The book says...

Stage70. Kanoa’s story—Mist Shimou: It seems that only by telling the story from Kanoa’s perspective can we tell clearly what happened.

A day, a week, a month, a year, hundreds of thousands, 1 years of loneliness are all the same if you are not there.

BY: Kanoa.

Kanoa knew from an early age that he lived in a relatively different family, a family composed of two men.But this is not the point, the point is... the relationship between his father and his father is not good, maybe in front of outsiders they behave like every pair of homosexuals who have gone through all kinds of hardships and finally get together.But at home, especially in front of Kanoa, they really respect each other like "ice".

Kanoa always remembered that during that time, his father could ignore him and his father for a whole day without saying a word, just doing his own research, even if the eyes that fell on him or his father by chance were cold It's like falling into an ice cave.

The father... is acting weird, he lets dad ignore him, snub him, then he pretends he doesn't know about dad's attitude of non-violent non-cooperation, and does what he has to do: talk to dad - even if dad Not saying a word back to him; kissing daddy goodbye - even if daddy turned his head away; insisting on being in the same room with daddy - even though daddy didn't want to see his emotions made obvious.

Everything shows that this is a cold war unilaterally launched by his father. His father can't do anything about his father's indifference. Of course, his father can't do anything about his father's thick skin. They are very persistent, wrestle with each other, and wait for each other. compromise.

That was really not a good memory, and Kanoa didn't want to repeat it.

He only knew that when many people praised him for his precocity and fatherly style, although he accepted it with a smile on the surface, in fact, he began to curse the other party for being a fool in his heart.Some people are like this. He can only see the glamorous surface of others forever, but never cares about the price behind it.

After growing up a bit, the relationship between father and father suddenly became better, and Kanoa's life also took on a new look.

Kanoa has always remembered his father's explanation to him - at that time his father had changed his attitude towards him, he would smile gently, speak softly, and his eyes showed the care and pampering that a parent should have - Dad told him that there was no problem between them back then, they were not in a cold war, but it was not good to be too close in front of him, for fear of giving him some wrong hints when he was still a child, he abruptly reversed his sexual orientation.

There is some truth to what he said... Perhaps this statement would have been more convincing if, when they regained intimacy, Louis - Canoa's younger brother - hadn't been the same age as Canoa.

That said, Kanoa doesn't believe a single word of his dad's explanation.

Adults always think that children are young and don't understand anything, just like Kanoa's father and father. They thought that Kanoa was unaware of the seven-year cold family relationship, or that Kanoa would soon Forget, blurred childhood memories with growing up.

But in fact, children are much smarter and more sensitive than adults think. It seems that Kanoa has to tell his father and father that he is probably going to let them down, and he can tell what a disguise is , What is really tense.His memory of that past will not fade with time, but will be engraved on his mind. That past has cast an indelible psychological shadow on him.

Of course, Kanoa is also brainy, he will not have any unnecessary misunderstanding and resentment towards his father, because he has understood one thing since he was a child, no one has to treat you well, only an idiot can feel sorry for himself, I thought I was the poorest person in the world.

If he has the time to resent someone and take revenge on someone, he might as well increase his knowledge to make his own future better.

Moreover, to be honest, even though his father didn't even want to look at him, that doesn't mean that his father treated him badly, at least materially.

Kanoa's excellent memory also played a role at this time, and it would not cast any personal shadow. He clearly remembered that when he went to and from kindergarten, as long as his father was not busy with work in the research institute, he would Take him to and from school in person, please note that this is something his father has never done; his father will care about his learning progress, he will pay attention to his healthy diet, correct his work and rest patterns, and even participate in the activities of the Kindergarten Parents Open Day. , These are things his father did not do.

Even Kanoa would use these things to comfort himself. Dad actually loves him, but his character is rather awkward and not good at expressing.It has to be said that this kind of comfort played a big role in preventing Kanoa from really embarking on the path of psychopathy because of the shadow of his childhood.

Sadly, that comfort soon ran out.The appearance of Louis easily shattered all of Kanoa's hopes.

Facing the completely opposite attitude of his father towards him and Luis at this time, and comparing the time and energy spent by his father, Kanoa had to face a cruel reality, if not because he was still a child who needed to be taken care of His dad would never have more than a single word of contact with him.

No one knew what kind of anxiety Kanoa had gone through in the past, for fear that one day he would be abandoned by his father and father. Yes, he knew that he was the root cause of the bad relationship between father and father.

But... With the passage of time, Kanoa was surprised to find that his family warmed up, and the relationship between his father and his father not only eased, but also changed their attitude towards him, as if the past seven cold years were not the same. What exists, living in a home like an ice cave is just his too rich imagination.

Of course, those are not imaginations, they really existed.

