Xu Jun's life

When I woke up the next day, Li Zhurong had already left.Li Xiu was sitting on the sofa as if he had nothing to do, following my dad to recite Ohm's law.

I felt a little sorry, so I asked my dad when he was going to the toilet: "Xiao An, how did you sleep last night?"

"It's okay." The child held the pen and did the physics problem expressionlessly.

"That's good." I felt relieved, and picked up the milk on the coffee table to drink.

"I woke up once when my dad moved me to the guest room in the middle of the night." He said unhurriedly.

I choked.

I spent the whole morning taking out the luggage I brought with my mother and putting it in order.

A photo album, a set of kung fu tea sets sent by my father's students, my mother's favorite small steamer, and a set of quilts bought when we got married. It is a kind of blanket that is hard to see now, with most peonies embroidered on it .

"Dad, I'll arrange the books for you later, you and Xiaoxiu watch TV for a while first."

This kind of TV can receive many channels. In the past, I often watched one of the science stations. There was a very authoritative program on the universe, and some scientists were often interviewed.

"Why don't you go to work?" My dad held the remote control.

I knew he wanted to visit my school.

"I took a long vacation." It's not easy to lie by looking into his eyes: "I'll go back to class in two days."

My dad said oh, the TV show started, and he turned his head back again.

Going back to class means asking Li Zhurong to help.

Doorbell rang.

Li Zhurong stood there impatiently in a shirt and tie in his hand.

"Good afternoon, teacher." He greeted me lazily, "Help me tie my tie."

I checked my phone, it was already 11:30.

"Did you just wake up?" I asked him as I tied his tie.

"I went to the military area with the fox at four o'clock and just came back." He raised his chin lazily: "The fuck left me for dinner, but I didn't."

"Have you had breakfast?"

While talking, my mother has already come out of the kitchen.Li Zhurong saw it at a glance, and called out, "Auntie."

"Why don't you come in and talk?" My mother wiped her hands on the apron.

I have a bad feeling.

But Li Zhurong had already grabbed my wrist and pulled me in.

"Since you're here, let's stay here for lunch." My mother brought him fruit: "I haven't thanked you enough for the move."

"Auntie said that, it means seeing someone else." Li Zhurong took the tea cup with both hands: "Auntie just treats me as her own family. There is nothing to thank for family matters."

I silently glanced at them both, and decided not to enter the kitchen for the time being.

Although I am not as good at diplomatic rhetoric as they are, I still have the most basic intuition.I'm not a fool, how can I not understand the torrent and undercurrent between these two people.

But my mother obviously won't let me stay.

"Xu Xu, there are dried bamboo shoots soaking in the kitchen. Mom is preparing steamed meat and fish, which need to be fried." My mother sent me away.

I walked slowly towards the kitchen and heard Li Zhurong say, "Auntie, let's go to the study."

At home with my mom, the kitchen is always the most exciting place.

Under the countertop, there is a row of sauerkraut jars, and in the pull basket are all kinds of packaged dry goods. In one morning, the refrigerator is full of fruits and vegetables, and the freezer is filled with meat. I took the pork belly out to defrost , washed his hands, opened the kitchen door a crack, and looked outside.

My dad and Li Xiu sat on the sofa, silently watching me stoop to the door of the study, lying on the door to listen, I made a "shh" gesture to them.

My dad frowned and turned to watch TV again.

Li Xiu walked over lightly.

Instead of leaning on the door, he leaned next to my ear and said, "I tell you, I know what your mother is going to tell my father."

I looked at him in surprise.

Perhaps children's intuition is too keen.

Li Zhurong and my mother just came out of the study when I put the fried meat and dried bamboo shoots on the pot to steam and started to make braised fish nuggets.

My mother came over to take my hand, cut ginger slices and patted garlic. I walked around the kitchen symbolically, and my mother gave it away: "Go and talk to the guests."

My dad and Li Xiu were in the living room, so I had no choice but to take Li Zhurong to my bedroom, and Li Xiu looked at me sympathetically.

"My mother didn't say anything to you, did she?"

Li Zhurong pursed his lips and said nothing.

If he is like this, I can't ask, "Did my mother tell you that I want to have a baby?" But I am quite afraid of him, most of what he said is not terrible, what is terrible is the things he does in silence .

"Don't think about it, I don't plan to start any family, and I don't want any children. The old man's thinking will always be a bit feudal." I knew that it would be no good to deal with him, so I just let it go.

He looked at me with scrutiny.

"What if your father lets you have it?"

I knew it, my mother's trump card is this.

