You're a cannon fodder

Although Xia Yang saw Fang Zexi's abnormality last night, his eyes widened in shock when he heard such a sentence, and asked in disbelief, "What did you say?"

That sentence was said so easily that he thought he was hallucinating.

He only thought that Fang Zexi had endured too much nagging and pressure at home, and needed to release and vent, and if he didn't want to say it, then he didn't ask, just accompanied Crazy, and did everything he could to satisfy him.But he didn't expect that he had already made up such an idea.

Fang Zexi wanted to repeat it, but found that his trembling lips could no longer say that sentence. He looked away, looked at the ceiling, and said, "I have to get married."

"You...why...so suddenly?"

"Well, my parents introduced it to me when I went home during the Chinese New Year."

"Fang Zexi!" Xia Yang's voice was full of anger, he pulled Fang Zexi away, fell into the bed and pressed him down, "You said you would try it! This is what you tried result?"

Fang Zexi's eyes were reddish, he didn't resist, and didn't want to say a word.

Xia Yang suddenly suppressed all his anger, and said worriedly: "Bamboo stick, tell me, what happened? Is there anything you didn't tell me, please tell me?"

Xia Yang knew Fang Zexi so well that he almost knew that there was nowhere for him to hide.

Even though we have only known each other for such a short time, why do we understand better than those who have known each other for so many years.

All the camouflage has been torn apart, Xia Yang has seen all the irritable, restless, tired and fragile under the calm appearance.

How relaxed he is, he will fully reveal himself in front of this person, without reservation.

"I shouldn't have let you go through this alone. I should have paved the way for you. You said try, but why did I really let you try it yourself? Is it because your parents disagree? Or... what else?"

Fang Zexi clenched his fists, and finally said: "No, Xia Yang... I didn't say anything at all. I still dare not tell them. Seeing them laughing so happily holding other people's children, I would Couldn't speak. I didn't want to disappoint them, and I didn't want to make them feel sorry."

Even if you talk about the brain tumor, it won't change anything.

If there is a difficulty in the operation and Xia Yang's help is needed, Fang Zexi will definitely say it without hesitation, but his father is not willing to have the operation at all, and no one can do anything.

If his father doesn't recover from his illness, he really doesn't have the courage to come out, and he doesn't even dare to think about the consequences of a momentary stimulation.

If he doesn't get married, his father doesn't plan to have surgery.

This is an endless loop, so what if you tell Xia Yang?

Be considerate of him, understand him and help him?And then helplessly watch him get married and help him heal his father in the hope that he will get divorced one day?

He will never do this, he will never cheat the marriage, once married, he will definitely do his best to treat the other party well.

How could he have the heart to do this? If Xia Yang kept looking at him like this, how could he be ruthless enough to get married.

It's just a separation, they're together, it's just such a short time.

It's better to separate as soon as possible.

Xia Yang stared at him, gritted his teeth and asked, "You can't let them go, so you let me go? You must have something else you haven't told me, Bamboo Stick, I don't believe it."

"No more. Let's... let's separate..."

"Don't even think about it!"

"Xia Yang...please..."

Xia Yang held Fang Zexi's face and kissed fiercely, until the other party was almost out of breath before breaking up.

Fang Zexi's usually calm and gentle face showed a bit of fragility and a bit of despair, such an expression makes people can't bear to look at it.

Neither of them spoke.

Xia Yang hugged him tightly and said after a long time: "I don't know why you made such a decision suddenly, but if you insist on doing this, then I promise you."

After get off work, Fang Zexi packed up his things little by little in Xia Yang's house. The clothes can be taken away with him, but those books can't be helped.

He didn't know why Xia Yang even moved his books here. Did he really make up his mind to let him live here for the rest of his life?

He finally called Xia Yang and said, "If you are free, can you send these books back for me?"

Xia Yang was silent on the other end, and said after a long time: "If you don't want it in a hurry, can you put it away for a while? I don't want to give it now."

Fang Zexi hung up the phone, feeling extremely uncomfortable.He took the books off the shelf one by one and put them into the box. After a pause, he put them back on the shelf one by one, interspersed with Xia Yang's books.

He understands that if he wants to make a decision, he has to make it cleanly. He is gentle but has always been decisive. This is the first time he hesitates and is indecisive.

He suddenly smiled wryly. He gave Xia Yang many firsts.

After the sweetness, it is full of bitterness.

He dragged his suitcase and left Xia Yang's house, carefully helped him turn off the lights and electrical appliances in the house, and then slowly closed the door.

