As a background board, I want to pursue Dazai

It's hard to say, but my last struggle was a complete failure.

"It just so happens that this is the last room." Dazai accompanied me to the front hall to inquire, and the reception staff told me that there were no vacant rooms, so we had no choice but to go back.

Now, we are sleeping in the same bed. Thankfully, this bed is big enough and comfortable enough. The moment I lay on it, the pleasure brought by the comfort has already overwhelmed my reason.

We lay face to face, his hair flopping softly on the pillow.The little night light above his head was shining on his head, rendering his hair a soft maroon. At this moment, the almost god-like halo was like ebbing, and there was no more left. When he was lying on the bed , a kind of extremely unbelievable and rare "ordinary" flows out.

Dazai called my name in a warm voice: "Yi Jun."

I just thought he couldn't fall asleep and wanted me to chat with him, so I also let out a tired "hmm" and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Speaking of which, Yi Jun doesn't know anything about my past." His voice was soft, "And he never asked me."

"About this, Dazai-san is also aware of it? It is impolite to inquire about other people's past... What can this kind of aggressive inquisition end up getting?" I said, "However, why is Dazai-san suddenly so ask?"

I know that Dazai is not a random person, there must be a reason for him to ask such a question suddenly.

"I could be a heinous lunatic, an unforgivable fraud, or a cold-blooded executioner..." He laughed to himself as he spoke, "For example, you were completely deceived by me-this possibility Isn't there sex too?"

"If Mr. Dazai is really as hopeless as you say, he won't become a member of the Armed Detective Agency?" I analyzed from the perspective of common sense, "I can guess from Mr. Dazai's attitude. All I can think of is : You once had a very unhealthy past, or not so worthy of publicity. And it left a very deep track in your heart. Although Mr. Dazai always seems to be calm, I don’t think A person whose heart can be so hard that he doesn't care about anything is not a person, but a real god."

"For Yijun, do you want to choose human beings more than gods?" His voice became softer, so soft that I thought he was tired, but his eyes were still shining under the light, and I saw me in them. figure.

I said: "It's a matter of course. Humans are creatures that feed on emotions. Compared with gods who have no sadness or joy, I still think that humans are the best."

"Even if it's not perfect?"

"No one can be perfect."

I knew he wasn't looking for philosophical answers in me, our conversation was purposeless.

He put one hand between us, so I reached out and turned his hand over, poked his palm, and asked, "Mr. Dazai always thought that I would disappoint you... this has something to do with your past ?"

"Yeah." Dazai grabbed the hand I was pinching his palm with his backhand, "Do you want to listen to my past?"

"Do you want to tell me?" He took the initiative to bring up this topic to me, and I was naturally 12 happy. All the tiredness and tiredness were swept away, and I only hoped that he would go straight to the point and let me understand more he.

Just when I thought he was about to confess cleanly, he suddenly shot back——

"No, as expected, let me make a mental preparation first." His voice became thicker and changed into his usual cheerful tone, "Telling about your past to others is simply an extreme act that can be called a second suicide. At least have the courage to jump down from the twentieth floor!"

I was taken aback by his reaction without warning. After a pause, I asked him cautiously: "... If it's difficult to speak, it's okay if you don't say it."

Dazai was like a budget-conscious businessman, and immediately seduced: "However, this is something I finally made up my mind to say. Is Yi Jun sure you don't want to listen?"

Me: "...to listen."

"Ah, let me think about where to start. It's been a few years, but my memory is damn good. Even some details that I want to forget are all engraved in my mind. It would be nice to be able to defragment the disk like a computer..." He rambled on for a long time, as if he was building himself up mentally, and I patiently listened to his trivial words until he cut to the point, "Then come Tell me about my last job..."

Unexpectedly, the first sentence almost made my jaw drop——

"My last job was in the Port Mafia."

I see……

That's why I couldn't guess the job before, but it turned out to be the mafia... As an ordinary citizen, I have heard of their reputation, but it is better to say that no Yokohama citizen is ashamed of their resolute and fearful behavior. unknown.

Mr. Dazai is actually a former member of the port mafia who can cure children from crying...

"..."

He squeezed my tiger's mouth wordlessly.

Only then did I realize that I was immersed in self-guessing and hadn't responded yet.Dazai must have wanted to know my reaction when he said this earth-shattering sentence—or rather, he thought that I would worry about it a long time ago, and it would become one of the reasons to hate him.

"Well, let me think about it."

For a while, I, who is not very articulate, couldn't say anything beautiful.But in front of Dazai, beautiful words and scene words are just veils that he can see through at a glance, neither for him nor for me, they can't play a role in covering up the embarrassment.

"Aren't you afraid?" He seemed unwilling to wait, and asked me directly.

"If you say 'port mafia', of course I'm afraid." He squeezed my hand, and it loosened after I finished saying this, as if he was about to pull it back, but I moved it before him Pulled it out, then grabbed him back—

"But, you are now 'Mr. Dazai'."

"Mr. Dazai clearly and clearly, I like you now, not your past. Of course, your past is still an important component of your present... I can't say lightly, 'I don't care about you at all. The past' is such a deceitful pretty phrase. But I certainly like you, as you are now, as you are in front of me."

"It's so cunning... Doesn't it work if it's 'the old me'?" His eyelashes fluttered, and there was still an uneasy aftertaste in his kite-colored eyes.