Under the current situation, how could I go against my father's wishes.Even though my father had no obsession with his grandson, my mother couldn't help talking back and forth-she has a strong sense of crisis now, and is always worried that I will die alone one day, so I must have a child to take care of me.

"There's always a way." I argued, "It's useless for my dad to say it. I can delay it. It's useless to force a child. I don't want a child myself..."

"Teacher really doesn't want it?" He asked coldly, "Or is it just because he is afraid of me..."

I was irritated by him.

"I'm not you." The words blurted out.

He looked at me calmly.

"Remember what you said today, teacher." He didn't know whether he was threatening or stating the facts: "If you can't do it, I will help you do it."

"Then just wait and see." I replied to him angrily, sat on the bed, and stared at him angrily.

He actually laughed.

"I didn't expect that the teacher still has a temper that can't be provoked now." He curled up his lips and said, "If you are provoked, you will be hooked."

"That's something I have to decide for myself. Don't say it so lightly. Didn't your face look like a dead person just now?" I retorted.

"It's not dead, it's trying to kill someone." He added for me, reaching out to touch my face: "If the teacher touches another woman, I'll kill that woman."

"Only kill that woman? Don't kill me?" I raised my face and asked him.

He squeezed my jaw tightly.

"Sometimes I really want to kill Teacher," he looked at me coldly with dark blue eyes, "Use a knife, go down and cut open Teacher's heart to see how many things are inside."

I also really want to know if there is anything in your heart.

"I've always wanted to ask you a question," I looked into his eyes and asked, "What would you do if you touched another woman?"

"The teacher said..."

"Don't pretend to be stupid, how was Li Xiu born?" I looked at him coldly.

The beautifully shaped eyebrows were raised, and the corners of the lips were smiling: "What does the teacher mean?"

"I don't mean anything else. I'm just curious, why you can and I can't." Before he got mad, I added lightly: "However, I still say that, I won't make the same choice as you , because I am not you."

I don't know if it's because I'm dazzled, but his smile has a hint of self-mockery: "It turns out that the teacher also knows that the teacher is not me."

I don't know what he's playing.

Maybe he wants to say, I am not him, if I am not in his position, I will not know what he has experienced, and I am not qualified to insist that I am nobler than him.

But he didn't say anything.

If he didn't say it, how would I know.

"Are you really going to have a baby?" Li Xiu sat on my bed and asked me with his head tilted.

I was folding the newly bought pajamas that had been washed and dried in warm water, and placed them in front of him: "It's time for you to take a shower."

"I didn't ask for my dad." He looked at me persistently.

I came out with new towels and the bed was soft and I sat in front of him.

"I will not have children, not for your father, but for myself." I told him clearly.

"Why? Don't you like children very much?" He said as if "Don't you like me very much".

"I like it, but it doesn't have to be born." I explained to him like an adult: "I don't know how to educate a child, I will teach him badly." Just look at your father.

"Fart," Li Xiu said with a look of disdain, "You are so good to your mother, maybe you will agree to your mother sometime."

"Being nice to people doesn't necessarily mean living according to her ideas. People need to know what they want and what they don't want. Moreover, it's unfair for me to treat children like this. Children can't choose their parents. If they are born Not having a whole family and Dad being gay, it's not fair to him." I wasn't annoyed by him.

"Do you think homosexuality is shameful?" Li Xiu stared at me with a pair of blue eyes and asked.

"No, it's not shameful. It's just a sexual orientation. It's the same as the skin color and cannot be chosen. It's the consensus of this society. People feel that homosexuality is ashamed and heterogeneous. So the family members of homosexuality will also feel ashamed..."

"That's not the case." Li Xiu interrupted me impatiently: "That's all you can say, do you know what my dad said? He said that homosexuality is the same as suffering from depression. It is a qualification. The poor have Melancholia means lunatics, mental illness. But those nobles in Europe have melancholy, they have a melancholic temperament. There are also scientists and celebrities who are gay, but they don’t need to feel ashamed at all because they have achieved success. If you are like my dad, you are a Great entrepreneurs, great scientists, others will not humiliate you, and your parents don’t have to feel ashamed. At that time, you have climbed to a high enough position, and their opinions can’t affect you at all, and they don’t have the right to control your life Pointing fingers, whoever dares to speak in front of you, you will kill him, ability is the real truth."

I know I shouldn't be shocked by this kid's remarks.

Because ten years ago, on a certain street where many people looked sideways at us holding hands, a young man named Li Zhurong once told me: Teacher, one day, I will shut them all up.