I memorize the password by heart, but I can no longer enter it every day.

That password doesn't have any particularly nasty meaning, it's just the date when Fang Zexi broke up in love and brought red wine to find Xia Yang, and he has been using it since he moved in.

Xia Yang said: "Bamboo stick, I still feel bad for keeping you locked outside the door for more than half an hour."

From then on, he shut himself out, hoping that Xia Yang would no longer feel sad for him.

After Fang Zexi closed the door, he watched the goldfish there for half an hour.

Why are they kept here? There is a sense of isolation and loneliness.

Never thought about these issues before, but now because of the breakup, do you feel that the whole world is as miserable as him?

Fang Zexi smiled self-deprecatingly, and walked into the elevator.

Back to the small apartment that he had forgotten for more than a month, Fang Zexi almost couldn't even find the key.

When he opened the door, his heart was hit by a sharp weapon. The pain was so painful that he couldn't even make a sound, and he could no longer stand still and squatted down.

It turns out that squatting down sadly is not just a literary term, it is just that the heart feels uncomfortable to a certain extent, and the legs can no longer support the crumbling body.

The room is no longer what it looked like when he left. It is newly decorated, with beautiful and reasonable space planning, the color matching of coffee and milky white, a huge built-in bookcase, and a computer desk for two people.

The big bed was covered with elegant sheets, but there were two heart-shaped pillows on the pillows. The photo wall was covered with their photos, even the ones when they met for the first time. I don't know when it was taken.

Xia Yang...

At the beginning when he said he wanted to buy a house, he forgot it when he heard it, but he never thought that he would always remember it and actually did it.

This room, obviously redecorated, is obviously brand new, but Xia Yang has laid a net of heaven and earth, and his breath is everywhere.

Fang Zexi couldn't wait any longer, turned around and went out the door.

The sandbag with j written on it in the fitness center is still there, but he hasn’t been here for a long time. Xia Yang bought a sandbag for him and put it at home, so that he can exercise in his own gym without having to drive so far back and forth.

Xia Yang once hugged him and said: "Bamboo stick, you are too cruel. You write my name on sandbags and beat him every day. No wonder I always feel sore all over for a while."

"You thought it was a villain? You're still sore all over."

"You used to hit sandbags when you were in a bad mood, but you can just hit me in the future."

"How can I be willing, but I am willing to change the way, not to beat you, but to love you."

"Hey……"

My mind is full of Xia Yang.

Fang Zexi wanted to erase the letter, but the oil-based pen was very stubborn. He wanted to scratch it secretly with a knife, but his heart ached first.

Is this printed name irreversible?

He was even reluctant to hit the sandbag, let alone let others hit it, so he finally found the coach, helped him contact everyone in the venue, and bought the sandbag.

In the dead of night, everyone left, but Fang Zexi didn't want to leave. He greeted the caretaker, put on his down jacket, and spent the night with a sandbag in his arms.

So stupid that it is hopeless, but still unable to extricate himself.

The next day he packed the sandbags in the trunk and headed to work with dark circles under his eyes.

Work can make him forget himself, and he can't let himself be idle for a moment.

After returning home, he was already mentally prepared, and he was no longer torn apart by the shock, but he still had a dull pain that lasted forever.

He removed all the photos on the wall, only to find that the wall was riddled with holes.

The traces that have been left have penetrated deep into the wall, and no matter how they are erased, they cannot be covered up.

He put the photo in the box with the pillow, wrapped it with tape around and around, and hid it under the bed.

After connecting to the Internet, he bought a frameless painting online.The picture is very abstract, two curves are staggered and intertwined, and then separate, and quietly converge at the edge, but you can no longer see what kind of future lies beyond the edge.

Fang Zexi fell in love with the painting almost immediately, and immediately took a picture of it.

Knowing that it is impossible, he will still secretly imagine that his heart can no longer be controlled, so he can only imprison his body.

You have to read it, you can only see it.

After a few days, someone in the bank noticed that Fang Zexi didn't go to the hotel anymore after get off work, so he asked him, "Are you staying at Mr. Tian Yangxia's?"

Fang Zexi's heart twitched, and he said lightly with a smile: "The house has been reinstalled."

"Housewarming, congratulations."

"There's no housewarming, it's not my house." Fang Zexi responded with a smile, his heart full of sadness.

His name was really written on the real estate certificate in the desk drawer. He didn't know how Xia Yang did it, but he hadn't signed the rental agreement he had agreed upon.

Even if it is signed, it is only a lease, and the ownership can never really belong to him.