And what changed everything was the child he was deeply jealous of, his younger brother, Louis, the little baby he once wished he could put a stamp on, stuff it into the mailbox, and send it to the end of the world.

A simple truth is quietly established in the heart of Kanoa, who is almost eight years old: Dad really loves the little baby in his arms who still needs to be held, that is, his brother Louis, who is seven years younger than him, and Louis lives Very good, dad will be happy, dad will be happy, father's dead face that has been tense all the time will subconsciously ease, and when dad is really happy, their family will really be over.

Louis is living well, which means that Kanoa will live well.

Therefore, although Kanoa is still deeply jealous of Luis and wishes to change roles with him, he is also deeply grateful to Luis, because of the appearance of Luis, his distorted family can be transformed.Gratitude was greater than jealousy, and he even had a whimsical idea that Louis was the lucky star in his life, and he reversed the tragic future that he would eventually be abandoned.

Of course, it turned out later that he was the heir recognized by the entire family, and he would never be abandoned.

But that doesn't prevent the idea that Louis is important to him from being deeply rooted in Kanoa's heart. Kanoa said in a French fairy tale (The Little Prince) that Louis pestered him to tell a story. Especially, because he is very important to you.This sentence has a negative effect on the relationship between Kanoa and Louis. Louis is very important, so he has become special in Kanoa's heart.

Louis seemed to be carrying a specific magic that only worked on Kanoa alone, attracting Kanoa's full attention.

When dad and father are busy, they will definitely take time out to go out with Louis every weekend, and Louis' magic will take effect, suppressing all the jealousy in Kanoa's heart; fussing over every change in his life, and even celebrating the fact that Louis learned to button his own buttons and tie his shoes, the magic kicks in, suppressing those painful memories that he couldn't have wished for...

There are many manifestations of the magic named Louis, which almost filled Kanoa's entire life.

He brought the warm family that Kanoa has always dreamed of. He is like a sweet burden that cannot be shaken off. He follows Kanoa and worships Kanoa's little tail wholeheartedly. When the voice called: "Carl (Kanoa's nickname)~", Kanoa even felt that he was the only one in Louis's world, and that Louis had become his only one. Resisting and rejoicing.

It was only after he grew up that Kanoa realized that Louis was like a drug to him. While it brought him pain, it also gave him the pleasure of becoming a fairy. Addiction to power, can't and doesn't want to quit.

Even when he was thinking hard, he would wish to eat Louis into his stomach and make them completely integrated.

I swear in the name of the whole family that Kanoa once really wanted to be a good brother. Given that his father and father were more inseparable than ever after a "short" quarrel, no matter how much they love Louis, there is really no way. How much time is spent on Louis, or they are not successful educators, in Kanoa's view, they simply can't teach a child well.

Kanoa said that they doted on Louis too much, making Louis squeamish like a little girl, which is not a good sign!

Consciously being the only sane and intelligent person in the family, Kanoa understood that it was impossible to count on that unreliable couple. For a healthy, positive, and bright future, he is strict with him, but in fact he loves him and treats him well.

That's why, when Louis was able to go to school, Kanoa had a long talk with his father and father all night, and argued for their consent, arranging for Louis to go to a boarding school for boys in country E.

At that time, Kanoa was attending a boys' school there, and he knew exactly how much a noble school with a long history and strict requirements could change a person.

pity……

It was not until the end that Kanoa finally realized that he was doing useless work. Even the strictest boys' school could not change the coquettishness of Louis' temperament. ...Facing Louis, harden your heart and discipline, that is simply an impossible task.

For the first time, Kanoa began to understand what it meant to be involuntary. He was always conceding his bottom line to Louis, as if he didn't have a bottom line at all.

In the end, Kanoa also gave up. If you are more squeamish, you should be more squeamish. Louis is generally a good boy. Compared with those young masters and ladies of the same class who smoke and drink, gamble and race cars, take drugs and self-abuse, and take care of celebrities, his younger brother Louis is pure. Wushou is almost like an angel.

Moreover, Kanoa thought conceitedly, it's not that he can't afford to pay for this younger brother, let him continue to enjoy this kind of life for the rest of his life, even more extravagant, he can still do it.

The trajectory of fate changed when Kanoa wanted to raise Louis for the rest of his life.

Kanoa found that he was not only happy with the idea of ​​raising Louis, but even thought about a lot of deeper things. For example, he didn't mind raising Louis for a lifetime, but he did mind raising Louis' family.He meant that he couldn't imagine that one day in the future Louis would use his money to move out and start a family with someone else. No one can destroy the warmth that belongs to him.

These strange thoughts merged into one sentence at the end, he wanted to form a family with Louis for the rest of his life, not brothers, but a stronger and closer relationship.