Xu Jun's life

Zheng Yehu looked at me with a smile.

"Dad, this is a matter between me and Li Zhurong." I knew it was useless to persuade me, so I could only promise: "When I get back, I will tell you and Mom everything."

My dad finally agreed.

Zheng Yehu took me into the study. He probably doesn't use this house very often, and there is nothing in it.

He turned on the computer and clicked on a file for me.

"I don't dare to listen to this. I'm afraid that Xiao Zhe will kill me. You should listen to it alone." He said this, but he didn't look afraid at all, and he smiled like a fox.

"What is this?"

"Didn't you ask Xiao Zhe to see a psychiatrist?" He curled one corner of his mouth and smiled ironically at me: "That's right."

"You actually recorded his conversation with the psychiatrist, you..."

"No, I haven't heard of it. Even a psychiatrist has never heard of these things. If Ji Ye hadn't asked me to help monitor his Xiaoqinger, I wouldn't have been able to record these." He waved his hands back and pulled Come to the door: "You just stay here and listen to your fill, Teacher Xu."

It was very quiet at first.

If it weren't for the sound of turning the pages of the book, I would have thought there was no one there.

The sound of the door opening.

The familiar footsteps, no matter how slight they are, I can still hear who they are.

"You're here? Sit down."

The sound of pages turning.

"How's your day?" Zheng Yehu didn't record the full video, obviously the psychiatrist and Li Zhurong already knew each other.

"It's okay." Li Zhurong's voice sounded very clear.

"What do you want to say?"

"Do not want to."

"Okay... this is your medicine for today, or don't you want it?"

There was no answer, the sound of leaving footsteps.

After the sound of pages turning, there was no sound.

Zheng Yehu once said that there is a recorder with voice control function, which is used for monitoring. When the recorded sound decibel is lower than a certain value, the recording will stop.

After a brief silence.

The footsteps of two people one after the other.

"Would you like a cup too? All I have is coffee."

"No." His voice was a little more emotional than last time.

"Just came back from the military region?" The doctor's voice was calm and reassuring: "Why don't you stay at Zheng's house for dinner?"

"I'm going home to eat."

"I heard that your guy is very good at cooking? I don't know if I have a chance to eat it?"

"Ji Ye's cooking is also good."

The doctor was silent for a while, and then asked: "Is there anything you want to say today?"

"No."

"Then, goodbye, do you still want the medicine?"

Still the sound of leaving footsteps.

Another silence.

The sound of opening the door, pouring water, sitting down, flipping papers, and after a long time, Li Zhurong pushed the door and came in, the sound of footsteps.

"Good morning," the doctor said briskly, "Why haven't you come these two days?"

"There is something." The voice of sitting down.

"not in a good mood?"

Li Zhurong didn't answer him.

After a long time, he suddenly asked the doctor: "Do you think the process is more important than the result?"

The doctor laughed.

"The result is important." The doctor paused: "But people always like to ask about the process, because the result is already here and cannot be changed. But some people can't accept it and are unwilling, so they can only ask about the process and see to the end What's going on, so that I can accept the truth with all my heart."

Li Zhurong didn't speak.

"I know you don't like explanations, but you need an explanation." The doctor seemed to change his sitting position on the chair: "I have a suggestion, if you can't say it to me, you can find a quiet room A room like this one, tell it to yourself first, imagine that person standing opposite you and listen to you. If you feel used to it, then tell him."

"I don't want to tell him."

The doctor seemed to close something.

"Take this medicine, it will make you relax, it's easier to say..."

"If you prescribe me another medicine, I will change doctors." Li Zhurong warned coldly.

"Then kill me?" The doctor laughed: "I have only one patient left, you can't change doctors. I'm going out first, you try it, try to say it when you are alone .”

The door was closed.

Li Zhurong was left alone in the room. I couldn't hear a sound, but I knew he was there.

I've had radar in my body to detect him since college.

He said, "I..."

He said only one word, and then fell into a long silence

I knew that this day happened to be the day my mother and he asked me to have a baby.

But at this time he didn't know.

He came two more times.

Every time it was the doctor's one-sided greetings, he didn't speak or take medicine, but he had to sit for a while every time.

Each time, I thought he was going to say it, but he didn't say anything, even in a completely empty room.

