covering his trembling body.

She also died.

Died in the barrier, the black hair melted, the flesh and blood melted, and finally there was only white bones left.

From it grew an ice-blue, layered flower.

——After the death of the merman, the body rots and turns into water, and a lingwei flower blooms on the bone.

The fragrance of the flowers is cold and desolate, spreading in every trace, carrying the damp memory of the sea.

The wind turned the bones into ashes, and also blew away the Lingwei flower.The icy blue petals are blown into the air with the wind, glowing with a faint blue light, just like in the legend, they leave people and return to their graves at night after the Waking of Zhess on the sea.

Just never going back.

Picking Wei and picking Wei, Wei also stops.Returning is returning, and there is no end to age.

...the endlessly departed people, the hometown that cannot be returned.

Xia Qing's eyes were sore, and she closed them sadly.

Lou Guanxue stood beside her with an indifferent expression, and when everything was over, she took a step forward.

Xia Qing opened his eyes in surprise, only to see Lou Guanxue walking beside his five-year-old corpse that had not been crushed by the barrier.

The young emperor stretched out his hand, revealing his wrist from the sleeves piled up like snow, with a blue hairband tied on it.

He untied the hair tie on his wrist, then lifted the boy's cold body, and tied the boy's messy hair with his pampered and slender hands.

Eyelashes lowered, expression calm, voice light as moonlight whispered.

"She didn't lie to you, it's really safe."

Lou Guanxue paused, and said lightly.

"You survived."

"Live and become me."

The boy's body finally disappeared with the obstacle.

Xia Qing unknowingly returned to her original figure, standing not far away, staring blankly at Lou Guanxue who was squatting down.

Before all Twisted Ashes restart.

Lou Guanxue raised her head and glanced at him, vaguely as if seeing him for the first time in Zhaixinglou.

Xia Qing thought for a long time, and at the last second of the trouble, said to him in a very soft voice: "Happy birthday, Lou Guanxue."