"Because it's something that hasn't happened before, so I don't know." I said honestly, "What's more, I don't know anything about you in the past, and I can't imagine any intersection between us, and then what stories will happen. "

Dazai said, "I can imagine it."

"What is it like?" I asked curiously.

"The me at that time would definitely make you angry." He said, "The kind that would want you to slap me."

"...???"

Wait, I guess I still don't have the guts to do this?You were a port mafia back then, huh? !

Also, what on earth would you do to make me angry at that time? ? ?

"Ah... just kidding." He hummed again, "Yi Jun, don't change the subject, we're obviously talking about the Mafia."

It seems that he is really going to get an answer, but in fact, I didn't figure out what it was.With the background of the Armed Detective Agency, Dazai is able to walk in this bright world today, naturally he and other forces have made efforts together. There is no doubt about it, but there must be an opportunity for human transformation.

In case, that opportunity is something that frustrates him, or even makes him sad...

I held his hand tighter.

"...It's weird." I said.

"Ok?"

"That's right, rather than being scared or anything else, I was just shocked—that Dazai-san was willing to tell me about his past."

"Hey? Isn't the identity of the mafia more powerful?" He looked like he was about to jump up.

"So I thought for a moment that I was hopeless." I said, "However, I also frankly expressed that I still have the mentality of a petty citizen to avoid the port mafia. But chatting with Mr. Dazai Then I suddenly thought of a sentence I read in a book before.”

I took his hand and moved it up close to his chest.

"'Since Heaven prefers a penitent sinner to a spotless gentleman, let us try to please God.'"

There are emotions in his eyes that I can't understand. I think maybe he is thinking, or remembering—that important turning point in his life.

After a long time, he spoke again: "The turning point of the matter came from a friend of mine. If it wasn't for him, I must still be doing mafia work."

"...Did he tell Mr. Dazai to be good?" I'm talking about the matter.

"Basically," he said, "so, I'm not repenting, I'm just fulfilling my friend's last wish."

...a last wish?

Even though I expected it, I still get nervous when I hear this word.

"Do you think I'm repenting?" Dazai asked me.

"I don't know," I said, "but what you're doing right now is good, and no matter what you think, most of your deeds are good. I know I say I'm 'doing good' It can’t be said, so let me say—Mr. Dazai has done a lot of good things and helped many people, no matter what your motivation and original intention is, no matter what your thoughts are, this is an undeniable fact.”

I want him to know how precious and wonderful he is to me.

"Mr. Dazai, at least in my opinion, helping others is much harder than hurting others."

"is it?"

In this short half hour, every emotion of him is difficult for me to understand.

I put his hand on my chest—

"Can you feel your heartbeat?"

"Ah."

"For Mr. Dazai, who used to be a mafia, he has the ability to easily take away this heartbeat? Whether it is a weapon or other forms of violence, it is an irresistible death for me. But I met Mr. Dazai, the one who will bring me back from the brink of death even if this heart is about to stop beating—"

Dazai's gaze was more focused than ever, being watched by his burning gaze, I almost forgot what I was going to say.

"...I'm a bit incoherent." I pursed my lower lip and licked it with my tongue, "Mr. Dazai is willing to talk to me about this today, I'm already very happy."

"Because I'm still in the 'trial period'." He had a smile in his eyes, "Yi Jun can just push me away like this."

"You also said it was a 'trial period'."

"So this time, the decision is in my hands."

……

……

Last night was supposed to be a good night's dream. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a beautiful spring dream at the extreme, but it wasn't at all.

I had a long and uncomfortable dream, and woke up in the morning feeling as if my body was not my own.It's just that when I opened my eyes, the complex pain flowing through my body seemed to stimulate a certain nerve and open the valve, and the scattered fragments in my mind integrated into a complete memory——

I fell off the platform.

...why would I forget this?

I covered my head under the quilt, and the things I thought of filled up some empty boxes little by little. Now some boxes are filled, and some are still empty.

So, what exactly is the tombstone I saw in the world ten years later...?

"Mr. Dazai, can you accompany me to the cemetery?"

There is one thing to confirm.

The author has something to say:

Seeing that everyone is guessing... Actually, it is because there is still a plot behind this memory.

The Zai Wu Yishi saw ten years later was indeed Wu Zhenzai, there is no doubt about it.

To put it simply, Wu Yishi fell from the three-dimensional world into the two-dimensional world because of the effect of the book pages, so he survived.

However, the two-dimensional world must not be able to fully load the information of the three-dimensional world, so some of her memories were taken out of course.

To explain the relationship between several Iori, I will use the metaphor of a writer.

The three-dimensional Iori seen in the memory crystal = the real three-dimensional writer

Wu Yishi who became after being hit by dimensionality reduction = a literary giant in the literary world

Iori, the next door leader Zaina, is "one of the infinite possibilities when Iori exists in the two-dimensional world" = the literary giant in the world of if line Wenye

Why do I feel that the more I say it, the more complicated it is, I don’t know if you can get what I mean by expressing a useless person.

As for why the people around her forget her... that's the next incident.

This sentence that Ayi said to Dazai comes from "La Traviata"

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感谢在2020-09-2523:02:15~2020-09-2622:45:54期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels who cast mines: He Lai Resonance 161; Mi Jia 3; Xiao Yangchun and Qinglan 1;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：爱与正义186瓶；花火缠绵50瓶；黄金脆皮九30瓶；倪妮亚20瓶；玖流13瓶；程予书10瓶；不才5瓶；Livisia、夜雨3瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!