They all think too simply.

He is not his and he is not his.

No one has the right to sign a lifetime.

Fang Ze checked his savings balance, and there is no problem with the down payment, so he can return the money to Xia Yang.But then there is marriage and surgery.

He wanted to text Xia Yang to talk about it, but he didn't know what to say.

So he started avoiding again, burying himself in his work like an ostrich.

After the Spring Festival, the bank ushered in a busy peak period again. Fang Zexi was busy with work every day, deliberately ignoring the Internet, and hung up not accepting new signatures.

On the day of Lantern Festival, Xiaoniaodou sent him a message: "o(≧v≦)o Happy Lantern Festival, dear, I am Xiaoniaodou~ Do you know what I am here for? Yes, yes, we will endure the end of the day It's over, and the Spring Festival is almost over, and the second phase should start! Did you build it? I've been waiting for you here~ Kam, please make a sound, Beibi."

Fang Zexi choked for a moment, his throat seemed to be constricted by something, and he couldn't make a sound. Fortunately, it was just a text message, so he didn't need to speak.The hand can still move, but there is some numbness at the fingertips.

He poked the keyboard silently: "I probably don't deserve this role."

—— "!!!!!! What happened to you and your right one?"

Fang Zexi paused for a while, and then slowly replied: "There is no real man."

——"I'm sorry I didn't mean to poke your heart, but, you guys are so sweet! The author said that you are so perfect! She never thought that her weird and cheating essays could be matched to such a good effect. You are her. The hero in my heart!"

Fang Zexi smiled wryly, and replied, "Sorry."

——"_(:з"∠)_You and j are swollen, you haven’t been online all the time, I’ve been tossing and turning for a long time to get your number, they sing on YY every day, but they never take the initiative mentioned you.I asked him to remind him and he said the same thing, the only difference is that he said he would wait for you.Forget it, I'll wait for you too qaq, I'll wait for you... I've already waited for the end, are you afraid of waiting another ten thousand years? ! "

Fang Zexi found that he could no longer read the word "waiting", and every time he saw it, he couldn't help but want to cry.

Xia Yang... is still on YY every day?

Fang Zexi thought that he would never go to that channel again, just like himself, he chose to stay away and forget.

We are all separated, seeing that long and joyful channel name, won't you really feel sad?

Tonight on Lantern Festival, will he be there?Did he stay alone in that empty big house again, singing online when he was bored?

Fang Zexi couldn't help but open a trumpet, secretly climbed up YY, and got into the breeding base.

Xia Yang was singing a song, the screen was completely quiet, no one was chatting and discussing, only flowers drifted by occasionally.

Some girls spontaneously hung up Ermai, scrolling the lyrics line by line.

I love myself less than half, my heart is on you

As long as it makes you happy, I'll give you anything

You are the most beautiful in this world, and your eyes make me feel at ease

You are the warmest in the world, and your smile makes me feel at ease

I'm not used to it without you

how lonely i am without you

what would i do without you

what would i do without you

……

Fang Zexi gradually felt that his eyes were blurred, and he could no longer see the rows of small characters constantly changing on the screen.

His eyes could not see, but his ears were still listening. Xia Yang's deep and hoarse voice was a bit dry, and he kept repeating those few lines of lyrics, and each line pierced into his heart fiercely, with clear pain and blood dripping.

Hurting others and self-injury, when will it be possible to heal.

He also told him how to let go, how to give tenderness to her without changing his face.

Fang Zexi put on his earphones and buried his face in his arms.

In this way, pretending that his voice is still in the ear, the hug is still warm.

Never again, do not scatter.

The author has something to say: the copy has been updated, the song link cannot be placed here, you can find it in the copy.I took the time to make a playlist, click it and pull it down, there is a list above the lyrics, all the songs that have appeared in the cannon fodder, I don’t know if there are any missing.At present, they are still the original songs, and they are expected to be sung by cvs in male voices in the future.

When I got married, I used this song "Like Love" as the bgm. At that time, I only thought it was sweet, but when I heard this song again when I was writing this story, I found that I was stung by more than half of the words in it.

The mood is different, the feeling is different.

I want to write something cheerful and have something to say to adjust the atmosphere, but I really can’t say it today_(:з」∠)_But I helped someone in this sad and depressed mood two days ago Zhang beaming super rich banner of the song meeting...after finishing...just...suddenly can't write the next chapter qaq and then just stuck...

I'm going to create a sad atmosphere, and take a small three-wheeled ride to the village to find some inspiration... [Bitch is hypocritical! 】