Then came the day when I was going to have a showdown with my mom.

He came here that night.

He did not speak to the doctor, but was silent alone, and the doctor gave him the room as usual.

He sat for a while.Then he suddenly said, "Like ten years ago?"

I know, the last recording was yesterday.

The doctor opened the window and I heard the rain.

It turned out to be late last night, because it rained after I fell asleep last night, and the ground was still a little wet when I got up early.

He came in through the door.

"I want a medicine." That's all he said.

The doctor seemed taken aback.But the reaction was quick, poured water for him, and went out.

I don't know what a long silence he passed.

He said "Teacher."

My hairs stood on end.

I instinctively stepped back, the answer I always wanted was in front of me, but I couldn't help but want to run away.

I know what I'm afraid of.

For so long, what I have been holding on to is only the past ten years. If I let go of this last thing, there will be nothing to hold on to.

But, I can't walk either.

That's the answer I've been wanting to hear, even if he's speaking to an empty room, that's the answer I want.

I don't know if it's because the medicine has taken effect.His tone was lighter than before, a bit familiar.

"Teacher, are you listening?"

He just said a word, and I understood why his tone seemed familiar to me.

That was the tone of ten years ago.Ten years later, Li Zhurong would not ask me if I was listening, he would just say "Listen".

I cover my eyes.

Ten years ago, Li Zhurong, who was arrogant, domineering, and always called a teacher like a rogue, seemed to come to life in an instant, sitting in front of me alive, and I could touch him with my hand.

He sat right in front of me and called me teacher.

I wanted to reach out and grab him, to grab him.I want to ask him: where have you been?Why are you different from before?Is it true that you said you liked me ten years ago?Why don't you talk to me now, you weren't like this before...

But I can't catch anything.

The little Zhe from ten years ago had already changed with time and died when I didn't know it.The only one left is that cold and blunt Li Zhurong, he rarely smiles sincerely, and he doesn't tell me anything.

However, I still like him so much.

"I went to see you... when you didn't know."

I can imagine that when he said this, he sat there alone, with a cold and solid back, even when he was making a statement, he was so proud.

"I saw you went to the GAY bar and sat there drinking." He said slowly: "I sat in a very dark place, but you still saw me."

"I don't know why I didn't say hello to you. At that time, everything was fine. The old man retired and Xiao An was born..."

My heart tightened.

I knew it a long time ago, he is so smart, how could he use it for ten years, Li Xiu is five years old this year, he only took five years to take over the power of the Li family.

But he didn't come to me.

He sat in the GAY bar, pretending to be a complete stranger to me, watching me coldly as I was attracted to him like five years ago...

I'm cold.

"You didn't recognize me."

"Have you ever worn a mask? Teacher. Have you ever wished to become the character you imagined for a moment?"

"I have."

"At that moment, I very much wished that I was the stranger I played. I could walk over, buy you a drink, strike up a conversation with you, and we have a new beginning."

"I dare not greet you as Li Zhurong."

"I know you don't like Li Zhurong, not to mention that I have done so many things you don't like."

"No one likes Li Zhurong, even you only like this face, so you like this person by the way. If I become a stranger, you will be happy to fall in love with me... You all want me to change, you I always say, Xiao Zhe, don’t do this, don’t do that. If you could make me into another character, you would definitely not make me into what I am today. You would make a kind and upright Li Zhurong, tolerant Bright Li Zhurong..."

I don't know what the drug does, he seems drunk, and every word he says is not what he usually says.

He always said, I know you like me, I know you love me so much, he always smiles domineeringly, with pride in the corners of his eyes...

"It's not that I haven't tried to let go of the teacher. It is said that for your own good, you should let go."

"I'm not a good person, I can't do it."

"I hate homosexuality, I hate the south... I was assassinated in [-], the wound was only one centimeter from my heart, when I was lying on the hospital bed, I still missed you very much."

"I can't be a kind person. I've been standing in the mud, I can't get to the shore, so I can only drag you down. You hate me, I will never let go. Even if you don't like me, I won't let you go." Will let go. I will kill anyone who stops me. I want your whole life, whether you want to give it or not."

"That's the answer, teacher."

The author has something to say: Dozed off~

I finally finished writing all the plots in my conception, Xiaozhe or something, alas~

pat.

good night.