memory castration

What is a brother?I used to ask that question when I was a kid.

Mom replied that your younger brother is the closest person to you, and as an older brother, you must take good care of him unconditionally.

As the eldest son, I have been placed with unlimited expectations by my parents since I was a child. I grew up in a warm business family and received a strict and rigid Chinese-style education.

As far as I can remember, I wash up at five o'clock every morning, run, practice the piano, read books... I haven't enjoyed a day of happy childhood.

People around me praise me as a genius, but the hardships behind Glory may only be understood by personal experience.

The younger brother’s life is completely different. No one forces him to do anything. He eats and sleeps every day, and then eats after waking up. The whole person is like a stuffed bun, white and tender, round and round like a pig. , Loud voice can be conveyed to every corner of the home.

He is very skinny and won't cry no matter how you handle it, as long as you don't pull the pacifier out of his mouth.

When he grew up, he started to be mischievous and always made a mess of everything in the house.

Mom asked him to kiss my brother, and he drooled and bit my face, itching like a kitten licking.

When I was five years old, the relationship between my father and uncle became very bad, and my mother stopped playing mahjong with my aunt and aunt.

Although I don't know the reason, but I guess it must be for money.

Grandpa likes Dad the most, because the uncle likes to gamble, and the uncle is always changing women outside.

My uncle once adopted a son named Xiao Xinlong because of infertility in his early years. I met him a few times when I was young. He always cried like a little girl, which I didn’t like very much.Fortunately, he was left in Ninghai and didn't see us often.

I once heard my grandfather lecture me, saying that if I leave the family property to the two of them, I will lose nothing.

In the summer, my uncle was diagnosed with AIDS, and a lot of indecent photos were taken. Newspapers and TVs all over Jiangcheng were discussing this matter. He couldn't bear the pressure and committed suicide.

However, Grandpa insisted that Uncle was not sick and was framed by the media. As for who was behind the scenes, he did not say.

Not long after the uncle passed away, my parents also had an accident. The brakes failed on the highway, and they were always stuck on the way home.

At that time, my younger brother was hugging me and asking for milk. Grandpa walked in with red eyes, didn't say anything, just hugged us tightly.

After hearing the news, I didn't cry or make trouble.

Grandpa only thinks that I am still young. In fact, I know everything. I know that the mother who knit the scarf for me and the father who played the piano with me are gone forever. I also know that grandpa slapped my uncle and called him a pig dog. Worse beasts would not even spare their brothers for the sake of money.

But so what?Mom and Dad will never come back again, even if uncle is bad, grandpa still spoils him.

I was born with underdeveloped lacrimal glands, so I felt sad, but I couldn't cry.

And I can't cry. From now on, only my brother and I will be left in the world. If I am weak, what should he do?

The successive blows made my grandfather extremely weak. After being hospitalized, he often fell into a coma, and the power of the company was officially handed over to his uncle.

For this elder who is addicted to gambling, I don't like it at all. He treats us too. He often reprimands me for being rude, not showing enough respect for him, my brother eats too much, and spends money like water.

The Xiao family has plenty of money, how much can my brother and I spend?What's more, since grandpa was hospitalized, our living expenses have almost dropped to zero.

When winter came, my grandfather's condition suddenly worsened. Before leaving, he took my hand and said sorry in tears.

I said he wasn't sorry for me, and asked him to save these words to tell his father.

I will never forget the look on his face at that time, it was wonderful.

As an elder, it's not that he doesn't love me and my younger brother, it's just that the blood relationship has been diluted by a generation, and after all, it can't match his own son.

Uncle and father are also his sons, both of them were closer to this uncle when they were alive, but after death, they died for no reason, and they died without compensation, no justice, nothing.

After my grandfather died, my uncle became more and more unscrupulous, and his dislike for me and my brother also increased day by day.

He often went abroad to gamble, and sometimes he went for more than ten days. If he won, he would be fine. If he lost, someone in his family would suffer.

The younger brother doesn't know how to read people's faces, so he is often chased and burned by him with cigarette butts.

Once when I came back from school, I saw my uncle grabbing his feet and hanging him upside down on the table.

My younger brother cried heart-rendingly when he saw me, while the drunk uncle laughed strangely.

If Mom and Dad were still around, they would never have seen us fall to this point anyway. Now, I am the only one who can protect my brother, but I can't do anything while watching him being hurt.

Uncle Winter Solstice went back to Ninghai to visit relatives, and he suddenly took me with my brother out of kindness.

When I was playing in Ninghai Amusement Park, I went to buy cotton candy for my brother, but when I came back, there was no one there.And the uncle's company happened to call urgently, saying that he would return to Jiangcheng as soon as possible to deal with it.

Seeing that I insisted on not leaving, he left alone in annoyance.

After begging many people in the playground, I finally found my brother under the elephant slide. The little guy actually fell asleep with his pillow on the stone slab, curled up like a small shrimp.

I squatted on the edge and watched for a long time, and suddenly I didn't want to take him back to Jiangcheng.

Jiangcheng is so far away, and I have no money, so I don't know what hardships I will suffer on the way, plus he is still a child, what should I do if he was deceived by bad guys?

Besides, what's so good about Jiangcheng?The Xiao family has so much money, but they don't have the warmth of a normal family. If my younger brother grows up in an ordinary family, he should be very happy!

And when I want to go back to Jiangcheng, the scarf my mother knitted is still stored in the cabinet, and the drawing board my father bought for me is still unused... and the scene where my uncle grabbed my brother's foot, I will never forget it in my life.

Because of the unknown origin and no one dared to accept it, I walked a lot of way through the wind and snow, so I gave my brother to a kind old grandmother.

After returning to Jiangcheng, Uncle Xu had already confirmed the fact that my younger brother was missing, and didn't ask about his news, but became gentle and polite to me.

Every winter and summer vacation, I go to Ninghai to see my younger brother who grew up healthy and safe from a distance, and I feel unspeakable happiness in my heart.

He still retains the outline of his childhood, and his eyes are bright when he smiles, with a sincere foolishness.

At this time, his surname was no longer Xiao, but changed to Fang, Fang Yibai.

He doesn't know that I exist, and he doesn't remember that he has an older brother. His life is pure and full of sunshine.

I always quietly hide in the dark and look at him, feeling envious and gratified about it.

When I was a teenager, whenever I felt sad, I imagined that my parents cared about me in this way, and it would be much easier.

I have been working hard and preparing to be a good brother, hoping to appear in front of him like a surprise at the perfect time and place.

But when I actually stood in front of him and met his frightened and lovely round eyes, I suddenly didn't want to tell him the truth.

What's so good about being a brother?For so many years, he has enjoyed my silent care with peace of mind, but he didn't know it, and he didn't feel any gratitude or return.

It's better to change to another identity where I can get some comfort from him, it can be regarded as my compensation for being an older brother for so many years...

Xiaobai, let's be lovers, let's learn to love each other, shall we?